When Reality Hits: Then the Strength Comes

By Teresa A. Allen

When reality hits is a self-strengthening and relationship guide for women who are just too in love to see past love and just need that push towards reality. I cant express enough how we women can become our own enemy in how we are being treated in relationshipsWhere are we going wrong?

I am sharing stories of how I have been caught up in relationships that gotten me nowhere and just felt the need to express my struggles, advise and how it allowed me to become stronger. I do not call myself a relationship specialist. However, I am a woman that has been hurt, used and abused by men. By the grace of God, I have learned a lot along the way, which have shaped my woman hood into the woman I am today. I am not expressing my experiences to you all for anyone to judge me, but more so to learn from my mistakes.

I decided to name this book When, reality hits, because I have made the mistake of loving the wrong men. I have allowed myself to become too vulnerable, I put up with men bullshit out of loneness and gave too much of myself, when most did not even deserve what I had to offer. At one point, I started to notice I just could not become the women I needed to be, because I was too focus on becoming the woman they needed me to be. However, when reality had finally hit thats when I became stronger, I have written this book, not to beat men down or have us women to power trip. However, to empower you all to start utilizing and committing to the strength God instilled in us and stop looking for love to be our every purposelove can see you through, but strength will get you through.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 24, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456739386

Teresa A. Allen

Teresa Allen was born in Newark and raised in East Orange, NJ. As the only child that didn’t have much family to support her in her goals, She stood strong anyway and decided to be the best that she noticed God made of her. By the will of God, she won victory over many trails and tribulations in her life as she became older. In one part of her life, she had found a new fond respect for life, when she suffered a tragic car accident at 17yrs old. This pushed her towards major growth in wanting to become successful and help people in many ways. After yrs of helping the sick in her career, she started back writing poetry at the age of 27yrs old, as a way of letting her emotions out, which lead her to an editor’s choice award for best poetry in 2008. She had been writing poetry since she was 8yrs old and decided that she also wanted her writing to be a form of help.      Teresa has always been a strong believer of God and continues to keep faith in him, as she lightly battles with sickle cell disease. One of her goals is to educate young people with sickle cell on how to better take care of them selves. Which made her start the organization called A Better Way Sickle Cell Group. She also consults with those in troubled/ abusive relationships and in need of guidance on mental, physical and emotional ways to move on. She manages a modeling business called Dime2Diva Mgnt, helping young women with their dream of becoming professional models. While she strives to be her best each day in the sight of God and achieving, she plans to bring many people up with her.  

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© 2011 Teresa A. Allen. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  02/25/2015

ISBN: 978-1-4520-9263-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-3938-6 (e)

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Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter One

Be Strong Enough to Study Him before Loving Him

Chapter Two

The Need to Feel Trust and Honesty, before Agreeing to Monogamy

Chapter Three

Married Couples and Infidelity

Chapter Four

Loss of Oneself to Love and Trying to Make It Work

Chapter Five

Don’t Be Afraid to Be Ms. Independent

Chapter Six

Jail Inmates and the Chances We Take

Chapter Seven

Realizing Fear Is What We Need to Overcome

Bonus Section

What to Read in Times of Need:

Twenty-One Questions to Get to Know Him Properly

A Message to Men

My Inner Peace

Just Listen

About the Author

Acknowledgments

I dedicate this book to my first father Jehovah God for allowing creativity to flow from the hurt of my past relationships and for giving me the strength to share my personal experiences and to give advice, which pushed me toward realizing my major strengths as a woman.

I thank my mother, Bernice Allen, for being a part of me that no one else can replace….I love you.

I also thank my mentor J. Shannon for guiding me toward having a firm business mind and for being a father figure to me….I love you.

To the women who have been through struggles like mine….Never stop standing strong.

To those who took part in my emotional hurt and took advantage of me, instead of appreciating me….I know that if it were not for those experiences, I would not recognize the strength I have today.

R.I.P

Grandma: Helen Allen

Father: Robert Banks

Uncle: Harold Allen

I Love You

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Introduction

When Reality Hits is a guide to relationships and how to create personal strength for women who are just too in love to see past that love and who need that push toward reality. I can’t express enough how we women can become our own enemies by putting up with being poorly treated in relationships….Where are we going wrong?

