Intimacy with God Will Cost You

By Carolyn J. Hargrove

In the world we live in, we have been taught to camouflage our pains, hurts and disappointments in order to "fit in." As a child we watched the adults around us hide their true feelings by burying issues and pretending that this was the proper way to deal with them. Unfortunately, this way stunts our growth in all areas of our lives-emotionally, mentally, financially and most importantly spiritually. Grief, sorrow and regret is usually the end result as we continue to live.

In Intimacy with God will cost you, the author shares her personal testimonyonthe process that God brought her through to become free and what it cost her to gain a closer covenant relationship with him.

Are you tired of pretending to be something that you're not? Are you tired of hiding behind that mask? Are you tired of carrying baggage that is hindering you from growing and fulfilling your God ordained purpose? If so, I encourage you to read on...Get ready to take that first step.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 3, 2007
• ISBN: 9781467813112

Carolyn J. Hargrove

Carolyn J. Hargrove, first time author and a member of City of Refuge Church in Gardena, California, under the spiritual leadership of Bishop Noel Jones.  She serves on the Music Ministry as well as the City of Refuge Sports Association (CORSA). Ms. Hargrove did her undergraduate studies in Psychology and received a degree in Nursing from Purdue University Calumet in Hammond, Indiana.  She has counselled both youth and adults in various settings. Ms. Hargrove is a divorced mother of one and resides in Lake Los Angeles, California with her son Jeremy.

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© 2007 Carolyn J. Hargrove. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 4/26/2007

ISBN: 978-1-4259-8514-1 (sc)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

To God be the Glory

Contents

PREFACE

CHAPTER 1

INTIMACY, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

CHAPTER 2

THE STATE OF THE UNION

CHAPTER 3

WHAT DOES YOUR MASK LOOK LIKE?

CHAPTER 4

UNMASKING SELF

CHAPTER 5

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO LOSE?

CHAPTER 6

HOW DESPERATE ARE YOU?

CHAPTER 7

A NEW THING

CLOSING PRAYER

FROM ME TO YOU

END NOTES

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

PREFACE

The birth of this book came during a time in my life when I felt God was pulling me to become one with him through intimacy. At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening to me or why I was feeling the way that I was. All I knew was that there was an aching deep down inside of me that I couldn’t possibly explain to anyone. No matter how hard I tried to come up with the right words to get family and friends to understand, I couldn’t.

I remember, just like it was yesterday in the summer of 2004 as I was speaking with my grandmother. I began sharing with her that this aching wasn’t something that I could go to the doctor about. I told her that as I examined my life thus far, I had not done anything for the Kingdom of God. As we continued to talk, she wanted to know what had brought this on. I really didn’t know how I got to this point, but one thing had stood out. There had been several deaths of family and friends. As I read their obituaries, I noticed that they had done nothing for God. It was as if their lives were wasted. This made me think: What would God, himself, say about me? It’s not important to me what people will say at the time of my death for, they can’t put me in heaven or in hell. It was important, very important, what God, my Heavenly Father, would say about his child.

There were times when I would sit and cry out to God asking why and what was this feeling. Even now, as I write this, I can feel the lump in my throat as God leads me to share with the world my personal experience of intimacy with him and what it has cost me. One thing I did know. I wanted this aching to stop. The only one who could make it stop was God himself. During this time, I wanted and needed to completely trust God for wisdom, discernment and a direction for my life. Where I was in my life, I wasn’t happy, and I knew that there had to be more than the life I was living.

There were times, during the writing of this book, when I felt so alone, times were dark, friends were few and family members were even fewer. They thought that I had lost my mind. My thoughts were God couldn’t possibly use me, but GOD! It was during those times that God would send me a Word through a sermon, a song or even through a friend. Through it all I had to encourage myself, stay in the Word of God and believe that he would do what he promised.

Determined to find out what God wanted me to do and how I could make an impact for the Kingdom of God, I began to surrender my all to him, calling on God to show me the way to do his will. It was no longer about me but, it was now about drawing closer to God and he drew closer to me.

