I Know My Baby Is Still Alive

By Alexandria Abi-Nader

This book is based on a true event in my life, that is still unfolding as we speak.

This book is also, a compilation of my Diary, and many other notes that I have previously, and continue to write over the course of my ordeal. All I ask at this time, is that the reader “Please Excuse”, my story’s raw content.
Though I feel compelled by a higher power to write, “I still find it difficult to write while in the “MIDDLE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN”.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 27, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514432709

Alexandria Abi-Nader

My name is Alexandria Abi-Nader, I am a Christian, a mother, and a wife.

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Copyright © 2015 by Alexandria Abi-Nader.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

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Rev. date: 01/07/2021

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Dedication

First, and foremost, I want to give all of the glory to God, for carrying me this far. Secondly, I want to say thanks to my family, especially to my sister Carol who was, and is still in many ways my Spiritual Rock.

And thirdly, I want to give a very special thanks to my mother Emma who was/is my cheerleader throughout my situation, and has been an encouraging force throughout my entire life. I also want to acknowledge my other two sisters, Marlena, and Brenda, who helped me with some of my finances whenever they could.

I will never forget all of the prayer warriors who continually prayed for me during the worst of times, and who continue to pray for me to this day.. And last, but not least, I want to say that I feel truly blessed for having what I consider to be the best family anyone could ask for. My son Raymond has to be one of the strongest people in the world. He often cried, for, and with me, and was also a spiritual shoulder to lean on from time to time. Raymond was only a teen when my ordeal started, but he rarely let his pain show to anyone outside of the family. And to my husband Chad, though we often clash, at the end of the day, you are my soul mate, and a real trooper. And although, you were going through somewhat of a medical crisis yourself, you stuck with me, and you carried the tremendous financial burden that this lengthy event has placed upon us all.

Also, I just have to mention my prayer warrior friend Bernitta of 20 years. I did not want to burden her with my ordeal because she had just lost her husband, and she also, had her hands full supporting her son’s new ministry, therefore, I just recently told her about my situation. Anyway, I want it to be known that she played a big part in helping me to be where I am spiritually today.

In conclusion, I will say that though I am still heavily burdened, I am comforted in knowing that, Though I may walk through the shadow of the valley of death, the Lord is still with me.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter One

Chapter Two

(note to self): Chapter Three

(note to self): Chapter Four

note to self: Chapter Five

(note to self): Chapter Six

(note to self): Chapter Seven

(note to self): Chapter Eight

(note to self): Chapter Nine

(note to self): Chapter Ten

(note to self): Chapter Eleven

(note to self): Chapter Twelve

(note to self): Chapter Thirteen

Chapters Fourteen - END, Some recaps

Final Chapter

Foreword

The author is a close relative, and confidant of mine. I’ve known her all my life. And over decades we have faithfully supported each other emotionally, and spiritually.

I know her to be a kind-hearted person, who is very devoted to her family, and friends. She is also a diligent seeker of knowledge and truth. One could also describe her as a humanitarian, and a staunch proponent for life. I know first hand of the Roller coaster ride that she has endured while seeking answers to her dilemma, which has lasted for quite a while now.

I have personally been a witness to her up’s and down’s. I have also, witnessed the succession of heartbreaking events that she has constantly suffered, while being shrouded with the disappointment of one prognosis of uncertainty after another.

Also, I know so well of how these events have left her feeling betrayed by those in the medical field. But still somehow, she seems to find the strength to press on.

As her relative, I wish nothing but the best for her. As her spiritual partner, I hope, and pray for her to be healthy, and to live a long life. It is also, my hope that she will be able to get the proper attention required for her benefit. And as always, I will continue to pray for her.

Carol

A LETTER TO MY (BABY)

My dear sweet one, it is with every fiber of my being that I write this letter to you, about how I loved you from the 1st time I felt you move inside me.

I also, want you to know that I fought for you. And, that I tried everything humanly possible to let them know about you, and that you were not just in my mind.

