I Just Want To Get To Know You: All The Wrong Reasons Episode Three: All The Wrong Reasons, #4

By KK Hendin

Dark and stormy nights can lead to all kinds of mistakes and bad choices.

Cultural appropriation. Inappropriate thoughts about people that you shouldn't be thinking about. Messing with dead people. 

But all storms end, and then things will get better. Right?

Wrong?

Damn it.  

***

Fated.

 

An award-winning reality dating show, or, as the network likes to call it, The Real Last Chance For A Fairy Tale Ending.

 

You know how this works.

 

One Prince Charming is picked. He's inevitably handsome, shredded, has a vague enough sounding job to be legitimate, and the ability to lie really well to the cameras. He's looking for his One True Love, and obviously, the best way of finding that person (who always happens to be a white woman, between five foot three and five foot ten, wearing approximately a size zero to four, and preferably blonde) is to have a team of producers round up seventeen women who are all more or less interchangeable, move them into a castle, ply them with alcohol, turn cameras on, and broadcast it all on national television.

 

Add in a plethora of the most ridiculous dates the producers can possibly think of, too many feelings, real and fake, and an emotional proposal at the end, and you have the highest-rated reality show in history.

 

Everyone is willing to play the game. Some walk in more willing than others, but in the end, they all believe in it. The show, the fairy tale, the happily ever after. Regardless of what's happened to previous 'winners' of the show.

 

It's not like anyone's ever been there for the right reasons. But never have the wrong reasons been so wrong.

• Language: English
• Publisher: KK Hendin
• Release date: Apr 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386862659

Book preview

Chapter One

If life were a horror movie, this would be the part where the chainsaw-wielding serial killer would show up and just start going to town, Nadine thought as people screamed. Thunder crashed again, and the lights stayed off.

Everyone, stay calm! yelled Jennifer, who didn’t sound entirely calm herself. The lights will be back on in a minute!

You don’t know that! Selena yelled back.

Definitely the time for a murdering chainsaw wielder, Nadine decided, glad she had decided for pants for the shoe ceremony this evening. But if she somehow had fallen into a horror movie, sensible clothing choices wouldn’t be enough to balance out the fact that she was a queer Black woman. No question, she would be the first to die.

Are cameras still rolling? Belle asked.

Why would cameras still be rolling? Zara asked. It’s not like anyone can see any of us.

Cameras are still rolling, a voice replied. One of the cameramen. Nadine didn’t know his name. The producers weren’t big on letting the contestants learn the names of anyone, including Prince Charming.

She hoped that Britt and Moneah were doing okay, wherever they were in the castle.

I thought we were going back to our rooms? Ariana asked from Nadine’s right. Her eyes were very slowly adjusting to the darkness, only to be startled by the occasional flash of lightning.

We don’t have any working lights to do that with, Bethany answered. We’re waiting for someone to come back with flashlights.

Don’t you have a flashlight on you? Clover asked Ariana, quiet enough that the producers couldn’t hear.

Yeah, but not strong enough to walk all of us back to our rooms, she replied. Man, Zoe’s going to be thrilled that once again, she was right.

Zoe said flashlights are good so in case a chainsaw-wielding serial killer decides to come and attack in the dark, you can get a good look at their face, Clover said. So, maybe not exactly on target.

Nadine burst into giggles. Who’s Zoe?

Ariana’s little sister, Hannah replied, joining the conversation. Resident oracle and queen of packing.

Well, I have no idea what any of that means in this context, but I’m with her on the chainsaw-wielding serial-killer thing, Nadine said. "This is a perfect time for someone to attack."

Oh, no, Clover sighed. You’re one of those people who watches horror movies for fun, aren’t you?

What other reason is there to watch horror movies? Nadine asked. Research? That’s kinda fucked, Clover.

Well, now I’m extra creeped out, so that’s cool, Clover responded. Anyway, that wasn’t at all what I was thinking. I try not to think about horror movies too often. Honestly, I try to avoid them completely. I’ve never peed myself from fear, and don’t want to start now.

Can’t say I’ve ever done that, Nadine said.

Well, there’s always a first time, Clover said. I’m not such a big movie person, anyway. When I do watch something, it usually doesn’t involve a lot of blood. Or space.

Are you scared of space too?

Nah, I work with space, which is enough space for one person, without involving any space exploration movies. She paused. "Okay, that came out wrong. I don’t work with space."

You make space sound like the client of a divorce attorney, Nadine said.

