Walking With Narcissists

By Kenny Lea

Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection and his lover, Eco, faded away to almost nothing. This is how relationships with narcissists often run. Narcissists damage the people around them with their self absorbed, self obsessed, self important behaviour.

In order to learn more about narcissism Kenny Lea spent the summer of 2019 interviewing people who identified themselves as fitting the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You know a narcissist. You probably know several.

A fascinating insight into the strange world of narcissism, Walking With Narcissists is a thoroughly enjoyable read, containing 10 riveting interviews with self-described narcissists.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Reading Room Cafe Project Publishing
• Release date: Oct 21, 2020
• ISBN: 9781912825035

Book preview

Introduction

Well, you’re a narcissist.

That’s where this whole sorry story began.  The breakup, the initial shock that I’d actually done it, the relief, and then the accusations.  Always the same accusations.  You’re a narcissist.

And that became the question that obsessed me.  Am I a narcissist?  There are behaviours in this book that you do, there are bound to be, because we all have some narcissistic tendencies, it’s how we survive.  That doesn’t make you a narcissist.

Reva Steenbergen, author of The Gaslighting Effect: A Revealing Look at Psychological Manipulation and Narcissistic Abuse said Both an empath and a narcissist come from the same place (childhood trauma). These two entities mirror each other, therefore be careful when assessing someone. Not all empaths are sweethearts. They have attitudes and personalities and are not Angels. 

That’s the thing.  We have the idea that narcissists are evil and the people they prey on are saintly.  It’s not that black and white.  There are a lot of books about the baddies.  There are also a lot of books by narcissists that talk about their backgrounds and want to tell the reader that they’re not all bad.  Don’t get me wrong, a narcissist can coldly and knowingly destroy lives.  When I think of some of the narcissists in my life there is little to redeem or recommend them. However, not all narcissists are going to ruin lives, commit crimes, or become leaders of enormous nations and destroy entire sections of society.

There are people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) who understand that certain behaviours, if discovered, will attract criticism and cause people to dislike them and who are intelligent enough not to expect that they will never be caught. Some people who I’ve talked to about this have accused me of making excuses for narcissists. I’m not. I’m saying that their behaviours, though part of their personality disorder, are choices, and there are people with NPD who do not behave in this destructive and dangerous way.

What is Narcissism?

The term narcissism covers a broad range of things in the public imagination.  It covers everything from the extreme vanity of some super models to the frightening but charismatic serial killer.

Narcisus, the first narcissist, Narcissus was a hunter in Greek mythology, son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was a very beautiful young man, and many fell in love with him. However, he only showed them disdain and contempt. One day, while he was hunting in the woods, the Oread nymph Echo spotted him and immediately fell for him. When Narcissus felt that someone was following him, Echo eventually revealed herself and tried to hug him. However, he pushed her off and told her not to disturb him. In desperation, Echo roamed around the woods for the rest of her life; wasting away until all it remained of her was the echo.

Nemesis, goddess of retribution and revenge, found out what had happened and decided to punish Narcissus for his behaviour. Nemesis took him to a pool; there, Narcissus saw his reflection in the water and fell in love with it. When he worked out that it was his reflection that he was in love with he understood that his love could not materialise and committed suicide.

This idea or narcissism as vanity and self obsession, is a far cry from the modern understanding of the condition, which is of a vain projected image and a fragile and manipulative personality.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their importance, a deep need for extreme attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. Behind a mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to