The Thicker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice

By Kendra Rainey

Sometimes our very wants are not exactly what we need.
Cherish Denise learns from every trial and tribulation in the most horrible way. Not only does this young teen change from
the nerdy plus side girl next door to the thick, busty and voluptuous woman. She becomes exactly what she never wanted to be after secretly falling in love with her handsome, chocolate neighbor Khalil. Cherish finds herself the subject of ridicule as she is turned down and placed in the “best friend” zone.

Until she meets Caine, a thug from Georgia who literally knocks the socks right off her feet. They hit it off instantly, not knowing he was about to Inflict the worst pain on her.

Caine seemed like the perfect guy at first with just a little street and thugness.
Until he shakes up Cherish’s world, shows his true colors and motives, which sends Cherish up a valley of “no self-esteem and desperation.”

There are so many hurdles to climb in her life. Will Cherish embrace her flaws? Love herself unconditionally? Will Cherish and Khalil make it through the hurdles meant to tear them apart? Or will Caine take her on a complete whirlwind.

Who knows, but this chick needs more than time to figure out her life as college approaches and these men can’t stop wanting to sample her like a sweet Georgia peach. Stay tuned and find out....Why it’s the thicker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice…..

• Language: English
• Publisher: Royalty Publishing House
• Release date: Oct 18, 2016
• ISBN: 9781648405709

Book preview

Prologue

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces of broken glass. I lay on the hospital bed reminiscing about our love and the time we spent together. Nothing compared to the heartbreak I experienced, and nothing could stop the pain. I felt a sharp pain and couldn’t get over the fact how drastically my life changed in just a few months. He was someone I loved, and I never thought this would happen to me.

The blood that flowed from between my thighs had dried up and stained my pink satin pajama pants. I screamed in pain and agony. Who knew that this day would come, and I would go through so much within so little time.

All I could think about was the pain and how detrimental to my heart it was. I closed my eyes as the doctors cut through my pants with sharp scissors, and he held my hand as I cringed. Everything was wrong in my life, and I knew I had to make a change. I cried more tears than I ever had as I watched the doctors run in and out of the room, stepping into their blue scrubs and covering their faces. I wished that this was all just a dream, and I would wake up soon and everything would be okay. Somewhere inside of me, I felt as if I had died, and a new person was living inside of me. I lost myself a long time ago, and time would definitely have to heal my wounds.

As one doctor stood beside me taking my blood pressure, the nurse tried her best to hold me down. I wanted the sin that I created to end. I looked at him as tears rolled down my face uncontrollably, and I began to scream in complete and utter pain. It was like something was trying to rip right through me. Many thoughts wandered through my mind, like a tsunami, as the sweat beads protruding from my face hit his arm.

What did I do so bad, God? What did I do? I couldn’t stop crying as I squeezed his hand tight. I closed my eyes and wished everything I had done in my life was untrue. Who did I become? Who was I? Different thoughts had entered my mind and it felt as if I could barely breathe. I prayed to God for forgiveness. The taunting memories of my life were hanging in the balance. Was this really the end… when all I ever wanted was to just have real love and to love myself completely?

I was nothing but a lost girl in a world where a man was my only dream. I wanted him so bad that I would do just about anything to keep him. Instead, I lost all of my sanity.

If you give me this life back God, I promise it will be all about You and not just about me. As I prayed in my mind, I felt his hand grip mine tighter. I looked at him, and I wished I could take it all back. I shook my head and knew the memories would forever hold me captive if I couldn’t let go.

The moment I met him, the moment I fell in love with him, and the moment I became a victim of mental, physical and emotional abuse was enough to know that we were not meant to be. The toxic love affair was enough to know that we had served our purpose to each other.

Deep down, I knew it was time to get out of this toxic relationship and it was time for me to be the woman I was destined to be. There just wasn’t any excuse for granting him access to me when I was full of life and potential.

It’s so funny that some men scream Black Lives Matter! every day, but treat their queens like shit and throw us away. I never imagined my life would end this way.

