Confessions of a Middle-Aged Short Guy With No Game: An Average Joe's Observations from the Deep End of the Dating Pool

By Vince Guaglione

Dating in 2018 is difficult for many singles, but if you're a short, average looking middle-aged guy with no real game, it's even harder to get the attention of single women.

The average Joe is considered to be vanilla, or bland, and doesn't stand out in a crowd. He doesn't have any outwardly discerning high-value qualities, and that makes it difficult for him to thrive in a competitive dating world; one where his opportunities are sometimes limited.

It's difficult for average guys to figure out why they aren't having the success they desire, but when taking that hard look in the mirror, they can't help give more than a passing thought to what they have always suspected to be the truth: 

"It has to be me." 

If you've ever heard a woman say: 

"I'm sorry but I don't date anyone shorter than me."

"I need a really strong guy.  I mean, you're not jerk and all, and that's a good thing, but…"

"You aren't the type of guy I'd normally go out with."

"You're such a nice guy but I think we'd be better as friends."

then this is a must read.

As men, we are not expected to feel or show emotion, especially when it comes to dating and handling rejection. But deep inside, we worry just as much as women about how we are perceived. After repeated rejections, our emotions overwhelm us. We feel upset, hurt, frustrated, dejected, helpless, and have many times asked ourselves silently, "Is it really me?" 

It most certainly is. 

But there is hope.

In this book, Vince Guaglione authentically shares his less-than-optimal, real-world dating experiences as a short, average-looking guy with no real game, goes on a fact-finding mission to learn what qualities truly matter to single women, and investigates both the social aspects of the singles world and the dynamics between the sexes, in an effort to learn what they reveal about dating as a whole. 

It's a book that empathizes with the plight of the average Joe. It lends an ear, provides support, offers encouragement, and dispenses concrete advice. But most of all, it gives this problem context for guys who have always suspected that their height, looks, and lack of game has negatively impacted their dating lives. 

Written primarily for the average Joe who struggles to attract dates, it also is relevant for those who are interested in understanding the real issues faced by these guys while navigating the sometimes turbulent and unchartered waters of the dating pool.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vince Guaglione
• Release date: Jul 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386398615

Book preview

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Short Guy with No Game

An Average Joe’s Observations from the Deep End of the Dating Pool

––––––––

Vince Guaglione

Text copyright ©2018 Vincent P. Guaglione

All Rights Reserved

For

All those short, average Joes who steadfastly navigate the turbulent and sometimes uncharted waters of the dating pool, have always lacked the success they desired, and have always wondered:

Is it really me?

Acknowledgements

Thanks go out to Korine, Jasper, Ben, Jalen, Lucy, Mel, and the entire crew at Starbucks Brier Creek. This is Year Six of contemplating my mystery questions of life from the friendly confines of the promenade, and the warmth and friendliness you have shown me as I have put my thoughts to paper never go unnoticed.

As always, I would like to thank my copy editor, A.D. Reed. Not only does he correct my grammar and punctuation, but he provides great insight in helping me become a better writer.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Part I:  My Dating History and Personal Background

1 – Let Me Tell You a Little about Me

2 – When I Started Noticing I Was Different

3 – The Trials of My Adult Life

4 – Questions, Questions

Part II:  My Observations as a Short, Average Joe

5 – Digging In

What Qualities Matter?

Women Give Me the Scoop

6 – Physical Appearance

Attractiveness

Height (Better Yet, Height and Size)

The Rugged Look (i.e., The Marlboro Man)

Personal Style (and Overall Appearance)

7 – Personality, Confidence, and Status

Personality

Confidence

Game

Social Status

Part III:  Interpersonal and Social Observations

8 – It’s a Jungle Out There

9 – Present Day Dating Dynamics

We’ve Lost Our Interpersonal Skills

People Don’t Take It Seriously

It’s an Optional Exercise

Traditional Dating Roles Have Been Blurred

Sincerity Isn’t What It Once Was

Fear Is a Common Theme

10 – Online Dating: The Definition of Insanity

A Great Concept Gone Bad

When It All Changed

I Wonder If It’s Really Me, So I Did an Experiment on Plenty Of Fish

Lots of Choices but Few Results

Shooting in the Dark

11 – Conclusions and Words of Advice

Appendix A:  Location and Age – Do They Really Matter?

Location

Age

Appendix B:  Resources

Blogs and Websites

Podcasts

Books

About the Author

Introduction

I’m a five, if I’m lucky.

That’s the number I feel comfortable with when I take a good look at myself in the mirror. Well, on most days, that is.

I sometimes show up in group photos on Facebook, and although I know exactly how I look, I can’t help but take a beat before clicking on that little notification to pause and wonder how good—or how bad—I’m going to look? We’ve all had those moments when we look at a photo that was just taken and say to ourselves, I like that one, or, It’s not bad, or better yet, "Ugh, I can’t add that to my timeline." Most of the time, it’s fine. When it comes down to it, we are usually our own worst critics... until you find some data that seems to back up what you thought to be the brutal truth all along.

