The Core The Fundamentals Of Me, Us & Them

By Lloyd Ripley–Evans

The CORE is Lloyd Ripley-Evans’ first book. In it he explores the foundations of relationships and communication. Lloyd draws on his personal and professional experience as well as his theoretical knowledge and understanding of intra- and interpersonal human relationships. The CORE explores the fundamental considerations and complexities that surround us all on a daily basis, and offers an easy-to-follow understanding of how we can take charge of our own lives and make positive change. The CORE offers universal principles that are easily applicable in relatable contexts, such as personal relationships, parenting and business relationships, amongst others.

The Author-

Lloyd Ripley-Evans is a psychologist, coach, speaker and author, who believes passionately in actualising change through strengthening our CORE relationship with ourselves. As such he strives to help people and businesses understand their needs, identify concerns, and develop the critical self-belief and solution-focused thinking to overcome challenges or themselves.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lloyd Ripley–Evans
• Release date: Jun 4, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463378588

Lloyd Ripley–Evans

Lloyd Ripley-Evans helps people and businesses understand their needs, identify concerns, and develop the critical self-belief and solution-focused thinking to overcome challenges or themselves.As a psychologist, coach, speaker and soon to be author, he engages with people and groups across a broad range of contexts to connect with the uniqueness of each person or environment and strives to help create a space of growth and development that challenges the norms and pushes the boundaries. For Lloyd, people are incredibly fascinating and complex, and he strongly believe that his purpose is to share, engage and help facilitate change in others. After all, don’t we all need a little push or perspective at times. Knowing that, if nothing changes, nothing changes, and change breedschange are two mantras that help guide Lloyd’s passionate work.Practicing as a psychologist, Lloyd engages deeply with individuals as they navigate their way through their personal challenges, traumas or need for change. He operates from an eclectic perspective that draws from multiple psychological paradigms, with a particular focus on the solution-focused and person-centred approaches. Lloyd’s drive is to help individuals reconnect with the CORE of who they are first and foremost before extending broader contexts.As a coach, Lloyd draws heavily on his psychological training and experience to engage and connect with professionals who are needing the skills, guidance and insight to overcome their stumbling blocks, and to become a more in-tune and empowered version of themselves. Lloyd operates from an understanding that we all wear multiple hats each day, but underneath each hat is the same person - connecting with, understanding and facilitating growth from the CORE becomes critical.Lloyd is also a speaker, and engages with broader audiences to share about different topics in numerous contexts, and finds this type of engagement one of his favourites. Being able to engage with a group of like-minded people, or groups of people that are all struggling with a common issue is such a rewarding process for Lloyd. He finds that being able to share and connect with groups of people is a great way to create a safe space where they are able to relate to others, gain perspective and develop a sense of encouragement and positivity which is critical to facilitating the beginning ripples ofchange.

Book preview

The Core

The Fundamentals Of Me, Us & Them

Lloyd Ripley–Evans

Copyright © 2020 Lloyd Ripley-Evans

First edition 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Lloyd Ripley-Evans using Reach Publishers’ services,

Edited by Kevin Turner for Reach Publishers

Proofread by Dominique Vermeulen

Cover designed by Brendan Higgo and Reach Publishers

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Website: www.reachpublishers.org

E-mail: [e-mail]

Acknowledgements

A. S. T., thank you for your belief in me and for supporting my passion. For being my sounding board, helping to give clarity to my thoughts and feelings, and for your unending support and encouragement. You have helped to keep me focused, and shared in the stress, challenges and accomplishments that have come along the way. Without you, this book would still be just words and ideas in my head.

S. L. R-E and L. A. R-E, you are my everlasting sunshine. Thank you for opening my eyes to the wonders of parenthood. Your innocence, energy and purity have reminded me about what really matters in life, while allowing me to constantly reflect and grow.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Bio

Introduction

1. The Fundamentals

2. Me, Us and Them

3. Actions, Thoughts and Feelings

4. Control vs Influence

5. Positive Manipulation

6. Understanding Self

7. Controlling Self

8. Understanding Others

9. Influencing Others

10. Pulling the Threads Together

Bio

Lloyd Ripley-Evans helps people understand their needs, identify concerns, and develop the critical self-belief and solution-focused thinking necessary to overcome challenges in their lives or within themselves.

