Friends Without Benefits: Rise of the Discordant, #4

By Christina McMullen

Donna's love life is at an all-time low. Despite breaking her family curse (ensuring she would not give birth to the demon spawn destined to bring Chaos to power), she still can't get a date. Worse, the incubus who was supposed to sire the all –powerful demon spawn won't leave her alone. But instead of keeping her up all night with passionate dreams, he just wants to talk.

Meanwhile, the fissure that appeared under the site of the old mill grows wider each day. Desmond is running himself ragged trying to prevent the weakening of the barrier between realms. As such, he accidentally lets slip Seth's identity from a previous life, bringing about rift of a different sort. This one between the two agents of Order.

As winter approaches, it is no longer a question of if the Discordant will rise up and try to claim Blackbird, but rather how soon? Will the agents and mystics be able to put aside their own personal issues long enough to vanquish Chaos or will Order crumble? And perhaps the most pressing question of all: Is Big Royal Burger even open yet?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christina McMullen
• Release date: Dec 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393339328

Christina McMullen

Christina McMullen is a science fiction and fantasy author who dreams of flying cars, electric sheep, and one day having the means to adopt all of the world's rescue dogs. When she isn't writing, Christina enjoys travel, vegan cooking, modern and classical art (she fancies herself to be a somewhat competent artist as well as author), and of course, reading. 

Book preview

Chapter 1

Sleepless in Blackbird

DONNA FELT THE MATTRESS pitch sideways and turned a lazy smile to the impossibly hot man who slid gracefully into bed with her.

You’re back.

She smiled widely, glad that this was a dream where she didn’t have to worry about how atrocious her breath might smell or how much of a haystack her hair was. She didn’t need a mirror to tell her that this version of Donna was at the top of her game. Even the engine grease that permanently stained her nails was gone.

How could I stay away?

As usual, he was the portrait of perfection, stretched out on the bed next to her and propped up on one elbow. He gazed upon her with eyes of liquid gold. Not that Donna was paying much attention to his eyes. Her new friend, whose name she had yet to discover, seemed to have an aversion to clothing and try as she might (and boy how she tried) Donna could not find a single flaw anywhere on his perfectly bronzed flesh.

Well last time you didn’t seem very interested in, ah...

Donna let the suggestion hang unspoken between them, hoping he might get the hint this time, but alas, her visitor just graced her with the dazzlingly white smile of someone who was oblivious to their primary purpose in life. Just as he had before. This was the fourth time in as many nights that she had dreamed a naked Adonis into her bed. Just like the previous three, it seemed as if this dream was not going to take the typical path that dreams of naked people usually took.

I’m very interested in you, Donna. I want to know everything about you.

Why? she asked, quite curious and a little wary. Just because she was dreaming did not mean she could be fooled into turning over important information. Is that what this is? She wondered if she was just fooling herself. After all, her visitor couldn’t possibly be what he purported to be. Not when she took measures to ensure her dreams would forever be free from catastrophic visits that would end in an unpleasant surprise. Granted, this guy wasn’t even trying. There was certainly the possibility that he had a not so obvious but equally nefarious agenda.

Why do you want to know anything about me? What’s the point?

Why? Would you rather we just... He raised his eyebrows suggestively rather than finish the question.

Well, since you mentioned it... Donna scooted closer, allowing the covers to slide a little lower, which finally caught his attention. His smile turned into a wicked grin as his eyes lingered over the newly exposed flesh. Shyly he licked his lips and lowered his head to hers, grazing her cheek with the lightest of touches before rearing back as if struck by lightning. He opened his mouth and let out a shrill, high-pitched beeping sound.

THE PIECES OF MY ALARM clock lay scattered across the floor of my room, yet somehow, somewhere in the wreckage, the speaker still blasted its infernal beep. Grabbing a nearby shoe, I followed the noise and found the speaker under the bookshelf. A few good whacks with the four-inch heel and it finally shut the hell up.

Once I was fully awake and somewhat rational, I realized that blasting the alarm clock with a destructive spell might have been a slight over reaction, but I still felt justified. All I wanted was a full night’s sleep, which was something I’d been denied for a while now. I also realized, as I looked at the damaged shoe in my hand, that I don’t own any four-inch heels and it might be in my best interest to avoid Louise for a few days.

I stumbled to the bathroom, avoiding the mirror. I didn’t need visual evidence to know that I looked like hell. I felt like hell and a quick sniff of the pits told me I smelled like hell, so skipping a shower was out of the question. While being a witch had its benefits, there were some things even a glamour couldn’t mask.

