Vanessa’s Story: A Novel

By John Justice

From the Introduction

This is a work of fiction. For the most part, any resemblance to real–life characters is coincidental. There is, however, one exception. I have included many of my own life experiences and those of my wife, Linda.

Adventitious blindness, visual impairment developed after birth, is extremely difficult to face. The techniques and experiences described here are based on actual, documented cases. When faced by this tremendous challenge, a person has the choice of learning to live blind or spending the rest of life in a limited, restricted environment.

About the Novel

After their terrible accident at Crater Lake, young Vanessa is blinded, and her boyfriend loses his legs. How will they ever adapt, either physically or emotionally, to their daunting new realities?

Vanessa’s Story is set years before the advent of the adaptive technology for the blind that exists today. Here, her own determination, support from her family, inspiration from a blind acquaintance, and excellent training at a center in Arkansas set the young woman on her path toward a brighter future.

Along the way, plenty of challenges and even dangers arise. A certain close relative is more than difficult to deal with until her own life circumstances and attitude change for the better.

As she gains confidence and maturity, Vanessa discovers that no vision is required for her to find new and lasting friendships—and then, at last, new love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Justice
• Release date: Oct 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463558959

Book preview

Introduction

This is a work of fiction. For the most part, any resemblance to real–life characters is coincidental. There is, however, one exception. I have included many of my own life experiences and those of my wife, Linda. Each and every day, I thank God that Linda is real. Her love and support make my life a happy and rewarding experience. I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge Linda’s contributions to this novel.

Adventitious blindness, visual impairment developed after birth, is extremely difficult to face. The techniques and experiences described here are based on actual, documented cases. When faced by this tremendous challenge, a person has the choice of learning to live blind or spending the rest of life in a limited, restricted environment.

Chapter 1

Vanessa held his waist as the ATV bucked and swayed over the rough terrain. It bounced across a small ravine, and for a moment, the machine was airborne. Then it hit the opposite bank and staggered before settling down to its roaring, grinding progress through the woodland.

The ride was so cool! She loved the challenge of staying upright and hanging on. Both of them were yelling with the sheer joy of the experience.

Brian aimed the three–wheeled machine at a steep hill and gunned the engine. They rose out of the smaller trees, and Vanessa could see for quite a distance as the ATV topped the rise. She was amazed by the view.

Wow! Look at that! she said. Below them, the sun glittered on the surface of a lake.

It was at that moment that the ground gave way under the machine’s left tire. One minute they were riding happily. The next, the Suzuki was sliding, then falling through the air toward the lake, fifty feet below them.

That lake was the last thing Vanessa ever saw.

The two of them hit the water, and the ATV crashed down on top of them. Everything went black.

* * * * *

The old naturalist, Stan, had seen the all–terrain vehicle in his binoculars. He was annoyed because the noisy machine had disturbed two birds he was watching.

The bright yellow vehicle topped the rise, and the man wondered where these kids thought they were going. That’s Crater Lake! he thought. It’s a fifty–foot drop from that side. Oh my God, they’re going over the edge!

The ATV flipped over and crashed into the shallows. Water fountained up around the machine, so Stan couldn’t see it clearly. He whirled to head for his car and the CB radio he always kept there for emergencies. He switched to Channel 9 and began the call.

Mayday! Mayday! I just saw two kids go over the cliff into Crater Lake. Somebody! Anybody! Call the emergency services people.

His delivery was calm and concise. Old Stan was a longtime Citizens’ Band radio user, and he knew that if you got excited and started yelling into the mike, no one would understand you. He hoped someone was monitoring the channel, as they were supposed to be doing.

The small speaker crackled with an immediate response. I read you 5 by 5, buddy. What’s your handle, and where are you now?

This is Bird Watcher. I’m parked in the animal sanctuary near Crater Lake. Now, please stop wasting time and call for help. Those kids just went off that cliff and into the water.

Relax, Bird Watcher. My old lady is relaying the information as we talk. The ranger will be there in less than five minutes. You stay on this channel in case we need any more information. 10–4?

10–4. I’m not going anywhere except to see if I can keep those kids from drowning. I’ll put this thing on the outside speaker so I can hear you. Do you copy that?

I got it, Bird Watcher. I’m Cal at Truck Stop Ten. I monitor this frequency at this time. I’ll yell for you if we need anything. Truck Stop Ten out.