I remember sitting in music class, listening to Tupac. The lyrics were metaphorically correct for me. It stimulated my mind like never before. He said, I wonder why we take from our women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? It really had me thinking about my life and where I needed to be. I knew it wasn’t right, but I kept allowing it all to happen. There was so much hurt in today’s world that I was afraid. I was afraid to love myself because society told me it was wrong. I was afraid to be myself in a room full of bad bitches.

I didn’t want to be alone and the fear taunted me daily. I experienced some tough moments in my life, but I finally convinced myself that I needed to fight back. The fear of rejection plagued my mind; as well as the fear of losing the only person I ever loved who actually loved me back, made we want to cast away my fears of being hopeless. Everything was hitting me hard, like a ton of bricks. I just needed my sanity, adolesence, and life back; I knew it had to eventually resurface. I was just like any girl who just wanted and needed to be loved. My journey to self-love was a severe case that I had treated my emotional wounds with Band-Aid type solutions when I really needed to close them up as if I were getting stitches.

If you don’t understand anything about me, you will understand that I was merely a girl who had to fight for myself.

The fight wasn’t going to be a violent act, but it was one to sustain my life. It was the fight to end every tragic moment from ever reoccurring again. I was no longer the struggle, a target to my own self-inflicted hatred, or the cute for a big girl stigma. The abuse I suffered, the need to go on, and love myself with peace in my heart, was hanging in the balance. I had to remember who the fuck I was.

That’s right… I am Cherish Denise.

One

Cherish

"S traight Outta Compton…"

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Cherish, get your ass down here and mop this damn floor, girl! Do you think that you are going to lose any weight just sitting in that damn room all day? Mama shouted, as she came in my room with the mop and bucket in tow.

Mama always said cruel things to me, and sometimes it hurt like hell. I would lie on my air mattress and cry whenever she yelled or screamed at me for being a big girl.

She was depressed when my dad was killed, and she was never the same again. It changed her. I was deeply saddened. It destroyed me growing up, but she thought it was going to mold me. It only brought me down and created more drama in my adolescence. Even though she would say the most horrible things to me, I still loved her. She was my mom and she took care of me. I knew that she had her own demons that took over her mind sometimes. Mom practiced nothing but tough love with me and I could never understand for the life of me why she was like that with me. It hurt me deeply when she was cruel but I knew that everything would be okay. I was always a positive person. She embodied that aura while demanding respect where ever she went. Her aura was more of a halo. She was a woman of virtue, style and poise.

My mom was so beautiful. Anytime we went into a store, she had all the men’s attention. She was considered thick with her wide hips and Coke bottle shape. Men from all over wanted her. She was definitely a thicker version of Lisa Raye, with more succulent lips and longer hair. However, she didn’t give anyone a chance because she was so wrapped up in my father. He was a man that gave us hope and built a true foundation of everlasting love. I watched how he treated her, and he was always a gentleman. He never let her open any door she walked through or any car door. He was the perfect man and perfect dad to me. He loved, adored, and cherished my mom before they were married.

Six months after they started dating, he popped the question and they remained married until his untimely death. I came three years after they were married. I was their true blessing because my mother thought she would never bear her own child. She was raped when she was 13 by her very own uncle. He was so rough with her that the doctor told my grandparents that she would never bear children. That is why she truly cherished me and named me Cherish.. Her uncle was arrested and sentenced to 30 years in prison. I don’t think my mom will ever get over what happened but when she met my father, he showed her what a real man was and how she should be treated.

My weight started to fluctuate from the age of seven until adulthood. I hated the way I looked at times. The teasing from kids was nothing compared to the triumph I would experience in my life, though. Kids in Compton were different colors, ethnicities, and sizes, but we still played together and were friends. It was the older crowd in middle school and high school that would make my life a living hell.

Sometimes, I knew my mother’s ridicule was merely her trying to warn me of what my future could be like as a plus size girl. Even though she talked down on me a lot, I still loved her and there wasn’t anything anyone could ever say or do to make my feelings change against her. All I knew was that I was loved and spoiled by my father; but as I grew bigger, my mom seemed to become disgusted with me.

They are going to talk about you, baby, she stated as she grabbed the Twinkie from my hand.

Who mama? I asked in awe.

Those kids in school. It’s a different generation. When you are big like that, they won’t like you. I don’t want you to have to suffer Cherish. You’re so beautiful.