This book was not written to give a step by step guide on how to become intimate with God. It was written for those of us who want a deeper and fulfilling relationship with God but are afraid to surrender. It was written to help others see that they are not alone in their struggle of wanting God’s will for their lives but unaware of what it would take for attaining it. My relationship with God is not the same as someone else’s relationship with him. A person’s relationship depends on where they are in God. There are some similar situations that we as Christians go through, but nothing is exactly the same. The reason for this is because God is the originator of everything, including life itself. Whether it costs someone more or less than what it cost me, the fact of the matter is, God expects and desires his children to become one with him through intimacy.

As you hear God speaking, surrender your life totally, don’t hold anything back. Allow His love, grace and mercy to cleanse you from the inside out. Spend quality time seeking God, reading his word for understanding and abiding in him. The more time you spend with God, the more you want to seek him, read his word and abide in him. As God becomes the core of your heart, your love for him will blossom into a deeper, fulfilling and more intimate relationship with him. It is in intimacy that God will reveal himself to you. God’s desire becomes your desire and once you taste and see, you’ll hunger and thirst after righteousness (Psalms 34:8, Matthew 5:6, KJV).

As you read this book, my prayer is for it to accomplish what God has purposed for it to do: to encourage; heal; deliver and set free, in the name of Jesus,

Amen.

CHAPTER 1

INTIMACY, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

Intimacy (in’temese’) being intimate; close acquaintance; closeness; very familiar; known very well.

If we think of intimacy the way that God has ordained it, we think of two people, married, of the opposite sex, spending quality time alone, without kids present. During this time of intimacy, it is not the time to discuss the kids, bills, or work related issues. All excess baggage is dropped off at the door. It is the time, however, that you have been longing for. Time to bond with that special person God has given you. Time to embrace every moment without being disturbed. As you open up your hearts to each other, your innermost thoughts are being revealed as you spend countless hours together. Focus on giving of self, unselfishly, as you provide an atmosphere where ideas and feelings can be shared about your goals, your dreams and possibly your future. It is here that an exchange takes place and the two become one in mind, body and spirit.

If you are presently single, all is not lost. You too can have this same intimate relationship … but with God. If you recall, before Adam was given Eve, he too was single and had an intimate relationship with God. It all begins with God, for he is the initiator of everything. He spent time alone with Adam, in the garden, in the cool of the day. This was God’s and Adam’s time to commune with one another, sharing thoughts and ideas.

As we read and study the scriptures, God created us to praise, worship and to become intimate with him. He is our God and we are his people. Like men and women before us, God wants and expects us to spend quality time alone with him. This is when we find out who God is. Moses spent intimate time with God on several occasions.

And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount. And the glory of the Lord abode upon mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud. And the sight of the glory of the Lord was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel. And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.

Ex.24:15-18 (KJV)

And he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread , nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.

Ex. 34:28 (KJV)

Moses was on the mount, in very intimate communion with God, without interruption. He neither ate nor drank for forty days and forty nights. Being in communion with God for that length of time, shows the importance of intimacy for us today. We get weary during our own prayer time if we think we have gone past fifteen minutes. That’s why so many of us are defeated and don’t get answers to our prayers. We kneel before God with a list of what we want; who we want him to fix– and what we want. No communion has taken place. Communion is defined as: sharing of thoughts or feelings; intimate talk; or spiritual fellowship. That means that you’re not doing all the talking. Does this describe your prayer life?

We live in a world where everything has been invented to produce quick results without the wait. They sell microwaves that can cook a gourmet dinner in a matter of minutes. Our phones have gone from rotary to one touch dialing. Our computers are so advanced you can now copy, fax, scan and print all on one machine. You no longer need four machines to get the job done.

Even our cars now give us directions from point A to point B. They tell us when we need gas; when our tires are low and when it’s time for maintenance. Some cars are equipped to signal the dealer, for them to call you, to schedule your oil changes. Convenience. That’s the name of the game. With all this new technology, it is hard for one not to get caught up in the fast pace we live in. We have become impatient. Our attitude is–If I have to wait, I’ll go somewhere else. This type of attitude has spilled over into our spiritual lives, causing us to be impatient with God and wanting God to make things in our lives convenient. Some of us don’t mind having trials and tribulations but we would rather for it to come at