The Return of Stewie Stein

By Stan Weisleder

Who is Stewie Stein? We all know him. He is all around us and part of us. He has over the years become an integral part of our culture and the American psyche. He is in fact the embodiment of, us.

The Return of Stewie Stein takes place in the present, almost sixty years after his faked death. Stewie Stein, the wunderkind of the thirties and forties, the original anti-Christ of the entertainment industry has been secretly planning his comeback. Living on a secluded island off the coast of Belize near Punta Gorda at the mouth of the Monkey River with his faithful man-servant, Ramses Macalevy, Stewie Stein has had plenty of time to commiserate and plot his revenge on those broads, faggots and bean counters who now rule Hollywood, all to coincide with his return and one-hundredth birthday.

But as fate would have it, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 2, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469793016

Stan Weisleder

Stan Weisleder worked as an Actuary for most of his life. When he decided to retire it wasn’t to sit on the back porch and watch the grass grow. He became a cop, an author and had his own internet radio program, “The View From Over Here”. He put in 23 years with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, most of that time as a reserve Detective with the Child Abuse Unit of Special Victims. As an author he wrote three novels, one play and a half dozen screenplays. His first novel is based on his personal experiences with the LASD and being the oldest one to have graduated from their Academy.His next novel, “A Killer of Lions”, is the story of the Tuskegee Airmen that had to fight two Air Forces in order to be recognized, the Luftwaffe and the US Army Air Corp. Stan is also available as a speaker on what to do after you retire.

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Copyright © 2012 by Stan Weisleder

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ISBN: 978-1-4697-5616-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4697-9301-6 (ebk)

iUniverse rev. date: 05/30/2012

Contents

Act I, Scene 1

Day 1, Evening

Act I, Scene 2

Day 2, Morning

Act I, Scene 3

Day 2, Afternoon

Act II, Scene 1

Day 3, Morning

Act II, Scene 2

Day 3, Evening

Act II, Scene 3

Day 4, Early Morning

Who is Stewie Stein? We all know him. He is all around us and part of us. He has over the years become an integral part of our culture and the American psyche. He is in fact the embodiment of, us.

The Return of Stewie Stein takes place in the present, almost sixty years after his faked death. Stewie Stein, the wunderkind of the thirties and forties, the original anti-Christ of the entertainment industry has been secretly planning his comeback. Living on a secluded island off the coast of Belize near Punta Gorda at the mouth of the Monkey River with his faithful man-servant, Ramses Macalevy, Stewie Stein has had plenty of time to commiserate and plot his revenge on those broads, faggots and bean counters who now rule Hollywood, all to coincide with his return and one-hundredth birthday.

But as fate would have it, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

Act I, Scene 1

Day 1, Evening

Through the cacophony of the jungle sounds that screech out in the middle of the night there is a modest house past the clearing just over the next ridge beyond the banyan,wisteria and lotus trees, with a light shining from within the decrepit, vegetation and vine covered structure that serves as a domicile for the two nonagenarians residing within its walls.

As the stage lights turn on we see into a large living room, the interior of which is simple, consisting of a worn out couch to stage right, two sofa chairs leaning towards each other off to stage left that are accompanied by a dining table with two chairs, an upright mirror on a swivel stand in the middle of the room, a stairway behind the sofa chairs that rises up to the ceiling and the upstairs bedrooms with a small table near the landing, a telephone resting thereon and to the far right a small kitchen area.

In the back of the room against the far wall is a console phonograph with a pile of 78rpm records sitting on top, next to a DVD player connected to a 19 inch TV monitor resting on a glass table top.

An overhead hurricane lamp casts an eerie glow on one of the two men standing in the middle of the room, five foot five at the most, his back towards us, almost naked in front of the full length mirror, wearing nothing but shoes, socks, a Thomas Jefferson High School T-shirt and a jock strap. The one waiting off to stage right in the shadows has his head bowed low.

STEWIE

Always shouting, ever excitable.

Ramses, you moron, where the fuck are you?

RAMSES

Ramses steps out of the shadows, rolls his eyes and does an imitation of Boris Karloff dragging his leg while mumbling to himself.

Coming master.

STEWIE

Glares at Ramses

Cut out that shit and walk like a white man.

RAMSES

Yes, master.

Rolls his eyes again and resumes walking with a natural gait.

What is it now?

STEWIE

Stewie turns around and faces the audience.

My jock strap. You put starch in it. How many fucking times do I have to tell you? No fucking starch in my fucking jock strap.

RAMSES

I was only trying to help. That way it will always look as though you have a permanent hard on. It’ll come in handy when we get to Hollywood.

STEWIE

Musing on that comment, he shakes his head in approval.

You really think so?

RAMSES

Would I lie to you?

STEWIE

Never mind that. Where did you put my growth hormones?

RAMSES

They’re on the nightstand next to your bed. That stuff is illegal, you know.

STEWIE

"Not in this country it ain’t. Down here you can buy it at your local pharmacia, over the counter."

RAMSES

You’re not trying to live forever, are you?

STEWIE

Forever? Hmmm. I never thought about it.

RAMSES

"On