The Game of Life: "A Collection of Snapshots from the Family Album of Two Experienced Players"

By Frank Losik

A collection of short stories,
poems, and postcards that range from the amusingly playful to the provocatively
thoughtful. The underlying theme is
triumph through focused effort and mutual support over the life crises that all
of us must face The stories are
presented in a bite-sized format and are designed to appeal to the palates of
mature adults who have had some difficult life experiences of their own.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> The book is divided into several
segments. It begins with style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>Reflections, a short collection of
personal reveries and inspirational tracts, that establishes the theme for what
follows. A Cats Tale is a series of stories about the adventures and
idiosyncracies of the family pets that begins with the story of Sparky, The
Christmas Cat. Next comesstyle='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'> Snippets which chronicles the greater
and lesser adventures of a couple who found each other after stumbling,
unsuccessfully, through their first marriages and who strive through their own
trial and error experiments to create a happy life together.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Relationship
Survival Kit, that follows, is a humorously presented set of dos and
donts for couples in committed relationships. Finally, Myths That Maim
cautions us about the hidden pitfalls of a mindless, bumper sticker-approach to
life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 16, 2003
• ISBN: 9781410737977

Frank Losik

Frank Losik has been a licensed marriage and family therapist since 1986. He is an experienced problem solver who specializes in working with clients who are temporarily overwhelmed by some sort of life crisis. He has worked with a wide variety of clients in many different settings. He began his study of counseling and psychology while working through his own personal crises of divorce, career change, custodial and noncustodial parenting, and remarriage. He strives to achieve two goals with his clients: the first is to relieve their current pain and suffering, and the second is to empower them to develop the skills to resolve future problems on their own.

Book preview

Contents

Desiderata

Striving!

Myths

That

Maim

Relationship

Survival

Kit

Item #1

Item #2

Item #3

Item #4

Item #5

Item #6

Item #7

Item #8

Item #9

Item #10

Item #11

Item #12

Item #13

Item #14

Item #15

Item #16

Item #17

Item #18

Item #19

Item #20

Snapshots

Playing the Game

Rituals

Partners

Peas in a Pod

Warriors

Whales

Bernah’s Song

Hope

The Swimmer

Control

Creativity

The Path

Letting Go

Courage

Pacing

The Body

Working Out

The Manta Ray

The Flyer

Chicken Man

The Student

Politics

Transitioning

Costa Rica

Gotcha!

Sparky

Meenah

Prince Vlad

Sparky’s World

About the Author

Dedicated to

Linda

&

Marianne

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their stories.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as you plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many people strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy!

– Anonymous –

Found in a 17th century New England Church

Striving!

So long as I can See,

..I will keep Looking.

So long as I can Walk,

…I will keep Moving.

So long as I can Stand,

…I will keep Fighting.

– Anonymous –

Myths

That

Maim

"The princess married the prince,

and they lived happily

ever after!"

The Find the Perfect Mate Myth is dangerous because it sends an incomplete message to your unconscious mind that relationship building is all about the quest. It sets you up to put all of your efforts into finding and winning your prince or princess and none into keeping him or her.

It ignores the fact that creating a happy life together is an on-going, dynamic process that requires constant attention. It also ignores the reality that joy and pain are intertwined threads in the fabric of lifelong important relationships.

"If you really loved me, you would

know what I want, without

my saying it."

The Crystal Ball Myth is dangerous because it makes a statement that just is not true. You are not a mind reader, and neither is your partner.

It is true that after we have lived with someone for a good while, that we begin to have a very good idea about what their likes and dislikes are and how they will usually react in certain situations. But people do not always look the way they feel; their wants and needs can change; and, even they do not always know what they want.

"What we need is a baby

to fix the problems

between us."

The And Baby Makes Three Myth is dangerous for two reasons. First, it is not a solution to any current relationship problem; and, second, it creates a whole new set of problems dealing with childcare and parenting styles.

