Desperate Rest: Restoring Your Soul Through Sabbatical
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About this ebook
Desperate Rest, set in the context of Laura Demetrician's healing journey, is a helpful and peaceful guide to taking a sabbatical. This book is an invitation to journey with the Good Shepherd as you create space, plan your sabbatical, and surrender to the path the Lord leads. Go from exhaustion to peace and from scattered living to intentional purpose.
Enter sabbatical as you are. Start with rest. Walk out the other side refreshed and restored.
Laura Demetrician, LMFT
About Laura Demetrician Laura is the Director at Tree by Water, an organization that helps people be “Rooted in God and True to Themselves” through spiritual direction, retreats, and writing. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Spiritual Director. She attended Fuller Theological Seminary and Southeastern University in Lakeland, Florida. Laura is married to Adam, the Lead Pastor at Pathways Church in Appleton, Wisconsin. They have two daughters, Grace and Ella. Laura loves hiking, wearing tennis shoes 99% of the time, and enjoying simple beauty in life. About Tree by Water Do you need someone to walk with you in your spiritual journey? Tree by Water is a ministry to create space for growth and healing. Through online spiritual direction, virtual sabbatical support programs, retreats, writing, and prayer, Tree by Water helps people be Rooted In God and True to Themselves. You can connect to Laura and Tree by Water online and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
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Desperate Rest - Laura Demetrician, LMFT
Introduction
Desperate for Rest
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you
and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
––––––––
It was a snowy, bitterly cold Wisconsin day in a nature preserve. I picked up the phone and told my husband I needed a break, an extended break.
My husband, Adam, is a pastor. And that makes me a pastor’s wife. You probably know it’s a rough place to be when the pastor’s wife needs a break.
Over the previous months, I problem-solved, grasped, and wracked my brain to find the solution to my exhaustion. I went on retreats. I prioritized my time. I spent extended hours with the Lord. Yet the strength I needed slipped through my fingers over and over again. Every attempt I made plunged me further into a deep frustration at my inability to fix my exhausted state. I felt emotionally raw. It was as if I might bleed with one more tug of stress, expectation, or difficulty. I was beyond tired, and I was at a loss at what to do. I felt pulled in a million directions, as if I didn’t have control of my life.
Twenty years ago I felt called into church ministry, but it hadn’t turned out like I imagined. When Adam and I fell in love at Bible College, we dreamed of a life of adventure, friendships, family, and community impact. We had the beginnings that most pastors would dream of. We had energy. We had faithful friends. We had an excellent education. Adam had ideal opportunities at vibrant churches.
Adam began working at churches in official capacities and I stayed home fulltime with our children.
I sensed my calling to vocational ministry when I was just 17 years old on a missions trip to the Philippines. I was a brand new Christian when a last-minute spot opened up for me to join a team from my youth group and journey to the Philippines. We held church services in busy town squares, visited small congregations in remote tropical locations, assisted in programs for undernourished children, and worshipped for hours in urban churches with the most heavenly-focused people I had ever met. We went to a garbage dump where I held a dying baby. We sang songs, gave encouragement to congregations, and loved and hugged on children. After only knowing God intimately for just a few months, there was no doubt how I was supposed to spend my life.
I made plans to attend Bible College after I graduated from high school. I was boldly confident as to the general direction of my life, but I was equally confused about the details. During my time at Southeastern University, I looked around at my classmates. Most of the students displayed the spiritual gifts of leadership, administration, and teaching. It was a challenge to understand my calling when my spiritual gifts of wisdom and discernment didn’t naturally flow into job categories such as youth pastor
or associate pastor.
I could sense that I was different, and confusion set in.
I met Adam as a freshman my first day on campus. He was so confident and intelligent. Our first class together was Public Speaking. The best speaker in the class, he was the bar the rest of us measured ourselves by. His calm, confident presence was far different from my shaky and scared presentation. He was kind of a dork, though. Most Friday and Saturday nights our friends would find him in the library and convince him to come out with us.
Our friendship began with mutual admiration for wanting to love and serve God. And I thought he was the best looking guy in the world. We talked and talked about what we wanted in life. We walked around the beautiful lakes by our college. We exercised together. We studied together. And it was no longer than a year of dating that we knew we wanted to spend our lives together.
Once we were engaged, Adam and I simply didn’t know how our vocations and careers would work together. Our graduation from college was approaching. We were planning our wedding and frantically making plans for graduate school. The reality that there are few church positions available for couples set fear in our decisions. We both got scared. We let fear win. We decided that I should study psychology and forgo plans to enter into vocational church ministry.
One would think that a husband and wife who both wanted to work in vocational ministry would have an easy time finding work, but that wasn’t our reality.
I laid my dreams on the altar of what made sense.
That fork in the road was the biggest mistake of my life. That sabotaging decision led to years of repeatedly and dutifully laying down my dreams and deference to my husband’s calling.
I spent those years unhappily living my decisions based on Adam’s work and it was killing me and our marriage. I had been told, verbally and implicitly by many people, that Adam’s ministry was more important. The visibility of Adam’s spiritual gifts of leadership and teaching had always been more evident than my own spiritual gifts of wisdom and discernment. My own lack of self-worth kept me from being strong enough to reject those lies.
I twice gave up jobs and even a business so that my husband could pursue his ministry dreams. I kept holding out hope that someday it would be my