Stan hung the microphone back in its dash–mounted clip and flipped a switch that sent the receiver’s signal to a speaker mounted in the grill of his Jeep. He grabbed his first aid kit, and then he raced from the car toward the lake shore.

He saw the girl first. She had been thrown clear, but the whole side of her head was a bloody mess. She was turning blue from the freezing water.

He checked her for broken bones or back injuries first, and then he eased her out of the water. A rock had hit her just behind her left eye. But she was still breathing.

Damn it! he thought. Why the hell did these kids have to bring that thing in here?

He ran for the blanket in his back seat and covered the girl. Her slender body was shaking uncontrollably from the cold.

I’ll bet she’s in shock, too, he thought.

Stan turned toward the crash site, and then he saw the boy. He had landed half in the water, and the ATV was on top of him.

Stan ran to the boy’s side, but he was afraid to move the machine, even if he could lift it.

Those damned things weigh hundreds of pounds, he thought. I’ve got to get him out of there before he suffers from hypothermia.

Then he heard a welcome sound. Two sirens were singing a weird duet out on the highway. He saw the lights flashing off the trees, and then the sheriff’s car, followed by a rescue vehicle, came roaring into the small parking area.

In no time, three husky firemen had lifted the Suzuki off the unconscious boy and removed him from the water. The sheriff looked down and gasped. Oh, Lord! Look at his legs!

The EMT nodded. I see them. All we can do right now is stabilize him. There’s nothing I can do about those legs out here.

As gently as possible, they slid Brian onto a stretcher, supporting his shattered legs to prevent any unnecessary movement.

The sheriff had the foresight to remove the keys, which were still in the ignition of the machine. All we need is for some other kids to get hold of this thing, he said.

One of the firemen looked more closely and shook his head. It’s not going anywhere for a while. Look at the front fork.

The front wheel had been bent by the impact. The fork, or front part of the vehicle, was now twisted at an odd angle.

The sheriff made a note on his pad. We’ll have to send someone to clear this up.

* * * * *

Vanessa regained consciousness to the sounds of activity around her. There were announcements coming over some kind of speaker system, the movement of busy people as they passed by where she was lying, and voices, dozens of voices. Vanessa caught the stringent aroma of alcohol and other things she couldn’t put a name to.

But why is it so dark? she wondered. How can these people see to move around when there isn’t any light?

Are you Vanessa Farinelli? a man asked.

She turned toward the sound of his voice, but couldn’t see him. Yes. Where am I? Why is it so dark in here?

The resident glanced around the brightly lit emergency room and shook his head. You’re in a hospital, Miss Farinelli. You were brought in after some kind of accident. How do you feel?

Everything that can hurt is hurting. I feel like I’ve been in a car wreck.

Then the memories came rushing back. Her face blanched, and Vanessa tried to sit up. Where’s Brian? What happened? And why is it so damned dark?

The intern was wondering how much he could say. Should I tell her? Is this part of my responsibility? I’ll have the doctor on duty come talk to you in a few minutes, Miss Farinelli. Just relax, now. Everything will be explained in due time.

Vanessa heard the man’s steps as he walked away. She raised her voice and yelled, trying to stop him. That just isn’t good enough! Put the damned lights on! Where are you going? I’m not finished talking to you yet!

The resident glanced at the lovely teenager, and a sad expression crossed his face. You’re going to have a lot of unpleasant surprises and a great many unanswered questions in your life soon enough, he thought.

* * * * *

Although she didn’t know it, Brian was lying only twenty feet from the angry girl. Vanessa had tried to get out of bed, only to find that she was gently but firmly strapped in place.

She called out once, but no one responded. She drew in a deep breath and was ready to scream at the top of her lungs when a quiet voice stopped her.

Vanessa, it’s Dr. Quill. The hospital called me, and I came right down. Your parents are on the way. Now settle down, child. There are some things I have to tell you, and it won’t be easy for either of us. Are you ready to listen? Dr. Quill was her family physician.

Yes, Doctor. She wasn’t stupid. In her heart, she knew something very serious was going on.

Vanessa, you’re okay for the most part. You’re badly bruised, and there are some scrapes and contusions that will have to heal. We had to trim back your hair to work near your eye. But there is one big problem. Vanessa, you’re blind. We don’t know if the condition is permanent, but for now, you can’t see, not even light. That’s why it seems so dark to you. Actually, it’s very bright and cheerful in here.

