Mind the Gap: A Literary Leap Across Generations

By Hilary Laidlaw and John Sandham

Does each generation necessarily stand on its own, divided from all others by a gap in perspective and understanding? Is meaningful communication between generations an impossibility? Mind the Gap puts this notion to the test in a unique mother-son literary collaboration. By challenging each other to write with openness and honesty on a series of random topics chosen for them, the authors discover far more commonality than conflict in their positions on deeply personal, yet universally relevant, matters of love, life and learning. Even where their views diverge, they celebrate their differences with the same humour, humility and respect as their similarities. Their individual voices are both intelligent and engaging, but offer vastly different approaches to each topic, making every piece a fresh and surprising read. And as mother and son, the relationship underlying their words is inspiring. Together they show readers that mutual respect can bridge any perceived generational (or other) divide. It is a timely message that will resonate with any age or generation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Apr 5, 2019
• ISBN: 9780228810339

Hilary Laidlaw

Hilary Laidlaw is a lawyer specializing in estate and trust law, Hilary has spent over thirty years in private practice with one of Canada's largest law firms, and appears as a frequent lecturer and speaker both within and outside the legal industry. Away from the office, Hilary's pursuits include the study, practice and teaching of various alternative healing therapies. An avid runner, Hilary has completed over 20 half-marathons throughout Canada and the United States, along with the occasional (reluctant) duathlon. Hilary works in Toronto, but lives—and breathes with ease—in Collingwood, Ontario with her husband and son (co-author, John).John Sandham, born thirty-some years too late, most of his friends will tell you John is a 50-year-old trapped in a 23-year-old's body. Common nicknames include "dad," and "grandpa John." He thinks those are rather appropriate considering his proud ownership of a dad bod (they're all the rage these days) and encyclopedic knowledge of dad jokes. He is, as of publication time, single with no kids. Some of John's more annoying traits include: showing up promptly on time to house parties, buying concert tickets before knowing if he'll actually be able to go, and being terrible at responding to texts in a timely manner. John has a degree in journalism, but isn't quite sure why, since he had to pay in order to produce work he could have been getting paid for. He somehow found work in his industry, though, and now talks on the radio for a living.

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Mind the Gap

Copyright © 2019 by Hilary Laidlaw and John Sandham

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-22881-032-2 (Paperback)

978-0-22881-033-9 (eBook)

For our family and our friends,

who have never defined our relationships by limitations,

and for whom there is no Gap.

Your perspective enlightens us. Your openness enriches us.

Table of Contents

ORIENTATION

The Participants

The Process

The Purpose

A NAVIGATIONAL GUIDE THROUGH MIND THE GAP

Prompt One: FREE SPEECH

H-1:

J-2:

J-1:

H-2:

Prompt Two: NETFLIX & CHILL

H-1:

J-2:

J-1:

H-2:

Prompt Three: FRIENDS

J-1:

H-2:

H-1:

J-2:

Prompt Four: PRESENCE

H-1:

J-1:

H-2:

J-2:

Prompt Five: POWER

J-1:

H-1:

J-2:

H-2:

Prompt Six: WHAT MAKES SOMETHING GOOD?

H-1:

J-1:

H-2:

J-2:

Prompt Seven: I LOVE YOU

J-1:

H-1:

J-2:

H-2:

Prompt Eight: YES

H-1:

J-1:

H-2:

J-2:

Prompt Nine: LOUD NOISE

H-1:

J-1:

H-2:

J-2:

Prompt Ten: UNPACKING

J-1:

H-1:

H-2:

J-2:

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

ENDNOTES

MIND THE GAP

A LITERARY LEAP ACROSS GENERATIONS

ORIENTATION

THE PARTICIPANTS

Hilary:   mother, 56, lawyer

John:      son, 23, journalist, employed in radio

Eden:   friend, facilitator and fellow book-lover, 24, MA (English), employed in publishing

THE PROCESS

Phase 1: The First Round

The Prompt

A random topic is lobbed to Hilary and John by Eden, starting the two-week timer on Phase 1.

The Percolation Period

A variable length of time during which Hilary and John independently ponder the prompt and each plan their approach to addressing it. No sharing of ideas. Details are locked in the vault.

Putting Pen to Paper

Write. Edit. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. (Reality Check: Insert Work after each period.)

The Parameters

Maximum word count of 1500. Anything goes.

The Presentation

Hilary gets up at 4:00 am on deadline day, tweaks her final draft and hits SEND.

John polishes off his piece later that evening, waits until 11:59 pm and hits SEND.

Phase 1 is complete.

