Breaking Free From Anger & Unforgiveness: A Biblical Strategy to Conquer Destructive Reactions
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Read more from Linda Mintle, Ph.D.
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Breaking Free From Anger & Unforgiveness - Linda Mintle, Ph.D.
Sound familiar? After all, everyone gets mad now and then. Anger is just a part of being human, isn’t it? Of course! But if anger is causing problems in your relationships, job or everyday life, it may be time for a change. If you feel out of control or as if anger is ruining your life, read on. If you feel ashamed and guilty about the way you react when anger rises, keep reading. Or if you claim to never get angry, you are just not being honest! Anger happens. The good news is that it can be managed and even dissipated. You can break free from the potential negative effects of anger and live a peaceful life.
CAN YOU RELATE?
Jared just stared at his feet. He felt awkward and embarrassed. As he nervously glanced around my office, he finally spoke, "I’ve never been to one of you types before. I’m not crazy you know. His voice sounded desperate as he struggled to maintain some dignity.
I’m about to lose my family because I can’t control my temper. I don’t know what happens to me. Something sets me off, and suddenly I’m yelling and cursing. I have no control. I just see red. The next thing I know, I’m screaming at my kid or my fist has gone through a wall. I’ve even hit people a few times. And now, look at me. I have to see a shrink."
Perhaps your anger has never led to a therapy referral, but you know it’s way out of line. When you explode, you yell and say things you later regret; sometimes it feels like you’re out of control. It doesn’t take much for you to get worked up. You can relate to Ann. I don’t know what comes over me. It can be the smallest thing that irritates me. Then I explode. It doesn’t matter who is around me. I just unleash these pent-up feelings and then feel terrible. Every time it happens I tell myself I won’t react like that again, but I do. I can’t seem to stop.
Or maybe you aren’t sure if your anger is really a problem. Yes, you get frustrated, but you’ve never hit anyone. You only yell once in awhile, usually when provoked. Rick expressed it like this: "It’s not like I’m angry all the time. It usually takes something big for me to explode. One time I got so mad at one of my employees, I lambasted him with insults. Then I fired him. In truth, he needed to be fired. But I probably shouldn’t have called him names and cursed the way I did. It was like a dam broke inside of me and all this anger spilled out."
Maybe you think you shouldn’t be angry at all. Anger isn’t an emotion you allow to surface because you think it is wrong and destructive. Belinda, for example, prides herself on the fact that she is a peacemaker. I never get angry, only frustrated. Anger isn’t part of my life. I find it distasteful. I don’t raise my voice, and I don’t get in arguments with anyone. As a Christian, I don’t think I should be angry.
Whether you are seriously out of control, occasionally destructive, hot-tempered, irritated or unaware of existing anger, it’s time to break free from anger’s grip. In this book, you will:
• Understand this powerful emotion
• Examine biblical guidelines for anger expression
• Identify anger triggers
• Learn strategies for healthy anger expression
• Practice and live a transformed life
While it’s impossible to eliminate all the people and circumstances that bring an angry response, it’s not impossible to be angry, and yet do not sin
(Eph. 4:26, NAS). In fact, it’s your choice to respond to angry feelings in either a positive or negative way. Feelings will come and go, but you are always responsible for your actions.
PRAYER FOR YOU
When I’m angry, help me not to sin!
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about change.
—MALCOLM X
Anger is a powerful emotion. It can be a signal for change. It can also be destructive and cause problems in your personal relationships or place of work. What are your ideas about anger and how it works? Take this simple test to see how accurate you are when it comes to understanding anger.
MENTAL HEALTH FACT
Anger