Vanessa simply couldn’t take it in. Blind? I’m blind?

She had visions of eternal darkness, a life with no hope, no joy, no future! She had seen a blind woman trying to cross the street in town. People passed her by, Vanessa included, ignoring her obvious need for help. Was she being paid back for her meanness?

The more she thought about it, the more terrifying the idea became. She opened her mouth and began to scream.

* * * * *

Ricardo Farinelli climbed out of his Corvette and waited for his wife and their older daughter, Corrine. Rick was so angry that he wouldn’t have been surprised if steam had poured out of his ears. He fidgeted in the lot as Myrna parked the Buick. Finally, they joined him.

I’m going to kill that damned boy this time! He’s always getting Van into some kind of trouble! Rick said angrily.

Corrine glared at her father. Dad, for once in your life, shut the hell up! Vanessa went with Brian voluntarily. He didn’t tie her up and drag her out there.

Myrna Farinelli could read all the danger signs and intervened. Both of you stop it, right now. As she usually did, she was trying to keep the peace. This is no time for family feuding.

A biting response was on the tip of Rick’s tongue, but he swallowed it and walked with his family into the hospital.

The wait seemed interminable, but finally, Dr. Quill met them in a small waiting area.

Five minutes later, after the doctor had described Vanessa’s condition, the angry words were forgotten. Corrine started to cry. Myrna looked as though she would never recover from the news. Rick had lost all the blood from his face. He leaned against the wall to avoid falling down in front of his family.

Vanessa’s going to need a lot of help adjusting to her blindness, said the doctor. You’ll all need an ocean of patience. You know how combative she can be. Well, now she has a real burden to bear. We’re going to run some tests before she leaves the hospital. We have to determine the cause of her sight loss. I’ll keep you all posted with the latest information. We had to sedate her. When I told Vanessa about her blindness, she went a bit over the edge. I can’t blame her, of course. I’m very sorry about this. We’ll do all we can to help. You know that.

Vanessa had been moved to a private room. She lay there on her back, eyes open, but seeing nothing. When she heard the footsteps, she turned toward the sound.

Rick stared at his daughter. Her face looked as if someone had beaten her badly. Her beautiful eyes were open, but there was no one there.

Myrna was the first to speak. Van, we’re here, honey, all of us. Oh, Van! My poor baby!

Tears filled Vanessa’s eyes, and her arms went out toward her mother. Myrna held her daughter and added her tears to Vanessa’s. Rick stood nearby, his face a mask of shock and sadness. Corrine stared at her sister. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Her sister, her wonderful, intelligent, sometimes annoying sister, was blind.

Vanessa stopped crying eventually, and then she said something that would be repeated in one way or another for months to come. Mom, I want to die. I don’t want to go on living if I’m blind. I can’t stand it! I want to die!

The knife of pain slammed through Rick. Oh my God, no! Not my Vanessa! Dear Lord, why Vanessa?

Vanessa was Rick’s favorite. Everyone knew that. She had Rick’s strong personality and love of life. She even had his classic Italian looks on a smaller, more delicate scale. Visions of his daughter riding, swimming, and running through one of his construction sites made him hurt even more. Of all of them, he could understand best what Vanessa meant. He, too, would want to die if he couldn’t go on living as he was doing now. But Vanessa would never be able to do those things again. Oh, yes, Rick knew exactly what Vanessa meant.

He excused himself and went out into the hallway, looking for Dr. Quill. There he was, coming out of a nearby room. Walking with him was someone Rick knew only too well. Peter Flaherty looked as if someone had died, someone very close to him.

Rick’s temper flared and then subsided.

Dr. Quill saw Rick’s expression and stepped between the two men. Now, Rick. Don’t start anything.

But Peter knew there was no danger of that. Rick looked just as lost as he did.

Pete, Rick asked, what happened to Brian?

Both his legs are crushed, Peter said. That damned angel maker landed right on top of him. They may have to amputate.

Oh, sweet Jesus, what a terrible thing! Rick looked sick. Vanessa is blind, Pete. Something happened to her when she fell.

The two men stared at each other and then collapsed into nearby chairs.

A tiny old lady came to the door, looked out at the two men, and crossed herself before turning back.

That’s my mother, Mary, said Peter. My Lord, Rick, what are we going to do?

