Submit to His Passion

By Asrai Devin

When Lindsay Dunn's husband leaves her for another woman, she is forced to the last place she wants to live, her hometown, Carburg. She'll keep to herself to avoid being the subject of gossip. Again.

Nick Matthews has spent most of his life searching for a family. Carburg adopted him as their own when he took a job teaching English in the local high school.

Lindsay was one of Nick's first students ten years ago, she's long past teenage crushes on sexy teachers. Beside, her stay is only temporary and sex is more trouble than it's worth.

Nick recognizes the passion lurking beneath Lindsay's cool demeanor. But is his love enough for her to let go of the past and embrace a future with him?

Content warning for heroine who had an abortion as a teenager.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Asrai Devin
• Release date: Oct 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463532607

Asrai Devin

A natural born, platinum Smut Peddler, Asrai Devin is a Canadian brat. She spends her free time creating and curating fine erotic content and sharing it on social media. In short, she peddles the finest smut available.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Lindsay Dunn stood in the entryway of her parents' house, ready to head out for drinks with her best friend. Cassie was staying with her mom for the weekend so she could see Lindsay. After a short guilt trip, Cassie convinced her best friend to go out for drinks. It would be the first time Lindsay left the house without her daughter in two months. The only time she'd been away from Faith since her marriage blew up in her face.

Lindsay paused with one hand on the doorknob to the outside world. Her daughter, Faith, and mom, Lillian stared at her. Are you sure you’ll be okay if I go tonight?

Mom, I’m fine. Grandma is letting me paint her nails. Faith stood in her pink pajamas with a pony on the front, hands on her hips. How had her tiny baby girl grown to such a big girl? Ready for elementary school.

We have popcorn, root beer floats, and our movie, Lillian said, brushing dirt off her sweatpants. She’d come in from the backyard garden just before Lindsay was ready to leave.

I hate asking you for more than I have. Lindsay sagged as her thoughts spiraled. She looked past her skirt to her bare legs. Was her outfit too dressy for a small town bar? She should change. 

Sure, she scoffed. Into what? All her outfits were formal per her ex-husband’s dress code, except the sweatpants and hoodies she purchased after he left. A dress was too formal for the Carburg bar. Maybe canceling was a better idea. She could put on her pajamas and enjoy a girl’s movie night on the sofa. Even a Princess cartoon sounded better than leaving her haven.

I told you to go. You and Faith don't bother Dad and I. Now go. You’ll barely be out past bedtime. Her mom’s gaze all but pushed her out the door. You’ve been locked up since you got here.

I am trying to sort out what went wrong.

It wasn’t you.

Lindsay wanted to scream: It had to be me. He left me. But that wasn’t acceptable. Except emotions were acceptable here. It was Kevin’s coil around her throat that suppressed everything Lindsay.

When did you last see Cassie? her mom added.

Years since she saw her high school best friend. You make a good point. One last hug and I’ll go.

Faith hugged Lindsay. Have fun with Auntie Cassie! The tiny girl pushed at Lindsay. Six going on sixteen.

Tomorrow we’ll get ice cream. Entertainment was hard to come by in town, the corner store for ice cream and the small playground at the school. Lindsay looked over her shoulder, but they already walked away, giggling.

 Lindsay’s shoulders drooped, but she remembered Cassie and it gave her energy to exit the house and walked toward downtown. Could anyone really call the dozen or so businesses that lined a two-block radius downtown? Carburg was too small. You could cross from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen minutes. Walking.

It was the one place she never wanted to return. As much as she detested Carburg, her hometown was better than being homeless.

She walked past familiar houses and turned onto Main Street. One car passed, Lindsay didn’t turn to see who was driving, but she waved and smiled out of habit. By tomorrow, anyone who didn’t already know she was back in town would hear her name. If she were lucky she’d get out without anyone knowing why.  It was bad enough being the town pariah in high school. No one looked favorably upon the sixteen-year-old who chose abortion over raising a kid. Murderer, they called her. The last thing she needed was for anyone to find out her husband left her for a younger, prettier woman.

