Superwoman: Her Sell By Date Has Expired!: Time to show Little Miss Perfect the door
By Jane Kenyon
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About this ebook
She is what happens when we buy into the modern myth of ‘having it all’ and she has to go!
She empowers us to stay small; shop for things we don’t need; obsess over eternal youth and multi task within an inch of emotional exhaustion on a daily basis.
Jane has spent the past 10 years empowering and inspiring thousands of women to step up and shine through her aspirational brand The Well Heeled Divas and has seen far too many Superwomen in meltdown!
There is a better place to live. One where your authentic soul is nurtured, your vulnerability is nourished and you are allowed to be you. Controlling everything does not give you power, it gives you a blinding headache! We need to learn to let go, say no, accept help, stop controlling everything, recognise the power of vulnerability and stop beating ourselves up for failing to hit perfect 24/7.
This book uncovers how Superwoman is showing up in our professional life, our businesses, our marriages, in our role as mothers, in our attraction strategy and in our identity. It is a call out to women everywhere to be kinder to ourselves and each other and to reclaim our feminine power.
Jane Kenyon
Jane Kenyon is the author of Otherwise: New and Selected Poems and A Hundred White Daffodils. She lived with her husband, Donald Hall, in Wilmot, New Hampshire, until her death in 1995.
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Book preview
Superwoman - Jane Kenyon
SUPERWOMAN
SUPERWOMAN
– HER SELL
BY DATE HAS
EXPIRED!
TIME TO SHOW
LITTLE MISS
PERFECT THE DOOR
by
Jane Kenyon
First published in Great Britain by Practical Inspiration Publishing, 2014
© Jane Kenyon 2014
Cover and illustrations by Emily Harvey
www.eharvey.co.uk
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted.
ISBN (print): 978-1-910056-20-2
ISBN (ebook): 978-1-910056-21-9
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
dedication
To all the women who have stepped up and become Well Heeled Divas since we launched in 2007. You have inspired me in so many ways and opened the door to my legacy. You rock!
contents
acknowledgements
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the hundreds of women past and present who have contributed to my awareness and action on this journey over the past 20 years, from the first depiction of Superwoman by Shirley Conran in 1978 to the latest writing on embracing our vulnerability by Brene Brown in 2010.
The following women and their work have had a profound influence on my passion and life purpose: Oprah, Marianne Williamson, Germaine Greer, Caitlin Moran, Natasha Walter, Louise L. Hay and Eve Ensler.
I honour all the women who have stepped up with courage and confidence to ‘have it all’ on their own terms and I continue to be inspired by all the female pioneers making it possible for our daughters to truly believe they can be, do and have anything they so desire, on their terms, in their female energy, NOW!
Thanks also to Alison Jones, Emily Harvey, Louise Wood, Holly Kenyon and my number one fan, Tony Davies.
And finally I salute all the superwomen brave enough to dump the cape and the badge for a more authentic life.
preface
As I begin this book I would like to pay tribute to all the other women who have written about superwoman over the years. She is not a new phenomenon, but she is definitely past her sell by date and ready for extinction. She may have been needed and the perfect model in the 70s and 80s but today she is old school, tired, over-reliant on male energy and not fit for purpose.
However, I also know she will not disappear in a puff of smoke just because you say ‘superwoman must die’ three times whilst clicking your red stilettos together and closing your eyes! We have come to see the Little Miss Perfect cape as a badge of honour in the battle for so-called equality, for having it all. It’s been our armour in the fight against sexism and media exploitation. Letting her go demands courage and a leap of faith.
I get it and I understand the fear in letting her go, but let her go we must: she is sabotaging our right to be real, to be authentic, to be us. Aiming to be perfect at everything has become our drug of choice and it is destroying our authenticity and messing with our mojo!
Ripping off the Miss Invincible badge will take time and gumption but I know in doing so we will be empowered all over again, only this time the outcome will be sustainable because we will be presenting our authenticity to the world, as opposed to attempting to live up to someone else’s fake ideal.
