Bullyproof Your Child: An Expert's Advice on Teaching Children to Defend Themselves

By Keith Vitali

School bullies are a fact of life, but what can parents really do to protect their children? Keith Vitali, a martial arts expert who has offered his advice on Oprah and given seminars around the country, provides the answer in Bullyproof Your Child. His book presents advice to parents on identifying the signs of verbal bullying, physical bullying, and cyberbullying and offers techniques proven to help children faced with bullying. Now any mom and dad can build a child’s confidence, offer advice on parrying verbal abuse, andas a last resortteach appropriate self-defense strategies.
Vitali explains exactly what bullies are and what motivates them, recounts real-life incidents that provide insight into the physical and emotional harm bullies can inflict, and details his self-defense techniques with more than 150 color photographs and easy-to-follow, step-by-step descriptions. No child should live in fear of a bully, and no parent should be without Vitali’s invaluable advice. Now they won’t have to.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Skyhorse
• Release date: May 5, 2015
• ISBN: 9781632207746

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Bullyproof Your Child should be the book all parents will choose if their child is having trouble with a bully. First of all, and most importantly, I’m a proud father of two grown children, Jennifer and Travis. I’m also a product of a large Italian family; the second-oldest of eight kids—four boys and four girls. This alone qualifies me as a children’s expert on many levels, as other parents can attest.

As a child, I myself had many experiences with bullying. Not only was I bullied by other children but I was also the bully at times, mainly targeting my younger brothers. The fact is that most of us have been the bully at one time or another, so I’m not quick to condemn all bullies outright. Sometimes they know not what they do.

I’m also a black belt in karate, with over thirty-five years of experience teaching martial arts. During my time as an instructor, parents, doctors, teachers, principals, school counselors, child psychiatrists, and a host of other professionals have referred their children to my martial arts school to deal with their bullying issues. The sad truth about bullying is that almost every child has his own story of being bullied; it’s that overwhelming and consuming of a problem in our society.

In this instructional manual for parents, I’m going to share with you some lessons I’ve learned from my students, and insights from my martial arts background, that have enabled my students and I to be tremendously successful when dealing with the everyday bully.

In this book, I’ll offer strategies to deals with bullies on all levels, hopefully defusing any threatening situation before a confrontation can occur. In the event that there is an altercation, however, I will also offer safe and effective self-defensive strategies to help keep your child out of harm’s way.

The following topics are covered in this book.

•   How to avoid the everyday bully

•   How to walk away from name-calling

•   How to talk his way out of confrontation

•   What to do if he’s verbally bullied on a continuing basis

•   Where to go if he feels physically threatened

•   When he should stand up to a bully

•   How to stand up to the bully

•   Teaching him basic self defense skills.

There is an entirely different method of martial arts training, not covered in this book, that I call Stranger Danger. Stranger Danger refers to situations that are life-threatening, demanding an entirely different approach to self-defense, where the primary goal for the child is to inflict as much pain on his assailant as possible as he strives to get away from the attacker. I recommend that you enroll your child in a local martial arts school for this type of instruction.

Here is a universal truth about bullying—nine times out of ten, a child is picked on by someone he knows: someone at school, a playmate at the park, or a brother or sister at home. That’s why this book will show you how to teach your children how to handle bullies in a safe, effective manner that doesn’t hurt the other child.

1

What is Bullying?

KEITH VITALI’S BULLYING STORY

Ibegan kindergarten at age three in Rome, Italy. Our family was stationed there while my dad was in the service and two years later at the age of five, I began first grade. When we moved back to the states I was seven years old and would normally be starting first grade, but instead I was entering the third grade. In addition, I was small for my age, making me easily the smallest and youngest in all of third grade. After graduating high school I grew another five inches and changed so much that very few people remembered me at my ten year high school reunion. So, my entire academic career, from elementary to high school, placed me at a distinct physical disadvantage to other kids in my classes.