"I’m filing for a divorce against Pluto, he never listens to me, Clover mocked, and giggled. I’m getting my PhD in astrophysics. So. Plenty of space. And then if I do watch a space movie, I end up getting annoyed by inaccuracies, which usually ends up ruining the movie for anyone I’m watching it with. Normally I just don’t bother."

Same, Ariana agreed. But not with space. There are never as many dramatic medical mysteries as it seems, there aren’t nearly as many gorgeous people working in hospitals, not to mention that all these TV shows have the doctors doing the X-rays. And apparently all television doctors can get a perfect view the first time, and can always, one hundred percent of the time, figure out exactly what’s wrong.

Do doctors not do X-rays? Clover wondered.

I wouldn’t have a job if they did, Ariana replied.  

People usually get baristas mostly right, Nadine said. Can’t relate to all you very smart people.

Coffee is very important, Hannah reminded her. For everyone’s health. Some of us take the health part more seriously than others.

What would be actually helpful now is if one of us were an electrician, Ariana said. Or someone who could control the weather?

Both of those would definitely help, Clover agreed. Bethany? Are we going anywhere yet?

Someone’s coming to walk us to the contestant wing, Bethany replied. They’ll be here in a few minutes.

Well, at least we’re not wearing one shoe each, Hannah said. That would make all of this a lot worse.

Of all the things Cat worried about going wrong when the Fated people showed up, this was one she hadn’t considered. She had tried as best she could not to worry too much about all the things that could go wrong in the weeks leading up to their arrival. There was no reason to worry, she’d tried to tell herself, night after night, as she found herself at two or three in the morning awake and finding things in the castle to fix. But her brain hadn’t cared about things like being reasonable. She’d be there, scrubbing floors in the contestant wing, plastering holes in the wall, sewing pillow covers, trying to walk herself back from worrying about full, apocalyptic, worst-case scenarios and failing.

Maybe the castle walls would crumble on to people (not actually possible), maybe there would be an unexpected famine and there wouldn’t be enough food (highly unlikely), maybe someone would find a rodent in their bed (hopefully not possible, but more possible than castle walls falling or sudden famines), maybe there would be an unexpected asteroid and it would head right toward Eilean… Out of all the things for her to worry about, she had somehow forgotten to worry about a freak storm that would knock out one of the castle’s generators completely. How she had managed that, she wasn’t entirely sure. Hell, she had worried about zombie-creating viruses and alien invasions.

Maybe when she had gone worst-case scenario by imagining the apocalypse, she wasn’t entirely off. She just hadn’t been right about the inciting incident. Because it sure as hell felt apocalyptic. And the rain hadn’t stopped yet.

D’you want me to come with you to talk to the Hollywood folks? Moira asked, pausing as she rushed back from the kitchen.

No, James is on his way back, Cat said. He’s due with an update from outside.

Let me know, please?

Of course. Cat waited until Moira rushed off again before slumping down. If anything had happened to anyone in the village, she would never forgive herself. Especially if they had family members that were working here.

She had tried to send them all home, tried to tell them to bring their families here if they needed to, but nobody took her up on her offer except George. It was becoming harder and harder for Diana to walk, so she was cocooned in the kitchen here with the girls, waiting out the storm. Cat wasn’t the praying type, but tonight seemed like a good exception to that rule.

A loud crash of thunder startled her, and she turned to see James peeling off a dripping raincoat. Everything okay? she asked, resisting the urge to fling herself at him. It wouldn’t do any good—she’d get wet, and she’d probably also start crying. And if she let herself start crying, she didn’t know if she would be able to stop.

Everything is very wet, James replied, always the smart-ass. And there’s not really any way for me to try to fix the broken generator yet. The weather’s too finicky.

Fuck.

Basically. He scrubbed a hand through his dripping hair. The animals are pissed, but all the roofs seem to be holding up.

Everything okay at the village?

We’ll know for sure when the rain stops. He sighed. "Have you updated the Fated people yet?"

Waiting for you to get back before I did.

James grabbed a towel and scrubbed it through his hair. Ready when you are.

They’re going to be so mad, Cat whispered.

Then they can be mad at God, James replied. It’s not like we planned this.

I don’t really think they’ll care about the logistics of it all, Cat said as they headed toward the ballroom, industrial flashlights spotlighting the way.

They don’t have to. That’s just how it works.

One of the blond producers met them in the hallway. What’s going on? she demanded. "This storm is out