Two Drops of Smiles

By Z.G. De Vincentiis

The birth of a perfectly healthy baby girl. The mother loses her unexpectedly and without apparent explanation the next day. An event that will lead her to question the meaning of life, the universe, humanity. It is a book written to let all women in the same condition know that, at the end of the path of pain, a way out exists. I myself would have liked to have such a book. I tried to look for it, reading as much as I could, without finding it. Thus, I wrote it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Z.G. De Vincentiis
• Release date: Feb 18, 2020

Z.G. De Vincentiis

I am a three times round-the-world traveller and writer. I hold a Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering, dropout from PhD. In 2001, after teaching at the university for ten years, I set out on a 15 months overland world tour. Seven years later, I did another world tour, this time by sea- lasting a year, where I met my Italian husband. Seven more years later came another world tour, this time as a family with our then 3.5-years-old daughter, “Around the World in 99 Days”.Travelling the world so extensively gave me first-hand knowledge of places and an overall view of the world. I became obsessed with borders, security, justice, human behavior, anything related to world affairs. I feel I belong everywhere and nowhere. In 2016, I started a mission to go to every country and I have travelled to 152 countries out of 195. (193 UN countries plus 2 observer states.)I write because “Looking for words, you find thoughts." I live life so that it would make a good story. So far, not so bad.

Book preview

TWO DROPS OF SMILES

A Brief Eternity

by Z. G. De Vincentiis

Copyright © 2020 by Z. G. De Vincentiis

to my mother...

and to all mothers of the world

.:who have lost a child,

at whatever age, for whatever reason

Author’s Note: The punctuation marks .: and :. in this book are used in places where the period and comma can interchange, where the following sentence can start with the last word of the previous one. It is intended for a poetical and carefree expression.

In the text, she and I, past tense and present tense interweave. She is me, I am her. The past is somehow still present today, it lives in today; the present encompasses the past. After some time, reality and the world of words fuse, the thin curtain between fact and fiction blurs.

Did these really happen? It’s hard, even for me, to tell.

It's a night, toward you from you...

What passes by, is what you have lived, without realizing

What is left, might be a truth

Lost like a needle, broken like a glass

What comes, is perhaps what you have been waiting for

And what's gone... the sweetest, the warmest, the grandest

Özdemir Asaf

Index

Mother for a Day

That Day

CHAPTER I

...Life Made Me

Name, Substance, Very

The First Day

...How do you deal with it?

The Past and Roots

At the Table

Different

My Savior

A Phone Call

A Second Phone Call

The Chances Life Offers

Humdrum, One-Note Conversations

...Strange to Say This

...When Angelo got the news

Life Lessons for Mother

It's Only the Second Day

We

...A Couple of Days Before the Birth

Outburst

...To See Her Mother Off

Revolt My Heart, Revolt

Who is Stronger?

A Week and Five Days Later

It is Tomorrow

A Funeral Ceremony

That Night...

During the Pregnancy...

Why are birds still singing?

Creation

The End

Prayer

CHAPTER II

Journey

Ready or Not, Here I Come

How Do We Deal With It?

What to Wish for?

The Only Consolation-The Only Person

Outside of the Door

A Newspaper Clipping

Missing

Soul Scale

The Battle in Me

Lies All Night Long

Move Over Ye Desperation

For Whom Do These Tears Roll?

When the pains started coming at night, it was around two o'clock. It is as if a fish, wanting to swim out, makes a stroke downwards; but gets stuck at the entrance of the womb, then tries again. I'll watch a movie or go through photos to pass time when it starts, she had thought several times before; but now there was her mother in the other room, sleeping. She tried to stay in bed and sleep too so as not to disturb her. But no, it was not possible.

She got up. She took two steps in the narrow bedside; when she reached the end of the room she stopped and made a full circle. She looked around in the dark. When the living room had become her mother's bedroom in their two-room apartment, there was no place left for her to move. Since she could not find anything to do, she lay back in bed. Even if she could not sleep, she could try to rest.

Nope, she couldn't. This time, she got up and went to the bathroom. Then back to bed again. But there is a pressure. It's as if a cork has popped out and water gushes out. She ran to the toilet once more. A liquid spurt from her bottom. I guess my water broke, she thought. That, which she had heard so much about, had to be this.

Now, there was no way she could sleep. She turned this way and that. What am I gonna do?

She couldn't find an answer. Whereupon, she asked another question. Shall I wake up Angelo?

Instead of answering she mumbled. He is very tired. It's fortunate he went to bed early. Still...

