Marriage in the Red: Transforming Your Marriage One Color at a Time

By Dr. Levi Skipper

What ifYour marriage could make a difference, but it doesnt?

What ifYour marriage could fulfill you and please God, but it doesnt?

What ifYour marriage held the potential to advance Gods Kingdom, but it doesnt?

Marriage in the Red uses the power of an allegory to unveil a strategy for any marriage at any stage to transform into a relationship that honors God and impacts His Kingdom. There is a longing deep within for our marriages to make an eternal difference. This book will guide you through the four colors of marriage: red, yellow, green, and blue. With these colors, you will be able to access the eternal effectiveness of your marriage. You will also be given a simple strategic plan to move from one color to the nextstriving for the blue.

You will discover Gods best for your marriage. You will be challenged and spiritually motivated to leave a marriage legacy for others. What do you have to lose? Join the movement: Marriage in the Red.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 30, 2010
• ISBN: 9781449703738

Dr. Levi Skipper

Dr. Levi Skipper is the founder of First Day Ministry where he serves as an evangelist, author, and developer of Pastor Training Schools internationally. He has served local churches for thirteen years as a student pastor, college pastor, and lead pastor. His training includes a Bachelor of Science Degree in Christian ministry from Shorter College in Rome Ga, a Masters of Divinity degree from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, and a Doctorate of Ministry degree from Luther Rice University.

Book preview

Marriage In The

RED

Transforming Your Marriage

One Color at a Time

Dr. Levi Skipper

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Copyright © 2010 by John Levi Skipper

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.

WestBow Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-0372-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-0374-5 (dj)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-0373-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010932297

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 07/19/2010

Contents

PART ONE:

MARRIAGE IN THE RED

PART II:

MARRIAGE IN THE YELLOW

PART III:

MARRIAGE IN THE GREEN

PART IV

MARRIAGE IN THE BLUE

Foreword:

Have you ever wished that navigating a marriage was as easy as driving a car? I have. Think about it. The most basic car has a dashboard filled with gauges that monitor the condition of your car: a heat indicator lets you know if you are about to ‘boil over,’ an RPM dial alerts you to an over-stressed engine, a dropping oil level lets you know about possible leaks, a battery charge indicator makes you cognizant of available energy, the speedometer indicates just how fast you are going, and lastly, the fuel gauge tells you how much further you can go. Really nice cars have a navigation system that gives you somebody to argue with! Watching these gauges carefully can lead to many years of carefree driving.

Dr. Levi Skipper gives us the closest thing to a ‘marriage dashboard’ that I know of in his new book, Marriage in the Red. Dr. Skipper uses the power of an allegorical story to share the stages by color-coding them red, yellow, green and blue. Just like a dashboard that can help keep your car in good running condition, this dashboard will help keep your marriage on the road to fulfillment.

Each ‘color code’ gives practical advice on how to build a marriage that God can bless. The storyline will hold your interest and the principles you learn and employ will strengthen your bond with your spouse. I cannot think of a marriage that would not be enhanced by reading this book and applying its lessons.

My advice to you is to Go Big Blue!

Dr. Dwight Ike Reighard

Lead Pastor

Piedmont Church

Marietta, Georgia

PART ONE:

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MARRIAGE IN THE RED

He just sat there with a blank stare on his face melting into his chair. His demeanor could only be described as, well, desensitized. Although he had morphed into the chair beside his wife, clearly he was thousands of miles away. She was boiling! Her legs were crossed in lady-like fashion with her body turned just slightly showing her back to him. She was noticeably put out. Her left foot gave indication she had drunk too much coffee, or perhaps her patience was wearing vitally thin. Without a word, their body language told the story: this marriage was in the red.

Keenly aware this meeting would take up the better half of his afternoon, he settled in his chair with a cup of coffee. As he grabbed a pen and a yellow legal pad, he offered a silent prayer to the Lord, Father, I think this marriage needs help. Give me wisdom and guidance to help them. He leaned back in his chair and asked them a leading question.