Rick’s mind was so torn with shock and loss that he had no words for this man, who was as stricken as he himself was.

Where there’s life, there’s hope, said the doctor.

At that moment, Rick and Peter had about the same vision of the future. They both saw unending hell for their children.

Chapter 2

Eventually, her family left for the night, and Vanessa was alone. She hated that.

I’m in a strange place where nobody gives a damn, she thought. I’m blind, and I’m alone.

Tears poured down her face, wetting her gown and the top part of the sheet that covered her.

A nurse had been in a few times to check on Vanessa. At one point during the evening, someone had removed the intravenous needle from her hand. That was a relief in itself. Vanessa was constantly worried about pulling on the tube and hurting herself. Then she recalled something else. She remembered that a call bell was tied to the bed rail next to her.

She put out her hand and felt the rail. At first, she moved the wrong way, but then she reversed the search, and her fingers encountered something that felt like a tube. She followed it until she had a small device with a button on the end in her hand.

She pushed the button. Far away, she heard a musical chime go off. Then Vanessa heard the whisper of soft–soled shoes, and someone was in the room with her.

Yes? How can I help you? It was a woman’s voice.

I have to pee.

I’ll get you a bedpan.

I don’t want to go in a pan. Can’t I get up and use the bathroom?

Let me check. The nurse walked away quickly and returned in only a minute or two. I’ll lead you to the bathroom. I’m Mrs. Gentry.

She gently moved Vanessa’s arms so that her hands were in her lap, then lowered the bed rail. Now, reach out your hand and take my arm, she directed.

Vanessa reached tentatively toward the sound and felt a large, firm arm. The nurse patted her hand and told her to hold on and stand up.

Vanessa swung her legs out of bed and felt for the floor. It was cold under her bare feet. She tried to stand, and a wave of dizziness came over her. But she held on, and soon the feeling passed.

Slowly and carefully, the nurse guided her charge through a door and into a smaller room. Vanessa could smell disinfectant and moisture.

The commode is right in front of you.

Vanessa put out a foot and felt the base of the toilet. The nurse put her hand on the seat and then on the roll of paper mounted on the wall. Vanessa lifted her hospital gown and turned into what she thought was the right position. Mrs. Gentry had to guide her a little, but she was soon seated properly. Relief swept through her as she relaxed on the seat. She reached for the paper, and that wasn’t a problem. She never looked anyway during this simple task.

The flush handle is behind you and to your right.

Vanessa felt back and located the tank. She cautiously moved her hand until she encountered the lever.

Feel better now? asked the nurse.

Yeah, thanks.

The nurse showed her the sink, but insisted on setting the water temperature herself.

Vanessa washed and rinsed her hands, and the nurse handed her a towel. It hangs right here on the wall, she said.

After a few false tries, Vanessa found the towel rack and crammed the towel onto it. Every time she failed, Vanessa was reminded that this was her life, now. It hurt like nothing she had ever known before in her experience.

Get used to, it you stupid little bitch, she told herself. This is what you have to work with.

Brave words. To tell the truth, she was scared to death.

After she settled into her bed, the nurse asked her if she wanted a drink of water.

Okay.

Mrs. Gentry put Vanessa’s hand around the waxed paper cup and showed her the straw. The water tasted good. It was clean and cold, just what her parched throat needed.

The nurse chuckled. Crying takes a lot out of you, doesn’t it?

Vanessa nodded. That was a mistake. The dizziness returned, but not for long. She relaxed and settled herself.

I’ll never sleep, she thought. Not after this day from hell.

The next thing Vanessa heard was an orderly pushing a cart into her room. A friendly woman spoke to her. You can have breakfast if you’d like.

She set up the tray and rolled the bedstand until the table crossed over Vanessa’s bed. The woman elevated her head, wished the girl a good morning, and left the room.

How the heck am I supposed to eat without seeing anything? Vanessa had spoken just under her breath, but someone had heard her.

Dr. Quill moved into the room. Hello, Vanessa. Since you’re having breakfast in bed, do you mind if I sit with you?

Vanessa agreed.

The doctor showed her where the toast was and buttered her a piece. He asked her how she liked her coffee and stirred in two packets of sugar.

Vanessa didn’t want to tackle the hot oatmeal, so she settled for the toast, juice, and coffee.

The doctor pulled up a chair and talked to her as she ate.

