Elvis and the Heartbreak Hotel Murders: With Bonus Recipes (A Southern Cousins Mystery)

By Peggy Webb

Leaving their baby with Callie’s flamboyant mama and her legendary dog Elvis, Callie and Jack head to a weekend getaway in Memphis. Cousin Lovie and her new hunk’a burnin’ love husband go along for a delayed honeymoon at the famous Peabody. But somebody with revenge always on his mind turns the romantic tryst into heartbreak hotel. With the body count rising, the cousins and Elvis go into full sleuth mode. Can they catch the bad guys before everybody’s left crying in the chapel?

This laugh-aloud whodunit shows just why reviewers call the Southern Cousins cozies “a bestselling series that is the perfect combination of mystery, romance and just plain fun!” Red Sky Entertainment has acquired film rights to the series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Peggy Webb
• Release date: Jun 4, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463476017

Peggy Webb

Peggy Webb is the author of 200 magazine humor columns, 2 screenplays, and 70 books.

Book preview

Elvis and the Heartbreak Hotel Murders

A Southern Cousins Mystery

Peggy Webb

USA Today Bestselling Author

Westmoreland House

Elvis and the Heartbreak Hotel Murders, Copyright © 2020 by Peggy Webb

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved.

Original Cover Art, Copyright © 2020 by Cecilia Griffith

Cover Design, Vicki Hinzi, 2020

Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United States by Westmoreland House, Mooreville, Mississippi.

What Readers Say about Peggy Webb

The most delightful book I’ve ever read. - Joy, Brewton, AL

This (Elvis and the Dearly Departed) is just about the funniest, most riveting story I’ve read since the last Anne George. Keep up the good work and write some more along the same lines. What a talent! - Sharon, Kingston, GA

One of the best books I’ve read in a long time! -Chris, Palmer, Alaska

I laughed my head off at Elvis and the gang. - Tara, Birmingham, AL

This is so good I couldn’t put it down. - Alice, MS

I was unable to put it down. Your characters are so real I just want to walk into the story and share a hug with the girls and some life advice from Victoria. – On Driving Me Crazy, Tonya, Nova Scotia, Canada

I loved your book! Mama is a hoot! My favorite line is ‘There is a quiet place inside us where angels are whispering, and they’re saying, see?’ - Christine from Suffolk, VA

I ADORE the book. Peggy Webb tugged all my heart strings, then when I least expected it, had me howling with laughter! This gal can flat out write! - Charlotte, South Carolina

What an amazing book! I can’t wait for the next one. - Nikki, Amory, MS

I have never written a fan letter in my life, but please add me to your list of fans. Your book moved me to both laughter and tears… Pat Conroy is one of my favorite writers. He strings words together that sparkles like perfectly cut diamonds in the sun. Your writing created a double-strand necklace in my world. I eagerly await any and everything you write. - On Driving Me Crazy, Joyce, Ontario, Canada

The book is so good I want to jump in the pages with the characters – On Driving Me Crazy, Sue, Tupelo, MS

My family and I love the book. We’re new devoted Peggy Webb fans. – Rebecca, Ontario, Canada

The best book I’ve read in the past year. - Sandi

The book is great! - Maxine, Birmingham, AL

It is definitely a memorable reading experience. - Mary

I loved the book. You write the best stories! - Kim, VA

If you only read one book this year, make it Driving Me Crazy by Peggy Webb.- Leslie Criss, Northeast MS Daily Journal

Peggy Webb is the queen of comic whodunits. Elvis and the gang feel like friends and neighbors. Great characters, great writing, laugh-aloud funny. Keep the sleuthing basset hound coming! – Dr. Sandra Fortune, TN

Table of Contents

What Readers Say about Peggy Webb

Chapter 1, Elvis’ Opinion on Romance, Babysitting and Fishing

Chapter 2, New Houses, Movie Stars and Dead Ducks

Chapter 3, Champagne, Second Honeymoon and Murder

Chapter 4, Elvis’ Opinion on Bodyguards, Baby Surprises and Dog Shows

Chapter 5, Little White Lies, Battle Training, Whipped Cream

Chapter 6, Elvis’ Opinion on Fake Grief and the Parade of Secret Service Bodyguards

