Moms' Night Out and Other Things I Miss: Devotions To Help You Survive

By Kerri Pomarolli

As a Mom, couldn’t you use a good laugh?
 
Inspired by the endearing, true-to-life movie MOMS’ NIGHT OUT, comedian Kerri Pomarolli has created this light, yet inspiring devotional that will definitely make you laugh, but will also help you discover that indeed you are not alone, and that God’s gracious provision of love and faithfulness is at work in your life and of your loved ones.
 
Whether you’re running full-speed-ahead or disappointed that it’s Monday (again), you’ll find joy in these devotions where Kerri shares hilarious stories and insights on daily life. Messy homes, messy kids, lost pets, never ending casseroles, forgetful husbands, and the desire to just take a long bath… This world can be a funny place, and these stories are bound to prove it. Read a devotion to brighten your morning, or catch a few words to make you smile before bed. There’s never a bad time for a good laugh, and as a Mom, you need a Moms' Night Out and Other Things I Miss: Devotions To Help You Survive.
 
The MOMS’ NIGHT OUT film features Sarah Drew (Grey’s Anatomy), Sean Astin (THE LORD OF THE RINGS), Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond, The Middle), Alex Kendrick (COURAGEOUS), Robert Amaya (COURAGEOUS), Andrea Logan White (REVELATION ROAD), Kevin Downes (COURAGEOUS), and platinum-selling country recording artist Trace Adkins (THE LINCOLN LAWYER).

• Language: English
• Publisher: BH Publishing Group
• Release date: Apr 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781433684852

Book preview

Mom's Night Out, Digital Edition

Based on Print Edition

Copyright © 2014 by Night Out, LLC

All rights reserved

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-1-4336-8484-5

B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 242.643

Subject Heading: MOTHERS \ DEVOTIONAL LITERATURE \ FAMILY LIFE

Representation by WTA Services, LLC,

Smyrna, TN.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers.

Also used: English Standard Version (

esv

), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

esv

Text Edition: 2007. All rights reserved.

Also used: New International Version (

niv

), copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by International Bible Society.

Also used: Contemporary English Version (

cev

), © American Bible Society 1991, 1992, used by permission.

To see more comedy, and to read more from Wendy Hagen and Kristin Weber, please go to www.wendyhagen.net and kristinweberonline.com.

Dedication

I was going to dedicate this to my loving family but instead I dedicate it to my super agent Bill Reeves.

He had a lot more to do with this book being written than they did. Here’s to the tortoise and the hare!

Acknowledgment

Many thanks to Dawn Woods, my wonderful editor; Bill and Barry, my super agents; Amelia, my left brain; my mighty Women Prayer Warriors; my Mommy Mafia Bunco Ladies; the makers of Nutella; The Woman and my Wednesday Night Rowdy Group; my Friday Night Willie Wonka Crew; my Facebook posse; LaTanya, Tina, Debbie, Kim H., Shari, Uncle Scott, Julie T., Gia, Auntie Nee Nee, and Gayle (in Dallas)—my best cheerleaders.

To Wendy Hagen, Kristin Weber, and Claire Lee for their hilarious contributions.

Thanks to my Well Family and my SOS team; my Cho and Chung Family, who inspire great comedy, as well as my partner in the Momland, Angela Hoover.

Thanks to everyone who inspired the events of this book, not excluding ex-boyfriends, Pinterest, and celebrity moms that I’m jealous of.

Thanks to my brother Mark, the best uncle in the world. Thanks to Barb for being the kind of mom you write books about in the best way possible. Thanks to Dad for being my biggest PR rep in public. I love you.

To my daughter Lucy, you brought comedy relief to this book and every day of my life. You amuse me with your wit and amaze me with your faith. To Ruby, you bring joy to my world and inspire miracles all around you. To Ron, you used to make me tea, but now you’re too busy giving our kids baths because you know I hate it. That’s love! Thanks for doing all that stuff I never thank you for!

God, thank You for giving me kids so I can record all the things they’ve put me through and have evidence in their adulthood. Thank You Lord for Team McGehee!

Introduction

When I was asked to write this book, I thought to myself, No way! I don’t have time to write a book because I’m too busy trying to escape Costco without buying lawn furniture and a TV, convincing my six-year-old that she can’t start dating, selling cookie dough for my preschooler’s fundraiser, and selling wrapping paper for my kindergartener’s fundraiser so she doesn’t get left out of the Chuck E Cheese Pizza party for the winners!

Ahhh, the joys of motherhood! Who knew? There wasn’t a manual on raising kids without committing a felony. My husband reminded me you need a permit to buy a cat and a license to rent a golf cart, but anyone can become a parent. As I’m writing this, my daughter is doing shots with those tiny yogurt drinks behind my back because she thinks I can’t see her through the back of my head. Should I be mad? Well, it is yogurt after all and there’s some calcium there. Last time something like this happened she was three and overdosed on Flintstone gummy vitamins. We found her under the table like an addict about to be shipped off to rehab.

