Marry Me!: A Guide for Couples Planning their Marriage Ceremony

By Susanna Jose

Marry Me! A guide for couples planning their marriage ceremony is an inclusive little book which helps couples plan a personal, meaningful marriage ceremony, whether they are young, old, first timers or those marrying again with blended families.

Written in the year following the advent of marriage equality, it explains the legalities of getting married in Australia. You’ll find out what you need to do, what forms you need to fill out, what documents you need, who is able to conduct your marriage and the time frame in which you can have the marriage solemnised after you sign your Notice of Intended Marriage.

Marry Me! gives couples permission to include the traditions they like, discard gender stereotypes, start new traditions like having their fur baby as the best man. The book focuses on the marriage ceremony, the part where you become a married couple, rather than the wedding trimmings like the suits and dresses, the reception, cars and cake.

There are tips on planning – from your big decision through to the rehearsal – including choosing a celebrant, deciding on the type of ceremony, location, time of year. One chapter helps couples deal with some of the dilemmas and tricky issues they may face in planning a wedding – the choice of religious or civil ceremony, who to invite and exclude, dealing with the expectations of others and costs for attendants.

The chapter on vows gives advice on how to personalise the marriage vows which are added to the legal ones, by explaining all the vows and promises included in the marriage ceremony and giving a step by step guide to how to write your own.

The place of music in the marriage ceremony, is explained showing where music fits, the pros and cons of live or recorded music and the importance of the music operator. Music choice suggestions in the genres of Classical, Twentieth century and contemporary music are given.

Similarly, a chapter on readings includes helpful examples from poetry, literature and film with some tips on delivery.

Marry Me! is full of ideas to help you make your marriage ceremony personal, meaningful, and memorable along with descriptions of some of the rituals and symbols which can be included, like the giving of rings, ring warming, handfasting, unity candles and the blending of coloured sands to represent the merging of two families.

Marry Me! gives tips on choosing your photographer, working out what you want photographed or recorded, unplugged ceremonies, sharing on social media, using drones and skyping the ceremony.

You’ll learn what’s covered in the wedding rehearsal, who should be there and how the important moments (the entry, rings and kiss) will occur. There’ll be a chance to practise the grand entry and exit.

The final chapter includes three sample ceremonies to demonstrate how different ceremonies can all meet the legal requirements and still be constructed to reflect the needs and wishes of the couple getting married.

Marry Me! has examples, anecdotes and suggestions throughout which are inclusive of all different sorts of couples and there is a strong emphasis on marriage ceremonies which are not gender stereotypical.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Feb 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781922261113

Susanna Jose

Susanna Jose trained as a Commonwealth marriage celebrant in 2013 after a teaching career in three states and territories, as an early childhood teacher, adviser and for nineteen years, a school principal.In both education and celebrancy, Susanna recognised the importance of celebrating the milestone moments in life. She has conducted numerous namings, renewal of vows ceremonies, funerals, and mainly finds herself solemnising the biggest milestones of all – marriage ceremonies.Growing up south of Adelaide in South Australia, Susanna spent ten years in Darwin and now lives in Canberra with her husband. Four daughters and their families including four grandchildren live in, or within a few hours from Canberra. Susanna continues to mentor and support teachers and aspiring school leaders and is a regular RSPCA volunteer.

Book preview

This is an IndieMosh book

brought to you by MoshPit Publishing

an imprint of Mosher’s Business Support Pty Ltd

PO BOX 147

Hazelbrook NSW 2779

https://www.indiemosh.com.au/

Copyright 2019 © Susanna Jose

All rights reserved

Licence Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the author and publisher.

Disclaimer

Although the author has made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Acknowledgments

I’d like to begin with thanking every couple whose marriage I’ve had the privilege of solemnising. I have learnt so much from each of you, about what works in a marriage ceremony, about humour, love and family. I’ve borrowed snippets, stories and anecdotes from the marriage ceremonies and weddings I’ve attended, using your first names with permission, but most often changing names and details to provide examples and illustrations. I hope this has been done in a positive, tactful way in the spirit of helping engaged couples. It has been an honour being part of these happy milestones in your lives.

I am a member of two professional celebrant associations, Civil Celebrations Network Incorporated and Australian Marriage Celebrants Incorporated. Through these memberships, I have grown as a cele­brant, received advice directly from other members and indirectly on regular member forums about how to conduct beautiful, meaningful marriage ceremonies for couples. Both associations help celebrants navigate the legal processes outlined in the Marriage Act 1961, Regulations 2017 and Guidelines on the Marriage Act 1961, 2018. I am very grateful for such assistance.

Thank you to my two daughters, Caroline and Melanie, for their love, encouragement and faith in me as a celebrant. They have both believed that I could write this book and trusted me to officiate at their own marriage ceremonies. When asked what would be useful for prospective marrying couples, Caroline suggested the chapter on dilemmas. She rightly pointed out that there is so much available online about the trimmings of weddings, but much less about the really big, hard questions couples face in planning their special day. Reflecting on the usefulness of wedding planner documents, it was her idea to include checklists at the end of each chapter.