Chapter 7, Guns, Pots and Hot to Trot

Chapter 8, Barbecue, Beale Street and Tattoos

Chapter 9, Elvis’ Opinion on Booby Traps and Canine Heroics

Chapter 10, Exploding Desserts and Honeymoon off the Tracks

Chapter 11, Déjà vu and Unorthodox Questioning

Chapter 12, Elvis’ Opinion on Detective Work and Booby Traps

Chapter 13, Suspects, Secrets and Sleuthing

Chapter 14, Elvis’ Opinion on a Whole Lotta Shakin’ in the Nursery

Chapter 15, Midnight Madness, Kidnapping and Revenge

Chapter 16, Elvis’ Opinion on Crystal Balls, the Psychic Eye and Mayhem

Chapter 17 Killers, Diabolical Plans and Nasty Surprises

Chapter 18, Elvis’ Opinion on Babysitting and Twisted Motives

Chapter 19, Dastardly Plans, Makeshift Weapons and Protecting the National Treasure

Chapter 20, Elvis’ Opinion on Jailhouse Rock and Happy Endings

About the Author

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Recipes from Cousin Lovie’s Kitchen

Chapter 1

Elvis’ Opinion on Romance, Babysitting and Fishing

There have been so many changes to my human family since our trip to New Orleans I’ve resorted to comfort food. For those of you who don’t already know, that’s a whole lotta PupPeroni, all the buttered biscuits I can beg from cousin Lovie’s table, and a dash of Bourbon in my dog chow when my human mom Callie Valentine Jones is not looking and my human dad Jack thinks he can get by with it. Which is a lot these days, believe me.

Ever since PJ Jones was born—otherwise known by this famous canine as Little Short Baldy when she needs a diaper change or the Princess of Everything when she’s being adorable (which is 99% of the time)—Callie’s main focus is on the baby. She spends so much time in the nursery upstairs Jack thinks he’s been sent to Heartbreak Hotel.

He decided it’s now or never to win back some of her attention. When I want a little romance, I mosey on up to Mooreville’s one and only truck stop where the cute strays hang out. A little courting under a full moon, a little fine dining on leftover peas and cornbread from the garbage can, and the foxy canines start begging baby let’s play house. Sometimes I’m even lucky enough to find a bone with plenty of meat still on it. Very impressive to the ladies.

But Jack didn’t go for that idea. He’s whisked my human mom off to Memphis, the city I put on the map when I had two legs and was crooning more hit records than lesser dogs have fleas.

Cousin Lovie and her hunka burnin’ love, Rocky Malone, joined Jack and Callie for a romantic getaway of their own. Lovie unexpectedly acquired her husband on the trip to New Orleans, along with Pete, a homeless ten-year-old street kid who is turning out to be as much fun as Trey, the redbone hound dog extraordinaire who has been my partner in crime for many years.

Lovie and Rocky never took a proper honeymoon. They’ve been too busy making sure Pete’s adoption moves swiftly and transferring his stuff plus Rocky’s into Lovie’s now overcrowded cottage in Tupelo.

I wanted to go to Memphis with the romantic foursome. Naturally, I’d have been the main attraction considering I used to live at a little place up there called Graceland. It’s now one of the biggest tourist attractions in the world. There’s no telling how many of my fans visit my shrine behind those wrought iron music gates. Even though I died and got sent back in this handsome basset hound suit, fans still fawn over me.

Bring it on, baby. I can take it. I’ve still got the swagger and the smile--even the pipes to howl the songs. I just don’t have any digits to play the piano and throw those sweaty scarves to my legion of Elvis fans.

I’m not only a famous dog, but I’m the major body guard and crime deterrent for the entire Valentine/Jones clan. Add Malone, too, now that Rocky and Pete are in the family.

Before Jack left our little corner of northeast Mississippi he scratched behind my mismatched ears and said, Elvis, you’re in charge while I’m gone. Watch PJ.

