Home Without Crisis (Volume One)

By Oketola Isaac Adedayo

The rate at which the most extravagantly celebrated weddings crash as quickly as possible in the recent time is alarming and this calls for human and Godly intervention. After several weeks of pondering, God ministered to me that the reasons were not far from those little foxes that showcase before, during and after the wedding ceremony.
Such topics as laying good foundation in marriage, readiness before marriage, love in the family, the making of a good home, the working wife, parent and children relationship, widowhood in Christianity, relationship with neighbours, the house-help, the firstborn, money in the family, managing sexual problems and possible areas of attack in the family, etc.
Therefore, the inspiration received by this author had made him come with the book titled “Home Without Crisis” Volume 1 - 4 with fifteen chapters each covering day to day affairs in the home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oketola Isaac Adedayo
• Release date: Apr 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463997062

Oketola Isaac Adedayo

Pastor Dr. Oketola Isaac Adedayo is a native of Igbole, a blessed town in Ekiti State of Nigeria. Adedayo had a calling into a teaching and pastoral ministry over thirty years ago and was ordained by the authority of Christ Apostolic Church in April, 1999.He obtained Certificate in Theology from Christ Apostolic Church Theological Seminary, Ile Ife Osun State in the year 1990. He proceeded for Diploma in Theology at Samuel Bible Institute, Yaba Lagos in 1996. He bagged Bachelor in Christian Religious Education from the University of Ibadan in 2007.His Masters Degree in Christian Religious Education was obtained from the University of Lagos in 2010. His thesis investigated moral development among Christian students on campus while his academic excellence was fulfilled with the attainment of Doctoral Degree in Theology from Dunamis Christian University in 2015.He is a District Superintendent in Christ Apostolic Church, seasoned teacher, an erudite writer and motivational speaker on moral development especially in the area of building a peaceful home. Adedayo is a member of Christian Writers Association of Nigeria, Teachers Registration Council , Christian Association of Nigeria, Christian Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria, Pastoral Chaplaincy Africa Command to mention but a few. He is lovely married to Christiana with children.

Book preview

LAYING A GOOD FOUNDATION IN MARRIAGE

TEXT: Mathew 7: 24 – 27, Psalm 11: 3

Question:

Pastor, it is disappointing to have married a woman who became my wife; she is rude, arrogant and selfish. If not that my parents compelled me to marry her, I wouldn’t have. Also, I remembered her parents’ financial support when I was studying in the university. Sir, I am confused…what is your advice because I don’t wish to continue with her any longer.

Introduction

The coming together of a man and a woman is likened to the processes of constructing a building, whereby financial, environmental, legal considerations are made before erecting the structure. The relevant materials such as blocks, cements, sharp sand, granites and water are provided before the construction proper. The kind of preparations made determine the standard of the structure, class, value and durability of such a building.

Various observations and investigation have shown why young ladies have problems in choosing the right person for marriage after several years of waiting. The man they believed to have possessed the targeted values quickly fades out after an elaborate wedding ceremony. Building their relationship on wrong foundation could have been one of the reasons – 1 Sam. 16: 7, Prov. 18: 22, Gen. 24: 10 – 14.

The term foundation could be described as a basis for idea, principle, where something develops from. It is a starting point for human endeavour and journey to greatness and a condition that makes all possibilities.

Likewise, marriage is an institution that has its foundation built on love, understanding and tolerance. When the foundation is faulty or not properly laid, there is possibility that the union will not last long. Eventually, it would collapse and not be enjoyed by both partners. The foundation is the connecting rod, chain and link that unite the relationship.

What is Marriage?

The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, the cultural and universality of the term must be considered.

Definitions of Marriage

Havilland etal, (2011) Marriage is a socially recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them and their children, between them and their in-laws.

Marriage can be recognized by a state, an organization, a religious authority, a tribal group, a local community or peers. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction. Marriages can be performed in a secular civil ceremony or in a religious setting via a wedding ceremony.