One of my first bullying encounters found me not the target of a bully, but sticking up for another classmate while in third grade. I still remember the sensation of both feeling scared and then proud with the outcome when the bully backed off from the smaller child. Perhaps, because I was so small, I didn’t present any danger or challenge to the much bigger bully, but something inside of me forced me to stand up and step between the bully and his victim. I remember telling the bully something that made him laugh and for some reason it diffused the sticky situation, and the bully moved on. It was such a strange sensation that I still remember that proud feeling today. I have no idea what I would have done if the bully turned his anger towards me, but I felt so bad for the other child who was extremely frightened that I felt I had no choice but to intercede. The little boy, Benny, whom I saved from a bad situation, is still my friend to this day. I was fortunate to learn at an early age that the power of the mind, at times, is more powerful than brute force.

DEFINITION OF BULLYING

Almost all children will experience some kind of bullying that will leave lifelong scars. Understanding the effects of bullying is the first step to solving the problem. Bullying is not the playful horsing around that’s part of growing up. Competitive scrapping or good-natured teasing is not to be confused with bullying. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a bully is categorized as an aggressive person who intimidates or mistreats weaker people. It’s the undesirable, aggressive conduct among children that includes a real or perceived power imbalance, and the behavior is repeated over a period of time. These situations have serious implications for both the child being bullied and the bully, and may result in one or both people involved having serious and lasting emotional or physical problems.

THE THREE MOST COMMON TYPES OF BULLIES ARE:

•   School Bullies

•   Cyber Bullies

•   Workplace Bullies

THREE BASIC FORMS OF BULLYING—THE DIFFERENT WAYS BULLIES USE TO BULLY ARE:

Verbal Bullying

•   Cruel and persistent teasing

•   Embarrassing and/or cruel name-calling

•   Inappropriate sexual comments

•   Frightening taunting

•   Threats of physical harm

•   Social bullying involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:

•   Ostracizing or leaving another out purposely

•   Encouraging other children to mistreat or not be friends with someone

•   Initiating and Spreading gossip or rumors about another person

•   Embarrassing another in public

Physical Bullying

•   Inappropriate physical contact such as hitting/kicking/biting

•   Spitting on someone

•   Causing another to fall by tripping them

Cyber Bullying

The internet and other wireless communication devices have enabled bullies to do what is referred to as Cyber Bullying. This form of bullying also involves harassment and harmful behavior but it is done through the use of cellphones and social media. This form of bullying can be even more devastating than the one-on-one variety due to the very public nature of this communication. When it comes to cyber bullying, threats are more common. Most experts agree that bullying peaks in middle school while young children are making the physical and emotional transition from children to young adults.

•   52 percent of students reported being cyber bullied.

•   33 percent reported that the cyber bullying included threats online.

•   25 percent of teens say they have been bullied repeatedly through their cell phone or the Internet.

•   Parents don’t know as much as they think they do. More than half of teens do not tell their parents when they are being cyber bullied (52 percent say no)

•   Unfortunately, violating students’ privacy without consent continues. 11 percent of students report that they’d had embarrassing or damaging photos taken of themselves without prior knowledge or consent.

Cyber bullying differences exist between genders; females report bullying more often than males. The types of bullying also varies. According to the Cyber bullying Research Center, females are more prone to it.

GENDER DIFFERENCES IN BULLYING

In my experiences teaching children that have a history of being bullied, it seems that boys tend to bully physically, whereas girls tend to bully verbally. Boys are more overtly aggressive, and are more likely to resort to pushing, slapping, or hitting. Girls tend to use more indirect forms of aggression, like spreading rumors and excluding others. Additionally, girls outnumber boys when it comes to being the victims of rumors and sexual attacks, both verbal and physical.

2

Bullying Statistics

RECENT STARTLING STATISTICS ABOUT BULLYING

The school bullying statistics show that schools nowadays are no longer a safe haven for our children. Sadly, schools have become a hunting ground for bullies and as long as they can freely lurk around, our children will never be safe.

•   1 of every 7 students between kindergarten and Grade 12 has been a bully or has been bullied.

•   61 percent of students who were interviewed stated that bullying can resort to students shooting other children.

•   More than 56 percent of students had already witnessed bullying that happened while they were in school.

•   71 percent of students reported that bullying is an on-going problem.

•   1 in every 20 students has seen a student carrying a gun while on school premises.

•   Top years for bullying are from 4th–8th Grades.

•   54 percent of students who witness violence and physical abuse at home can become bullies in schools.

•   Each month, a