A Raging Heart

By Eva Markert

Gina has fallen desperately in love - with Matt, her mother’s boyfriend, of all people, and she firmly believes that he reciprocates her feelings. But when Matt and her mother get married, Gina’s world collapses. She decides to lay all her cards on the table – with fatal consequences. It isn’t just her own life that completely falls apart. Until dramatic events force Gina to face up to her family and herself...

"A Raging Heart" is a Young Adult novel. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: BadPress
• Release date: Nov 22, 2019
• ISBN: 9781071515259

Book preview

A Raging Heart

by

Eva Markert

Chapter 1

Gina Paulsen hated Fridays. On Fridays, she had double maths in the morning, P.E. in the afternoon, and would only get home at around quarter to five. What’s more, in her eyes, P.E was an unreasonable demand. You had to wear yourself out for absolutely no reason, during football today, for example. Not to mention the high risk of getting hurt!

Besides, exercising wasn’t much fun when you were as skinny as she was. You can hear your bones rattling for miles, her classmates liked to joke. I thought skeletons would be extra flexible, was another common remark, whenever Gina would cling on to some piece of gymnastics equipment like washing hung out to dry. In the beginning, she had even laughed along, but after a while, the comments had started to get on her nerves.

They had come up with a new one in today’s class. The bars had been brought out. When Gina said, I hate the bars, I’m always scared of falling on my ass, somebody shouted, You couldn’t possibly fall on your ass - because you don’t have one! Most of them found it funny, judging by the roar that broke out afterwards. Gina had to smile as well, but it definitely wasn’t the funniest joke she had ever heard.

Oh, let them say what they want, said Thomas, putting his arm around her reassuringly.

Not a problem, Gina replied, breaking away from him.

She really didn’t mind being teased a little, especially when she knew her classmates quite liked her.

By the time she got home, she was still very glad it was all over: the P.E lesson, the day, the whole week at school. She heard her mother moving about in the kitchen. She seemed to be in good spirits, stirring a pot and humming as she went.

Hi, Mum! Gina flopped onto a chair. She noticed that her mother was wearing a new, rather tight t-shirt that really suited her.

"Hello, Ginny! How was school?"

She often asked that question. Too often. Good, Gina grumbled.

Though that was a big overstatement. The maths test, for example, hadn’t gone well at all. But she had better keep her mouth shut about that if she wanted to stop her weekend from being ruined.

And there came the question, as expected. And how was the maths test?

There was no point. She would find out anyway. Best to just take a deep breath and get it over with. Gina cleared her throat. I’m hoping I’ll scrape a D-.

Scrape a D-? her mother repeated angrily. I do hope so, too, for your sake. I would much prefer a C.

Mum! You know I’m bad at maths! And Witter asks far too much of us. Everybody says so.

I know you’re having trouble with maths. I can’t say whether Miss Witter is asking too much. But you’re not allowed to just use that as an excuse to do nothing. If you worked harder, then things at school would definitely get better.

The same old story all over again! Gina held in a sigh. The test was too hard, she said, defensively. Everybody’s saying they don’t feel good about how it went.

I don’t care what everybody else is saying her mother retorted. I only care about you, and you’re lazy. You should sit down every day, just for half an hour...

Gina switched off. She knew what was coming next anyway: stay on the ball from the beginning, ask the teacher or someone who’s good at maths as soon as she didn’t get something, stop hanging out so much with Jenny, blah blah blah. Luckily, she had got away with forgetting her German homework – that is, she’d done it but had left her exercise book at home. This had already happened several times before, and the teacher would have definitely sent a letter home. She preferred to not even imagine the hassle it would have caused...

Her mother was still going on about maths. ... could try to get a maths tutor, she heard her say.

For God’s sake! That would be the last thing she needed! Three lessons a week at school were more than enough! It was about time she changed the subject. Let’s wait and see how the next test goes, she said, adding, By the way, Jenny saw Witter with a man yesterday!

Oh yeah?

Fancy that? Hand in hand! giggled Gina.

So what? Miss Witter is a young woman. And teachers are people too. They fall in love just like everyone else does.

Gina couldn’t imagine anyone falling in love with that stupid cow. For the moment, however, she thought it best to keep those thoughts to herself.

I’ve wanted to tell you this for some time now... Michaela Paulsen hesitated. Gina looked at her curiously. Her mother almost looked a little shy.

I’ve met someone, she continued. A very nice man...

It now dawned on Gina. Oh, so that’s why you’ve been coming home late recently. You’ve been going out with him! And I thought you were doing overtime!

Her mother laughed sheepishly and turned to flip the meatballs. You can set the table now, she said, casually.

Do I know him? asked Gina, as she got the plates from the cupboard.

Not personally. But I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He owns a local painting business, which he took over from his father. The company has existed for decades.

I know the one you mean exclaimed Gina, cutting her off. They were at Jenny’s recently too, when they were renovating. He’s called Wagner, right? Or was it Wegener?

Wagner.