I do not call myself a relationship expert. However, I am a woman who has been hurt, used, and abused by men. In these pages, I will share stories of how I have been caught up in relationships that have gotten me nowhere. I feel the need to express my struggles, offer advice, and share what I have gone through because it has allowed me to become stronger. By the grace of God, I have learned a lot along the way, and it has shaped the woman I am today. I am not sharing my experiences with you so anyone can judge me, but so others can learn from my mistakes and avoid making the same ones.

I decided to name this book When Reality Hits because I have made the mistake of loving the wrong men. I have allowed myself to become too vulnerable, I have put up with men’s bullshit out of loneliness, and I have given too much of myself when most men did not even deserve what I had to offer. At one point, I started to notice I just could not become the woman I needed to be because I was too focused on becoming the woman whom men needed me to be. However, when reality finally hit, I became stronger. I have written this book not to beat men down or give us women a power trip. I have written it to empower other women to start using and committing to the strength God instilled in us, and for women to learn to stop looking for love to be our every purpose. Love can see you through, but strength will get you through.

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Chapter One

This chapter explains the way a man will pretend to be the man you have been looking for, until he gets your emotions right where he needs them—so in love with him that you are not emotionally able to move on at the very time when that’s what you most need.

Now, I know that is a somewhat messed up thing to say, but it’s the truth, and we woman suffer from being drugged by our emotions and mentally abused with mind games almost every time we start talking to someone new. We get so used to being with the person we have been with for years that we let the man treat us badly without considering our other options. We women fall for men’s deceit so easily, mainly because we tend to be too truthful and open with men, and we hope or just assume we will get the same treatment in return once the man sees how sincere we are. That is why I say to pay close attention to what your intuition is telling you about that new person you are seeing. Feel him out first before you share too much about yourself. Remember that you cannot be too open and sincere in terms of what you allow him to know about you emotionally and mentally because…he is liable to use it to his benefit, which can include using it against you.

Some men who play on women tend to play on everything you may choose to tell them about yourself, like how you think and work emotionally. Ladies, see how willing that man is to let you know how he may think and work emotionally before you verbally give up so much of yourself. Men will pay close attention to us women as we talk to see how interesting and intelligent we may be and to see whether we are able to play men as well as they can play us. A man will test how far he can go with you. Men know how to distract women just as well as we know how to distract men; they will say things to make us feel so good and so comfortable with being around them that before we know it, we will feel unable to be one minute without them. Too often, we women tend to allow ourselves to get distracted when we meet a man; we end up paying more attention to how good he looks and all the compliments he gives us than to what we really need to pay close attention to—what he’s really saying and how honest he’s being. That’s not good!!

Use Your Intuition

Our intuition is part of our natural gut instincts, so it can tell you a lot about the guy with whom you are sitting there and talking. If we just allow ourselves not to pay so much attention to our emotions, and not to give into our curiosity about knowing him sexually, then we can pay more attention to what our intuitions are really trying to tell us. When that guy walks up to you, start trying to use your intuition. Be confident, look him in the face, and watch his facial expressions closely. While you two are conversing, stay confident and observant (real men like a woman who knows her strength). Men will feel that your attention shows you are listening to their every word and that you do not play games. Listening to his approach and conversation will allow you to know his conversational skills and the reason for his interest in you. But also look at what type of conversation he’s having with you and what types of jokes he is making to get you to laugh. Remember that jokes and a conversation that is constantly sexual will most likely, nine times out of ten, lead only to the bedroom, and not to the type of relationship you are truly looking for as a decent female.

Also pay close attention to how he acts in public when he is by himself or with family and friends. The least little thing can alert you to his true nature and how he will treat you later. Now, sexual talk only proves that he may just be interested in sex or seeing whether you are open for just sex. I feel that asking him about the number of sexual partners or girlfriends he’s had is a helpful question because it allows you to determine somewhat how comfortable or loose he can be