As a psychologist, coach, speaker and author, he engages with people and groups across a broad range of contexts to connect with the uniqueness of each person or environment and strives to create a space of growth and development that challenges the norms and pushes the boundaries. For Lloyd, people are fascinating and complex, and he strongly believes that his purpose is to share, engage and help facilitate change where necessary. After all, don’t we all need a little push or change in perspective at times? Two mantras that help guide Lloyd’s passionate work are If nothing changes, nothing changes, and Change breeds change.

Practicing as a psychologist, Lloyd engages deeply with individuals as they navigate their way through their personal challenges, traumas or need for change. He operates from an eclectic perspective, drawing from multiple psychological paradigms, with a particular focus on the solution-focused and person-centred approaches. Lloyd’s drive is to help individuals reconnect with the CORE of who we are first and foremost, before exploring our broader contexts.

As a coach, Lloyd draws heavily on his psychological training and experience to engage and connect with individuals and professionals who require the skills, guidance and insight to overcome their stumbling blocks, and to become more in-tune and empowered versions of themselves. Lloyd operates from an understanding that we all wear multiple hats each day, but underneath each hat is the same person – so connecting with, understanding and facilitating growth from the CORE becomes critical.

Lloyd is also a speaker and engages with broader audiences to share and discuss different topics in numerous contexts, and this is one of his favourite types of engagement. Being able to engage with a group of like-minded people, or groups of people who are all struggling with a common issue, is a deeply rewarding process for Lloyd. He finds that being able to share and connect with groups of people is a great way to create a safe space, where participants are able to relate to others, gain perspective and develop a sense of encouragement and positivity, which is critical to facilitating the initial ripples of change.

Introduction

I believe that the topics covered in this, my first book, are of universal and timeless relevance to people of all generations and ages. As you explore the foundations of relationships and communication from the CORE perspective, the fundamental considerations and complexities that surround us all on a daily basis begin to take focus. I hope that readers will find this book helpful with the easy-to-follow understandings of how we can take charge of our own lives and make positive changes. The information contained in The Core, and in particular the CORE concept of ME, US and THEM that has been discussed in this book, has been largely inspired by the many clients, professionals and peers who I have had the pleasure of engaging or working with over the years. With a book like this, it is difficult to identify specific references when the ideas, concepts and information are so deeply entwined in my daily work and have been influenced by so many sources and constantly evolve and develop on a regular basis. Wherever I have used hypothetical examples, I intend these to be equally useful to all readers; gender pronouns are randomly alternated to make the reading less grammatically stilted. No gender inference is implied, it’s simply easier to read. As you embark on this journey to discover and explore your CORE, remember that this is a process that requires time and effort in order for this to become part of who we are. It is not always going to be an easy ride, so prepare to challenge yourself and enjoy the adventure that lies ahead.

Chapter 1

The Fundamentals

We live in a world where we are constantly being influenced or trying to influence. We are constantly confronted with influence. Some of this is gentle and can be positive and helpful. At the other end of the spectrum, some of this is manipulative, negative and dangerous, which can lead to serious damage to ourselves, others, or even institutions. The fact of the matter is that we are affected by this on a daily basis. The overbearing partner that you say goodbye to in the morning, the gauntlet of billboards we pass whilst in traffic, the friendly barista who serves your coffee, and your boss waiting for the report that’s overdue: each of these relatively normal experiences are opportunities to engage in some form of power-play. And you thought that growing up and becoming an adult meant that you left the games behind? Not quite.

After working for over a decade in education, I have been fortunate to be exposed to the unique experiences that the youth are presented with daily (which is frighteningly different from my own experience as a child), but I have also worked primarily with adults and in particular, parents. One of the most fascinating components of my interactions with clients is witnessing the power dynamics that exist between two or more individuals. There is always the superficial dynamic, which individuals or couples try to convince themselves or those around them of, such as We are a team, we talk and share and we function as a unit. However, after a few minutes and some conversation (sometimes it doesn’t even require any conversation), the true dynamics begin to surface. It’s through these real interactions and observations that one is able to gain