Well, what’s on your mind? What can I do for you?

She rolled her eyes slowly toward the dead wood which sat on her left. Taking a deep, audible breath of disgust, she broke the thick silence. Well, Pastor Schaeffer, I’ll just be upfront with you. Owen has no desire to be here. In fact, if it weren’t for me this marriage would have ended four weeks ago. He should be glad we have children, or he would have been served divorce papers so fast his head would spin!

Pastor Schaeffer repositioned himself in his seat after hearing the dreaded word divorce. Just that morning he had read in his personal devotion Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus. Even as she spoke, the Scripture, like a marquis flashing in his mind, went whizzing by:

Husbands love your own wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the Word.--Ephesians 5:25-26

He refocused his attention back on Norah as she continued to vent.

Her voice seemed to grow louder with every syllable. She was firing words at her husband which seemed to bounce off the invisible wall which had been erected between them. Pastor Schaeffer held his hand up just a couple of inches above his desk so as to calm her down. His phone buzzed which gave temporary relief from what he knew was about to happen.

Pastor, you have a call on line one.

Marlene, I am going to have to ask you to hold all my calls this afternoon. If my wife calls, you can put her through, but other than her, take a message and I’ll get back in touch with them.

Marlene turned a bit red from embarrassment. She knew Pastor Schaeffer had Owen and Norah in his office, but she had completely forgotten. The phones that day seemed to ring without end.

I am so sorry Pastor; it totally slipped my mind they were in the office with you. I’ll be sure to hold your calls.

No problem, Marlene. With an apologetic look, he turned back toward the disgruntled couple. Sorry about that. The office has been overwhelmingly hectic this entire week. So let’s get back to our discussion. Owen, what’s going on?

Norah is losing her mind. She furrowed her brow and starred a hole of hatred right through him. She has it in her head that I am cheating on her.

Are you? Pastor Schaeffer questioned quite abruptly.

With a defensive voice he almost shouted, No! I am not cheating on her! She is all fired up because she found a few e-mails which I have exchanged on my blackberry with a co-worker.

We used to have lunch together every Thursday. Now he’s too busy at work. Yet he seems to have plenty of time to e-mail back and forth to what’s-her-name.

Turning his full attention to Norah, Owen said, Well the last six times we went out to eat, all you did was nag me! Pastor, isn’t there a verse in the Bible somewhere that talks about a nagging wife? He reached over and patted the Bible on the desk. Norah’s temperature went through the roof, and she turned to face Owen straight on.

Okay, okay. Let’s settle down here for just a minute, said Pastor Schaeffer decisively. "Let me tell you what I have picked up on so far. It really is plain to see: your marriage is in the red." He leaned back in his chair fully confident he had issued the proper color for their marriage. Their two heads twisted toward the Pastor and simultaneously their jaws dropped.

What are you talking about? Owen questioned. They looked back at each other dazed, confused, and uncomfortable; agreement was a lost art in their relationship. They were both concerned about Pastor and his label of their marriage.

He chuckled a little bit and began to explain, I see it all the time. The circumstances are slightly different, and the faces are always different, but the color is always the same: R-E-D. He had now actually spelled it out to them.

"You got my attention. Now tell me what you’re talking about. What does it mean to be. . . red?" Norah asked.

He reached into his desk and pulled out a manila folder which had written across the top in all caps: MARRIAGE IN THE RED. After laying the folder down on his desk, he began to expound, Your marriage can be red, yellow, green or blue. On one occasion I counseled a businessman about his marriage. He had made some colossal mistakes and was on the verge of giving up. We began our discussion one day over a cup of coffee, not about his marriage, but about his workplace. He explained to me how he was chosen to be on a team which would travel the country and do assessments of other businesses. They would rate each team they assessed using the four colors: red, yellow, green, or blue.

He took a sip of his coffee and continued, If the team working was in the red, they were two months behind schedule. If they were in the yellow, they were one month behind. The green meant they were right on schedule. However, the coveted blue meant they were a month ahead and doing a superb job. He continued with great confidence, We have seen a massive increase in productivity as a result of this assessment tool.