Relationships come in two’s. Add a third party to the existing relationship, and three new relationships must be formed: between mother and child; between father and child; and, between father and mother. That takes a lot more time and energy, not less. And, then, all three of you will suffer, instead of just the original two.

"Love means, you never have

to say, I’m sorry"

The Freedom to Harm Myth is dangerous because it denies the basic value of the offended partner. When you hurt the person you love, you destroy a certain amount of trust. That causes the relationship to begin to whither and die. To reverse these negative effects, your first task is to work at restoring the trust that you have broken by your offending behavior, and that starts by saying, I’m sorry.

Complete honesty is the key!

The Into Mind, Out of Mouth Myth is dangerous because the pretext of complete honesty is too often taken as an excuse to take petty, cheap shots, often in the heat of arguments. It also ignores the fact that it is just as important to know when and how to speak our truth as it is to do so.

Basic honesty about values, feelings, and needs is essential, but partners need to stop and think before sounding off and using their partner as an emotional punching bag to soothe their own negative feelings.

"Find someone who is different from you.

Opposites attract."

The Magnetic Theory Myth is dangerous because it is only a partial truth. Differences do attract us, but it is the sameness of values, goals, and beliefs that forms the solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Differences are like spices. Not too little, not too much!

When opposites do get together, they need to be cautious about interactions when either or both of them are physically, emotionally, or mental stressed out. At times such as these, the very differences that charmed us tend to irritate us and drive us up the wall. We need to be reasonably in control of ourselves to appreciate and take advantage of our differences.

Love conquers all.

The Romeo and Juliet Myth is dangerous because it is another partial truth. Love is a very powerful force, but love is not all powerful. It is no substitute for realistic planning and prudent perseverance. And remember what did happen to Romeo and Juliet.

"I have enough love for

the both of us."

The Masochist’s Delight Myth is dangerous because it is all give and no get! We all need to love, to have our love accepted, and to be loved in return.

"Couples should always

do things together."

The Joined at the Hip Myth is dangerous because it places too great a burden on each partner to meet all of the needs of the other partner. Doing some things separately is essential. It helps satisfy non-relationship needs, and it also brings fresh ideas and experiences into the relationship.

Love is blind.

The Lover’s Leap Myth is dangerous because it is not true. True love sees both the strengths and the weaknesses; it tolerates the imperfections; and, it accepts tolerance for its own imperfections.

Relationship

Survival

Kit

Over the years, Bernah and Bernie developed a set of Do’s and Don’t’s to help them deal with the ups and downs of living together for an extended period of time. The following pages contain twenty items that capture much of that hard-earned wisdom.

Item #1

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Directions: Place firmly over mouth at the first sign of Complete Honesty.

If people were perfect, complete anything might be a good thing. But, we are not perfect. That’s why the early Greeks warned us against taking any virtuous act to an extreme. When we do, it turns from virtue into vice, from good to bad. So, we have to learn how and when to say our truths to one another.

It is important to explain our values and beliefs, and it is essential not to lie about how we really feel about our partner. Saying we love someone when we do not is the worse kind of cruelty. The next cruelest thing is to confess breaches of trust or infidelities without some compelling reason to do so. Note: relieving our own guilt feelings at our partner’s expense is not a valid reason.

Item #2

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Directions: Use where needed to prevent yourself from Letting It All Hang Out!

Being an inconsiderate slob is not what is meant by being comfortable in a relationship. Unless you and your partner are among those rare folks who truly enjoy living in a pigsty, common courtesy demands that you pick up after yourself. This means putting your soiled clothing in the hamper, it means washing and putting away the pots and pans that you use to cook with, and it means straightening up after yourself.

Letting your body go to pot fits into this category also. If you can’t stay in reasonable shape for yourself, then you need to make the effort for your partner. And, reasonable shape is what counts. Everybody’s body is different, and age takes its toll on all of us. But,