I wasn’t so in denial of who I was to think that my dreams were just dreams. No, the guy who kept me up all night was more than just a manifestation of my sexual frustrations. Well, my sexual frustration might have had something to do with it, but this guy was clearly an incubus and that was what made the whole situation even more mind bogglingly frustrating. An incubus has one purpose: to have mind-blowing dream sex with the intent to impregnate virgins with the next generation of hell spawn.

I’m not a virgin, but I am hell spawn.

I guess the fact that I haven’t had sex in five years technically makes me a born again virgin, but that doesn’t matter to the incubi. I had sex, which means I am unable to be impregnated by an incubus and that’s a good thing. As the thirteenth Nyx in my family line, my child would have been more than hell spawn. She would have been the living weapon that tipped the scales in favor of Chaos once and for all.

Of course, none of that changed the fact that I was indeed having frustratingly bland incubus dreams and I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t partially to blame. It all started with the letter. If I’d been smart, I would have taken it up to the church and had Harry throw it into the holy flame. But when it comes to my nearly nonexistent love life, I’m ashamed to admit that I’m anything but smart. I knew, as soon as I saw the blood red ink and smelled the overbearing, pheromone filled cologne on the gold leaf embossed pages, I was screwed. Rather, I wasn’t screwed and he knew it. And that was my problem.

He didn’t have a name. For that matter, he didn’t have a corporeal form. He was nothing more than a clever manifestation of everything I ever wanted. He was as perfect as he was unobtainable and he’d been haunting my dreams ever since the awkward disaster that was prom night.

At first, he was just on the edges of my consciousness, making sure that I was aware of his presence. As if there was any way I could not be aware of him! It’s hard to miss a hot naked man just chilling out in the corner, even when the rest of your dream consists of dancing hedgehogs and murderous clowns or whatever other whacked out garbage my brain threw at me. But a few good spells and herb combinations kept him from becoming anything other than a pleasant piece of scenery for the next couple of years.

But lately, he had been getting tougher to ignore and I knew that had as much to do with the weakening of the barrier between Chaos and here as it did my own romantic failures. My spells weren’t anywhere near as effective and I was starting to lose some sleep, but still, he wasn’t able to get to me, no matter how hard he tried. And boy howdy did he try. I’ll give him points for creativity.

But then I got the letter.

It was spelled and I knew it. I never should have opened it, but five years of no second dates has a way of playing havoc with the mind. As soon as I broke the seal and read the (admittedly awful) poetry, he was free and no amount of herbs under my pillow or coma inducing sleeping draughts could keep him out of my head. I expected the usual. If I was being honest, I was anticipating the usual. After all, I broke the spell. All the mind-blowing dream sex in the world couldn’t knock me up anymore.

But I wasn’t prepared for the never-ending frustration. I wasn’t expecting all of the getting to know you questions that typically make for an awkward first date. I wasn’t expecting the artful dodging of intimacy and I certainly wasn’t expecting my already miserable love life to go even further south since the whole fiasco started.

After a hot shower, I at least smelled better even if I didn’t feel or look anymore human. If I had been traveling, the airline would have charged me extra for the bags under my eyes. I was so pale and waxy that even my freckles looked sickly.

At least I still had one shot of my ginseng concoction left in the fridge, so I wouldn’t spend the whole day with a head full of cobwebs. A little tweaking and the bags under my eyes were gone and a healthy blush tinted my cheeks. Did I mention the perks of being a witch? If anyone were to look at me, they would have no idea that I was a haggard and sleep deprived hot mess.

Well, almost anyone.

I see yous had a visitor again last night.

Drop it.

I could lie to a lot of people, including myself, but unfortunately, my current ‘boss’ wasn’t one of them. Especially now. Bogie could see right through my glamour. I still wasn’t entirely sure how that worked. He was no longer a Discordant, but he was still a demon. It didn’t matter though. If anything, he was more up in my business than ever before and now, I couldn’t even use Desmond to threaten him anymore.

Donna, listen to me. I know it ain’t none of my business and I sure don’t want the gory details, but I kept my trap shut for the last week outta courtesy. You and I both know this ain’t no simple matter of yous having some bad dreams.

I’m not having bad dreams, Bogie.

"But you is having dreams, he said pointedly. Like I said, it was pretty much impossible to lie to Bogie now. Regardless of what is or isn’t happening, you gotta know this has somethin’ to do with that portal openin’ up under the old mill."

What are you talking about?

C’mon, Red, don’t play dumb.

Seriously, Bogie, I don’t know, I said rolling my eyes. I mean, yeah, the weakening of the barrier might have made it easier for a certain uninvited guest to crash my sleep party, but it’s pretty obvious to me what’s going on and it has nothing to do with the portal.

Oh yeah? So what is it you think is going on?