Norah and Owen were paying attention, but still confused about what a color assessment chart for a business plan had to do with their marriage. But just before they would tune Pastor Schaeffer out he said, I leaned over that day in the restaurant and with a unique God-given boldness, asked the highly intelligent and affluent business man, ‘So what color is your marriage?’ You could actually see the sting of God’s conviction fall upon him at that moment. He quietly and truthfully said to me, ‘It’s in the red, Pastor; it’s in the red.’

Norah and Owen, practically on the edge of their seats, wanted to know what in the world being in the red meant. Owen finally just blurted out, "All right, Pastor. You have my attention. What does it mean to be in the red?"

Unfortunately, I won’t have time to share it all with you today. He reached in the manila folder and pulled out a single sheet of paper. He then tore a sheet of yellow legal paper off his notepad and began to draw as he spoke. Couples in the red build invisible walls between themselves. He drew two stick figures on the paper. As he finished up the second stick figure, he began to draw long hair on it.

Owen smirked, That isn’t supposed to be Norah, is it? Way too skinny.

With a huge surge of righteous indignation coursing through his veins, Pastor Schaeffer quickly cut his eyes toward Owen. He clinched his jaws and said with a stern voice which neither of them had ever heard before, Don’t you ever talk ugly about your wife.

You would have to be from a different planet not to know Pastor Schaeffer meant business. In fact, the smirk on Owen’s face disappeared. After what seemed like an awkwardly long stare, Pastor Schaeffer went back to drawing.

Do you see the wall between you two here? He pointed at the paper. Both Norah and Owen looked at the picture, but there wasn’t a wall between the two at all. In fact, he hadn’t even drawn a wall. You can’t see the wall, can you?

They both responded, No. Can you?

Well, if you could see the wall, then it wouldn’t be invisible, would it? That corny statement was perfect timing because it broke the tension which still filled the room after Pastor’s rebuke of Owen’s comment. Now let me draw the outline of the wall.

Trying to save face after his former embarrassment, Owen spoke up, I see it now, Pastor. Norah rolled her eyes; she knew what he was doing.

Norah, what do you think needs to happen to help this marriage? asked Pastor.

I anticipated that question, she responded with a strong voice. This is what I need if this marriage is going to work. Owen is going to have to stop flirting with girls in the office. He also needs to help do things at home. All he ever does is come in from work, sit down on his chair, and watch television. He doesn’t play with the kids. I can’t remember the last time he helped put up a dish or bathed one of the children. He just sits there. And he needs to talk to me, not his=pardon my French=Pastor, sluttish women down at the office. I’ll tell you what else he needs to do. . .

Owen sank into his chair and used his hand to jester a talking puppet which was directed at Norah’s comments. Pastor Schaeffer interrupted, Let’s give Owen an opportunity to speak.

Well, if Norah would hang out with me like she used to… We used to play tennis every weekend. We even played board games practically every other night. I mean, good grief, seems like she is ready to play a grungy game of tennis anyway: she always has her hair pulled back and her sweats on. He stopped, remembering the former rebuke of his Pastor. Giving just a slight pause for Pastor to speak up and noting that he didn’t, he continued. . .

All I ever get is a cold shoulder. She gives me the cold shoulder when I come in from work. She gives me the cold shoulder in the hallway. And not to mention, she gives me the very, very, very cold shoulder in the bedroom. If you know what I mean? Then he thought to himself, Does the Pastor know or even understand what I mean?

I know what you mean, Owen. I am a Pastor not an alien, Schaeffer replied sarcastically. He took his pen and pointed back at the outline of the invisible wall which he had drawn. You would never have seen this wall had I not pointed it out for you on this paper.

"Invisible walls are built up in a marriage when both the husband and the wife believe every problem lies at the feet of the other. What happens then is simple. You slowly become bitter toward one another. Instead of dealing with your issues, you stuff them down in your heart and become bitter. The next step in bitterness is always