So yeah, in the grand scheme of things, and in taking an object look in the mirror, I’m a five—a five out of ten on the looks scale. How do I know this? Because everywhere I go, nothing happens. I get no smiles, no winks, no hellos. Not even an occasional head-turn to check me out. Yes, I understand that women don’t usually act in such an overt manner, but when they find you attractive, they have subtle ways of showing and telling you. I know because it has happened to me... on less than a handful of occasions in my entire life.

So, there you have it, I’m a five. Right in the middle. Not good, not bad, just sort of there—nondescript—going about each and every day not having to worry about how many women I will need to beat off with a stick. And I know this because I have 49 years of life experience under my belt, 36 of which I’ve been actively engaged in the age-old tradition of pursuing women. I also know this because Jim Jefferies tells me so.

Being an average Joe in a world where you need to stand out to make an impression can be tough. Being a short guy makes it tougher. And throw in the fact that I have no real game—a slickness, wittiness, or how to chat up a woman with an arrogant confidence about me that plants that seed of intrigue in a woman’s brain—puts me that much farther behind the curve. I’m just sort of out there in a sea of other average Joes who are having the same problem, and are asking themselves the same question:

Is it me?

I’m here to tell you it is.

As is Jim.

I reference Jim Jefferies here because at the tail end of one of his comedy specials, he tells us that the secret to happiness is to be good-looking. It’s a short ten-minute bit describing his effort to write a letter to his newborn son—one of those time capsule letters that the recipient is to open upon reaching adulthood. His advice to his son is to be good looking because, as one of the good-looking people, his life will be much easier. And based on my experiences, I agree, particularly with respect to dating and attracting members of the opposite sex.

For the full bit, check out the YouTube clip here: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrMFjcxkMo4

So, if you’re one of the unlucky ones who hasn’t been blessed with very good looks, are shorter than the average male, and have no real game, dating is tough. The first step in the courting process is to be able to get that first foot in the door. Having at least one of the two physical traits I mention here helps. The third—game—isn’t an absolute guarantee because even if you do have game, if she doesn’t find you attractive in some way, your chances remain slim. But it certainly can help because if you have a good game, that does makes you somewhat attractive to women.

As humans we know who we find attractive within the first few seconds of seeing a new face (https://www.livescience.com/24593-brain-love-dating-decisions.html).

For guys, the attraction is either there, or it’s not. It’s pretty cut and dried. For women, there seems to be degrees of attractiveness, so even though a guy might not be very good-looking, he might have a certain feature she finds attractive (and yes, let’s throw height into the equation here); or he has, as it has been described to me by female friends, nothing in particular that stood out—just a general cuteness about him.

Regardless, whichever way a woman views a guy, as long as she does find him attractive or pleasing in some way, she will likely open the door for him. That’s pretty much how it works—she opens the door, then it’s up to him to recognize that the door has been opened and to walk through it. But she still needs to turn the knob and crack it open. And that’s where most of us average Joes who are vertically challenged and have no game get torpedoed.

We don’t even get a chance to try to generate any sexual tension through interacting with her because she has stopped us before we could take our shot. I’ve been in many social situations where I have observed these one-on-one interactions, and I could plainly see that if a woman wasn’t attracted to the guy she was chatting with in some way, it really didn’t matter what he said. She wasn’t giving him her number.

I’ve spent a lot of time studying social behaviors between the sexes at singles and social events, and have also spent my fair share of time in conversation with female friends, acquaintances, and dating coaches. I’ve asked questions pertaining to physical characteristics, physical appearance, social status, economic status, personality, and communicative ability. And in the process of asking these questions, one common theme has emerged:

Women are attracted to men they consider to be high-value.

There is much to be said with respect to this subject, and much of it is beyond the scope of what I can describe in these pages. But in short, high-value qualities are what draw women in. Those are the qualities that make women feel protected and give them a sense that a man is worthy of their attention (at least initially). They look for these qualities, both consciously and subconsciously (yes, part of it is the primal brain—women have those too) and are thus able to make a decision about wanting to learn more about him.

The high-value qualities, as defined by Jonathan and David Bennett in their book, Size Doesn’t Matter: The Short Man’s Handbook of Dating and Relationship Success (Lancaster, Ohio: Theta Hill Press, 2014) are:

Dominance

Power

Protection

Although looks do not determine a woman’s proclivity towards identifying a man of high value—it has nothing to do with the characteristics described above—I have been told that they certainly don’t hurt your chances. In fact, good looks, most of the time, will give a guy an automatic pass, giving him the opportunity for that all-important initial conversation with a woman. Want proof? Just ask a woman if she has ever described a guy as being really pretty. And then ask her how eagerly she wanted to talk to him, or how much she hoped that he would come over to her and strike up a conversation... or how desperately she hoped he wasn’t gay.

Height, on the other hand, does automatically put

Reviews for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Short Guy With No Game

[Jason Courne · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Biased experiences that only pertain to a small few that dont exist.