The Courageous Fantastic Heroic Valiant Mighty Sensational Gallant (and Hypoallergenic) Rubberband Boy: Part B

By Jonathan Neuman

“If I get eaten alive by a plant, I’ll never forgive you,” Dave said.
“If you get eaten alive by a plant, I’ll have a new reason not to eat salad,” John replied.
“You were supposed to say something sweet and reassuring!” Dave hissed.
“And you were supposed to take a bath this morning, but you don’t hear me complaining,” John said.
“I couldn’t find my rubber ducky!” Dave exclaimed.

It’s the thrilling conclusion to Part A of the Courageous Fantastic Heroic Valiant Mighty Sensational Gallant (and Hypoallergenic) Rubberband Boy! John and Dave discover that their missing classmates are being held captive by an ancient and powerful tree witch named the Poison Queen, who is looking to absorb their life force so that she can wreak havoc upon the world! Without a moment’s hesitation (after a five-minute breather from their exhausting trek) Rubberband Boy and Clip Kid bound into action! But how can our heroes possibly stage a rescue when they have to contend with dozens of eight-foot-tall killer plants, a walking pair of scissors who can slice right through John’s rubber bands, a sheet of human loose leaf paper who can match Rubberband Boy stretch for stretch, and a rock monster who may or may not be wearing underpants?! Perhaps with an assist from the newest hero on the block, the Glorious Glue Girl!

Can John and Dave put aside their fear of cooties, and work together with this mysterious new stranger to put a stop to the Poison Queen’s scheme and save their friends, or will Rubberband Boy finally snap under the pressure?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jonathan Neuman
• Release date: Apr 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9781370544042

Book preview

Title Page

The fun never stops! Visit John and Dave on the web at www.rubbercave.com!

Copyright 2019 by Jonathan Neuman

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, in whole or in part, without prior written permission of the Author. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events, places, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

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Table of Contents

Part A Recap

Chapter 10. Rock Beats Rubber ... So Do Scissors and Paper

Chapter 11. Stuck on You

Chapter 12. Pretty in Green

Chapter 13. Round 2 ... Fight!

Chapter 14. I'll Have a Superhero Salad, Dressing on the Side

Chapter 15. You're Only Paranoid if You're Wrong

Chapter 16. Something is Rotten in the State of D.O.O.D.I.E.

Chapter 17. Were You Not Expecting a Cliffhanger?

About The Author

Acknowledgments

Part A Recap

Welcome to Part B of The Courageous Fantastic Heroic Valiant Mighty Sensational Gallant (and Hypoallergenic) Rubberband Boy! Just in case you’ve forgotten what happened previously, let’s catch you up to speed! In Part A, Dave ...

… blows his nose …

… gets ants in his pants …

… gets poo’ed and sued (actually, that was Mrs. Flanagan) …

… sics some sticks …

… bays in a maze …

… spins and wins …

… moons some balloons, and …

… gets thrown for a loop in some brown goop soup (or possibly poop, it’s never really clarified).

Oh yeah … one more teeny, tiny, teensy, weensy, little detail. Almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Barely even worth a mention. But … it also just so happens, that at the end of the last book, John and Dave might have, maybe, possibly, perhaps, perchance, conceivably, imaginably … fallen over the top of a waterfall and plunged hundreds of feet to their certain, categorical, definite, absolute, undeniable, unquestionable, indubitable doom.

Concerned? You should be! But then again, even just eyeballing it, this book is more than one page long, so in all likelihood, they probably didn’t. But just to make sure, read on for the thrilling conclusion …

Chapter 10. Rock Beats Rubber ... So Do Scissors and Paper

John groaned and rubbed his throbbing head.

He rolled over and slowly opened his eyes. He then shot up.

Dave?! Dave?!

No response.

Dave?! John cried out again, looking around frantically.

John? Dave’s voice called out from a nearby distance.

John looked again but still didn’t see him anywhere.

Dave?

I’m up here! came Dave’s voice from above.

John looked up and his mouth dropped open. Approximately twenty-five feet in the air, dangling by his underwear on the end of a tree branch, was Dave.

What are you doing up there? John yelled, cupping his hands over his mouth to amplify his voice.

What am I doing? What does it look like I’m doing?! Dave spat back.

Dave’s sudden movement shook the branch, and there was a slight tearing sound. Dave yelped as his underwear stretched further and he descended another two inches. He snapped to a sudden stop, and his left shoe fell to the ground below. His right sneaker, which he had never had the opportunity to put back on, was still in his right hand.

