The Treasure of Toys: Tips and Tools for Connecting With Children

By Mary Morgan

The Treasure of Toys is about the power of play,
the gift of games, and the importance of connection. In it,
Mary Morgan, a family play therapist for over 40 years, draws
on her experience helping children develop, learn, heal, and
grow. Featuring examples from her own personal past and
stories of children she has worked with, Mary offers tools,
tips, and advice for connecting with little ones in our lives.
This is a book for parents, therapists, or anyone who wants
to learn more about children—how they develop and how to
best help them as they grow. Inside are ideas for games to
play with your family, suggestions on ways to ease through
tough times, and insights you can use to become better at
play. Because no matter how old you are, or where you're at
in life, play is something we all need.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543941760

Mary Morgan

Mary Morgan was born and raised in Great Britain but has lived in Seattle, Washington, since the 1970s with her husband and three children. Originally trained as a nurse and midwife, Morgan has also tried various other jobs, including that of flight attendant, antique dealer, and hotel manager. She has published numerous short stories and novels, including The House at the Edge of the Jungle, a tale of an Englishwoman's search for her past during World War II in the Far East.

Book preview

The Treasure of Toys

Mary Morgan

The Treasure of Toys:

Tips and Tools for Connecting With Children

Print ISBN: 978-1-54394-175-3

eBook ISBN: 978-1-54394-176-0

© 2018. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Why Play?

Children Remember

Tea Parties

Vlad the Pirate

Paper and Markers

A Monket Named Mattie

My Friend Timmy

We All Fall Down

Claire's Song

Board Games

Pieces of the Puzzle

The Most Important Lesson of All

Appendix

Play-In-A-Box

Acknowledgements

Introduction

This is a book about the power of play, the treasure of toys, and the gift of games; all of which have been instrumental in my life.

As a licensed marriage family therapist and a registered play therapist specializing in family and children, I imagine this comes as no surprise.

Had you asked me a year ago, Mary, why did you become a play therapist? I’d have told you a story about a little boy in a domestic violence shelter and his transformation. I witnessed, through the power of play, that child change from trapped, scared, and unreachable to trusting, calm, and liberated. All through play.

However, that was before.

While it’s true, the title of this book comes from my experience those years ago in that shelter, the process of writing this book has changed my answer.

I set out writing this book with the goal of helping more people. While the rewards of working face-to-face with individuals and families to become more connected and whole are very tangible and real, they are limited by both my time and space. The book you hold in your hands gives me the chance to help many, many more people.

In the chapters that follow you’ll find stories of people I’ve met and helped. The names have been changed to protect their identity. You’ll also find some chapters are devoted to the toys and games I’ve used to do that helping. These pages also contain stories from my own childhood. Perhaps it’s this personal touch which led me to change my answer about why I became a play therapist…

Because, now I see that play and toys have been with me. Always. Long before helping others became my focus, these tools taught me to help myself.

It is my hope that reading these pages helps you (re)discover the power of play, the treasure of toys, and the gift of games.

Why Play?

Play is important. No matter the age. No matter the person. And it’s good for you.

I figured the best place to start a book about the power of play, the treasure of toys, and the gift of games is by highlighting some of the amazing benefits play has to offer. Now, as a play therapist, I’ll be the first to admit - I’m partial. I believe all of us could use a bit more play in our lives. Here’s why…

- Play brings people together. It offers you a chance to share your time and space with others.

- Play creates lasting memories. The more emotion there is surrounding a specific memory, the easier time you have recalling it. The more you laugh and enjoy - the more potent the memories you make.

- Play is mental exercise. Often, playing games is the low-stakes gym where you get to build and strengthen your problem solving, cognitive muscles.

- Play invites you to appreciate and enjoy life. It gives you an opportunity to reconnect with the simple pleasure of the world. Whether you’re the one laughing, giggling, or screaming in delight, or it’s the children around you - play is good for the soul.

- Play reduces stress. The release of endorphins you get from playing combats anxiety while at the same time stimulating your body and mind.

- Play keeps you feeling young. Not only does it tap into patterns and behaviors from your own childhood but it also improves your memory.

- Play makes you smarter. It triggers the secretion of brain-derived neurotropic factor (BDNF), a key ingredient in the healthy growth of your brain cells.

- Play sharpens your social skills. Interacting with others is how you hone your emotional intelligence and relational abilities. It’s also how you learn group dynamics.

- Play nourishes your imagination. It sets aside time and space to encourage your innate creativity. So much of day-to-day adult life is rote. Play allows you to step out of all your repetition and engage different brain functions.

And these are just the benefits for adults…

If it’s children you want to talk about, well then that’s what the rest of this book is for.

In the following chapters you’ll see, first hand, the transformative, life changing power of play.

From basic cognitive development to emotional regulation to overcoming trauma to connecting and building trusting relationships - toys are our treasures. Regardless of age.

Before we go any further there’s some basic neuroscience and early child development I’d like to address. This way, when these concepts come up later, you won’t feel lost ofrleft behind. Don’t be scared. I promise the science isn’t too hard.

***

Quick and Easy Science of Therapy

The reason play therapy, or any other kind of therapy, works has to do with the way your brain is wired. You have what’s called mirror neurons. These are parts of your brain that light up, or fire whenever you see someone else doing something. If you stop reading this, look around, and see someone yawning - the neurons in your own brain related to yawning will fire.

(This is part of the reason why both laughter and yawns are said to be contagious).

You are literally designed to recognize and synchronize with what’s going on around you.

Your brain also has the capacity to change over time. This is referred to as neuroplasticity. It means you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks. These new tricks are learned through modeling.

Modeling is how you learn behavioral patterns. Monkey see. Monkey do. And after enough seeing and doing, there is a gradual becoming.

So, because your brain isn’t set in stone (neuroplasticity), and you’re wired to copy behaviors you observe (mirror neurons), by spending time with professionals (therapists), who act in emotionally healthy ways (modeling), you’re able to learn and grow.

In a nutshell - there are bits of your brain which allow you to learn behaviors from other people and with practice, make them your own.

Stages of Play

There are three main stages a child goes through as they learn to play.

1) Individual Play - The first stage is self-focused. Most children occupy this stage of play from birth until around 2 years old. The child doesn’t have much interest in interacting with others as they are just learning the functions of their own fine motor and verbal skills.

2) Parallel Play - This stage of play is when a child begins sharing space and toys with others but doesn’t play with them. It’s more next to or alongside them. Hence the name. This stage usually lasts until about age four. Coloring is a good example of Parallel Play. Everyone is using the same materials and doing the same thing, but they’re each making their own art.

3) Collaborative Play - This is the final stage of play. It’s when children begin to truly interact and co-create with others. Team sports, board games, cooking, playing imaginary games, etc. are all example of Collaborative Play. Self-regulation (turn-taking and patience), verbal skills (using words to communicate), and social roles (teamwork) all come into play. ( I couldn’t resist…)

Types of Play

Not all play is the same.

Not only are certain types of play appropriate for certain stages and ages (which is why board games come with age recommendations), but each person has their own individual preferences.

1) Physical Play - If it involves moving the body, it’s Physical Play. This could be spinning around in circles and getting dizzy. It could be playing tag, Hide and Seek,