Begin Again

By Sherry D. Bailey

Begin Again is about the adventures of a young newly-wed couple whose life is drastically interrupted by a silent a killer. It chronicles the aftermath as our 25 year-old heroine copes with sudden single-hood and parenting alone. Begin Again sets the stage for you to apply anecdotes and strategies to push your way to victory despite the dissenting odds. You will be overcome with emotion as you cheer on our heroine to achieve a triumphant life through transformation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 26, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456797737

Sherry D. Bailey

Sherry D. Bailey is outgoing woman with a tenacious spirit. She enjoys writing, dancing and designing homes. She views her life as an open book so that others can gain strength. In her spare time, she works a substitute teacher. Her most precious gifts are her three sons, and one grandson. She holds a bachelor’s and associate’s degree and is pursuing her master’s degree. Sherry is a journalist, businesswoman and licensed ordained minister. She resides in Austin, Texas.

Book preview

Contents

Dedication

Preface

1

FLASHBACK 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

FLASHBACK 2

12

13

FLASHBACK 3

14

15

16

FLASHBACK 4

17

18

19

20

FLASHBACK 5

21

22

23

24

25

FLASHBACK 6

26

27

FLASHBACK 7

28

29

FLASHBACK 8

30

Epilogue

Dedication

To the love that I lost, my dearly devoted husband, Stuart Douglas Allen

September 28, 1960

to

June 14, 1988

Preface

How does one bounce back after experiencing the death of a loved one? Not just any loved one, but your soul mate. How does one rebound from losing the love of your life? How does one bounce back from the one you hold dear; the one that keeps everything together? Anyone will admit that it is devastating and extremely difficult to do. This book reveals how I survived the loss of my husband; coped with the tragedy of abandonment and abuse while conquering my fears. This book’s ambition is to help you to overcome any obstacle you are faced with and be victorious in the trial.

First, of all you must know that no matter what you are going through God has your back. And when you keep Him in clear focus, communing with HIM will get you through. My story is not a pretty picture. It is not glamorous. It is the cold, hard truth of what my life was like at the age of 24 with two small boys to rear alone. My sweet, vulnerable and impressionable little sons lost their father to coronary artery disease. Their father, Stuart Douglas Allen was 27 years old when his life was cut short. My prayer is that when you read this book it will give you a new sense of hope, inspiration and dedication to God. I want you to know that your life is not over. No matter what you are faced with; God can guide you to rediscover your purpose in the midst of your crisis. You should know that God will reveal your purpose in His perfect timing. But it is up to you to embrace it, nurture it and live it out.

In retrospect, you will discover that nothing happens by accident. It is all a part of the Master’s divine design. As you journey through the pages of my life beware; it does contain some unwholesome language and events. It is the reeducation, the renewal and the restoration of a woman who dared to fulfill her God ordained purpose. I invite you to share my adventure, my pain, and my triumph of surviving a tumultuous life with God right by my side.

1

Now What?