Sweet pea, you are my Sunshine, and I, with every being of my existence, prayed for you, ate healthy for you, talked to you, played with you, and tried to make you believe what every baby in the womb should feel, that the womb is the safest place on earth.

Though I can still feel your kick as I write this letter, I am coming to the realization that you can not survive inside me forever, and that something has to change.

At first it seemed as though you were getting weaker, and I feared that I would survive without you. But as time goes on, by some miracle, you have adjusted to your existence, and it is my health that’s in question.

I guess my failing health is due to my age, and my inability to get medical attention as a pregnant person.

Unfortunately, my darling, it seems that I am getting weaker, and getting sicker by the day, not to mention the tremendous mental strain I am under. Anyway, my love, all I can do is thank God for the time he has given me with you, as bitter sweet as it is.

These days, I feel that I have only enough strength for a minimal existence, and I can not bare the thought of you not making it. My only wish is to see your face, hear you cry, and for you to be well.

May the Lord have mercy on us both, if not, remember;

I’ll always love you, Mommy

Disclaimer

This story is true. This true story depicts a series of real events that actually happened to a real person.

The names, places, and some of the dates have been changed, and or altered for reasons of privacy. Some of the author’s diary notes included in this story were edited for grammar etc., while others couldn’t be.

Also, while minimal editing was done in order to make this story more legible, the lack of complete editing was primarily to preserve the original content of the author’s notes, and her real life situation.

Moreover, due to the nature of how some of the information for the story was collected, this story does contain grammatical errors. For which we apologize.

Consequently, since most of this story is from the author’s original notes, and was written at the actual time the author was going

through a catastrophic event, the story may contain contents which might be considered traumatic to some..

Introduction

Sometimes I wonder if insanity is just something we are all born with. Something that just sits around dormant inside of us all, just waiting for the perfect time, to go Boo Gotcha

Well, whatever is true, I decided to record my situation in writing. At first I just started writing whenever I had the strength. I guess what I mean is that my circumstance is just so emotionally draining that, I never made a real effort to write at any specific time, or on anything specific. I just wrote on whatever was in front of me, whenever, and however I could. I wrote on everything from napkins, to on the back of used envelopes, or anything that was available with a blank space. Then after having bags of an unorganized paper mess, I finally decided to put it all in Diary form….. But I still only wrote whenever I could muster up the strength. I just write down how I am feeling at the time, with barely time for a thought process. And ……good grammar….. could not even be remotely considered. (which is just a little note to my mom who was an educator). Anyway, I strongly believe that it is essential to make my story available for all to see, just in case I am so ill I can not remember what is taking place. I want to record what is happening to me while I am still around to tell it. I know it sounds tragic, and it is. It is also, extremely difficult to write about my situation as I am going through it. But I feel compelled by a higher power to tell what is happening to me. And if I survive this situation without a straight jacket, it will be nothing short of a miracle. My Name is Alexandria Abi-Nader, and ………Dear Diary: This is my story……..

Chapter One

(note to self): (Years: 1962 - 1978) Growing up to be me

My name is Alexandria Abi-Nader, I was born Alexandria Yvonne Rodman to Isaiah and Emma May Rodman. I am the oldest girl of (7) siblings, and this is my story:

Imagine this story as I re-call/re-write it in my diary.

Also, imagine my having to recall this story while simultaneously going through one of the most traumatic times of my life.

Anyway, it even happened in the United States of America, not in some remote part of the world.

It happened to me, an average person, living in the one of the most sophisticated, and medically sound places on earth.

Anyway, my only hope is that my story will be an inspiration to someone going through a tramatic time.

Consequently, as you go through this event with me, I hope that you will keep in mind that if it happedned to me, it could happen to anyone.

I was just an average person before this event, living an average life, with a husband and teen aged son.

Before this event happened to me, I thought just being a mother of a teen was tough.

But little did I know, a series of events would take place in my life that would make being a first time mother of a teen-ager look like a walk in the park.

At first I was afraid to document my story, because it seems so unbelievable.

I thought, What if all of the hospitals, and doctors that were involved in my situation, were to read my story, and rise up against me.