She stopped on the street corner, ready to turn back, but she arrived at Carburg Bar. Imaginative business names didn’t rank high on the priority list here. She stared at the door, summoning her courage to ignore the stares. Cassie would be here any minute if she wasn’t inside already. The door opened and Lindsay smiled brightly as she stepped out of the way. Damn, Barb Alves and her husband Les.

Lindsay shoved her hands to her pockets only to find her outfit had none. She crossed her arms and widened her smile. Barb, it’s so nice to see you. Les, how are you?

Lindsay Miller. I haven’t seen you in years. How are you? Barb asked, as she patted her 80s perm. Lindsay wondered how Barb ran a hair salon but wore the same hairstyle for decades.

Good, good, she lied. I'm staying with my parents.

We heard. I’m sure your parents are glad to have all their grand kids in one town. Barb lit her cigarette and handed her lighter to Les.

Lindsay looked at the door. They sure are. Someone’s waiting for me in there. I’ll see you later.

See you.

She stepped into the lobby of the bar and paused. Survived one encounter. Country music poured from the main room over the din of conversation. The bar was full of people, including Cassie who she desperately wanted to see. Lindsay stepped into the bar room filled with people.

Coming here was a mistake. She looked over the crowd of faces, she recognized all but three. She didn’t note how many she attended school with. Her heart dropped realizing Cassie wasn’t here. Would Lindsay end up drinking alone? As if she needed to look more pathetic.

She should go home. She turned and her knees almost gave out as she noticed Cassie waving at her. How did she miss her best friend? 

Unfortunately Cassie’s presence meant Lindsay couldn’t leave. She made her way through the crowd, murmuring hellos in reply to surprised faces until she dropped into the chair across from Cassie. The mother of four looked exactly as she did when she graduated. Gorgeous and full of life with a smile permanently fixed to her face.

Lindsay smoothed her sweaty palms on the dress stretched across her thighs. She gave Cassie the best smile she could muster, pretending the stares of everyone in the bar didn’t bother her.

You look enthused to be here, Cassie said, peeling at the label on her beer.

I’ll be town gossip. Again. Lindsay sighed.

We’re both used to that. That’s why we have each other. I’m so excited to see you.

At least you married the guy who knocked you up. I’m the tramp who had an abortion.

Fuck their judgment, we did what worked for us. Let’s enjoy our night without kids. Cassie’s eyes were fire. Maddie and I did our nails today. I did my hair and makeup and I’m wearing a shirt that doesn’t have a bodily fluid on it. I will enjoy this. And you’re all dressed up too!

Lindsay patted the table. Time to stop whining and make Cassie’s night fun. Okay, you’re right. I’m wallowing in self-pity. I missed you way too much to whine. So let’s party.

If you are ready to party, get a drink. Help you relax.

Lindsay went to the bar, her eyes on the floor. Was this the same carpet from her teen years? She never drank in the bar, but they’d come into the lobby to get food or pop late at night after the restaurant closed. The cheap paneling on the walls was definitely the same. The new owners, Cindy and Bert Roberts didn’t bother to update with a paint job. Her dad droned on about the lengthy chain of ownership of the past few years during dinner.

Cindy greeted her with warm blue eyes. How are you Lindsay?

Good. How do you like owning the bar? Lindsay looked at the row of liquor bottles behind the bar.

It’s interesting. What can I get you?

Carburg usually is. Sex on the beach? Vodka, juice, and a little fruity liqueur. Plus the name was great. She wasn’t having sex soon, never mind on a beach but the drink would make a great consolation prize.

Cindy slid the drink across to her a few minutes later. Lindsay returned to find Cassie talking to someone Lindsay knew she should recognize, but couldn’t think of her name. The woman smiled and walked away. Lindsay smiled faltered as she grappled for the woman’s name.

