The Dictator’s Guideline to a Utopian South Africa: The Tinpot series, #1

By ©The Tinpot Dictator®

Ever need to run a country? Wondering where to start? Well, this is exactly what you need!

I, The Tinpot Dictator, have put together this easy to read and easy to follow self-study guide to help you navigate the minefield of leadership!

• Language: English
• Publisher: ©The Tinpot Dictator®
• Release date: Aug 25, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393529347

Book preview

The Dictator’s Guideline to a Utopian South Africa

By

©The Tinpot Dictator®

The true leader of the BWICS* nation!

An easy to understand how-to guide for wannabe Dictators, Presidents, Ministers, Mayors and other civil servants.

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*BWICS –  Black, White, Indian, Coloured and Sundry (for other ethnicities and in case you choose to identify as something else or even to not self identify)

Copyright 2019 The Tinpot Dictator

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author dictator.

Preface

As we sprint down the road to a dystopian South African, it occurred to me that no one ever wrote a manual for political idiots to follow. If there’s a manual for Life Orientation, shouldn’t there be at least a guideline on how to run a country? We chat about it on blogs and in daily conversation but has anyone taken the time to explain, in nauseating, minute detail how a country should be run? It’s not like they’re going to step out from behind the blue light brigade and come and ask us, right? Just like no one’s born hating, no one is born a president or minister or mayor! So it really isn’t their fault! Seriously! So in the spirit of sharing, I’ve listed 126 executive decisions I, as dictator, would take to make ZAR a better place for all. I’ve kept this guide purposefully short because politicians have the attention span of a retriever and the memory of a goldfish.

Now you may be wondering, Why a dictator? Dictators are bad, bad people who pillage, plunder and murder! I disagree. I think the dictators who do so are just warlords, not true dictators. I believe being a dictator in a developing country is being the right person for the job and although this may sound oxymoronic, move us away from a crippled, nanny state.

Now to the serious stuff; this is and will always be a work of fiction because no one wants to stop lining their pockets and bring about effective communal change. So please, if you disagree with anything in this book, don’t burn roads and loot and ruin everything for taxpayers travelling to work to pay the taxes needed to build the road again. Instead, don’t buy this book and ignore this work altogether! The politicians will anyway!

P.S. I dare all the bean counters (accountants, economists, etc.) to crunch the numbers and prove or disprove this work of fiction’s viability. How’s that for homework? ;) 

Chapter I: Setting Up

Step 1: Install me as Dictator of South Africa.

That’s it, that’s all the steps you as a patriotic South African need to take. I will do the rest. I will be dictator for life!

All Dictator Declarations apply to all political office bearers, municipal officials, private and government entities, and citizens of South Africa including The Great Dictator.

Chapter II: Civil servants

Dictator Declaration #1

(Number crunchers, calculators at the ready now!)

All parliamentarians are fired. No silly, I don’t mean redeployment or suspension with full pay and certainly not ordering a