Big World Bigger Booties

By Walter Samuel

Watch locally renowned fake doctor Walter Samuel walk you through the world of dating, with tips on grooming and asking, insights on types of approaches and more. What started as a college joke between friends now has some substance. Who would have thought? It's more than just a dating handbook. It's an introspective look into dating.

• Language: English
• Publisher: D. I. Richardson
• Release date: Oct 17, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463718964

Book preview

Big World Bigger Booties

Big World Bigger Booties

Walter Samuel

Copyright © 2018 D. I. Richardson

All rights reserved.

eBook Edition

Dedications

Dedicated to:

Lil’ Shawnee & the guy that sat next to us on the

couches when we were filming the documentary

that gave birth to this book. He tried very hard to

keep it together while we were filming.

Table of Contents

Chapter 01…………….……………………......Confidence And Nature

Chapter 02………………..….Confidence Through Other Means

Chapter 03……………………………………...…………Grooming Pre-Ask

Chapter 04………………...…………..……The Types Of Approaches

Chapter 05………………………………………..Dealing With Rejection

Chapter 06…………………….……………………The Numbers Game

Chapter 07……………………………………………Grooming Pre-Drinks

Chapter 08…………………………………………………….….Getting Drinks

Chapter 09..………….….Did You Get A Second Date? Really?

Chapter 10………………..…...Where To Go For Lunch/Brunch

Chapter 11…………………………………………….…….The Second Date

Chapter 12………………………………….Did You Get A Third Date?

Chapter 13……………………………………..The Big One: Date Three

Chapter 14…………………………….So You’re About To Have Sex

Chapter 15………………………………………………..The Morning After

Wrapping Up…………………………………………..…That’s All For Now

Post-Book Extra………….…..……..The Netflix & Chill Movement

Post-Book Extra…………………………………....Q&A with the Writer

Chapter 01:

Confidence and Nature

Many people might think that the best course of action on how to gain confidence is to be born with it… and they’re right.

However, most of us were not born with the gift of confidence. We must work at it, we must strive for it, and we must fight for it. We must rise above what defines confidence to achieve this thing.

Now, you might be asking, Dr. Samuel, how can I get confidence? And to that I would tell you that you need to chill, I just started the chapter.

The most important thing that you need to remember about confidence is that confidence stems from the Nature itself. As we grow, trees grow, and as trees become confident, so must we become confident.

I have given Nature a full chapter because I must truly cite the importance of the Nature as a tool to grow your confidence, such as you grow a seed in a garden, so must you grow the seed of confidence in your innermost workings.

To understand what I mean, you must connect on a fifth-dimensional level with the Nature, and you must have a true understanding of the oneness between your soul and the Nature. For it is only within the Nature, that your soul becomes unlocked, and it is only through oneness with the Nature that you understand what your soul is truly capable of giving you in terms of confidence, youth, and fertility.

Now, oneness with the Nature can be achieved in many, many ways. So I’ll tell you exactly one way and you can figure out the others for yourself. (Just kidding, imagine if I was really like that though. Like, ha, buy my book and figure it out yourself.)

First of all, what you need to remember is that skipping through the meadows is the best and most concise way to show the Nature that you wish to become one with its inner soul. By skipping through meadows, you get to both absorb the essence of Nature through the air, but you also have the risk of tripping and getting grass stains on your brand new jeans (they were only $20 at Target, don’t act heartbroken about it).

A lot of people will think that grass stains are a bad thing and that they should be washed, but not from these pants, these will be your oneness pants. It shows the Nature that you are willing to get on your knees for her. And if you are willing to go down on the Nature, then the Nature can bestow upon you the eternal glory that is confidence.

You must take eternally good care of your oneness pants, as they are the lifeline to the Nature and will be worn when you need to call upon the Nature for a confidence boost.

Now, a secondary way to call upon the Nature and become one with it, is to simply plant seventeen trees inside your basement and let them slowly grow through your floorboards and into every room of your house.

This method of oneness proves that not only are you willing to sacrifice comfort for the Nature, but also that you are willing to let it invade upon your life in every conceivable way and suffocate the happiness out of your home for the sheer ability to talk to a sexy, sexy member of the opposite (or same) sex.

Finding the right tree for you to grow throughout your home is of vital important (because it wouldn’t make much sense to grow palm trees in your house if you lived in the Canadian wilderness, like I do). So you must choose a tree that is native to your local area. The Nature will appreciate your attention to the local community of trees and reward you with fuller lips as a sign of gratitude.

There is yet another way to become one with the Nature (while still maintaining an urban lifestyle, of course. We don’t want no mountain people hitting on all of our sophisticated city people). Now this method of oneness with Nature is aggressively aggressive and is not recommended for the faint of heart.

This method will require more than just growing a tree in your basement or skipping through a meadow.

Step one of this method is easy enough. You must simply acquire a logging company and 100 panzer tanks.

Step two of this method is that you must roll through the Russian countryside, plowing through the forests as you go. This will force the Nature to respect you out of sheer terror that you might use the logging company to make billions of dollars in profits off harvesting trees. You might ask why you need tanks, but that is just for reassurance that nobody will mess with your plan, and if they do, you have 100 panzer tanks.