We’ve been keeping you under observation. You had a concussion, and it’s always best to make sure nothing more serious has happened.

Vanessa couldn’t imagine anything more devastating than being blind.

You can go home this afternoon. I’ve already notified your family. Your cuts and bruises will heal. I’m more concerned about your mental state.

Why? Because I’m blind? Wouldn’t it have been easier if I’d just died out there? I don’t want to live like this! I’ll be a cripple, a laughingstock, for the rest of my life. How could anyone want to live like that? Tell me that, Dr. Quill. Why am I being tortured like this?

Thousands of people live relatively normal lives as blind people, Vanessa. Some of them are your age or even younger. You can learn to deal with this. You can learn to live again.

Vanessa didn’t want to hear it. How can you call this living? I’ll never see my own face in a mirror again. I’ll never see another bird or flower. I’ll never learn to drive a car or be able to watch TV again. What kind of life am I going to have, Doctor? I’ll tell you how it will be. My father or my mother will get tired of waiting on me. One or both of them will put me in a home somewhere and try to forget all this. I mean it; I’d rather die. I can’t face living like this. Please help me to die! It’ll be better for everyone, for me and my family. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. Please, give me something to help me die.

A look of deep concern passed between the doctor and the nurse who had come in with him. I can’t do that, Vanessa. You’re a beautiful young girl. You must face your blindness as a challenge and overcome it.

Vanessa’s anger and resentment grew to a fever pitch. I’ll find a way, she said. If you won’t help me, I’ll find a way to die. Then she stopped talking.

The doctor couldn’t get another word out of her.

* * * * *

The nurse helped her dress, and Vanessa’s family came and took her home. Corrine tried to help her sister, but Vanessa wouldn’t make any effort.

That night, when everyone was sleeping, Vanessa got out of bed and felt her way to the bathroom. She remembered that her mother kept sleeping pills on the bottom shelf of the medicine cabinet. It took her a while, but she finally located the door of the little wall–mounted unit. She found a plastic prescription bottle and located the cup dispenser. Vanessa took all twenty–eight of the pills in that bottle. Then, slowly and carefully, she made her way back to bed.

Vanessa felt the drugs take hold, and for a moment, she regretted her actions. But now it was too late. She lay back on her pillows and waited for the end.

Myrna found the empty bottle the next morning. She called Dr. Quill immediately.

You were right, doctor. She took every one of those vitamin pills, thinking they were my sleeping prescription. Oh, thank you for warning us! She’ll be mad as hell when she wakes up, but she’ll be alive. That’s the important thing.

When Vanessa woke a little later, her mother was sitting beside her bed. The first thing the girl noticed was her mother’s scent.

Mom?

Yes, Van, it’s me.

Why am I still alive? I took all your sleeping pills last night. But they weren’t your pills, were they? You substituted something else, didn’t you?

Yes, honey, I did. Vanessa, I don’t want you to die. I love you too much for that. You will never be a burden to me, no matter what happens. You’re still a part of me, my beautiful girl. Without you, my life would be so empty!

Vanessa could hear the tears in her mother’s voice. Mom, I’m worthless. I’m broken, and I can’t be fixed. You don’t want an accident like me around, do you?

Yes, I do, Van! If you’ll let me, I’ll do everything I can to help you fight this terrible thing. I want you to win, honey, not to die. You can’t let this thing beat you. You just can’t!

Myrna was sobbing. Vanessa pushed herself up and reached for her mother. They embraced, sharing tears and knowing the depth of their love for each other.

Corrine joined them and sat beside Vanessa, holding her from the other side. Oh, Van, don’t you dare leave me! I’d rather have a blind sister than a sad memory. I’ll kick the ass of anyone who gives you a hard time, but I can’t make you want to live. I love you, Van. We all do. Don’t you know that you’re too damn stubborn and determined to be a burden to anybody?

Sitting there with her mother and sister, Vanessa passed through some kind of portal in her life. During rough times, she’d thought of suicide before, but she’d never tried a stunt like that before. Now she never would again. Her family’s expressions of love and support had finally reached the frozen place inside her and warmed it.

Later that night, Rick came home. Vanessa was sitting on the couch, listening to the stereo. Rick paused for a moment.

Daddy?

The next moment, Rick was holding his daughter, and hard, racking sobs were coming from this man who never showed weakness. Oh, Vanessa, I’m so sorry, honey. We’ll make it work, my girl. We have to!

