Mr Splendiferous and the Troublesome Trolls (Smelly Trolls : Book 2)
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About this ebook
Book 2 in the Smelly Troll series.
Rufus Sebbleford and his friends are looking forward to a school trip to the Mr Splendiferous Science Park unaware that the mad scientist is keeping a dangerous troll locked up in the grounds.
The scientist’s obsession with trolls causes further problems for the Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot family who are trying desperately to pass as humans.
Meanwhile, the stinky trolls of Gloopyglen Babblebrook begin digging a tunnel under the science park in search of a new bigger cave for their expanding bellies.
Before long, the children find themselves trapped as the park becomes swamped with revolting trolls. Rufus, Bruno and Polly must come up with a plan before their classmates become troll food.
A slimy, smelly, sausage-slinging adventure packed with mischief, troll traps and a really reckless wacky scientist.
Mr Splendiferous and the Troublesome Trolls is Book 2 in the Smelly Troll series. You don't need to read the books in order. However, for the most spewmungous enjoyment, we recommend reading The Troll Trap first.
Rosen Trevithick
She was born in Cornwall and grew up on Restronguet Creek. She studied Experimental Psychology at St Catherine's College, Oxford, before moving back to the West Country. She now lives in Falmouth with two imaginary cats, fantasising about getting a real one. In 2011 Rosen was an aspiring author. Writing was a hobby. The following January sales of her books took off. Readers have now downloaded over a quarter of a million copies of her books. Rosen has a variety of books in print including My Granny Writes Erotica - Threesome, Pompomberry House and two Seesaw collections, as well as over a dozen digital titles. In 2013 she founded the Smelly Troll series - children's chapter books written by Rosen and illustrated by Katie W. Stewart. The series, which begins with The Troll Trap, has inspired hundreds of children to get involved in creative writing. Rosen writes in a variety of genres with a strong leaning towards comedy. She has also dabbled in psychological fiction and mystery writing. She loves wild swimming, interesting boots, quiffs, 'sampling' chocolate and cooking tasty treats. She dislikes house spiders, seagulls making a racket and doing laundry.
Read more from Rosen Trevithick
The Troll Trap (Smelly Trolls : Book 1) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTrolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls : Book 3) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
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Mr Splendiferous and the Troublesome Trolls (Smelly Trolls - Rosen Trevithick
For Reuben and Sebastian
ProloguePrologue
The last thing the Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot family expected to see was a flying pig. They were enjoying a quiet day at the seaside when it happened.
Bruno Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot (or Trolley, for short) had never been to the beach before. His family had recently begun pretending to be human to escape the nasty lifestyle that usually went with being a troll. There were many things that he had yet to try.
He had heard about Dippydunes Bay from his good friends, Rufus and Polly, but he had had no idea that going to the beach would be quite so much fun.
The dunes were beautiful, golden, and perfect for rolling down. They dipped up and down like the waves of the ocean. The sea itself was turquoise and sparkled in the summer sun. However, just like the nearby, crocodile-infested river Muckygush, the bay was full of threatening beasts. Most dangerous were the short-tempered sharks and the enormous shoals of sludgefish – a name the locals gave to a particularly vicious breed of very naughty fish with really sharp teeth.
The Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot family thought that the sea was perfect. Having grown up in a troll cave, they were used to threatening beasts. A short-tempered shark seemed positively friendly compared with some of the trolls they had known.
The family often painted their skin using fake tan, so that they would look human. Real troll skin is not green but pink with a greenish tinge. Today, because they were wearing swimming costumes, there was a lot of visible skin. Marv used almost a whole bottle of Beach Bum Bronzing Gel to disguise his vast surface. They wore sunhats to hide their stubby horns.
Usually, the Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot family were a little more orange than humans, and much, much fatter, but because it was the tourist season, they fitted right in.
Bruno’s parents, Ma and Marv the Magnificent, sunbathed at the top of the beach. Ma wore a striking pink polka-dot bikini and Marv wore a tiny pair of fluorescent yellow briefs. They were some of the more modest beach goers that day.
Being awake in the daytime be much better than I expected,
remarked Ma.
Yarb,
said Marv, which is troll for ‘yes’. I be liking the sun.
And the smell of wet seaweed be yarbelicious.
Yarb, lovely and pongy!
Did you have to bring your bow and arrow, though?
asked Ma.
You never know when a bad troll might be rearing its stinky head,
replied Marv.
No more heroics!
Ma told him. Let’s just enjoy a day at the seaside like a normal family.
Yarb, all right
agreed Marv, sucking on a sand hopper. These jelly beans be great!
Bruno was busy building a sandcastle with his twin younger sisters. Suddenly they were aware of something big, zooming through the air. They looked up, just in time to see it crash into the sea.
What was that?
asked Betty.
Belinda blinked a few times. It looked like a pig.
It can’t be. Pigs don’t fly,
explained Bruno. Must be the hot weather messing with our brains. Let’s wade in the sea to cool off.
Are you sure that’s a good idea?
asked Betty. I’ve heard that there are very naughty fish with really sharp teeth in there.
And I’ve heard that there are short-tempered sharks,
added Belinda.
I’m sure we’ll be fine near the shore. There are plenty of other people bathing.