The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved, and any offspring they may produce. In terms of legal recognition, most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit marriage to opposite-sex couples or two or more persons of opposite gender in the gender binary, and a diminishing number of these permit polygyny, child marriages, and forced marriages. Over the twentieth century, a growing number of countries and other jurisdictions have lifted bans on and have established legal recognition for interracial marriage, interfaith marriage and most lately, same-sex marriage Wikipedia, (2013).

Types of Marriage Foundation

There are two major foundations on which men build their relationship. According to the parables of Jesus in the Gospel of Saint Luke 6: 47 – 49, Jesus explained, it is either on solid or sandy soil. The effectiveness and durability of such structure may not be guaranteed on a sandy foundation. Some circumstantial events could endanger the relationship and got halted if it is not properly erected at the outset of the union.

There were diverse unions in the Scriptures that were characterized by one influence or the other. For clarity let’s examine some relationships and on what they were built;

1.Adam and Eve

God initiated this relationship at His own initiative and desire for both to cleave and be one in;

i.Love

ii.Comfort

iii.Helpmeet

iv.Procreation

v.Avoid loneness – Gen. 2: 18 – 25

2.Isaac marriage

This was masterminded by his father Abraham through the assistance of Eliezer the servant who sought for God’s guidance in choosing a wife for Isaac and he was divinely led – Gen. 24: 12-15.

3.Jacob’s marriage

This was based on parental choice – The relationship of Jacob and his wife was influenced by the choice of his parents – Gen. 27: 46, 28: 7 – 9.

4.Samson’s marriage

This was based on personal choice – The selection and desire for a wife was a personal choice of which his parents disagreed with – Judges 14: 1 – 3.

5.King Solomon

This marriages were socially influenced by his wisdom, material possessions and fame. Therefore, many influential people gave their daughters to him in marriage – 1 Cor. 7: 38.

6.Hosea the prophet

He got married to a harlot as instructed by God, he was to serve as a type and anti type of God’s love to the nation of Israel – Hosea 1: 2.

Wrong Foundations of the Modern Days

1.Facial appearance – Prov. 31: 30

2.Deceit or pretence – Prov. 31: 30

3.Property / monetary values

4.Choice of good carrier

5.Personal objectivity - Judges 14: 1 – 3

6.Parental influence – Gen. 27: 46, 28: 1 – 2

7.Educational acquisition

8.Social class or exposure – 1 kings 3: 1

9.Tribal / cultural affinity – Gen. 26: 34 – 35

10.Religious influence – Gen. 24: 1 – 4

The Problems of Building on a Wrong Foundation

1.Partial separation

2.Divorce

3.Enduring rather than enjoying each other

4.Unfaithfulness / infidelity to partner

5.Failure to meet up to the family expectations – I Tim. 5: 8

6.Self interest may usurp the relationship

Good Foundations

1.Word of God – Psalm 119: 11

2.Spiritual Guideline not human wish –

3.Divine directive –

4.Diligence / Waiting on God – Isaiah 40: 31

5.Prayerful Selection – Mathew 7: 7

However, build your relationship on a solid rock which is Jesus Christ the unseen guess at every meal, the controller of all positive human affairs and the eternal, righteous judge – Prov. 8: 36. He who builds on Him will never suffer rejection and regret in his or her marital affairs. Jesus Christ the sure foundation!

Observations Before Marriage

1. Is God in support of the union?

The man or lady could be a church attendant yet he might not be a Christian and the choice of God for you. Being an active member in the church might not confirm your marriage with him. Let God lead you into the right person for your life – Prov. 18: 22. It is a pity these days that most of our youths are not really concerned about the religious life of the person to be married. If he or she is not a Christian, your relationship might not be fully enjoyable. Experience has shown that a Christian will definitely have problem with an unbeliever – 1 Cor. 6: 14 - 16.

2. Do you have a