It looks like you’re getting a wedgie from a tree! John called back. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that before! Give me a second while I consult the record books! This might be a historical first!

John! This is no time for jokes! Dave said angrily, but also very very delicately.

Dave carefully breathed in and out, making sure not to move an inch. Suddenly, he began hearing a noise.

Hey, do you hear that? Dave asked. It sounds like … clicking?

John did hear a clicking sound. He looked around, but didn’t see anything. John carefully followed the sound, then looked up and over his shoulder.

Uh oh.

Dave waited, but John didn’t say anything further.

"Uh oh? What uh oh? Dave asked, sounding desperate. John, what is it?!"

There are some tourists, Dave. With cameras.

Oh. Well that’s not so ba—Waaaaait a second. Did you just say tourists?! With cameras?! Which way are they facing?

They’re facing right at you, buddy.

Right at me?! Can they see anything?!

"Ohhhhh, yeah. They can see. They can see everything."

Everything?!

Everything. They can see all the way down Broadway!

Broadway?! Not Broadway! John, get me down from here!

Wait. It’s even worse, Dave. There’s a girl there. She’s got her hands covering her mouth. She’s … oh, no. She’s giggling, Dave. Giggling!

Aaaah! A girl?! And she’s giggling?!

"Yup. And even more, I think she’s Japanese. Japanese, Dave! Japanese! You’re not just getting any giggle! You’re getting the Japanese tee-hee!"

"Nooooo! Not the Japanese tee-hee! That’s the worst of all the tee-hees! John! Get me down! Get me down!"

As he worked himself up, Dave began squirming back and forth.

Hey! Hey, be careful … John called out.

Too late. There was a loud tearing sound, and suddenly Dave was hurtling toward the ground. Before John could say anything, Dave landed on top of him, sending both boys crumpling to the ground.

The two of them lay there for a few seconds, breathing hard, until John said, Dave, not to concern you, but umm … I don’t think you’re wearing underwear in the back anymore.

Dave sprung up, his cheeks turning bright red. He quickly scrambled away, into the nearby bushes, covering his backside with his hands.

Hey! Dave called out, a few moments later.

Dave came stomping out of the bushes, a large green leaf wrapped around his waist. He marched furiously right up into John’s face and glared, their noses nearly touching.

"There are no tourists! No giggling girls! No Japanese tee-hees!"

John couldn’t help it as a broad smile spread across his face. He held it in for a second and then burst out laughing.

I’m sorry, John said, clutching his sides. The opportunity was too perfect to pass up.

I could have really gotten hurt! Dave said angrily.

I know, I know, I’m sorry, John said, still laughing. But it all worked out.

Well then what was the clicking sound?! Dave demanded.

Oh, that? That was my trusty Click-Maker 3000.

"Your what?"

My Click-Maker 3000.

John pulled out a small metal cylinder.

For whenever you need a clicking sound on the go. It’s much improved over the 1000 and 2000 model series.

Dave’s mouth dropped open and he just stared, completely dumbfounded.

Why would you ever need to make a clicking sound?! he exclaimed.

John stared at Dave in disbelief. John shook his head incredulously and swept his hands through the air.

Isn’t it obvious?

John looked down.

Nice fig leaf, by the way.

Dave’s cheeks turned bright red again. John grinned and pointed behind Dave.

I think your pants and shoe fell somewhere over there, John said.

I … will … be … right … back … Dave said through gritted teeth, slowly walking backward away from John.

John laughed, covered his eyes, and turned around.

I’m not looking.

Dave spun around and ran into the bushes to search for his clothes.

As Dave disappeared, John put his hands on his hips and began to look around. His eyes wandered up the very tall waterfall over which they had fallen. John grimaced and sighed. One minute later, Dave came up behind him, one pant leg on, struggling to put on the other.

Well, it’s too steep a climb to get back up that way, John said. We’ll have to find some other way back.

Do you think the class is looking for us? Dave asked.

John frowned.

Maybe. I still can’t believe they pushed us. That really crossed a line. If anybody from our class saw what happened, who knows what kind of trouble is taking place. I really think we need to get back up there as quickly as possible.

John looked up again and pointed to a clearing to the left.

I think we should head that way and see if there’s a trail back up.

Dave nodded in agreement.

We’ll be back up in no time, he said.

With that, John and