Melanie suggested several of the dilemmas discussed in the chapter too. I valued this contribution because there were quite a few I hadn’t thought of myself. Our discussions around these tricky scenarios helped us work through some of her own wedding planning. Melanie also provided invaluable assistance in the chapter on music and helped me to find examples in the three genres of Classical, Twentieth Century and Contemporary music.

I am particularly grateful to friend and colleague, Judi Aulich, a respected Canberra celebrant. Judi generously offered to read the full manuscript and provided detailed suggestions about accuracy, clarity and organisation of the book. She spotted typos, pointed out correct terminology, and encouraged me to eliminate ambiguity. Following Judi’s input, I am certain the chapter on vows is clearer now than my first attempt.

Finally, thank you to my husband David for being so supportive, unfailingly encouraging and generous with his time and ideas. David proofread the book with diligence, many times in many different drafts. I am very fortunate to have had him as the first stage editor, instantly accessible throughout the writing process. Happily, the ‘made up’ marriage vow examples between David and me in the vows chapter are actually pretty close to the truth of how we feel about each other.

Introduction

Who is this book for?

As the name suggests, Marry Me! A guide for couples planning their marriage ceremony, is a book for all marrying couples—young, old, first timers or those marrying again. It is a book for anyone helping to plan a marriage ceremony for others, for people planning commitment or renewal of vows ceremonies. It may be helpful for any ceremony where there is a desire to make it personal, meaningful and memorable.

The book can be read cover to cover, or as stand-alone chapters for tips on various aspects of the civil marriage ceremony, in particular. Because it is possible to simply dip in and read the chapter you are immediately researching, there will be some repetition of topics. The simple legal marriage ceremony for instance, will crop up in the ‘Planning’ chapters, the ‘Vows and other promises’ chapter and other places.

Marriage ceremonies discussed in this work are Australian marriages. Laws and guidelines are different in other countries. Some countries have predominantly religious marriage ceremonies and others, like Australia, are mainly secular. Citizens of other countries are able to be married by Australian celebrants, provided they have met all legal requirements for marriage in Australia.

While the target reading audience is marrying couples, this book may be useful for other celebrants. It does not attempt to cover all matters celebrants need to know. I readily admit fellow celebrants will have a wealth of their own ideas, experience and knowledge.

Who am I?

I am a Commonwealth marriage celebrant. My past career was in education as a school principal and, before that, adviser and teacher. I have two adult daughters, two stepdaughters and four grandchildren. My second husband is my closest friend and loving supporter.

I have always believed that there is no point in doing something if you are not going to do it as well as you possibly can. When I made the decision to retire early from education, I wanted to continue working in some capacity, and I remembered the rewards of the milestone moments in schools—learning achievements, graduations, award ceremonies. The world of celebrancy appealed immensely. It was one where I could help people celebrate their big life milestones by creating great ceremonies. I knew I could use my skills in public speaking, working effectively with families, listening, writing, planning and organising, to create milestone ceremonies which were personal, meaningful and memorable.

While I’m a relative newcomer to this role as a marriage celebrant, qualifying in 2013 and starting to perform ceremonies in 2014, I have conducted numerous marriage ceremonies as well as namings, civil unions, renewal of vows ceremonies and funerals. I love my second career!

Why a book about the marriage ceremony?

Books written about weddings, marriages, wedding etiquette and ceremonies have reflected the times in which they were written. Marriages and the way people come to set up their lives together have changed rapidly in Australia over a generation. Many couples deciding to marry have already lived together and set up house. Ninety-five per cent of the couples whose marriages I’ve solemnised record the same address on their Notice of Intended Marriage. Some have had children together or from a previous marriage. The idea of having to get married in a hurry because a baby was on the way has disappeared in mainstream Australia. Gone too, are the notions of strict rules about who pays for the wedding. Costs are usually shared between couples and their families rather than the old expectation that the bride’s family pays for the wedding.

Compared with just fifty years ago, women have better jobs, better incomes, and access to safe contraceptives. They generally don’t have to rush into life changing decisions. Furthermore, changes in family law, with greater acknowledgement of family violence and child abuse, mean that couples do not necessarily feel pressured to stay together if the marriage has broken down.

Alongside these changes has been a growth in multiculturalism and an associated range of beliefs, greater awareness and inclusion of Indigenous Australians, and a decline in the following of mainstream churches. Once the church or registry office was the only available choice of where to get married. The progressive rise of civil marriage celebrants, as described by Dally Messenger 111 in his book, Murphy’s Law and the Pursuit of Happiness, A History of the Civil Celebrant Movement,0F[1] means that there are now many choices available for couples.

Perhaps the greatest change in recent times has been the advent of marriage equality at the end of 2017. According to the Marriage Act, 1961 and subsequent amendments,

‘Marriage according to law in Australia, is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life.’1F[2]

This change not only means that two people who love each other may come together in marriage, but that they know they do so with the support of the majority of Australians. At a recent marriage ceremony I conducted for two wonderful women, there was a graphic illustration of this support. At the point where I pronounced that they were a married couple, the 150 guests gave a standing ovation. The clapping just went on and on.