A Lone Wolf Story: Forgiveness and Gratitude

By Andrew Williams

This book outlines a story of overcoming depression and anxiety. It is a journal formatted book that discusses feelings associated with a spiritual awakening. Success is defined not by material possessions. Rather it is defined individually, based on the self-image, perception, and realization one has created in their own mind. The story is designed to help people connect the dots and overcome obstacles. Everyone fails and makes mistakes in life. Learning its ok to fail, life becomes more about the journey than the destination.

At the age 35 I had enough life experiences to realize I am in more control than I previously knew. This realization comes with the ultimate responsibility. Taking responsibility for my own life, I decided to write about it. The story is based in the year 2019 as I learned new techniques to center and forgive myself. To begin to live a life full of love and gratitude that starts with the simple profound truths that helped change my perspective. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Williams Publishing
• Release date: Mar 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781734442816

Andrew Williams

Andrew Williams is professor of International Relations of the University of St Andrews.

Book preview

Table of Contents

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1: CONNECTING WITH SUCCESS

In the Beginning

Managing Frustrations

The Lesson of the Ironman

Perspective vs. Awareness

Slow Down to Uplift

My New Passion: Real Estate

Chapter 2: BODY CONNECTIONS

Our Home

Physical Conditioning

It's All About Flow

Balance

Diet and Nutrition

Game Plan

Chapter 3: THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND

2008 Perspective

Discovering Real Estate

The Right Mindset

Mike's Success

The Next Step

The Rat in the Rat Race

Chapter 4: EMOTIONAL BATTLES

Emotional Life

The Masks We Wear

Dark Emotions

Duality

Patterns of Feelings

Spiritual Awakening

The Rules of Gravity

Vulnerability

Cycles

The Jump

In the Moment

Just Breathe

Self-Honesty

A Messy Connection

Imagination

The Buck Stops

Chapter 5: CONNECTING WITH SPIRITUAL SOLUTIONS

The Struggle

My Baptism

Love: The Best Medicine

Looking for Purpose

Listen and Speak

Energy

Shelf-Healing Machines

Promises to Myself

Let Go

Choices

Zen Moments

Enough is Enough

Free-Flowing Journaling

See Your Life

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Quantum Science

Is Someone Listening

Resonation

Connection to More

We are More

The 3-D World

Young Imagination

Power Within Us

Find Yourself

Tools

Meditation

Explore to Heal

Chapter 6: BEHIND THE DARK CLOUD

Special Life

A New Perspective

My Children

Flavia

Life Long Learning

My Hope

Epilogue

BOOKS FOR THE JOURNEY

GRATITUDE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

CONNECT WITH THE AUTHOR

A Lone Wolf Story: Forgiveness and Gratitude

Andrew Williams

Phoenix, Arizona

Copyright © 2020 Andrew Williams, Williams Publishing

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review; nor may any part of this book be reproduced, stored a in retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or other, without prior written permission of the publisher.

ebook ISBN: 978-1-7344428-1-6 

Cover/Page Design/Proofing and Formatting: Carol Waltz, Bella Media Management, www.bellamediamanagement.com

Cover photo credit: EBFoto: depositphoto.com

Editor: Jan M. Whalen, MASL www.whalenvoices.com

Printed in the United States of America

To Flavia

for giving me

the strength and courage

to be myself.

PREFACE

THE LONE WOLF IS A metaphor I use to describe how alone I’ve felt in my life. Often, I’ve felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. As a child growing up in the atmosphere of a religious community, I was connected to a church’s culture. I was connected to friends, family and the ideas they taught me about God. At 17, when I decided to no longer be included in the church community, I found myself cut off. I turned my back on what I knew growing up. It was challenging and sometimes I felt very much alone.

That was just a limited belief I placed on myself. Overcoming that limited belief is a life lesson I had to learn. I am still learning it today. Becoming a better person is a full-time job, as they say. Once you have gained an understanding of something, theoretically, doesn’t mean you will always act accordingly. It takes serious willpower, discipline, energy and intention to act and to overcome our limited beliefs.

This book is about the journey I took to discover myself. I’ve been financially successful most of my life, but I still lived with anger, fear and I had doubts about myself and others. Why was this happening to me? Where did these panic attacks come from? Why did I feel I had to bear this weight alone? I couldn’t really put my finger on it, and I couldn’t explain to anyone what I was feeling inside. I felt like I was exploding from the confusion and considered ending my life.

One day a friend offered me a piece of advice by sharing her story. She shared an opinion and the truth as she saw it. As I listened, a small light bulb turned on inside me and a vibration flowed throughout my body. This vibration swayed me back and forth, first slowly and then faster and faster. I felt like I was part of my surroundings. I wanted to know more about this world and myself.

That is when I began to record my discoveries in a journal. Much of this book is from the journal I wrote in 2019 where I documented my thoughts and the story of my life. I was hungry to learn, so I also meditated, practiced yoga, read and took classes. As a result, a whole new spiritual world opened to me. Some call the contradictions I’ve felt the Law of Polarity, which basically means that everything has an exact opposite. I am beginning to unblock the energy that was causing me to overthink the free-flowing universal truth within. I am humbled by this connection and excited to share my discoveries with you. Best of all, a whole new level of forgiveness and gratitude opened for me.

INTRODUCTION

I started making money at

a very young age.

Dropping out of high school

in 9th grade gave me a taste

of what money

could bring to my life.

EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN SURROUNDED by people all my life, I’ve always felt like a lone wolf. Back when I was young, I helped my dad do a variety of handyman jobs for Randy. Once we poured concrete for the duplex Randy built. My job was to run the concrete in wheelbarrows to the hard-to-reach areas. It was hard work and my huge boots always got stuck in the concrete. Shoveling and handling the wheelbarrow helped shape my life, not to mention the muscles of my young body that helped me with the ladies and in sports.

At 10 o’clock one night, we got a call from Randy. My dad said, Come on. We’re going to help Randy move a truck. Dad and I went to one of the apartments. There it was. It was an older 1980s single cab Nissan truck—nice chrome wheels and a cool gray paint job. It was a typical construction worker’s truck with 4 cylinders and got good gas mileage. It was reliable with a cool feel and I wanted it the minute I saw it.

I asked Randy what he was going to do with the truck. He said he’d sell it like he did everything. He told me I could buy it from him for the amount the guy owed for rent—$1,300. This isn’t a large amount of money but since I’d been researching the price of vehicles, I knew this truck was worth at least $3,000, so I told him I’d buy it. I closed my first deal at 15 and bought a truck even before I could legally drive.

Of course, since I was too young to drive, my older sister drove me around, but when I got my permit, I was able to experience the feeling of real ownership. Shortly after I got my license, my truck gave me that amazing taste of freedom.

What did I learn from this early experience? How does this help shape my money mentality? I learned that freedom to do what you want is sometimes a curse—the catch-22 of life. I had fun owning a truck, but the truck also got me into a lot of trouble. Looking back at this story, after 20 years of adulting, I changed my perspective a lot. I see how some of the things that just happened in my life back then helped to shape me into the man I am, and who I am today. This is true for all of us.

Most life lessons can be broken down when you write about them and look back. People can create a general strategy to follow in order to avoid major issues, pitfalls and traps that lead down an unhappy trail. I think how religion has played a part in my life. I feel that religion tries to capitalize on us at a young age by telling us the way we should live life in order to get into heaven and avoid hell. The contrast of hell and heaven played a huge role in my mind since I grew up in a very strict religion. Looking back, it seems like I’ve already experienced some of that heaven and hell.

When I look back, I realize I was taught to think a certain way by all my experiences. In order to break those up and dissect them like a scientist, I needed to find a way to be unbiased about my own life. This helps in all areas of life—not just money and religion. The more we know, the more experiences we have that haven’t killed us, the more first-hand knowledge we have associated with that moment. Our memory. Our timeline. Our alternative dimension. How much would one decision have changed the outcome in the stories we tell ourselves?

Even though Dad helped me get this truck I would be jealous and hurt when he drove it. Rather than saying to myself, He is my father and he helped me get this truck, so it’s okay he uses it, I got mad. I would yell at him: Why are you taking my truck? I bought that. It’s mine. And you’re using it like it’s yours. You need to ask me.

I learned to hold tight to that vehicle. It was my first taste of money and material possessions, and I remember having mixed feelings about it. I thought I needed them to make me happy, and those beliefs started to drive a wedge between my relationship with my father and other authority figures. I developed a bad boy, lone wolf, alpha male vibe. This is mine. If you take it from me, I will fight you over it! I didn’t yet know how to deal with my teenage emotions and every new experience made me a prisoner to my ego.

I had to learn the hard way that how you treat people impacts your own life. The grudges that we hold make a huge impact. Most of the time other people are not as affected by our stories and negativity as we are.

I think about this memory of trying to fight my father over my first truck, and also of obeying the rules associated with the life of a fifteen-year-old boy. He was trying to help me become a man, to toughen me up by saying, Don’t be so sensitive. That phrase he’d say was like a mantra in my head. It was my self-doubt that led to a lot of internal conflict. I learned to allow a new way to breathe in darkness. I let the bad memories fade into the sunset of the majestic sky of my youth—one filled with potential until the dark night almost consumed me.

The feelings we attach to the stories we tell about ourselves are more than what any of us can imagine. We don’t see the ripple effect it causes with our limited functions. We are blessed with the human condition in this life. Maybe people like Jesus Christ, Buddha, Socrates, Hercules, the ancient Egyptian gods, or even characters on TV lived well their whole lives. Our happily ever after only seems to last until the next tragedy emerges.

As humans we have a way of labeling everything. We put words and language around things to enable us to document our thoughts. But how can we really sum up the movies inside our heads with this linear flawed English language we have? We need artists, painters, photographers. We need poets, song writers, and musicians for all of our senses, and we also need pain to help show us each moment’s impact on us. This is the human experience.

Bless the people who have developed their passions. The artists who are brave enough to see the world through their perspective, translate their feelings and emotions by creating beautiful masterpieces that give the colors of the rainbow new meaning. They pour blood-red onto a white canvas of the darkness. Artists enrich our language by adding symbolic meaning and depth.

Human behavior is just one of the many examples life uses to teach us. Life also uses animals, nature, fossils and data on the Earth to help shape our reality. We see huge examples of how large the galaxy is.

Reviews for A Lone Wolf Story

[Flavia Williams · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book shows hos a person can hide their pain in order to function in this world, but then coming to the realization that vulnerability and self awareness are more important as well as being their true authentic self. This book will make you cry, think, rethink and it'll make you want more. Author brings us along his personal journey and it shows how he overcame obstacles. he lists his learning & lessons and helps us identify some of our own obstacles and how to work towards self improvement. if you are in the journey of learning more about yourself, trying to truly becoming a better person, and chasing your awakening, you will love this book!