All I ask is that you keep your heart and mind open as you come with me on a journey to say farewell to superwoman and the illusion of perfectionism, and recognise along the way you are already enough.
introduction
I know I am supposed to outline my reasons for writing this book here, but where to start?
How about this…
In conversation with my 28-year-old, high-flying bank relationship manager: ‘It’s unusual for me to get on with someone like you Jane, you know, a feminist. But you are not like those other feminists are you?’
What other feminists, I wondered.
‘You know, those women that hate men.’
My response was my classic: ‘Correct Karen, I love men, I just don’t want to be one and nor do I expect to be subservient to one.’
As I left and reflected on the exchange, at first I giggled then I was hit by a sense of sadness. All our pioneering, such progress, such sacrifices made in order for her to even have the opportunities she now has in a high street bank, and in the 21st century she still thinks we are all bra-burning, tub-thumping men haters (another name I have been called too). This was a humbling moment.
Or how about this…
In conversation with a 15-year-old girl who was excitedly telling me about her date with a 38-year-old man she had just met on Facebook: ‘Ahhh, Jane, he is so cool and looks after me so well, he has even agreed to pay for my boob job when I am 18.’
The statement that her boob job was somehow an entitlement upset me beyond measure even before I had time to digest the Facebook courtship or the age concern! Fortunately, I was in a mentoring relationship with this young girl at the time so I had many opportunities to help her reframe those views and build her selfesteem.
Or how about this…
A homemade banner I spotted on a roundabout on my way to a meeting in the seaside town of Blackpool: ‘Happy 30th Birthday Gran.’
Or how about this…
In conversation with a successful female entrepreneur, divorced with 2 kids: ‘Well, Jane, I do not need a man and to be honest I do not think it is fair to bring another man into my life until the children are at university and have left home.’
‘OK, so how old are your children?’
‘Josh is 4 and Olivia is 5.’
I took a deep breath. ‘So am I to accept that you are not allowed to have a relationship or be loved for at least the next 14 years???? What kind of a life model is that to pass on?’
Or how about this…
In conversation with a twenty-something female lawyer in a big firm in the UK on the subject of career advancement and children: ‘I think it is fair and reasonable that women should choose children or career, you cannot expect men to take you seriously if you want children as it always puts your career and their business second, and women with kids are so unreliable.’
Oh boy, where to start…
I know and believe there has never been a better time to be a woman. We are at the peak of our emotional development, we have more opportunities and choices open to us than ever before. The corporate world needs us more than ever, the feminisation of leadership is coming, entrepreneurship is becoming a serious option for many and if you believe all the projections, by 2020 women will control over 65% of all the personal wealth in this country.
But I feel as though we are losing the plot, we are not looking or listening. We are permanently exhausted from playing the superwoman game, we are buying into the media/commercial hype about the need to look younger and thinner, we are staying small and insignificant at work and in business for fear of being seen as too aggressive or male. Some of us have made a switch and accepted that to get on and up we have to behave like men, and we are now finding out that this does not work in our personal life. We are straitjacketed by the need to be perfect at everything – the best lover, the best domestic goddess, the best boss, the best wife, the best Mum at the school gate, the best neighbour, the best daughter, the best best friend – this is a master class in self-flagellation and we excel here too!
In essence we have fallen out of love with ourselves. We no longer seem to value the very things that make us female – emotions, intuition, passion, vulnerability. We focus our attention on others and what they expect from us, people-pleasing to excess, and then wonder why we are exhausted, confused and lost.
I have worked with hundreds, if not thousands of women over the past 10 years as a coach, trainer, speaker and mentor and no-one is more passionate about female empowerment than me, however, it is time to reflect and ask ourselves some serious questions: Can we have it all? What messages are we passing on to our children via our life choices? What does an acceptable work/life balance look like? Do we want househusbands? How does our obsession with looking good impact on our daughters’ self-esteem and body image? Is it OK to give birth at 16 or 65? Should we sacrifice our values and identity at work? Is it OK to show vulnerability sometimes?
This book represents my musings, my opinions and my views on the challenges facing 21st-century women. My conclusions are