That night at dinner, Vanessa didn’t want to join everyone at the table. I’ll knock something over and make a mess, like Helen Keller in the movie, she said. The thought of spilling her drink or dropping food made her shudder.

Corrine offered to help. I’ll cut your food for you.

Her mother added reassurance. We’ll show you where everything is. Daddy will be very upset if you’re not there, Van. We always get together at dinner. You know that.

The two women coaxed Vanessa down into the dining room, and things didn’t go as badly as she’d feared they would. At one point her hand tipped the glass of iced tea, but just in time, Corrine stopped it from falling. Vanessa looked at her sister with an expression of gratitude. Her eyes didn’t focus, but Corrine got the message anyway.

Vanessa ate slowly and carefully. She realized that her hand knew how far to travel to reach her waiting mouth.

Later, Corrine commented on that. You haven’t seen yourself eating, Van. Not ever, as far as I know. When you think about it, you don’t watch what you’re doing a lot of the time. Eating is more practice and experience than seeing. In fact, I’ll bet your hesitation is made up of fear more than anything else.

Vanessa thought about that. Yeah, you’re right. When I get up to go to the bathroom at night, I don’t turn on the light. Somehow, my body knows just how far to go. Once in a while, I miscalculate and stub my toes, but that’s rare. I think that a lot of what I’m afraid of is not seeing.

Corrine continued. You’ll still have to be careful in some cases. We’ll have to remember not to move the furniture—unless we’re mad at you.

That made Vanessa laugh for the first time since the accident. Naturally, that realization brought everything crashing back into her mind.

Chapter 3

Vanessa and Corrine had just settled down in the living room to talk. Vanessa reflected on how much her life had changed in one single instant. One moment, she was riding happily with Brian through the beautiful April woodland. The next moment, or so it seemed, the lights had gone out forever.

I wonder if Mom and Dad ever imagined that anything like this would happen to them, she thought. Then her fierce, unbreakable spirit rebelled against her misery, and a voice inside her started giving the girl some serious hell.

Knock it off, Vanessa! The only thing that tears do is get you wet. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start putting your life back together. It’s not over. It’s just different. Nothing is going to change that, now. All the regrets and boohooing won’t fix anything. Oh, sure, go ahead and cry. You’ve got the right. Look at everything you’ve lost. But then think about what you have to do. People are going to try to help you, but the willpower and the guts are in you, nowhere else. Get your act together, and starting now, begin to rebuild your life from scratch. You’re not going to die. You know that. So what’s the alternative?

Vanessa sat back in her chair and turned her thoughts to the life she had once known.

Vanessa was a junior at Ridgewood High School. She and Brian had attended many of the same classes. Although Peter Flaherty, Brian’s father, and Rick, Vanessa’s dad, were often arguing with one another, Vanessa knew they respected each other. It had started when both boys had tried to date Myrna Lowe, Vanessa’s mother. Myrna had dated both young men for a while, but she finally settled on Rick. Peter had almost hated his friend for that. Then Peter had met Kathleen Boyer. She was drawn to the big construction man like a bee to honey. They married about seven months later. That was twenty–two years in the past, but the two friends still got into occasional shouting matches over one thing or another.

Rick was a builder, architect, and designer. Pete was a contractor with many employees. They worked well together, and there were many houses in Ridgewood, Old Tappan, and other towns in northern New Jersey that were fine examples of their combined talent. Vanessa’s family home was one of their first successful jobs.

When Vanessa and Brian had started dating, it had made Rick very uneasy. But then, he would have felt that way about any boy dating his favorite daughter.

The two kids were a bit wild and loved adventure of any kind. They had taken the bus together and gone out to the Statue of Liberty without getting their parents’ permission. When Rick learned that his daughter had been in New York City, he almost burst a blood vessel.

But until that terrible day, only two days before, nothing bad had happened to either of them. Oh, sure, they were late getting home from dates. Brian’s old Corvette sounded like a fire engine, and he drove too fast at times, but he had never abused or mistreated Vanessa in any way.

The ATV ride was a shared idea. Vanessa had seen it parked in a field behind the Flaherty house.

Let’s take it somewhere where we can go exploring, she said.

