Riding and Regrets

By Bailey Bradford

Jody Bates just wanted to fit in and forget his past, but you can't escape everything.

Jody Bates had a hard life as a kid, but he's moved past that and is making a home for himself at the Mossy Glenn. Sometimes he smarts off, but he's young, and he's learning.

What he hasn't learned yet is that you can never completely escape your past.

Jody has a few blank spots, things he can't quite remember. Like a lot of kids, he did some stupid things and figures he's lucky to have come out relatively unscathed. Sure there's a scar here and there, but on the whole, he's doing just fine.

But something that happens brings about an enormous change in his life. Jody finds himself with a kid he didn't know he'd fathered and memories trying to surface about the drug-filled night the child had to have been conceived. Jody, at twenty, is overwhelmed and more scared than he's ever been in his life.

Noel Cuthbert needed a change. He was tired of the bar scene, tired of getting dumped. He seemed to have a six-month expiration date per relationship. The last guy almost broke him in more ways than one, and moving across the country had sounded like a brilliant idea when he'd first thought of it.

Now he's in Ashville, Montana, and his Aunt Gertie is doing everything she can to talk him into staying. She needs his help, and Noel needs to be needed.

And he's never seen anyone who needs him more than the young man who walks into Gertie's daycare with a screaming toddler on his hip.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pride Publishing
• Release date: May 2, 2014
• ISBN: 9780857156884

Bailey Bradford

A native Texan, Bailey spends her days spinning stories around in her head, which has contributed to more than one incident of tripping over her own feet. Evenings are reserved for pounding away at the keyboard, as are early morning hours. Sleep? Doesn't happen much. Writing is too much fun, and there are too many characters bouncing about, tapping on Bailey's brain demanding to be let out. Caffeine and chocolate are permanent fixtures in Bailey's office and are never far from hand at any given time. Removing either of those necessities from Bailey's presence can result in what is known as A Very, Very Scary Bailey and is not advised under any circumstances.

Book preview

Page

A Totally Bound Publication

Riding and Regrets

ISBN # 978-0-85715-688-4

©Copyright Bailey Bradford 2014

Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright March 2014

Edited by Rebecca Douglas

Totally Bound Publishing

This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Totally Bound Publishing.

Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Totally Bound Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

Published in 2014 by Totally Bound Publishing, Newland House, The Point, Weaver Road, Lincoln, LN6 3QN

Warning:

This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has a heat rating of Totally Burning and a Sexometer of 3.

Mossy Glenn Ranch

RIDING AND REGRETS

Bailey Bradford

Book five in the Mossy Glenn Ranch series

Jody Bates just wanted to fit in and forget his past, but you can’t escape everything.

Jody Bates had a hard life as a kid, but he’s moved past that and is making a home for himself at the Mossy Glenn. Sometimes he smarts off, but he’s young, and he’s learning.

What he hasn’t learned yet is that you can never completely escape your past.

Jody has a few blank spots, things he can’t quite remember. Like a lot of kids, he did some stupid things and figures he’s lucky to have come out relatively unscathed. Sure there’s a scar here and there, but on the whole, he’s doing just fine.

But something that happens brings about an enormous change in his life. Jody finds himself with a kid he didn’t know he’d fathered and memories trying to surface about the drug-filled night the child had to have been conceived. Jody, at twenty, is overwhelmed and more scared than he’s ever been in his life.

Noel Cuthbert needed a change. He was tired of the bar scene, tired of getting dumped. He seemed to have a six-month expiration date per relationship. The last guy almost broke him in more ways than one, and moving across the country had sounded like a brilliant idea when he’d first thought of it.

Now he’s in Ashville, Montana, and his Aunt Gertie is doing everything she can to talk him into staying. She needs his help, and Noel needs to be needed.

And he’s never seen anyone who needs him more than the young man who walks into Gertie’s daycare with a screaming toddler on his hip.

Dedication

Growing up is hard, and it doesn’t happen magically when you turn eighteen. To all of us who were really late bloomers, and those like me who are still working on it.

Trademarks Acknowledgement

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

Fleshlight: ILF, LLC

Honda Fit: American Honda Motor Co, Inc

Google: Google Inc.

Post-It: 3M

Wranglers: VF Corp.

Facebook: Facebook Inc.

MySpace: MySpace Inc., Specific Media LLC

Chapter One

Noel Cuthbert parked his Honda Fit in his Aunt Gertie’s driveway, frowning at the lack of protection for his baby. "This won’t do at all. There wasn’t a garage or even one of those cheesy metal carports. Just…open space. Ugh."

So far, he wasn’t impressed with Montana. The last best place my ass, he said, referencing one of the many slogans he’d heard used for the state. Does seem like it’s the last place, period. Nothing but mountains and cows and pickup trucks.

Well, he’d wanted to come, so he needed to shut up. Noel turned the car off and unbuckled. It was almost dark, and he kind of wanted to see the sky. That was one thing he’d definitely enjoyed on the week-long drive from California. He’d seen some amazing night skies. Something told him that Montana would offer him one that was simply stunning.