When I took on this task, I thought to myself I’d love to write this inspiring devotional for all those super spiritual put together Pinterest moms out there with their homemade organic home-schooled cotton candy machines that carve Scripture verses and their Tupperware with matching lids! I love you guys! I want to be you guys!

But, where are the moms who are serving their toddlers Tic Tacs from the bottom of their purse because they forgot to pack snacks for the play date, which they are forty-five minutes late for? Where are the moms who can’t remember the last time they shaved both legs in the shower? Is this you? Read on. By the way, Pinterest Moms, you can read on too and correct my grammar. Also, I’m planning a puppy birthday party and I need decor ideas!

I love God with all my heart even on the days when I feel like there is nothing left of it. I love God when I am, as David said in the Bible, In the slimy pit! (of spaghetti). I need God most during this so called season of motherhood. They say the madness will pass and someday all the socks in my laundry will have mates. Someday I won’t feel so dirty all the time from the constant trail of grime that follows me wherever I go, but somehow I’m supposed to enjoy it. I’m supposed to savor these moments. I’m trying, I really am. I think God loves it when I’m frazzled and crazy because it’s in those times I can hear Him. To me, I’m sure God is laughing along with me at my life, comforting me to fight on through another day. I want to write this devotional for those of us that are living the Real Life. Not the kind of devotional that is written about achieving perfection. Put the magazines down ladies! They are from the Devil! Angelina Jolie has one nanny for each individual kid.

I’m doing my best to live this life He’s given me through tear stains, lost tap shoes, and late night cuddles. I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to miss any of it. I know it’s truly by the grace of God that my entire family and I have survived this long. I know it’s my constant struggle to go deeper with God. I buy books, read devotionals, and watch teachings of women who seem to have the answer. I downloaded the Bible app on my cell phone, but I realized you actually have to use it for it to do any good. I’m too busy checking my Facebook status to see how many people like my new haircut. I think I’m done with all of that for now. I’m not going to beat myself up for not being spiritual enough or deep enough with my Father God. I think what He’s telling me is to slow down and realize that I, Kerri Pomarolli, am exactly enough as I am. Are you with me? Good! Wait, my six-year-old is laid out in the kitchen with twelve bottles of mini-yogurt drinks surrounding her. I’ll be right back. Hello, Poison Control? Yeah . . . it’s me, Kerri again!

You Can’t Quit Birth

Before she goes into labor, she gives birth; before the pains come upon her, she delivers a son. ~ Isaiah 66:7 (niv)

When I was pregnant with my first child, I naively knew one thing . . . I was not going to have a C-Section. I had this prayer book about Super Natural Birth filled with stories of fifteen minute labors and women who prayed themselves through seamless deliveries. I just knew that would be me.

When my water broke, I bopped into the hospital with my cute little birth plan—NO C-SECTION. Well, thirty-six hours later I was only dilated to a one and my doctor said, Look, we have to get this baby out and a C-Section is the only option. At that point, I just looked at my husband, during a contraction, and said, "Pack my bags, we’re leaving. I’m not having surgery. I quit. My honorary doula/friend Cathy smiled lovingly and said, Kerri, you can’t quit birth. One way or another you are going to give birth to this baby. We’ve prayed and God must have a plan that is best, and you have to trust Him right now. You’re almost there. You have to keep going!" It didn’t seem like I was almost anywhere. I had been in labor for thirty-six hours and had nothing to show for it. Dilated to a one? What a failure. I could beat myself up. But when labor isn’t going according to plan, no one blames the mother because it’s not her fault.

Thirty minutes later on that Tuesday night in October, I gave birth to a beautiful 10 pound, 6 ounce butterball! You heard me! The doctor looked at her and said, Don’t breastfeed her . . . get her a pizza! She was so big, she drove home!

After becoming a mom, I became a prayer warrior for my kids. There’s a situation I’ve been battling for one of my daughters and I haven’t seen it fully come into fruition yet, but God made me a promise that it WILL happen. When God makes a promise and you don’t see it, there is a birthing process that you sometimes need to go through, and it can be quite painful. But just like labor, even if there are complications, you don’t quit . . . you keep pushing and pushing and pushing . . . until you see what you’re praying for.

Whatever you’re fighting for, don’t quit. Whatever you are birthing—a healing, a restored marriage, a child—keep fighting. Just PUSH:

P—Proclaim God’s promises. Say them out loud and feel yourself getting stronger.

U—Understand your authority. God has given us authority over all the schemes of the Devil. Exercise it and the Devil must flee.

S—Stand on the Word. Find a verse that fits what you are fighting for (healing, provision, restoration). When the Devil attacks you with doubt, pull out the promise in God’s Word and stand on it!

H—Help others in the process before and after your miracle has arrived. This is warfare in and of itself. You’re letting the enemy know you’re not backing down and you are dangerous.

Once you’ve agreed to stand with God and His promises for your life, there is no going back. There is no way it’s not going to happen. The Devil will try to lie to you . . . he will be crafty and give you thirty-six hours of labor and then a C-Section, but in the end of it I got my double portion. I got a 10 pound,