This self incriminating documentation could back fire

Well, anyway, I believe that God wants me to document my ordeal, and I am relieved to let it be known, that as I write,

I feel safe in knowing that I have an extensive paper trail of my events.

I also, have an array of documentation, which includes; hospital visits, tests taken, procedures in detail, and hospital correspondence.

Moreover, I have been documenting my experience on everything from paper napkins, to on the palms of my hands when necessary.

Needless to say, there is so much to tell. So much has happened to me that can not be logically explained.

Consequentially, when I first had a feeling that I had conceived, some how, I just knew that something about this time would be different.

Anyway, before anyone can begin to understand how I ended up in the situation that I am in, it’s necessary to present the big picture. The who, the why, and How of it.

I would like the reader to walk with me through this story, and see where I came from, how I was raised, and how the era I grew up in was the driving force behind who I am today.

And, hopefully my story will give the reader insight into my tragedy, journey, and my ultimate walk of Faith.

Anyway, like most of us, I am definitely a product of my upbringing.

And without bragging, I guess you can say that my DNA pool was a darn good one.

My parents were talented people who weren’t wealthy by any means,

but they were real nice people. They were people who never cussed, and for the most part they never even raised their voices at us kids. (now that’s unusual)

My mom was a stay home mom until my youngest sister started school, then about one year later, my mom, became an educator at our elementary school.

My mom was one of the most organized parents in the world. She read as many books as she could get her hands on in the Library on child rearing.

Doctor Spock, who was a very popular child care doctor, and author of the 1960’s and 70’s, was one of my mom’s favorite Children’s doctors.

My mom was so much into quality childcare, that she even invented her own style of child rearing techniques.

If I could just remember some of them, my butler would be writing these notes instead of me.

Oh well, anyway, mom was also, a Pro at keeping all of her (7) kids safe, and secure.

We were the only kids in the entire community that had weekly fire drills. Yep, you heard it right, (weekly fire drills at home).

Once per week, my mom, like clockwork yelled, in a medium volume, Fire drill.

And believe it or not, after a while, we kids were all well trained on what to do. The older kids were in charge of making sure the younger ones were out of the house, and so on and so forth.

And once we were out of the house, we were all to meet at a designated spot. (At the time I thought that this was the most embarassing thing our mom could do to us).

Now looking back at it, I think that what she did was not only smart, but kind of cool.

Again, this was a time when most people had at least 4 children on average. We personally knew some people who had ten (10) or more children.

With all of the children being born from the same woman.

People didn’t have a lot of frills in those days, but some how there was always food to eat, and you were rarely short of kids if you wanted to put together a ball team.

OK, OUR FAMILY WAS CONSIDERED TO BE A LITTLE WIERD........

because my mom was an extremist when it came down to education. And she had a Motto...that she emphasized more than once.

My mom would write this motto, on all of a our school work that we brought home

IT’S NOT FAILURE, BUT LOW AIM THAT IS A CRIME.

It also, became a family tradition for her to write the phrase/motto in our autograph books for various other academic, and promotional events .

My mom raised us children like (7) little well oiled machines. We had schedules, and procedures from how to exit a burning house to how to handle ourselves properly in the public.

My mom’s Philosophy was simple, When in Rome do like the Roman’s do"

It was simple, but it carried us all a long way, and I still apply it today whenever I go places.

Of course we knew not to copy, bad behavior, and anyway for that bad behavior, my mom’s philosophy again was very simple:

"If some one else jumps off a cliff, are you going to do it too

Anyway, since we didn’t come with instructions, my mom kept us 7 kids safe, and smart, the best way she knew how.

Anyway, each year, like clock work, a family in our city, would loose, a child due to an accidental fire. But my mom was determined that it wasn’t going to happen to her children.

So like I mentioned before, we had mandatory fire dills once a week, then ironically, after about 3 months of fire drills, one day, we actually had a major home fire about 3:00AM in the morning.

Statistically, a fire that early in the of morning, with sleeping kids in a house, there would