State has to have something going for it. He got out and gathered his laptop bag from the passenger seat. After he had his luggage, too, Noel headed up the sidewalk to the house.

The sidewalk itself was indicative of the whole neighborhood. Worn, cracked in places, in serious need of weeding. Looked almost like it’d be easier to tear the whole walk up and re-pour new cement for it, rather than patch the cracks.

Not that Noel was volunteering, no way. He wasn’t built for manual labor. His gently sculpted muscles had taken forever to find beneath the flab he used to carry. That was the hardest he could work, and while he was proud of his slimmed down body, it’d really only caused him more trouble than not.

Noel sniffed. Who’d known that trying to get himself in shape would attract all the shallow assholes right to him? It’d been flattering at first. After all, he’d been the shy, fat boy who’d been teased in school up until then. To find men coming up to him and hitting on him once he’d lost weight and toned up some had been kind of addictive.

And okay, he’d maybe developed a bit of an ego for a while there, but that had been well and truly demolished after the last disastrous relationship.

Ugh. Just don’t even go there, he muttered to himself. He’d gotten used to his own chatter on the drive. The quiet had been unnerving when he’d grown sick of his playlists.

Beside the sidewalk, Noel noticed dead plants. Some kind of flowers, though he didn’t know what type they were. Other than dead, obviously. Crumbling edging, uneven and appearing to be made of faded brown or black plastic, ran parallel to either side of the walk. The rest of the yard seemed okay, if in need of a mowing. Rose bushes surrounded the porch, and at least those plants appeared to be thriving. Over-thriving, even. Noel was pretty sure they needed to be pruned, or maybe groomed with a blow-torch.

He heard the squeak of the door just before Aunt Gertie stepped outside. Noel Cuthbert, you get up here and give me a hug!

All of the troubles that had been riding on Noel’s shoulders fell away, at least for a few minutes as he rushed up the stairs. They groaned beneath his feet and he hoped that the old wood wouldn’t give way on him. The porch itself wasn’t any more stable. The wooden slats were bowed all over, and a couple were even missing.

Aunt Gertie. Noel stopped in front of his aunt. She wasn’t much shorter than his five-ten, maybe five-eight or so. They were close enough in height that he didn’t have to stoop to hug her, anyway.

Come here, boy, she said gruffly as she reached for him.

Noel barely had time to set the bags down before he was pulled into her surprisingly strong embrace. Hi.

Gertie smoothed her hands in circles over his back. I’m sorry for whatever hurt you, honey, but I’m so glad you’re here.

Noel almost laughed at that, but he was afraid he’d end up sobbing if he opened his mouth just then.

You don’t have to tell me, not ever, but if you want to, I’ll listen. You know I will. Gertie kissed his cheek then, keeping one arm around him, leaned back enough to push the chunk of hair back off his brow. With the dimming light, it was impossible to make out the color of her eyes, but Noel didn’t have to. He saw her eyes every time he looked in the mirror, the gray-rimmed green identical, just like the shape of their eyes and the thick, dark lashes framing them. He’d always looked more like Gertie than his dad or mom.

Whatever it is, we’ll make it better, Gertie vowed fiercely. No one gets to hurt my baby boy.

Noel, at twenty-five, was hardly anyone’s baby anything, but the words still warmed him and for the first time in ages, he truly felt loved.

Thank you, Aunt Gertie. He had to stop speaking then as his eyes and nose burned with the threat of tears.

Oh, honey, someone’s done a number on you. If I ever do find out the name of that man, or, God help me, men, I’m gonna go to prison. She grinned in a way that was all teeth and anger. Be worth it. No one gets to hurt you.

Noel sniffled. He was not going to cry. He hadn’t cried since— No. No going there ever again.

I ought to smack Richard upside the head, and Marcy, too, Gertie continued. Your parents are about useless. It’s a miracle you, Josephine and River turned out to be such good people, considering.

It’s because we had a fabulous aunt to help us when we were growing up, Noel told her. If you hadn’t lived with us all those years, there’s no telling how many prison sentences we’d all be serving.

Gertie chortled at that and stepped back a foot or so. Now, I could be modest, but it’s true that I stayed in California for you kids. Once you moved out, there wasn’t a reason for me to live in that hell-hole with those two parents of yours. I guess they’re still alive.

Last I heard. Noel wasn’t even hurt by the fucked up relationship, or lack of, that he had with his parents. I don’t keep in touch. Neither does Josie or River. I’m assuming the parents are still doing whatever it is they want to with no concern for us.

Gertie tipped her nose up and sniffed. You know, we weren’t raised up to be such selfish shits. Your daddy was always like that, though. Richard would do whatever it took to have his way and get what he wanted. Never did care who he hurt. I figured when him and your mom hooked up, they’d kill each other, they were so alike. She waved a hand. Well, whatever. They ain’t ever gonna change, and you kids came out great despite having a couple of sociopaths for parents. Now, come in here to the kitchen and let me feed you. You’ve gotten plumb scrawny.

