The Truth About Me

By Gretchen Vanessa Morales

There was a time in my life, when I didn't want to live anymore. I was very depress and thought that no matter what I did; I was never good enough.This book is about my life and things I went through at a young age. I was mentally, physically, emotionally and sexualy abused. I grew up feeling very insecure and blaming myself for everything that happened. In 2006, I was all over the news as a missing person. I am ashamed of it and sadden by it to the fullest, but thanks to that; I am who I am today. It open my eyes and it made me realize, how precious life really is. I want to share my story with the world and hope that I can be an inspiration to those that have been in my same situation or similar. I am here to tell you that you are indeed valuable and special.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 25, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477225455

Gretchen Vanessa Morales

Gretchen Vanessa Morales was born in Arecibo, Puerto Rico and raised in Fort. Lauderdale Florida at a very young age. She is a local musician from Orlando Florida and also is in music theater. She's been singing since the age of 5 and writing music since the age of 17. Music is her life; a form of inspiration. But at the age of 18, her life took a tragic turn when her life was suddenly taken away from her, but through the grace of god, she was given another chance and is here today to share her story with you. She very much enjoys performing, but loves spending time with her three children; two boys and one girl. She hopes to someday move to Colorado Springs Colorado and live up in the rocky mountains.

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© 2012 by Gretchen Vanessa Morales. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/19/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2544-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2547-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2545-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012911285

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Edited by: Gretchen Vanessa Morales

Co- Edited by: Schazzam Nick Cornelius

Contents

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1 Life growing up!

Chapter 2 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder The Black Shadow

Chapter 3: Biography

Chapter 4 Living In Regret

Chapter 5 My Dis-functional Relationship

Chapter 6 My Disappearance

Chapter 7 The Media

Chapter 8 My Dis-functional Relationship

Chapter 9 Moving To Dallas

Chapter 10 Finally Letting Go

Chapter 11 My First True Love

Chapter 12 My Life Today

Special Thanks

DEDICATION

I want to dedicate this book to all those who have been in my shoes and at some point felt like there was no hope, no way out.

My heart goes out to all those who have been, and still are being mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused.

My heart goes out to each and every one of you. But have faith, there is hope. Be strong. Love yourself, believe and stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone take something so precious from you, because precious is you.

This book is dedicated to all the beautiful children in the world, to all the single parents trying to make it out there on their own; specially the single parents out there trying to do what’s best for their children and at some point had to do what they had to do to survive and provide. Don’t ever feel like you’re less than anybody else and don’t ever let anybody make you feel that way.

Remember, precious is you. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

INTRODUCTION

People often say that god has plans for each and everyone of us.

That we all have a mission here on earth. Coming from such a violent past; I never really knew what my mission here on earth was.

At the age of eighteen, my life was taken away, and through the grace of god; I woke up. And even back then, I couldn’t figure out why I was still here on earth. Why I was still suffering and going through the things that I was going through. That’s when it all hit me. Here’s where I’m supposed to be, writing about my story and sharing it with you. I guess when they say, things happened for a reason, maybe is because it’s true.

If it wasn’t for the things I went through, I probably wouldn’t be here today, writing about it. I come from a very negative background and often had people judge me and make their own assumptions about me. But I’m here to say that unless you’ve been in my shoes; you will never know what it’s like. I hope that my book touches your heart and bring some light in to your life, the way it did mine. If you have someone that you love, tell them every chance you get, because tomorrow may never come.

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CHAPTER 1

Life growing up!

At the age of five I became an adult. My mother left my dad when I was 5 years old. All I can remember that day was my father saying to her, please take care of my little girl. Ever since then, my life changed forever. I remember getting in the car, looking at my father and my two little brother’s and for some reason, I just couldn’t get my eyes off of him and he couldn’t get his eyes off of mine. As the car drove off, I just kept looking and looking at my dad and my two brothers, my youngest brother was only 2 years old and they were both standing very close to him waving goodbye at me with a sad look on their face. I kept looking at them till I couldn’t see them anymore. I remember putting my head down so confused and slowly looking over to the man my mother was with, the man I called, The Mad Man. He looked back at me with a smile and said to me, I’m your father now, call me daddy. I remember saying, okay and barely gave him a smile out of fear. I don’t know why, but he gave me goose bumps just looking at him. I couldn’t figure out why my mother was with a man I had never seen before. As I got older I came to find out that she had just met him, and not long after that she left my dad and two little brothers behind to live a life with that man, The Mad man, if you could call it a life. it was more like a nightmare, a horror movie. Those were the worst days of our lives; my life. My mother would go to work and he would call me over to the bed to lay next to him. He would take my hand and put it on his private parts. Gosh I was so, so confused, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel especially after he put his hands on my private area. It went on for so, so long that at one point, I was getting up on my own after my mother went to work, went on to his bed, lay next to him and just waited for him to ask me to touch him, there. I was beginning to think that it was okay and normal to do that. At the same time, I felt so scared, so horrible and so, so confused. At one point I asked my mother not to go to work, to please stay with me. She asked me if there was a problem or a reason why I wanted her to stay but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t tell her why, I was to scared. I would always remember him telling me, don’t ever tell your mother because if you do, she’s going to be very mad at you, meaning me. Huh! Mad at me?! That confused me and scared me even more. I really did believe that she was going to get mad at me and well, I never said anything. I kept it all inside for so long, for as long as I could. I remember one night; the three of us were sitting on the couch real close to each other;I was sitting in the middle of them; my stepfather (the mad man), my mother and myself. At one point he looked at me and said out loud, tell your mom that when she goes to work tomorrow, you and I are going to . . . he whispered in my ear the word (f#*) I just started crying, crying so much. I couldn’t stop. I remember him telling me, but tell her, tell her, don’t be afraid. I just shook my head no. She looked at me and all she said was, what, what baby what did he say? but she had a smile on her face when she was asking me that, I mean, she didn’t look upset or concerned about what he had whispered in my ear or what we were going to do when she went to work. I didn’t give it to much thought as to why she reacted like that but now that I’m an adult and have three beautiful children and one of them being a little girl, I would freak out upset if someone whispers in her ear and make her cry like that, I would definitely want to know what it is they are going to do when I go to work. I would definitely NOT have a smile on my face after that. Now I often wonder if she knew what was going on and didn’t say or do anything about it. My heart tells me she did know and never said anything. Maybe she didn’t want to be alone and decided to go along with anything and everything. He use to hit her so bad, and cheat on her with other women, but she just stayed there and took it over and over again. He even tried to kill her one morning while I was in school. I came home and her face was all swollen and bruised. I asked her what happened and she told me how he took her to a lake, pulled out a knife and tried to kill her, but he didn’t, he just beat her instead. After that she still stayed with him. I couldn’t concentrate in school. I was always wondering if my mother was okay or being abused, beaten, or if she was going to be alive when I got home. I would always ask my mother to leave him. I would cry and beg her to please listen but she wouldn’t, it almost looked like she didn’t mind living that life, that nightmare. At times she would look tired of him beating her but she stayed no matter what he did. One night she came home from work. I was sitting on the couch asleep but then I woke up to the sounds of screaming and loud talking. I was so afraid to open my eyes but did open them enough to see what was happening, and saw him hit her really hard. What really shock me was what she did next… I saw her walk over to me, and started pulling my hair, hitting me really hard and saying to me, you see, you stupid b#@*h, he hit me because of you. I started crying hoping she would stop, and that’s when the mad man (my stepfather) screamed at her and told her to stop hitting that little girl, he said. My mother didn’t really show me love and affection; she was always