Bruno and his sisters ran to the edge of the sea and started to paddle.
Suddenly, Marv the Magnificent came rushing down the beach. Stop!
he cried.
Why?
asked Bruno, alarmed. Is it a short-tempered shark?
Shark? Narb. If you go in the sea, you’ll wash off your fake tan! Humans will see that your skin has a greenish tinge!
They all hurried back onto the beach. Sure enough, their feet and ankles were already beginning to look a little streaky.
What are we going to do?
asked Bruno.
It’s not too obvious. Just keep behaving like humans, and nobody will notice a thing,
suggested Marv. Then he picked up a scuttling crab and popped it into his mouth. He murmured, Mmm, crunchy.
Chapter 1
The Secret Captive
The caged troll was particularly smelly today, so Mr Splendiferous poked it. He had made a series of gadgets for poking the troll. The latest was a thermometer that looked like a pen but could be extended to three metres long. This allowed him to measure the temperature of the troll without having to get too close.
Ow!
cried Oily Pongbottom.
Hmm, thirty-nine degrees,
mused the scientist. "Interesting."
Not really. I were thirty-nine degrees yesterday and I be thirty-nine degrees today. I always be about thirty-nine degrees.
Mr Splendiferous ignored the troll’s protests and wrote the figure in his logbook. He also made a note of the fact that the troll, once again, smelt like sweaty fish.
He was a funny sort of chap, Mr Splendiferous. He was rather short – less than one and a half metres tall – and had tight silver and brown striped curls. The curls were as long as table forks and poked out of his head at many angles, like a series of springs nested in a pincushion. His ears were relatively small but stuck out at right angles, making them prominent. Mr Splendiferous loved his prominent ears because he believed that they gave him extra hearing powers (they didn’t).
The troll had no interest in Mr Splendiferous’s ears. He thought that the scientist looked stringy and flavourless. Nevertheless, he hadn’t eaten a human in such a long time that he would enjoy gobbling anybody, no matter how old and bony.
When be you letting me go?
asked Oily.
When I’ve finished studying you.
You said that two years ago!
The eccentric Mr Splendiferous had captured Oily quite by accident. The troll had tried to sneak into his science park at dusk, hoping to find a child to gobble, but instead had gotten himself tangled in the barbed wire on top of the security fence.
Mr Splendiferous, a lover of science, was fascinated by the strange, knobbly creature and decided to keep him for a few days. However, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and, two years later, the scientist still could not bear to part with his fascinating discovery. It looked a bit like a human but was built like a giant potato filled with rocks. The faint greenish tinge to his skin was especially interesting …
He had to keep Oily Pongbottom in a specially made cage. Trolls can bend iron bars with their bare hands, so you have to be very inventive to keep one in captivity. Fortunately, Mr Splendiferous was exceedingly inventive. He made the floor of Oily’s cage sloped like a giant pudding basin – a very slippery giant pudding basin. To make it even slipperier, Mr Splendiferous set up a series of sprinklers that pumped a fine weir of soapy water down the sides of the basin every minute.
In the middle of the enclosure was a shallow pool of soapy water, in which Oily Pongbottom lived. The troll had mixed feelings about his home – he liked the water because it reminded him of a swamp, but he hated the rose scented soap because it interfered with his natural body odour. Oily had always smelt like sweaty fish, and he liked smelling like sweaty fish. Now he smelt like sweaty fish wearing cheap perfume. A gruesome troll smelling like roses? It was outrageous.
The ultimate humiliation was the clothing that the scientist made him wear. Oily Pongbottom liked to wear traditional troll clothes – nothing but a grubby cloth to hide his smelly bottom. However, Mr Splendiferous felt it would be more charming to dress the troll in Lederhosen – brown leather shorts with braces that stretched over his shoulders. His greasy, fat belly popped out between the straps. The shorts were accompanied by long, white socks that reached over the troll’s knobbly knees. To top it all off, he had to wear a green, triangular, feathered hat. Oily loathed the ridiculous untrolly clothes.
Oily Pongbottom decided he had had enough. It was time to get away from this mad scientist with his extra-long poking devices and peculiar potions.
He began walking up one of the sloped sides of the enclosure. I be doing it!
he thought. I be walking up the slippery slope. I be going to escape.
His feet skidded on the soapy surface. He leant backwards to compensate and promptly fell onto his bottom! Then he skidded backwards into the pool of water. Splosh!
Mr Splendiferous ignored him. He was used to Oily’s escape attempts and he knew that the troll would never succeed.
Oily decided to try again and this time, he would take a run-up. His enclosure was many metres wide, so plenty of room to build up speed. He put his arms out like a plane. Zoom!
he cried, running forward.
He took two steps up the slope. Then his feet skidded on the soapy, polished surface. He slipped backwards onto his bottom once again, and slid bum first into the water. Splosh!
Mr Splendiferous rolled his eyes. When was the troll going to learn that the slopes were too slippery to climb?
Let me go!
Do I not look after you well?
demanded Mr Splendiferous. I keep you clothed, fed, watered …
"I shouldn’t even be awake! Trolls be sleeping by day and hunting by night."
Hunting?
asked the scientist, alarmed.
"Er …