I’m svelte, Noel protested as he was tugged along to the kitchen. He inhaled and the scents of garlic and basil made his mouth water. Pasta?

You know it. Just ’cause I live in cowboy country doesn’t mean I’m all about steak and taters now. I like my Italian food more than ever, and I’ve gotten damned great at cooking it.

For the first time since Gertie had moved away, Noel honestly felt like he was home—even if he was in an ass-backward state that was surely filled with homophobes. I’ve missed you something awful.

Gertie turned her glistening eyes on him as her bottom lip trembled. Oh, baby boy. You know I missed you kids, so much. Leaving was the hardest thing ever, but I… She swiped at her left eye as tears leaked onto her cheek. Well, darn it. I swore I wasn’t gonna cry, but I had to leave, you know. You kids had your own lives. There wasn’t any need for y’all to worry about visiting me when you had things to do, and I sure as hell couldn’t handle Richard and Marcy anymore.

Not that they were ever around much to begin with. Noel hugged his aunt, impulsively, tightly, burying his nose in her auburn hair. You gave up years of your own life for us, living with Mom and Dad.

Gertie slapped him on the butt, hard enough to surprise a squeak out of him. Now don’t you even start that crap. I didn’t give up nothing. You kids mean everything to me. You know I can’t have kids, and I love ’em so much, that’s why I have the daycare. But you, Josie and River are the babies I never had myself. When Marcy asked me to move in after Josie was born and I saw the way she was with that baby, holding her like she was some kind of weird thing, I had to say yes. I’ve never regretted, she said fervently. Never.

Noel knew that Gertie couldn’t have kids of her own, though he’d never asked why. It’d seemed rude to pry, and in the end, the reason didn’t matter. I’m selfish, maybe, but I’m glad we had you.

You kids deserved better parents than you got, but I like to think I made a difference. Gertie sniffled then smiled brightly. Well now, that’s enough of the mushy business. Unless you’re going to give me names for the jerks I need to break in two, we’re going to drop the serious stuff and have a nice meal while I convince you to move here permanently.

I love you a lot, Aunt Gertie, but a town like this… It wouldn’t be a place that took kindly to someone like him, out and proud and more than a little swishy, as his ex had called him. His ex was such a dick.

Gertie’s face lit up and she winked at him. Oh, now, son. You don’t know this town or the people here. And there’s this ranch that hires from every spectrum of the rainbow. Take a seat at the table.

Noel pulled out a chair and sat. Are you sure you don’t need me to help?

Bertie snorted at him.

So you’re telling me there’s a ranch full of gay cowboys? he asked instead as she set a large bowl of salad on the table.

Not just gay, Gertie corrected. I told you, the whole rainbow. Now, I don’t go asking people if they’re gay or whatever. Never understood how anyone thought they had the right to that kinda information. I mean, no one goes up and asks people if they’re straight. Just stupid. She added a platter of warm garlic bread to the table. Noel’s stomach growled.

Hungry boy, Gertie said. You always loved food, and that’s not a bad thing.

I love it too much, which is most definitely a bad thing. Noel cringed when he thought about those painful years when he’d been overweight. He knew first-hand how hateful people could be.

It was a source of comfort. Gertie added the pasta dish. You want water, soda or milk?

Water, please. I don’t drink soda or milk. Noel figured he was going to get a questioning look over that and he was right. Soda’s all sugar and the diet stuff is bad, too. Milk has too many antibiotics that come through from the cows—I don’t care what anyone says, that stuff doesn’t just vanish from the milk. There’s those, and growth hormones, and who knows what else in it. Organic milk is expensive. It has too many calories, too. I drink low-cal almond milk when I want something like that.

Almond milk, Gertie huffed. You stayed in California longer than you should have.

Noel laughed and as soon as Gertie took her seat, he dished them out some pasta while she put salad in smaller bowls for each of them. So, about this ranch. Are you telling me there’s available men, then?

I’d think so, Gertie answered. She forked some salad into her mouth and chewed it.

Noel wrinkled his nose at her. Not sure I’m ready for another man. There was a reason he’d invested in a Fleshlight, after all. It wasn’t just strictly for getting off, but hopefully for keeping him from doing something stupid, like turning to another man. For anything.

Gertie pointed her fork at him. Now you stop that kind of thinking right there. You’re young. Heck, I’m only forty-five, and I’m young. Well, young enough. I haven’t given up on love and you ain’t going to, either.

If you say so, Noel muttered. You’ll find Mr Right, but I won’t.

Gertie cocked her head and smirked. Noel. Don’t matter to me if it’s Missus or Mister, as long as my heart trusts them. You get past that cynical stage, and you’ll find that you still need love, too.

Gertie’s personal disclosure didn’t really surprise Noel, and as she’d said, making a big deal out of it was foolish. Noel let it pass along with her other claim that he’d get past the cynical stage. She’d left out the hurt, scared, and angry stages.

Noel wasn’t sure he’d ever move