I’m trying to enjoy myself, but I feel guilty. I dragged my poor daughter to this hellhole and now I’m abandoning her to drink. Lindsay felt a strong urge to escape the confines of the wood panel court room of popular opinion. Faith was an excuse, Lindsay’s skin crawled under the public scrutiny.

Fuck Lins. I know you are hard on yourself, but give it up, honey. You have zero reasons to feel guilty. Your douche bag ex-husband is the one who left you. This is temporary, I promise. Cassie gave her hand a squeeze.

I hope so. Lindsay wished she had Cassie’s confidence.

I wish we had space. You could live with us.

Lindsay smiled a real smile for the first time this evening. You have four kids and you’ve taken in your sister.

Justin’s concubine, you mean. If you moved in, we’d have a harem. Cassie cackled.

Lindsay leaned in. Are you fine with him sleeping with your sister? She didn’t think Cassie was okay with the situation, but the smiling woman seemed at ease.

Yes. I have no sex drive, Lins. Zero. Ava and Justin love each other. I love them. We’ve never been happier.

Lindsay shook her head. If you’re happy...

With that, yes. I’m sad for you. You need a rebound guy. Cassie looked around the bar.

I’m not dating anyone from this town. Ever.

Come on, remember Sean Grady or Cameron Morris? They were so fucking hot. 

Cassie had a crush on Sean, Lindsay on Cameron when they were in junior high. Before Cassie hooked up with Justin, and Lindsay with Chuck Rozen. Lindsay grabbed her drink and took a healthy swig to wash away the memory.  They are both married. Probably happily. Even if they aren’t, I'm not a cheater.

There must be someone available and hot. Cassie looked around. 

People packed into the tiny bar, but Carburg lacked available men. The Venn diagram overlap for available men in town and men Lindsay would be interested would be the size of mouse shit. Lindsay attempted once more to dissuade Cassie’s matchmaking. I’m not staying here. A few months, a year at most. Save money and move.

Exactly. You can get laid. No regrets, no commitments. You know these guys are clean. No one else here fucks them.

And we went to high school with them.

Speaking of high school, Mr. Matthews walked in. Cassie grinned.

Lindsay turned to look. Nick Matthews, their old high school English teacher. His first year teaching in Carburg was her last year of high school. Despite being a first-year teacher, he was great, he made her interested in school again.

He walked toward them and her heart beat faster. He aged well, like a fine wine, red and smooth. Every woman in Carburg over the age of fifteen had a crush on him the moment he moved to town.

Don’t stare, Cassie said.

Lindsay averted her gaze but tracked him in her peripheral to the bar.

He’s divorced, you know. Cassie drew Lindsay’s attention with that tidbit.

Lindsay glanced again, her heart leaping. As if he’d be interested in his former student, now a single mother living with her parents because she sucked at being a wife I’m not sleeping with our English teacher.

He hasn’t taught us in the last decade. I don’t think he’s our teacher any longer. He’s damn fine though.

Lindsay slapped Cassie’s hand. You’re staring.

He took a seat two tables down and didn’t acknowledge them. His attention focused on the man across from him. Lindsay didn’t recognize the other man, who looked younger than her. She’d have to assume he was one of the new teachers her mother mentioned at the small K to twelve school in town.

If you aren’t interested, I’ll come back for him. I’m due for a boyfriend. Cassie giggled.

The energy changed after that for Lindsay. She relaxed, while the conversation flowed and laughter came easily. The crowd thinned as they chatted. Lindsay ordered another round at the counter when she returned Cassie was on her phone.

I can hear him crying. I’ll be home in ten minutes. Cassie tossed back the rest of her drink. I walked here because I am drinking. Okay, I’ll hurry. She got to her feet and gave Lindsay an apologetic smile. Brody.

Lindsay looked at her new drink with a frown. I’ll walk you back. All good things must end.

I’ll go. You stay and finish your drink. Cassie leaned closer, wagging her eyebrows. Seduce an English teacher.

Lindsay’s gaze flicked to where he was sitting alone, sipping his drink. Her heart skipped a beat. I will stay and finish my drink since I bought it. If a handsome English teacher recognized her and came over to talk, she’d talk. Her mom was correct, she wouldn't make it past bedtime.

