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    Vikram and the Vampire
    Vikram and the Vampire
    Vikram and the Vampire
    Ebook117 pages1 hour

    Vikram and the Vampire

    By Natasha Sharma

    5/5

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    Read preview
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherZubaan Publishers Pvt Ltd
    Release dateJan 1, 2015
    ISBN9789384757946
    Vikram and the Vampire

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      Book preview

      Vikram and the Vampire - Natasha Sharma

      books.

      A MATTER OF TRANSPORT

      The question that foxes me is: How does one deliver a vampire?

      If you need to take a vampire from place A and deliver it to someone at place B, how would you go about doing that?

      Here are a few things that come to mind:

      You could courier the vampire. Convincing the postal department to allow a vampire to be put into mail would take some work. They would ask you a whole bunch of questions that would be rather difficult to answer:

      ‘How will you ensure the vampire stays in the box?’

      ‘What if it rears up and bites the delivery guy?’

      ‘Will it be de-clawed and de-fanged before packing?’

      And then of course, there is the tiny little problem of having to stuff the vampire into a box to begin with.

      Booking the vampire onto a train could be a possibility. But a day train would have sunlight streaming through and bratty kids running around. Sunlight is quite disagreeable to a vampire. Bratty kids in a train, yelling their heads off, kicking your chair from behind and being their annoying little selves can be disagreeable to the gentlest of souls – let alone a vampire. I shudder to think of a vampire with a headache.

      A night train, on the other hand, would have the vampire in much too happy a mood. He’d amuse himself by showing off his fangs and cooing on about blood. Passengers on overnight trains are often scaredy-cats, likely to jump out at the sight of a vampire however entertaining he might attempt to be.

      An airplane may pose a similar problem, though one sincerely hopes that no one leaps out (at least not without their parachute).

      That leaves a sea voyage or road transport, but I have heard that vampires are prone to seasickness and carsickness. That would never do. Can you imagine what might come out if a vampire threw up?

      The only option seems to be good old manual labour. Get hold of the vampire, throw him over your back and hike across to the delivery address. However, this can be done only if the vampire is willing to be thrown across like a sack of potatoes, and is pleasant enough not to bite you in the neck.

      Thus it was that long, long ago, King Vikramaditya came to be carrying Betal, a vampire who had taken residence in a corpse, on his back. In any case, most of the options we have explored above would not have been available to the king. In those days, pigeons served as couriers, dreadfully bumpy horse carts or even bumpier elephant rides were the only way to traverse across land and, of course, air travel was still unheard of.

      This is the story of why a king acted as a courier service and his exasperating journey as he ensured the delivery of a vampire-infested corpse. Ah, I almost forgot! It also has a whole bunch of maddening riddles that Betal posed to the king along the way, in exchange for Betal’s cooperation to be a willing parcel.

      THE MAKINGS OF A CHATPATA CHAAT …

      OOPS …CHATPATA STORY

      Let me begin by telling you about the king.

      King Vikramaditya ruled over the powerful kingdom of Ujjayani. A wise and just king, he held court every day, as most sensible kings do. Many people came to court to seek advice and to ask for justice. For example:

      If a group of eight men arrived with eight apples and asked for a just way to divide the apples amongst themselves, the king would wrinkle his royal forehead, chew the end of his moustache for no less than ten minutes, and with a loud ‘Harumph!’ proclaim to the men: ‘An apple each, no more no less.’

      As happens in most courts, people would line up to give the king gifts. Honestly, what fun! Most of us get gifts only on our birthday – although some also get gifts by lying on the floor of a store, kicking up their heels, going red in the face and emitting a wail that can make a bat fall off its branch. Kings, on the other hand, get gifts every day as everyone wants to be in their good books.

      It was yet another normal day for the king. He had already been gifted an elephant, two horses and a pair of gold shoes (that gave him terrible shoe bites!) when a grandly dressed merchant entered the court. Bowing before his Royal Highness with great solemnity, he laid before the king a large tray covered with a cloth.

      A courtier stepped forward and removed the cloth with a flourish, revealing … ONE APPLE!

      That was it.

      Just one measly fruit.

      Imagine tearing off the wrapper from the heaviest, most gigantic present on your birthday and finding it to be a watermelon. It would be quite a let down. I’d be tempted to smash the watermelon on the floor. Who gifts fruit?

      A king, however, must be polite when receiving a gift – whatever it may be. So when the merchant told King Vikram (let’s shorten the name as Vikramaditya can be quite a mouthful) to keep it carefully, the king reacted as a king should. He didn’t throw the apple back at the merchant. He didn’t kick up his heels and fling his arms about in fury. He didn’t even call for a knife, plate and chaat masala. Instead, he called for the head of the house and asked him to keep the fruit carefully in his

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