Gina placed the cutlery down next to the plates. And how did it come about? she wanted to know.

"His company took over our office renovation. He would stop by frequently. We got talking, spent our lunch breaks together and would meet after work."

Gina found the story so interesting that she completely forgot about laying the table. What’s he like then? she continued to pester her mother with questions.

Kind and funny.

And what does he look like?

I think he’s very handsome. He’s got dark hair, blue eyes, a very likable face. And his smile is so sweet... She looked off in a daydream.

Mum! You’ve really fallen for him!

How funny, her mother was actually blushing now! She took a deep breath, then she said, By the way, I’ve invited Matt over for dinner tomorrow. And we’re going to the cinema afterwards. He’s just as into films as I am.

This was getting more and more interesting! Okay, said Gina. I look forward to it. She contemplated it. Her mother having a boyfriend was a weird thought. On the one hand, you could ask, why not? She was nice and good-looking. On the other hand – at her age? She was already 35, that is to say, approaching 40 fast! Wasn’t that way too old for something like this?

No, her mother, in love, now that was hard for her to imagine. Hopefully, this man was actually decent. You could never tell beforehand...

Her mother put the food on the table, and they sat down to eat.

What are you thinking about? her mother asked.

Of that John guy. Do you remember him?

Michaela Paulsen rolled her eyes. Please, don’t remind me of him!

When Gina was still in primary school, her mother had been close to John, a bachelor. Things got pretty serious. Marriage was even on the cards at one point. Gina thought back to those days in horror. At first, he was actually quite nice. They would often do something together over the weekend. But then, they started to argue more and more. He wanted to control everything, was constantly right and would seem deeply offended if someone dared disagree with him. If he was insulted, he would disappear, vanishing off the face of the earth for days on end. Then he would suddenly turn up at the door as if nothing had happened. Right up to the point where her mother had had enough and dumped him.

Gina had been very relieved. No wonder he never found a wife, she had thought. He really drives everyone crazy. Her mother, at least, had been nothing but stressed by the end of it. Even after the break-up. It took quite a while for her to get back to her old self again.

Has Matt ever been married? she asked.

Yes. Her mother smiled. He is the complete opposite of John in every way.

Fortunately, with all the talk of Matt and John, her mother didn’t notice she was hardly eating. This time her lack of appetite was mainly down to the exciting news.

As Gina cleared the dishes into the dishwasher, she realized how happy she would be if Matt Wagner was really as nice as her mother claimed. She had always wanted a father. Gina never knew hers. He walked out on her mother before she was born. Because of her. Because there was absolutely no way that he wanted to have a kid.

Gina would always watch other people’s fathers. Take Jenny’s, for example – he was great. She envied her friend for that. The two of them stuck together like two peas in a pod. He always stood up for her in front of her mother and never made a scene whenever Jenny didn’t do what was expected of her. They shared a passion for running marathons. They set out together almost every weekend.

You’ve got it good, Gina once said, as Jenny raved about it to her. She had meant because she had such a nice father, but her friend misunderstood and thought she was interested in running. Come along with us next weekend, she suggested. Then we’ll only run half the distance. My dad is sure to say yes.

You can talk! I can’t even walk twenty kilometres, let alone run it.

You just have to train.

No way. I don’t fancy it. You know I hate exercise.

Jenny shook her head. You sound like Mum. She never wants to come either.

Do you think that your Matt likes teenagers? Gina asked her mother.

Michaela Paulsen laughed. Of course! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have invited him.

How do you know he likes them? Does he have any children himself?

No. But he’s said that he would like to have them. And that he’s looking forward to getting to know you. I’m sure you two will get on well.

Gina obviously had to call Jenny straight after dinner. "Guess what, my mum has a boyfriend,’ she blurted out.

How exciting, her friend said, adding, Maybe this will be quite nice for you, too.

That remains to be seen, Gina replied. Dear God, I hope this doesn’t all end in drama...

Chapter 2

Gina had to hide her laughter as she watched her mother get ready for the big night.

That morning she had spent hours in the kitchen making goulash and vanilla pudding with raspberry sauce. Even the dumplings and red cabbage were freshly prepared.

In the afternoon, she disappeared into the bathroom. Gina eventually knocked on the door. Do you reckon you’ll make it out again today?

Her mother opened it. She held a hairdryer in one hand, with several round brushes sticking out of her reddish hair. I’m almost done. I just need to do my make-up.

She had the same greyish-green eyes as Gina. And eyeshadow in that exact colour. It looked great whenever she had it on. Her make-up box, mascara, and other bits and pieces were already lying on the shelf under the mirror, ready to use.

Gina walked in. "May I use your eyeshadow?

Most of the girls in her class had been wearing make-up for a long time now, but for some unfathomable reason, her mother thought she was still too young for that. Strangely enough, she didn’t mind right now.

And while Gina was at it, she used a little mascara too. She looked at herself critically in the mirror. She liked her eyes. And with make-up, they looked even better.

"What do you think? Should I