I’ll see you tomorrow. Our picnic in the park won’t be this fun. The kids with us mean we can’t drink at noon. Cassie made a face.

Thank you for dragging me out. I feel better after your pep talk.

Good. If you wallow in sadness or self-pity, I will kick your ass. Cassie gave her a final smile before leaving. 

Lindsay watched the crowd as she sipped her drink. She should have left with Cassie. Why was she sitting alone hoping the only available, hot man in the room would talk to her? She was pathetic.

I didn’t think I’d ever see you in this town again, a male voice said.

Her heart stuttered. Oh god. Could she look at him without blushing? She forced her gaze to meet his. Mr. Matthews. Hello. She held back a giggle.

Miss Miller. He winked and she felt eighteen again. I think you can call me Nick, Lindsay.

Could she? It seemed so intimate. I’ll try.

Where did Cassie go? That was Cassie correct?

It was. She had to go. Her youngest woke up screaming for her. She’s only visiting for the weekend.

He took the empty seat. Did she stay with Justin? That was his name?

She did. The have four kids now. Her little sister lives with her.

Right, I vaguely recall her mom kicking her sister out. I try to stay away from listening to town gossip. The only downside of a small town. He sipped his drink while she grappled for a new topic. Are you visiting your parents? He had a good memory of students he hadn’t seen for a decade. 

If you listened to town gossip, you’d know my husband left me and I crept back into town. Lindsay looked down at her drink. That tidbit was sure to charm him. She should just slam the drink before she embarrassed herself further.

I avoid gossip because I was the subject after my divorce.

I became the gossip at sixteen. So ... she grumbled. Did he know the story?

 So you are back in town. What did you do after graduation?

Changing the subject was an interesting tact. Was he being polite or did he know? I got a degree, became an accountant. Married my college sweetheart. We have a daughter.

And he left you. He finished her story. How old?

He’s twenty-nine.

I meant your daughter.

She drank to hide her blush. She’s six.

I bet she takes after you. Smart and pretty.

Was he flirting? Or being polite. Or weird. She is both. I don’t know if she gets it from me.

She does I promise. His eyes held hers for a few seconds. Can I buy you a drink?

Probably definitely flirting. She looked at the empty glass. What the hell? Sure. Then you can tell me what you’ve been doing for the last ten years.

What are you drinking?

Sex on the beach.

What? His mouth hung open for a moment.

That’s the name of the drink. She glanced at him through her lashes.

With a sexy smirk, Nick headed for the bar. Lindsay watched him go, noting the curve of his ass so she could report the details to Cassie tomorrow. Nick leaned on the bar while he chatted with Cindy but Lindsay felt his attention. 

A flash of him slapping her ass, pain flooding her body infused her with heat.

Where had that come from? She buried thoughts of pain and pleasure mixing long ago. Kevin labeled them unattractive and unacceptable.

When he returned to their table, his attention was fully on Lindsay. By the time he placed the glass on the table, Lindsay’s mouth was dry. Here is your drink. So me?

Yep, all you. She leaned toward him. Maybe Cassie was right, a short-term affair could do wonders for her self-esteem. Mr. Matthews, Nick, flirted with her and he was attractive.

She lacked the confidence to proposition him. There were rules to follow. Men did the chasing, women demurred. There was also the presumption that he would be attracted to her. God, what was she thinking? He didn’t want her he was just being polite.

He leaned toward her drawing her attention. I’ve been here. I teach English and coach three sports. Divorced now, broken heart. Saddest but oldest song.

You wanna talk about it?

No. He took a drink. She wanted to move to the city. She wanted me to return to school and find a job more suited to the style she wanted to live.

Lindsay bit back her laugh at his response. No one ever admits they want to talk about their divorce, but every divorcee she’d ever met relished in retelling the details. Especially if they could criticize their ex-spouse. Why did she marry you?