Phase 2: The F/U

Pardon?

Yes, F/U, as in follow-up, being anything from further musings on the prompt to rebuttal arguments.

Parameters

High-speed turnaround—one week only. Maximum word count of 750. Same limits on content and style—none.

The Presentation

The usual routine (see Phase 1).

All four pieces are sent to Eden, who laughs or cries, is profoundly moved or endlessly entertained.

Phase 2 is complete.

REPEAT PHASES 1-2 TEN TIMES

THE PURPOSE

We confess—we needed help articulating the purpose of our endeavour. Enter the fourth participant: Jackie, 60, Hilary’s sister and John’s aunt—a sharp critic with an equally sharp wit and a brutally direct interviewing style. The following are excerpted snippets cobbled together from a conversation moderated by her.

JACKIE: So, what is this whole thing?

H:   We began with a concept. We both love writing and I wanted an opportunity to collaborate with John. I thought this was something we could do together as an interesting study on perspectives.

J:   I had taken an entire year off journalism, so this kind of got me back into the swing of creative writing, giving me a way to explore different written media. As part of that exercise, I also wanted to try something I’ve seen Jimmy Kimmel do on his show. He takes a younger person and an older person from the street, and asks them both questions about anything from pop culture to music from their respective eras to see how attuned they are to the other contestant’s generation. Like the results Kimmel airs, I expected this exercise with Mom was going to show a gap in our responses.

H:   I actually didn’t expect that it would reveal a wide gap. Because we are mother and son, this places us in a certain relationship with one another, which probably suggests an element of shared perspective. But not necessarily. You can’t take that for granted. Anyway, whether or not my expectations in this regard were influenced by our own relationship, I don’t really think we are that opposed, generationally. I’m not of the mindset that one generation cannot understand another.

J:   It turned out not to be that way. I recognize that we are all a product of our environment and upbringing, and that may lay the foundation for some of our views. But I definitely have my own opinions, which weren’t always that different from Mom’s. To me, this showed that generationally, we might not be as far apart as some people might suggest. In the end, though, it was not necessarily about our opinions. It was more about the routes we took getting there which, in many cases, were very different although we often ended up in the same place.

H:   The whole project morphed into more than just a writing exercise. There was a good deal of self-reflection involved. Most of the prompts had us digging inward a little more than we might have expected. Through that process, I was reminded that certain parts of my life have been rather remarkable: some hilariously funny and others difficult or challenging, but they’ve all been in some way implicated in who I am and how I think.

J:   I also took it as an opportunity to learn about each other—more than we already knew—to share ideas, and to see how we play off each other. That’s what the Phase 2 responses were—an opportunity for us to take our ideas one step further and try to reconcile them, or challenge them.

H:   We agreed in advance that we would not filter.

J:   We were very open in this whole thing.

H:   Yes, but within limits we both respect. We appreciate that neither of us knows everything about the other’s life, but we don’t expect to. So, I think we probably both exercised some reasonable degree of self-censorship, especially with the topics that challenged boundaries, but at the same time, we stayed honest and open with our thoughts.

JACKIE:   So, who’s your target?

J:   My entire training as a journalist was to think of the one person you want to reach. But with this, I wanted it to be able to be read by anyone. I don’t care if people agree with what I’m saying or not, but I wanted my words to be accessible to everybody.

H:   I wasn’t even thinking of a target person. I was just examining my thoughts on a particular topic, then trying to express them in a readable way. Perhaps I was my own audience. That may be a somewhat self-centred approach, but it was definitely a personal exercise. At the same time, I also wanted to make my pieces accessible to any reader, whether for enlightenment or entertainment.

JACKIE (slightly frustrated): So, sort of the same question asked differently: Why would I care to read this?

H:   (squirmy silence)

J:   It’s pretty fuckin’ good!

JACKIE (seriously unimpressed): I’m going to throw this at you. You two do communicate. You are open with each other, though as you said, within boundaries. Not everyone has that kind of relationship with their parents. But maybe it is easier to communicate through an exercise like this to get your opinions and your views and your values across. Because that’s what came out of this: values, views and opinions—the stuff most families find exceptionally difficult to articulate and discuss. Perhaps an exercise like this is a way to help some families realize you can communicate, without dictating to each other.

H:   That’s an interesting thought—encouraging communication through the interposition of neutral territory, which for us, was the writing. Perhaps it shows there is always a way to create an opportunity for meaningful dialogue and a respectful exchange of ideas within any relationship.