Like I needed any instructions! That baby is my everything.

She’s in the kitchen now with her grandma, Ruby Nell Valentine, and Ruby Nell’s BFF, Fayrene. I can hear them arguing over how to talk to the baby.

I mosey that way and station myself beside my doggie bowl to eavesdrop. PJ is in her infant carrier, perched in the middle of the table with her grandma and Fayrene leaning in to see who can get the most attention.

If I were a human baby and saw those two faces looming over me, I’d scream. But PJ, which is short for Penelope Jacqueline, takes it all in stride. She’s dispensing coos and giggles like the princess she is.

’Ou a widdle cutie pie. Fayrene tickles PJ under the chin, and the baby grins and blows spit bubbles.

Don’t talk baby talk to her. She remembers everything she hears. She’s a genius, like me.

I didn’t know you were a genius, Ruby Nell.

I don’t like to flaunt my brain. Everything else, but not that. Ruby Nell elbows Fayrene out of the way and tries to play pat-a-cake with PJ. Don’t I, darling? And you’re going to be just like Mama Ruby, aren’t you, precious? The smartest, most gorgeous girl in the room.

Apparently, she thinks PJ agrees because she settles back into her chair and begins to shuffle cards. PJ looks at me as if to say what am I going to do with these two? I spin around to make my ears fly, and she chortles out loud.

See, Ruby Nell says. I told you she’s a genius. She’s the spitting image of me when I was a baby.

You’re no femme fatal, Ruby Nell.

There goes Mrs. Malaprop. Fayrene is always slaying the English language.

You’re just saying that to get my goat, so I won’t win at 7-card stud. She flops the deck onto the table. Cut ‘em.

Afterward Ruby Nell scoops up her hand and shows it to PJ. Take a good look precious. That’s what a winning hand looks like.

Does Callie know you’re teaching her baby to play cards?

Every skill PJ acquires will be an asset to her later on in life.

So it’s okay if I tell Callie and Jack you’ve turned her into a card sharp?

If you do, I’ll have to abandon my lady-like manners.

You ditched them twenty years ago, Ruby Nell.

Shut up and play.

These two are serious about their cards, and the little earth angel is taking it all in. Ruby Nell is right about her being a genius. I swear she’s trying to tell her grandmother not to make that foolish play.

Before Ruby Nell can play her cards and go down in the flames of defeat, the doorbell rings. She and Fayrene freeze as if they’ve been caught robbing a bank.

The bell rings again.

Ruby Nell, a familiar male voice calls. Are you in there?

Charlie! She jumps up from her chair, scoops up all the cards and flings a book of nursery rhymes onto the table. Stuffing the cards into her pockets, she races to the front door. Coming!

Wouldn’t she be mortified if she knew her ace of spades is showing?

Charlie Valentine comes back to the kitchen with Ruby Nell, all smiles and innocence. He’s a dapper, silver-haired widower (Lovie’s dad), and I’m surprised he’s still on the market. Just between you and me, I think the only woman he’d look twice at is standing in the kitchen suddenly trying to get the tell-tale ace of spades back in her pocket.

Not that Charlie would be all shook up to see his sister-in-law teaching the baby how to win at cards. He’s been taking care of Ruby Nell and Callie ever since his brother, Michael Valentine, died. He knows them both better than anyone else except yours truly, and indulges their every whim. He’s sternest chastisement is now, now, dear heart.

He’s got his new grandson Pete with him. If he’d seen a card game in progress in the kitchen with Pete as the main audience, that might have colored his reaction. Like everybody else in the family, he’s determined to help the ten-year-old put his street ways behind him for safer pursuits like fishing, kickball and little league baseball.

He’s walked in on Fayrene reading Humpty Dumpty as if her life depends on it, never mind that she’s holding the book upside down.

Charlie! She jumps like she’s been shot. I’m just reading anniversary rhymes to the baby.

Mrs. Malaprop strikes again. Those of us accustomed to Fayrene’s slaughter of the English language never blink