Pete had a lowboy, a truck designed to move construction equipment. A steel ramp could be pulled down, and anything with wheels could be driven up onto the platform. It would be a moment’s work to drive the Suzuki up onto the truck, secure it in place, and go off looking for somewhere new to ride it.

Brian had asked his father’s permission before taking the truck. Pete knew his boy was a good driver and could handle anything from that silly ATV to a tractor trailer. After all, Pete had taught him.

He paused long enough to give Brian a stern warning. Don’t you be going fast with that lowboy, Brian. If that ATV shifts, the truck will be over before you know it.

Brian nodded. Before he and Vanessa climbed into the big, comfortable cab, the boy checked the lashings again to make sure the three–wheeled vehicle was secured.

They had seen the lake from the road and had driven into the parking lot on the north side of the nature preserve. No one else was nearby. There were inviting trails going off in many directions. It seemed perfect. They unloaded the ATV, locked the truck, and chose one of the wide, paved paths. It was so quiet that when Brian started the vehicle’s motor, Vanessa gave him a worried look. But they climbed onto the seat and were soon moving happily through the dense trees.

Vanessa came back to the real world with a start.

Corrine had been watching the play of expressions on her sister’s face. Were you thinking about the accident?

Vanessa nodded. "Yeah. Everything started off so well. Oh, Corrine, why did this happen to us? Why did God, if there is a God, do this to us? We weren’t doing anything wrong. We didn’t even…you know. Why? For the love of God, why?"

Corrine looked sadly at her younger sister. Van, I don’t know. There is a God. You know that. Maybe if He hadn’t been watching out for you, you’d be dead now instead of blind.

Vanessa’s face took on a sad expression. "Sometimes I wish I were dead."

Corrine shook her head and gave Vanessa a worried look the girl couldn’t see.

They climbed the stairs and headed off to their rooms.

Vanessa thought of Brian as she undressed and laid her clothes on a chair. I wonder how he’s doing after the accident, she thought.

The idea of dying left Vanessa as she brushed her hair and climbed into bed. If this is the life I have, she thought, I’d better get used to it. But where do I begin?

All of this was going to take time. But what else did she have to do?

Below her, Rick and Myrna sat in the quiet living room, discussing their daughter.

Rick’s expression was a mixture of fury and sadness. Every time I see her, I get mad all over again! If Brian hadn’t taken her out on that stupid ATV, none of this would have happened.

Myrna touched his arm. "Rick, you can’t put the blame on Brian. Look at what’s happened to him. He’s still in the hospital, and the doctors aren’t sure if they’ll be able to save his legs. That boy didn’t plan this disaster. Imagine what kind of life he’s going to live from now on.

"Maybe we’d better start thinking about how we can help Van cope with her blindness. I know it’s hard, but you can’t let her know you’re angry. It will only make her feel worse. She’s already tried to kill herself once. Don’t push her there again. I love you, Rick, but you’re like an avalanche. Once you get started on a course of action, there isn’t much that can stop you. I know you’re hurting for Van. So am I. But please, for her sake, set aside your feelings and try to work with me. We’re going to have the tremendous job of reconstructing our daughter from the broken pieces she has left. If it helps, try to think of it as one of your designs!

Rick, we have to work together to find the best things to preserve and protect while discarding the ones she can’t use anymore. I know I don’t normally talk to you like this, but I really need your help, now more than ever.

Rick stared at his wife. She had always intervened when family members got into a scrap, but as she had just pointed out, she rarely challenged his positions or questioned his feelings.

He sat chin in hand and thought about what Myrna had said. He knew Vanessa was going to feel that she had let him down. If he didn’t reassure her, those feelings could get worse, and then… No. He wasn’t going to see that happen.

Okay, mama lion, I get the message. How can I help? What can I do? What can any of us do for her?

Some of Myrna’s tension left her, and she sat back in her armchair. Confronting her husband had been tough. He had always been the man of the house. His decisions were obeyed without question—unless, like now, he was going down a dangerous and damaging path.

I may need your help, she said, to get cooperation from some of the people around here. I don’t want them staring at Van like she’s some kind of three–car wreck on the highway. Can you talk to our friends and family? Ask them to be considerate when they meet Van now.

Rick thought that over for a minute. Most of his family wouldn’t be a problem, but there was one exception. Some of my relatives don’t know how to be considerate, he said. His last words were spoken in something like a growl. Myrna and he exchanged a knowing look. She loved Rick’s family—except