I can’t look like this mama and be beautiful too? I asked, as I wiped the crumbs from my elementary school’s field day shirt.

One day, Cherish, you will see and I hate it the fact people are so cruel these days. She stated as she closed the door. She knew how demeaning kids were these day with bullying and she didn’t want that for me. At that moment in my life, I couldn’t fathom why she was so mad at me.

After standing at the door, she closed it as I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up from the floor, opening the door after her and grabbed the mop to clean the kitchen floor. She was always ranting about something. I simply didn’t understand it. I was in a hurry to play my game while trying to keep the memory of losing the man that meant the world to me bottled up.

I was originally born in Compton, California to Eugene and Betty Denise on September 17, 1986. We lived in Compton from the time that I was born until I was in the sixth grade. We ended up moving to Pleasant Grove in Dallas, Texas after my father’s murder. It was a crazy city that seemed to me to be no different from Compton. The crime rate and drug scene was still the same. It really wasn’t safe. Mom tried her best to keep us out of the hood but we needed to get away.

I can still remember when my father was killed by the police like it was yesterday. He begged and pleaded for his life while holding his hands in the air. They were searching for a suspect nearby who just robbed a bank. He fit the description only because he was a black man. In their eyes, he was already guilty. My father called the white police officer a coward while his hands were still in the air. In response, the officer shot him in his chest. He fell to the ground and died instantly. The Compton Police swore up and down that he was holding a gun, but it was quite amazing that they never found one. There were witnesses all around, but no one came forward. Everyone was so scared of the police that they didn’t want turmoil or to risk police retaliation.

I didn’t even think it was real when I was called into the principal’s office at school. I was shocked to see my Aunt Marlene in the office because she never picked me up. I knew something was wrong when she sat in the chair and looked up at me as I entered the office. All I could remember was seeing her blood shot eyes and her trembling hands as she stood up to hug me.

What’s wrong auntie? I asked as she held me tight.

I’m sorry, baby girl, she stated as she placed both of her hands upon my shoulders and hugged me again.

When she told me that my father had been killed, I felt my body go numb. It was like a throbbing pain in my heart. When we made it home, all of my family seemed to be there. Everyone looked at me as we entered. I didn’t see mom as I searched around the house. I continued to search and ran into their room, hoping it was not true. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t smiling at me and racing me to the room. He was really gone. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. My dad would race me to my room every day when he use to pick me up from school. It felt like the pain in my heart would never go away as I sat on the end of my bed.

I had so many memories of how my daddy spoiled me from the newest Nintendo 64 games to making sure that daddy’s little girl had a Checkers burger every day. He always took me there every day after school for a shake, burger and fries. I loved to see my dad pull up, stand outside of the car, and wait for me to exit the school building.

I lived for 2:45 p.m. to arrive every day just so I could run to the car at full speed and hug him tight. There wasn’t anything that remotely mattered to me more than seeing him and being around him. It was all about me when it came to daddy. He took me to eat, to the park, and he even took me fishing sometimes. I loved him so much and never took a moment that we shared together for granted. I never thought he would be taken from me. I yearned for him to pick me up, kiss my cheek and protect me. When he died, I felt as if I had lost apart of myself.

My mom decided to go through the legal process and sue. The way the system was set up, the department was still nowhere near settling. It hurt for me to see my mom crying at night as she held a picture of dad, clutching it with her arms.

It was weird that I couldn’t form one tear after seeing him lying in the casket. I just thought it was still a bad dream, and I was numb for the remainder of my life. I never cried, and I never talked about my dad. It was like my brain had somehow erased him, but I knew I didn’t want to believe that he was gone. I no longer had the best male figure that a girl could have. He was gone, and it hurt. Even at a young age, I wanted to be strong for my mom.

After his wake, everyone came to our home and brought by food and drinks for us. All I could think about was seeing my dad laying in his casket. He wore a crown on his head in a white and red suit. I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind or out of my dreams as I lay with my mom every night. After all of the calls, texts, and visits had stopped completely it was when we found out that we really had no one. All of our family had so many things to say like: you can call me if you need anything, we got your back or you will never have to worry about anything; they told my mom at my dad's funeral. I