June 14, 1988          Tuesday

I’m sorry to inform you, Mrs. Allen, but your husband is deceased. And we don’t know how he died. Shrieks, screams and yells of disbelief fill the room as I clutch my 3 year-old son, Jaime; and my 7 year-old son, Wilbert. The paramedics; the chaplain; the firefighters and attending physician surround me. They exit with the exception of the chaplain and the physician. The chaplain is left behind to comfort my family. A multitude of questions take over: who is going to tell his mother? Is he really dead? Is this really happening? These questions and more infiltrate my mind. Immediately my mind rushes to the thought, I need to see him. Then I hear the physician and chaplain say, Mrs. Allen we need you to identify his body. So they escort me to another room. The boys stay behind with Kim; my 16 year-old cousin from Austin who has come to babysit for the Summer. The physician and the chaplain accompany me. It is a very cold, white and sterile room. The smell of antiseptic fills the room. And it was deafening quiet. Stuart was lying on the gurney. As I walked over to him I could see that rigid mortis had already set in. His eyes were wide open. But he was not there. His spirit was gone. Those same eyes that sparkled each time he would look at me were now opaque, dull and glossy. His shirt had been ripped down the front exposing his chest. That same rugged and masculine chest I used to lay my head on for comfort and security was now cold and hard. Before Stuart’s skin was golden bronze and glistened in the sun. Now this darker pigmentation I was viewing looked like that of an imposter. This could not be my Stuart. He looked like he had been over exposed to the sun. My face fell down on his chest as I screamed in disbelief, No you can’t leave me! You can’t leave me! What am I going to do? I screamed in shock and horror. This could not be happening. The devastation was too much. I screamed again, Stuart, please don’t leave me, Please don’t leave me! But it was too late. He was gone. Both men pulled me away to comfort me. They told me to try to keep it together for my boy’s sake. As I walked out of the room to comfort my boys, I thought, what am I going to do now. The chaplain and physician escorted me back to the emergency room. As I walked inside and sat down Wilbert walked up to me and said, Mom it’s going to be okay. Even though it is only going to be three people in our family now, we are going to be alright. Imagine a 7 year-old boy exclaiming this revelation! Oh, My God! Then he said, Mom, I think someone should call the store and let them know that Daddy won’t be coming back. I can’t think. Everything is happening too fast. It is as if my life was passing right before me. Suddenly deep inside of me I hear the Spirit of God saying, it is not the end; it is just the beginning. You can begin again. But am I listening? Of course not. I just got the shock of my life. Do you think I can hear anyone right now? I feel like I am stuck in a bottomless pit soaring downward; seemingly never to rise again. Is the Master standing by? Who is going to comfort Sherry now? She is alone. There is no one waiting for her at home. She is left to sort through everything alone. There is no time to grieve her loss. She has to plan a memorial service, arrange a funeral, call her mother-in-law to inform her that she will never see her son alive again; and to take care of two small boys; a 16-year old niece and a big family to deal with. Where does she start?

Nevertheless I did it. Don’t’ ask me how—but I did. The hospital contacted a local mortuary in Houston without my permission to pick up Stuart’s body. I contacted Fuller Sheffield Funeral Home in Austin about transporting Stuart’s body back home. I called Liz; my mother-in-law to inform her of the tragedy while the chaplain was there to coach me through it. The chaplain told me not to use the word dead when speaking with Liz, but she pressed me and said she wasn’t going to come to Houston until I told her what was wrong. Finally, I said, there has been an terrible accident and you need to get here right away. She asked, is Stuart okay? I said, no. And she asked, is he dead? I said yes. At that point I heard the phone fall to the floor. Her husband, Charles came to the phone and I tried to explain briefly what happened.

Before I could leave the hospital a young woman handed me Stuart’s clothes in a white plastic bag. Then she shoved a piece of paper in my hand for me to sign. The last thing I remember was this woman handing me Stuart’s wedding ring. I placed in on my gold necklace so that I could keep it close to my heart at all times. As I reached the room to retrieve Kim and my two sons I became physically numb and told myself, I got to be strong and keep it together for my boys’ sake.

Within an hour Liz and Pam (Stuart’s sister) were on a plane to Houston. I picked them up at Hobby Airport shortly after leaving the hospital. After embracing them we arrived at my home and I began making phone calls to arrange a memorial service in Houston and a funeral in Austin. Employees from Stuart’s store (The Wild Pair Shoe Store) kept calling while I was on the phone trying to make arrangements. I had to answer call after call. I cannot tell you how many times I had to say, Stuart has passed away. I am still in shock myself and here I am trying to comfort people over the phone. In three days I will have a memorial service in my home; and the funeral in four days in Austin. Father’s Day is Sunday and my 25th birthday is in two days.

I stopped for a moment and thought God must be really mad at me. What did I do to deserve this? I do not have time to think about myself. I have to create and type the funeral program. I have to go to Austin and pick out a casket. I have to go pick out a monument. I have to sign off on his insurance papers