Assertiveness: Set Boundaries, Stand Up for Yourself, and Finally Get What You Want

By Steven West

Set Boundaries & Stand Up For Yourself

If you are interested in learning how to be assertive, get what you want, increase your self-esteem, and confidence, then this book, Assertiveness: Set Boundaries, Stand Up for Yourself and Finally Get What You Want is the book you want to read.

Whether you have a passive personality and are struggling to be more assertive, a people-pleaser who has problems with saying no without feeling guilty, or have an aggressive personality where you get what you want, but get it in such a way that you are not well liked, and your manner puts people off, then you need to read this book.

Inside you will find valuable information on the assertive personality, techniques, and tips that are designed to ensure you are armed with all the tools you need to achieve becoming more assertive, getting what you want, setting your boundaries, and increasing your confidence and self-esteem.

You will learn about how, as a child, your environment and how you were treated by your parents, family members, friends, and people in authority may have stunted your ability to speak up. You may have grown up in an environment that made you fearful of having a voice, being either mocked, dismissed, or laughed at.

If you have grappled with the problem of saying "No" without feeling guilty or have never clearly set boundaries for yourself and for others to respect, there are chapters that can help you understand why these personality traits exist, how they begin, and how you can go about changing them.

There is so much more information that is within this book. Here are some of the other highlights to mention:

• What is assertiveness and how to learn to make assertive statements, how to practice body language, the tone of voice, and why making eye contact is important
• How we negative-speak, why this happens, and what steps and techniques can be taken to relieve this type of behavior
• How not being assertive can be damaging to not only our psychological health but to our physical health as well, causing stress, and high blood pressure as examples
• How in learning and practicing our assertive skills, you can help to teach your children how to be assertive, particularly in this day and age of bullying at school and online
• How to set boundaries with family, friends, and in business to have healthy relationships in all areas
• And much more…….

• Language: English
• Publisher: Steven West
• Release date: Jul 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393634256

Book preview

Introduction

Congratulations on downloading Assertiveness, Set Boundaries, Stand Up for Yourself and Finally Get What You Want and thank you for doing so.

Assertiveness is an interpersonal skill that allows the demonstration of standing up for yourself, having the confidence to do so all while respecting the rights of others. Assertive behavior is neither passive or aggressive, but honest and direct. An assertive person speaks up to express what they want or need clearly and calmly with confidence.

When communicating in an assertive manner, style is extremely important and the key to show respect to those with whom you are communicating with. Your words, tone of voice, and body language all play a part in how you display your assertiveness. Let your confidence show when making a request or stating a preference to others.

Downloading this book, you will learn about how negative-speak can be psychologically and even physically debilitating, learn what a people-pleaser is and see if you fall into that category, and how to say No to requests from family, friends, or your boss without feeling guilty.

A bonus chapter has been included on how to teach your children to be assertive. This is a great way as a parent to give your child a healthy way of dealing with others with confidence and respect.

There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much useful information as possible, please enjoy!

Chapter 1: What Is Assertiveness really and Why Is It Important?

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is referred to as a skill in communication and social skills teachings. When someone displays assertiveness, they are able to stand up for their or other people’s rights in a positive way, calmly stating their opinion without anger and aggressiveness or passively accepting blame or wrong.

People who are assertive can express their feelings, beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts while respecting other people’s wants, feelings, and needs. There are very few people who have perfect communication proficiencies all of the time. There are those who could brush up on their ability to communicate in an assertive manner. In fact, you surely must know at least one person who could benefit from learning how to communicate assertively.

Why Assertive Communication is Important

Perhaps you’re wondering why it’s so important to be assertive. There are many reasons that are beneficial in doing so. Actually, some of the reasons to adopt an assertive attitude affect you physically, and other reasons can affect you psychologically.

The benefits are many. When you are assertive, it relieves stress and you are able to better communicate. It can also help you to control anger and coping skills. It can give your self-esteem a boost. It establishes the ability to understand and recognize your feelings, improve communication and how you present your thoughts. Your decision-making skills will improve. Your assertiveness in dealing with people will create honest relationships, create win-win situations, gain job satisfaction, and in the process, earn the respect of others. (Mayo Clinic Staff)

––––––––

Mutual respect is the basis of assertiveness. It is an effective way to communicate your point of view with diplomacy. Being assertive demonstrates to others the respect you have for yourself because of your willingness to stand up for whatever your interests are and being able to express your thoughts and feelings. You also convey to others your awareness of their rights and your inclination to work on resolving disagreements. (Mayo Clinic Staff)

Being Assertive Helps

There is really no way that you can control how other people communicate when they speak to you. However, you have the choice and can control how you communicate with them. When you become responsible for how you communicate with others is the first step in enhancing communication with others.

Assertiveness can be defined as actively and properly communicating one’s goal.

Think about how you allow others to know what goals you want to achieve. Aggressive or passive behavior may momentarily allow one to reach a goal, but, in the end, assertiveness is better. (Flannery, 2016)

An example of communicating your goal can be you have an early morning meeting and want to go to bed. How do you let family or friends know what you want to do? Another example could be if you feel stressed or worried about your partner spending more than they should and doesn’t adhere to the financial budget you’ve tried to follow. How do you communicate with them? (Flannery, 2016)

Have you ever heard someone say or thought to yourself the phrase, It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it? It’s important to balance both. It’s not just the message you convey, but how you deliver it that is just as impactful. Being assertive is your best opportunity to deliver your thoughts and feelings successfully. Communicating your message either too aggressively or too passively will have people ignoring or not really hearing the message because they are more focused on how you delivered it. (Mayo Clinic Staff)

Creating conflict or arguing is not an issue that a person using assertiveness wants to create. The message they are conveying is not belligerent and non-debatable. Statements that begin with I – I would like, I feel, and I am concerned are not disputable because no one can argue these points to the contrary.

The statements that begin with I are good for conversation openers. There is an avoidance of blame and it can permit the other person to take responsibility before getting emotional, or save face. If there are people you have continually argued with, and you change tactics and use the I statements, there may be an improvement in communicating with them. If the other person persists with either aggressive or passive behavior, continue to use I statements. (Flannery, 2016)

Assertive or Aggressive – What’s the Difference?

Assertiveness is appropriately and actively communicating one’s goals. Aggressiveness means actively, but improperly communicating one’s goals. It does not consider the welfare of others. This type of communication is harmful and can worsen social apprehension by making others scrutinize you more harshly. (Cuncic, 2018)

In expressing oneself through aggressive communication, there may be a social anxiety of suppressing your needs continually that the only resort of reaching your goals is by using aggressive communication. Learning to communicate with assertiveness will help to control your emotions so they do not reach the peak of a boiling point.

When people are assertive, they state their views and ideas clearly while being respectful of others. People who express their goals or opinions aggressively