A NAVIGATIONAL GUIDE THROUGH MIND THE GAP

THE TERRAIN

This book contains ten chapters, one for each prompt, presented in the order in which the prompts were given. Each chapter begins with a brief explanation of the prompter’s inspiration behind her choice of topic (which, despite her thoughtful reflections, we suspect was merely to poke, provoke and challenge. Mission accomplished.), followed by four written pieces associated with that prompt: one from each of us in Round 1 (cleverly identified as H-1 and J-1 respectively), and one from each in Round 2 (not surprisingly: H-2 and J-2).

Typically, we have presented both pieces in Round 1, followed by both in Round 2, except where we felt the flow or the contents demanded a different approach. At the beginning of each chapter, we have stated the order, and at the beginning of each piece, have identified both the author and the Round, but we’re confident you’ll become sufficiently familiar with our voices that you will have no difficulty orienting yourself.

Now for the good part …

THE TREK

While we would suggest (to paraphrase Lewis Carroll) that you begin at the beginning and stop at the end, your pathway through Mind the Gap is entirely up to you. Proceed one checkpoint at a time, or all in a single journey. Go straight from A to Z, or customize your route by exploring the landscape in whichever random direction your interest dictates. However, if you do read this work chronologically, you’ll no doubt perceive a natural progression in our writing as we became increasingly comfortable testing both our own—and each other’s—viewpoints.

CAUTION

As with any journey, pack your patience. You may encounter surprises. Don’t get frustrated and head for home: just stay open and soldier on. Our hope is that upon reaching the end, you will look back to see not a gaping divide, but a meandering network of uniquely different paths, all converging together.

Enjoy.

Hilary & John

Prompt One

FREE SPEECH

EDEN’S INSPIRATION

Free speech is a popular topic of discussion that often reveals generational differences. I had the sense there would be a similarity in approaches, but as a first prompt, simply wanted to probe.

VOICES

H-1   J-2   J-1   H-2

H-1: Free Speech

FREE, YOU SAY?

I LIE there silently—exposed and immobile. I will myself into absolute stillness, knowing the risks of even the slightest mis-timed breath or involuntary twitch. Only my eyes are free to move. I let them wander slowly about the room, taking in the details of my dimly-lit surroundings. Abruptly, they freeze, widening their focus on the image that appears in my line of sight. I can’t help myself; faster than my conscious ability to prevent it, I inhale sharply. The white-hot pain of the liquid wax on my flesh barely registers as I point at the picture on the wall and ask: "What is that?"

RRRRIP!

That painting? she says, swiftly discarding the sticky strip to which now cling clusters of dead skin cells and hair follicles. It’s my nephew’s work. Do you like it?

Do I like it? I hesitate in answering. It’s disturbing, unsettling, yet oddly compelling. It’s also a seemingly incongruous choice for the interior of a spa. I wince, and take a closer look.

It is small, maybe 12 inches square. The predominant colours are dramatic—pitch black and blood red. It depicts a woman’s head, from the neck up, but the blending of oils creates a visual ambiguity. One might, for instance, see a niqab covering the top of her head, or possibly a nun’s habit. Perhaps it’s just a headband pulled taut over a tangle of dark, thick hair. She is a deliberate representation of any woman and every woman. What is uniquely identifiable, however, is the large patch of canvas covering her mouth, and the disconnected hand, bony and Grinch-like, sporting a thimble on one finger and pinching a needle and thread with another, busily stitching the makeshift muzzle to her face. Her gaze is off to the side, revealing neither defiance nor defeat, though her eyes betray a subtle hint of resignation.

In this calming space, frequented primarily by women and dedicated to their relaxation and beauty rituals, the painting is a graphic reminder of our privileges and fundamental freedoms. Not surprisingly, my immediate thoughts turn to those women who are afforded neither, many of whom are further victimized by a conspiracy of silence that operates in an arena of cultural, religious, political and gender-based conflict. But just as the generic effect of Anywoman’s head suggests the prevalence of her silent plight, other themes emerge from the image, equally recognizable and widespread. They whisper of another insidious form of suppression, which operates without discrimination.

To set the context, it might help to know that I am, among other things, a logophile, entangled in a lifelong love affair with words. The richness and texture of language fascinate me, as does the infinite power of our words to create images, trigger emotions and give form and breath to ideas born and nurtured inside the imagination. Words are magic. They reveal; they conceal. They evolve and shape-shift, and in so doing, offer endless potential for unique expression. Exercising this gift, through any mode of communication, is fundamental to both our sense of individuality and our ability to function within a larger community. This I grew up believing. And this belief I have endeavoured to honour in my respect for the words of others, as an extension of their thoughts and ultimately, an extension of themselves. Not that