Differently Me!
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About this ebook
This is a book about living with neurodiversity - that is, having a "disorder" such as Asperger's, ADD or ADHD, Tourette's, and/or for those who function with similar mental, neurological and learning disorders. Originally published in 2011. This edition contains some minor revisions and a few updates. This book was written by a former psychotherapist on the spectrum. There is no mention in this book of a cure or quick fix, as this book is instead about accepting yourself and living with your limitations and your STRENGTHS and uniqueness!
Differently Me! was designed to be read quickly and be able to be referenced easily when you need it. The concepts presented in the book are lived out each day in the author and his former clients.
Chris L McClish
Chris L McClish - a man with "many roles, many journeys, and one spirit!" Chris offers wisdom gleaned from his experiences of having served for many years as a psychotherapist. Currently he is a Probation and Parole Officer. Additionally, he had been a certified life-coach, Judo Sensei (instructor), Taoist philosopher, author, artist, musician, mindfulness-meditation instructor, and other life roles. He is also the host of a podcast that is growing in popularity, Cup of Tao.
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Differently Me! - Chris L McClish
Prologue
My childhood was a mixed bag. I was sloppy at learning handwriting and started out very poor at reading. Teachers noticed I had a very large vocabulary – as most kindergarten and first grade students don’t use words like pertains to
or nomenclature
and such. My father had me when he was sixty and my mother was forty-five, so they were considerably older than most other children’s parents that I knew. My father didn’t participate in teaching me any sports. I had half-brothers, but they were grown and out of the house. I felt alone. My father was restless and liked to move. We had moved 15 times in Oklahoma before moving to the Kansas City area by the time I was about ten years old.
I remember that one of my second-grade teachers suspected something was wrong with me, to my parent’s defensive dismay. Yet, I was sent to Oklahoma University for testing. All I remember about my psychological testing at that age was putting together some puzzles, reading, and a lady in a suit telling my parents that I wasn’t slow at all – I was gifted
. I went from feeling like the dummy in class, to being put in a gifted and talented program where I was able to learn about telescopes and watch a veterinarian dissect or do surgery on a cat! If you have heard the saying your mother dresses you funny
, it must have been true in my case as I was treated as an outsider at school. I was very shy except for some rare episodic class clown moments.
Middle school was horrible for me. My life fell apart with being tripped down the halls, having my head slammed into lockers and being called all sorts of names. I didn’t party or do drugs, but it sure seemed that everyone else did. I learned how to fight, or at least I learned how to take several hits without crying or feeling more pain than I could handle. How did I get through this? I mostly lived in a fantasy world.
I would daydream about my special powers. When it was time for high school, I decided to go to a private high school to avoid further struggles.
During high school, I spent the first two years being unpopular and basically feeling like I didn’t really exist in most other people’s minds. With some weightlifting and literally forcing myself to talk, I became more popular by my junior and senior years – but I wouldn’t have made Homecoming King by any means. I didn’t participate in any sports, and still didn’t attend any parties. My evenings were spent taking care of ill parents who had health issues. I did go on a few dates, but these dates were disastrous. I really didn’t know how to treat females. My father was not a good role model as he was suffering from Alzheimer’s and had episodes of violence, not to mention his purchasing things that we couldn’t afford on impulse, leaving the burners on the stove, and other not so fun things that I don’t really care to share. By senior year he was in a nursing home.
When I went off to college, one of my half-brothers died (I will not get into how it happened here). I was very close to him. My mother had several heart attacks following his death. I think she made it to seven heart attacks and at least three episodes of heart failure before she died). Everything that I had was sold in an estate sale for the care of my father- who was also dying. I lost my house – everything. So what did I do to cope? I asked a girl, that I had somehow managed to get the courage to date, if she would marry me.
My wife and I worked at a department store part-time (and other such jobs), while living in a rented-out garage, which was converted into a tiny house
and rented to us by another half-brother. I should add that this rental house
wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods and both of us were scared. I managed to take out enough student loans to get through college, going the route of psychology and taking on jobs in the mental health field, all the while.
I need to backtrack a little. Prior to meeting my wife at a college, I had previously attended another college and learned, the hard way, the dangers of alcohol abuse, parties, etc. I was originally taking both psychology and computer programming, but hours sitting at a computer looking at code made me want to go the easy route and do psychology
.
We went through rough periods financially, and I will be the first to say I wasn’t all that mentally stable. Memories of trauma and other memories of a chaotic childhood snuck into my brain at times. Bookstores were my solace. I was learning more and more on my own about eastern philosophy. It would eventually become part of my thesis that I would defend in graduate school in 1995. I had a mentor back in 1993 that also helped me learn the wonderful psychologies from the East (thanks Steve Yates.) I was reading more and more about the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. To be honest though, I didn’t do so well at practicing sitting meditation, as I was way too hyper and restless to sit down for very long. I have always had a weird mix of shyness combined with a restless energy.
Mindfulness and acceptance became a way of life for me. I wouldn’t be until much later, after working in the mental health field for many years, that I would repeatedly hear about psychologies becoming popular based on mindfulness that were now becoming mainstream in the United States and other western countries. Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MCBT) were some. I personally felt MCBT was too simple for my taste and DBT was way too complicated. If you are not sure about what either of those are, they are psychological approaches. Through a podcast about AD/HD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder), I heard about something called ACT or acceptance and commitment therapy. I kind of ignored