How much did birth resemble sailing! There, too, was a situation that could be risky, questions like But the captain is tired, shall I wake him up or not? How much time do I have before danger, how much longer can I wait? went around and around in your head. In the end, saying It's better to wake him up than risking, she feebly called Angelo. Angelo woke up. "I think my water broke. Shall we go to the clinica?" said Ada.

What time is it?

2:30.

Can you wait a couple of hours more? Cilumbriello is going to be there at 7, we go then, says Angelo. The day before, they had checked when the doctor would be on duty.

At first Ada says Alright. It makes sense.

But then What if something happens? ... My water broke she reasons; This baby is too precious says her mind, to herself. Plus, there is no traffic at this hour, we'll go and come back without much trouble. If labor has not started... says her voice, to Angelo.

Angelo replies saying the water was clear. So there is no reason to panic. Instead of setting on the road right away, he wants to time the pains. He takes out the watch and sets the chronometer.

Bit by bit, the pain increases. Reaches climax. Unwinds.

Ada waits, Angelo counts; then jots it down. In the end he decides Let's go. They are close and last long.

I wake up my mother. Saying We're going to the hospital. It's time.

We get ready. No hurry. This will be taking long.

We go. The guard at the entrance asks Top floor? Yes. He calls and informs the staff. We get off the elevator; the locked door, opens.

The doctor examines. I ask, Has my water broken? Yes.

They open up a file for me. Question after question. The one I have answered endless times in the last months The last menstruation date? and others. Routine information.

Then we go in. I get attached to that machine again. That machine recording the heartbeats of my baby. That machine chaining me to the bed. It's not nice at all. It is disturbing even. Is this necessary/ for my daughter's health?

The fetal monitor draws a graph, up and down, tickticktack...- She is in a courtroom, with the secretary hitting the keys of the typewriter. The numbers on the screen keep changing. 142-146-137...

A gloomy Virgin Mary looks at me from the wall. Why do they hang such paintings on the walls of a room where women give birth?

"The poor woman," I say.

"Why?" asks Angelo.

"She had to go through the pain of labor without enjoying sex."

Upon hearing this, Angelo's pupils grow big with astonishment. How can you say such a thing? She gave birth to the Holy Son.

"You don't believe what you are saying, right?"

No answer.

Why does it have to be so hard and painful? Why did God make it this way? asks Ada among her pain.

As you know, according to our belief, we suffer because of the sin we committed, answers Angelo. That is You suffer he means to say, we women.

The obstetrician to assist the birth is not around either. She has to be asleep, naturally, as it is the dead of night. Angelo has left a message on her cell phone.

Hours pass. Pain, a short relaxation, then pain again. When she came for a checkup she put up with it, but now, to be stranded to bed with this pain makes her revolt. She can get up in the short periods of time they let her. With wires hanging from her elbow, she hugs Angelo and sways to a soundless melody. Then she wants to turn and prop her belly on the bed. But there is nobody to bring her a pillow, nobody who cares about her needs and wishes. The nurses have a glimpse at the numbers the machine plots and leave. Hours pass. In the end, she says I want an epidural.

She says, but to no avail. I await, to no avail.

Around 7:30 Antonella shows up, sets about arranging for the epidural. There is no point after so much pain has passed by. Ada doesn't want it anymore. Let's check the dilatation of the cervix, she says.

No, no more examinations, says Antonella. Come on.

Ada is upset to be intervened without her consent; but she doesn't have the energy to speak up. In the preceding months when they came for a checkup, she had mentioned her will to give birth without an epidural and Antonella had laughed at her, We see you then. Ada has no desire for heroism. She just needed to moan a bit. To grumble. She really didn't want the epidural anymore.

Antonella has an air of I've told you. She seems to drive a sinister pleasure from it. Ada doesn't care; the only thing she wants is to have the labor over as soon as possible, to be relieved to see her baby healthy as soon as possible.

More time passes until the anesthetist comes to administer the needle, how many more pains have gone by. The pains do not go away even after either.

It's for you to feel the push... they say. Ah, good then.

But if she was still to feel this much pain, why has it been done? What was the point? Of course, they make money for the clinic.

The doctor and the obstetrician are at her bedside. Cilumbriello and Antonella. They utter words of encouragement, try to motivate her. Good, good..., Push. It's opening up.

The doctor caresses her legs affectionately during the pains. She doesn't have any idea when these pushes will be over. She doesn't question why she is in bed either. The two women check her bottom. At long last, they say It's time to take her into the birthing room. Cables still attached to her arm. She gets up