Breath of God

By Gillian M. Leggat

Breath of God is an invaluable resource for anyone who has suffered a bereavement, especially of a spouse or a life partner.

Author, Gillian Leggat, is a prolific writer of children's books and has been published by a range of educational publishers. In Breath of God, she takes the reader on a painful, but nevertheless inspiring journey. By means of anecdotes, diary entries and biblical and hymnal quotations, she guides the reader through the process of grief towards recovery. The second part of her book, The Treasure house of God, deals with reflections of a heavenly nature and the mystery and wonder of an awesome and compassionate creator.

Breath of God and Treasure house of God deal with vital topics like:
the reality of bereavement the therapeutic nature of memories practical and emotional issues relating to loss reflections on heaven and the character of God

Both Breath of God and Treasure house of God are useful for people who are battling to come to terms with grief and loss. They are also inspirational books, which deal with the purpose and meaning of life. They aim to give direction, courage and hope to all who face hardships in this world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Feb 22, 2006
• ISBN: 9780595825523

Gillian M. Leggat

Gillian Leggat was born in Johannesburg, South Africa. She read a Masters degree in English at UNISA, has a teacher?s diploma and has been teaching English and writing children?s books for more than twenty years. She has been widely published by various educational publishers. She is widowed and has three children.

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Copyright © 2006 by Gillian Leggat

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

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All biblical quotations are taken from The New International version of the Holy Bible, The bible society of South Africa cop. International

Bible Society, 1978

All quotations from hymns are taken from The Methodist hymn book, Cox and Wyman Ltd, London, 1933

ISBN-13: 978-0-595-38183-8 (pbk)

ISBN-13: 978-0-595-82552-3 (ebk)

ISBN-10: 0-595-38183-9 (pbk)

ISBN-10: 0-595-82552-4 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Preface

Part One Breath of God

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Part Two Treasure-House of God

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Preface

On the morning of the 11th September 2001, America reeled in the wake of outrageous and devastating acts of fanatical suicide bombers. As the New Yorkian twin towers, symbols of financial security, tumbled to dust, the Pentagon was badly damaged and thousands of lives across America destroyed. The world watched in horror, not quite believing in the reality of this apparently vindictive and vengeful destruction.

Everything changed on that bright, sunny morning. What seemed to be an invincible land of security and freedom had, in half an hour, become a vulnerable country which, in the weeks after the attack, was forced to tighten up on security, curtailing individual freedom in the process. New Yorkers who strode confidently down the streets secure in the knowledge that their city was the financial capital of the world, now rushed to purchase gas marks in case chemical warfare was the next evil strategy of the terrorists.

Talk of Jiyad, holy wars, retaliatory attacks, tightened security reverberated across the world. International tension mounted as threatening war-clouds gathered. Personally, people all over the world are forced to ponder on the fragility of human life. Preachers in thousands of churches and hundreds of nations had to make sense of hard facts as bewildered congregations search for answers to life’s hard questions. A sermon I attended soon after the devastating tragedy was based on Luke 13. A tower had collapsed, killing eighteen people, and Jesus was asked if the dead had been evil in this life. He emphatically replied, No, but did say that unless you repent, you will all perish. As Christ’s words echo through the decades, there is a call to get our spiritual lives in order, to focus on the important things in life and to squarely face the fact that human life is fragile.

And as thousands of panicky people begin to talk about end times, it is fitting to remember Christ’s words that only God knows when the end of the world will come. However, whatever the uncertainties of this world are, the bible is very clear that the Christian does not have to fear death; that we have the assurance and hope that we will be with God in His kingdom for all eternity.

On the 3rd July, 2000, my husband, Robert, passed away without warning. Although this death is on a miniscule scale compared with the American tragedy, or indeed, compared with myriads of other man-made tragedies and natural disasters that affect millions of people all over the world, this death has been, for me, personally devastating.

In trying to make sense of the pain and loneliness, I have written this book in two parts:

Part 1, Breath of God, was written six months after my husband’s death, and charts my personal journey through grief towards partial restoration. Although this part of my book is a deeply personal response to a loved one’s death, it is my hope that grieving people will not feel so isolated when they read of my pain; and that they will be encouraged when they read about my gradual healing process.

The second part of this book, The Treasure-house of God, was written eighteen months after my husband’s death, and completed after the terrorist attack on New York, the Pentagon and Washington. Readers delving into my flawed layman’s reflections about heaven will hopefully be encouraged to look up from their suffering and ponder on their eternal inheritance that God has promised them through their faith in Christ Jesus.

Part One

Breath of God

Breathe on me, Breath of God;

Fill me with life anew,

That I may love what Thou dost love,

And do what Thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,

Until my heart is pure,

Until with thee I will one will,

To do and to endure.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,

Till I am wholly Thine,

Until this earthly part of me

Glows with Thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,

So shall I never die,

But live with Thee the perfect life

Of thine eternity.