Really? I rolled my eyes. I was supposed to give birth to the devil child who was going to throw open the gates and let Chaos take over. I’m pretty sure the guy keeping me up all night is the baby daddy and no one gave him the memo.

Bogie set down the box he was carrying with a grunt and wiped his brow.

You don’t think that’s suspicious?

How should I know? I said, raising my eyebrows in warning as Ricky, the driver of the delivery truck, came around the corner with another handcart full of boxes.

Uh huh. Bogie took the invoice from the driver and went to the office, leaving me to unload the rest of the order. I gave Ricky a small smile as I hauled another box away. Typically, he was good for a little flirtatious banter to get my day started, but apparently, he was in some sort of a mood and hadn’t said two words to me. He didn’t even return my smile. Instead, he just tapped his foot impatiently, like I was inconveniencing him or something. It took all of my willpower not to mutter a curse as he was leaving.

Oh come on! You gotta be kiddin’ me! Bogie yelled from up front. Is that yo-yo still back there?

Who, Ricky? I called back, grunting as I stacked the last box in the storeroom. He just left. Why? What is it?

He forgot our Red Shirt order.

That sucks. Red Shirt was our top selling draft beer and also happened to be Seth’s favorite. Can’t you just use your new powers to refill the keg, Superman? I taunted.

I may be a super guy, but I ain’t no Jesus. Lemme go call and see if they can send dumb-dumb back.

Two minutes later, Bogie came back out of the office looking smug.

Ya know what? I’m kinda liking this good guy business. Alls I had to do was put a little extra oomph into my voice and not only is Ricky coming back with the booze, but we is gettin’ a discount off our bill this month.

Try not to go mad with the power, I said with a shake of my head as I took stock of what bottles were in need of replacing. And you’re dealing with Ricky when he comes back, not me.

What? I thought yous guys had a little somethin’ going on.

He’s having PMS or something, I said dismissively, but Bogie pursed his lips and frowned at me.

You wanna keep pretending this ain’t got nothin’ to do with that what keeps you up all night?

Drop it, I growled and fought the urge to throw the empty bottle I’d just picked up at Bogie’s head.

Okay, okay! He said, throwing up his hands in surrender. I ain’t sayin’ anything else, but Donna, you can fool a lot of folks with the bright eyed and bushy tailed glamour, but I ain’t most folks, ‘kay?

You sure ain’t, I grumbled. Speaking of glamours, I added, giving him a derisive once over. Why do you keep wearing that face? I mean you can be anyone you want and yet... I pulled a face and gestured toward the mirror behind the bar. Harsh? Sure, but he was beginning to piss me off and I was feeling petty.

What, this old thing? Truth be told, I ain’t lookin’ to make myself noticeable. Besidesways, that wouldn’t be fair to Betty now, would it?

Um, what?

Think about it, he said, giving me a look. Sure, I could make myself look like one of them Hollywood types, but what would be the point? Alls that would do is get the women worked up. I already got the best dame of the bunch, no offense. Why should she hafta put up with a bunch of women throwin’ themselves at me?

Okay, fair enough, I said with a shrug. He had a point and Betty had a jealous streak a mile wide. I just hope you don’t make her look at that face in private.

"I’ll has you know, Betty prefers the real me, thank you very much," he shot back, puffing himself up.

Seriously?

I’m not saying that Betty has always had discriminating tastes, but lesser demons aren’t known for being attractive and unattractive might just be the nicest way to describe Bogie’s natural appearance.

Yes, seriously! She digs the horns. Gives her something to grab onto while I-

Okay, you know what? I’m sorry I asked, I said, throwing up my hands and walking away. There were some things that even best friends and spiritual sisters should never know about each other.

As the bar filled up with the usual crowd of locals and students, my mood sank lower. Even in the low cut top I bought specifically to boost my tip income, I was barely rating a second glance. Not even the lecherous creeps were looking my way. Gross. If I was desperate enough to miss sexual harassment from the likes of old three-teeth Magee, I really couldn’t pretend that something wasn’t up. I may not have ever had much luck in the dating department, but never before had that been for lack of initial interest. I took a look in the mirror behind the bar, just in case my glamour had slipped and I was looking a little rough, but no, I still looked like me and if I could be immodest for a moment, I still looked damned fine.

I thought again about what Bogie said and shuddered. Of course, it was possible that the whole thing was a ploy to get me to open the portal, but how dumb did they think I was?

Okay yes, I opened the damned letter, but I did so with the knowledge that the incubus would only have access to my dreams and that he couldn’t impregnate me. Had I known that meant he wouldn’t even try, I might not have been so eager. I cringed. Even in my own head that sounded desperate. I mentally