I asked myself that a hundred times, maybe a thousand. I never figured it out. She didn’t tell me her grand plan until about two years into our marriage, either. She thought being a teacher was temporary.

It’s not? Silly question. She averted her eyes to stare at the neon beer light behind the bar.

I love it more than I thought. Teaching is my dream job. I wouldn’t have guessed it. His warm voice drew her gaze back. He took a swig from his glass.

You weren’t the studious type in school?

I barely passed anything besides phys ed when I was in school. His eyes held hers as his fingers brushed over the back of her hand. She swallowed, her heart thrummed in her ears like a jet engine, but she didn’t flinch. She wanted to break free and let herself believe he desired her. The glint in his eyes almost made her believe.

She broke from his gaze and swirled the peach liquid in her glass. What were they talking about? How did you become a teacher then?

I thought I could coach sports. It seemed like an easy job. His hand settled on hers. The weight of him was comforting, her racing pulse came down to runaway train.

And now here you are, inspiring everyone to leave town.

I tried to inspire people to follow their dreams.

I think everyone’s dream should be to leave this town. She emptied her glass.

His mouth quirked into a half smile. Would you like another drink?

She shook her head. If I drink anymore, I will be useless tomorrow. She was dizzy, but more from his casual touch than the alcohol. She needed fresh air. His hand withdrew. Damn, er, good.

How about I walk you home then?

She opened her mouth to refuse. Sure. Let’s go. No reason to refuse. He was handsome and nice. She was single and lonely.

Lindsay looked around the room as they headed toward the exit. Several people averted their gaze as she met them, but a couple stared blatantly. Whatever. Let them talk. Her stomach clenched and her steps faltered as she stepped outside.

You okay? Nick reached for her.

She moved out of his reach as she balanced herself again. Everyone was staring.

So?

I didn’t know if you cared. I’m sure I’m already town gossip, returning like I did. But I have a reputation you don't want rubbing on you. She crossed her arms over her stomach to ward off the cold air of everyone’s judgment. He’d want to escape her presence as fast as possible. She moved faster, holding her breath waiting for him to say goodnight.

You do? You moved away almost ten years ago.

That wasn’t the quick exit she expected. Small towns don’t forget what I did. I promise you. He seemed intelligent, but now doubt crept in.

Lindsay, no one cares. He looked amused.

She waved her hands at the bar. They do. I’m in there and they are all judging me.

So what? It doesn’t make their judgment right. Do you regret what happened?

She cringed. She couldn’t imagine her life if she stayed. If she’d remained pregnant. She didn’t regret it. Why was he still talking to her instead of running away before she ruined his life? He must not know the story, so she’d enlighten him. Do you know what happened? She turned to him.

Would it matter if I did? He stood in a shadow obscuring his reaction.

What if I murdered my high school boyfriend?

I think what you made a brave choice.

The anger rushed out of her. He knew what she’d done, and he thought she was brave? She was a fucking loser. Capital L-loser. Why was she rehashing this in public? She would embarrass herself and Kevin.  

A shock of cold shame pushed the heat out of her.  Sorry, I let my emotions carry me away. I don’t want my past transgressions to reflect on you. She turned away before he saw tears in her eyes. Crying showed weakness. She couldn’t believe she became unruly. She needed to go curl up in a corner. Her ex was right, she got worked up so easily, she couldn’t control herself. In a word: pathetic mess. That was two words.

I’m not worried about what people think of me. If one walk with you ruins the last decade of my life was a lie. He stepped next to her and pulled her against his side. Come on Miss Miller.

Why was he so nice? She didn’t deserve that. You know that’s not my last name any longer?

I’ll try to remember that.

He didn’t ask what her married name was, and she didn’t offer it. She liked the way he said Miss Miller. She leaned her head against him for a moment, feeling his confidence hold her up.  His nearness made her nerves tremble.

 Cold? he asked. His fingers squeezed her arm.

She wasn’t cold with his body against hers. She was nervous. Nick Matthews touched her. He flirted with her.