                  Edwin Hatch 1935-89

This book is dedicated to the grace of God, and to my

husband, Robert, in his glorious new home.

Chapter One

The Colour of Life: For Richer, For Poorer; In Sickness and in Health.

…the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what god has joined together, let no man separate.

(Mark 10 v 7)

It is five months now since my beloved husband, Robert, died. It seems like an eternity away: no large, warm hands to envelop mine; no comforting, strong voice which often probed, and teased, and challenged, and most of all, no all-encompassing, unconditional love—the kind of love that accepted and appreciated me just as I am. My Robbie often said he needed me, but I don’t think he ever realized just how much I needed him. Perhaps I didn’t even realize that until midnight on the 3rd July in the much-feted millennium year, 2000. That was the moment when something so cataclysmic happened to my life that I’m still recovering from the shock waves.

It had been an unusual week: on one of the rare occasions that Robert and I were parted, I had just been in our dear old 1968 Volvo up to Johannesburg to visit my mother for a few days. The car had a serious oil leak, and with typical Robert gusto and care, while I was tutoring at the University, Robert was ‘phoning around, researching mechanics who were prepared to give up their time on a Saturday morning, performing miracles with his rich, persuasive voice. The car hiccuped to Jo’burg, and during my stay, there were numerous daily instructions about parts and prices and the best deals.

Robert knew how to galvanise people into action. He often spoke of himself as a good delegator, and he was indeed a delegator par excellence. I believe that it was always one of his strengths even at the tender age of nineteen when he had his own building business, but as his health became more and more erratic, in order to survive, this quality of his was an absolute necessity. Fortunately, he enjoyed it. He enjoyed the challenge of teaching people, of watching them develop and grow. Not once did he just do a task for you, despite the fact that he was an extremely capable and practical person. His philosophy was that the best teacher is experience; that you learn far more by your mistakes than by your successes; that by persevering, you would eventually overcome your difficulties.

During that last week of June, 2000, on my visit to Johannesburg, I had a wonderful time with my mother. Robert knew I would. That was why he was so pleased for me that I made that trip. In daily telephone contact, I regaled him with stories of movies and restaurants, and the wardrobe of my Mums I was raiding, and the family I was seeing, and the laughter and the fun.

In typical Robert humility, he said I’d been needing a break from him. One of his logical conclusions was that because we were with each other all the time, for twenty-four hours in the day, apart from the time that I had to go back to work, our marriage had lasted three times longer than anybody elses’!

Anyone who crossed paths with Robert will have known what a colourful character he was. His pet theories about breeding were famous in the family, and despite his tortured lungs and dangerously constricting arteries, he had an extraordinary vivacity for and interest in life.

When I had completed my city fling, I motored back to the relative sleepy hollow of Pietermaritzburg, or more specifically, Winterskloof, the elegant home adjacent to a Nature reserve which Robert had custom-designed and built for us. I arrived back on Thursday evening the 29th June, completely unsuspecting about the devastating loss that was about to shake my world. Yes, there had been heart attacks: three, the first one in 1993. It was then that I became profoundly aware of the hand of God on both of our lives. Sitting in a side room at Greys hospital in Pietermaritzburg while my husband was being stabilised in I.C.U., I came upon this verse while paging through the hospital bible: This sickness is not unto death, but unto the glory of God. If Christ could raise Lazarus to life after he had been dead for four days, then he could restore my Robbie to life too! The doctors gave him a miraculous injection which blasted his arteries to life, and slowly but surely, my darling husband was restored to me, full of mischief and an increased zest for life.

And I was so grateful as I am now when I look back on that reprieve: my beloved Robert had been snatched back from the jaws of death. Seven more fruitful years of challenges and profound sharings, and tensions and fun. Seven more years of working together, and overcoming severe financial pressures and seeringly corrupt officials. Seven more years of building, and dreaming, and scheming, and planning. Seven more years of loving, and growing, and reaching, and knowing. What could be more profound than the biblical verse: and the two shall become one flesh.

How can one ever describe the unique and mysterious bond of the marriage relationship; the privileged gift from God of living so closely with another person that you feel you can almost touch their soul. Couples who are living in the daily stresses and strains of a marital relationship may feel that I am idealising our love after the event, and yes, there were irritabilities, hurts and problems. But I honestly feel that they paled into insignificance when compared with the sense of fulfilment I experienced from my marriage. My life felt so whole, so purposeful, and I will be forever grateful to God (and to my sister, who introduced me to Robert!) for his indescribable gift to me, and the impact it has made on my life.

Even when