Twelve Days - A Winter Holiday

By Wearn Jo Arbee

An adolescent 17-year old boy has fallen deeply in love with a girl, but he is unable to communicate this to her. They are part of a youth group on a twelve day winter skiing holiday in the mountains. He experiences a roller coaster of emotions, love triangles, jealousy, nights at a cemetery, and is finally able to overcome his own shyness. There is snowfall, skiing, and mulled wine - all wonderful elements of an experience that he shall never forget.
The story takes the subjective viewpoint of this boy. The reader follows his thoughts and inner reflections throughout these twelve days. Misunderstandings, mistakes in dealing with others and a general inexperience in human interactions place big obstacles in his way. But he is learning and will eventually be able to overcome the wall that seems to surround him. So will he get the girl of his pursuit in the end?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781326530549

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Twelve Days - A Winter Holiday

Twelve Days – A Winter Holiday

Copyright

Copyright © 2016-2017 by Wearn Jo Arbee

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

Blog for this book:  https://twelvedaysinwinter.blogspot.de/

Eighth illustrated Edition

December 2017

ISBN 978-1-326-53054-9

WJA Publishing

[e-mail]

http://plus.google.com/103556055104388252539

United Kingdom

In fond memory of Shlents (1925-2016)

Prologue

The story which I am going to tell here is only about a very brief episode in my life – twelve days to be precise. It happened many years ago, when I was a young adolescent boy, brought up by well-protecting parents who always meant very well. Throughout my early teenage years I had changed, from a quite lively and cheeky child into a more quiet and somber young adult. I had become quite shy and found it difficult to overcome this shyness. Luckily I had joined a group of other like-minded youngsters, in whose company I began to open up. We organized some leisure and fun events, under the auspices of a catholic priest – which was highly approved by our parents who saw us in good and safe company.

It was in this environment where I experienced the most distressing emotional roller-coaster up to that point in my life. This happened during a winter holiday trip with this group which lasted twelve days, and the events during these days had a big impact on my further life and my outlook on it. Even now, when I read my old diary entries from that time, I cannot help but getting sucked into those strong emotions which shook me up during those twelve days.

Not much really happened actually, many things were in my mind only, but to me every little step seemed to be a gigantic challenge and a test of my ability to guide my life. After those twelve days I was a changed person. I began many attempts to write about what had happened, and I do have hundreds of handwritten pages from that time and from the months and years afterwards, on which I can retrace how I tried to cope with all of the fallout from those days. These scribbles were a useful guide and allowed me now many years later to write down the story as I experienced it in those twelve days. So join me on a dive back into the past, several decades ago, into an era without internet, without mobile phones, without email, and without social networking via computers, and see those twelve days through the eyes of a 17 year old boy who has deeply fallen in love with a girl, but seems to be unable to move this love forward.

Day 1. Exuberant Optimism

Christmas is over. It was nice, as always. The Christmas time has always been my favorite time of the year, since I was a little child. I like the smell of Christmas cookies, the lights on the Christmas trees, the occasional snow, even though the White Christmas rarely happens where I live – the climate is just too mild here. And I like of course that there are presents for Christmas. Also my birthday is a few days before Christmas (I just celebrated my 17th birthday about two weeks ago), making this season especially valuable for me. I enjoy that there is this festive atmosphere at Christmas Eve, and also that there is that somewhat crazy chaos in the days before Christmas, when the tree is being decorated, when the food is being organized etc. I also like very much the music of the Christmas Carols, and in recent years I have created a few improvisational versions of these carols on my piano. So every year on Christmas Eve, I sit there at the piano and play the accompaniment while the rest of the family is singing those carols. I am creating here my own interpretation of the chords and melodies and play somewhat eccentric versions of these well-known songs – which this year has raised a few eyebrows of my family members, since my interpretations have moved a bit away from the orthodox musical ways.

Like every year, also this year my parents had organized the Christmas Eve very well and festive, with a reading from the gospel (the Christmas Story) by Papa, followed by dinner, then presents. And then we would go to the midnight mass in Church, where sometimes there is an especially festive music event with brass, or guitar and flutes, in addition to the usual church organ. But even the organ playing alone is enjoyable – Mr Distler, the town organist, always does a great job in bringing the sacred music alive with his special interpretive playing style. Anyway, Christmas is just a very enjoyable holiday for me.

The weather this Christmas had been mild and wet, like basically most other Christmas holidays in past years. But I remember how a few years ago there was actually some snowfall, giving this holiday that special appearance as White Christmas, with walking through nightly snow, glistening snow cover everywhere, each step making that special noise when the fresh now is pressed together by the shoes. In any case, even if there is no snow on the Christmas holiday itself, it marks the beginning of the snowy season, which is my favorite season. There could be skiing, snowball throwing, and eating that freshly fallen snow from the ground (even though there might be some health concerns due to air pollution which si captured by the falling snow flakes). The white snow cover always hides those ugly brown bare trees, those forests without leaves, the brownish grass, and in general the bleak midwinter scenery. And when the sun comes out, shining onto the white winter landscape, it is a pleasure to look at it during a Sunday afternoon walk with the parents.

So no white Christmas this year. But now, three days later, I am sitting in a cramped bus, leaning against the foggy window, wiping away the humidity and staring out into the morning dawn while we are driving on the motorway, heading towards the mountains where there will surely be some snow. We, that is a group of around twenty young people here in the bus. We are going for a winter holiday, which will last twelve days. Today I had already gotten up early in the morning, around 6:00am. Naturally excited about the fact that I will finally see some snow, that I will do a bit of winter sports, but especially that I will be together with these other young teenage folks. And I am especially glad that Bee is also going with us.

The suitcase had been standing on the sofa in my room for a whole week, and over the past days I slowly had dropped into it a few of the things that I wanted to take on this trip. After breakfast this morning the parents have given me a ride to the departure point, where the bus was waitinNg and all the other participants came together, also brought by their parents. Was somewhat a zoo there. Bye, and have lots of fun! Take care of yourself! Be careful in the ice and snow, do not break a leg! … always take the medicine tablets, you know! … always wear a scarf, there is an icy wind! Yes, I know. My parents really mean very well, one has to forgive them their obnoxiousness.

The bus departed into the dark morning, at 8:10am. It rolled on, stopping at the red light at an intersection, waiting, then at the green light turning onto the main road. As always I am excited when there is a departure to anywhere. I enjoy travelling, visiting places. I pressed my face at the window and looked out at the passing scenery. Outside all road surfaces were wet, from melted snow. But already after a short drive there was again continuous snow cover outside alongside the road. Nice, I was very excited to see the snow. My glasses began to fog up a bit, but I kept enjoying the scenery as it flew by. It has been still quite dark when we departed, but now it is getting already brighter. No direct sun, the sky is overcast.

The bus is not very big. We are only around twenty people in the bus, and there would have been plenty of space here if we all would not have so much luggage. Suitcases, backpacks, sleeping bags, ski equipment, sledges. When loading everything into the bus, the whole luggage compartment at the underside was stuffed with all these things, and after all these compartments had been filled up, there was still much of the stuff standing outside at the side of the road, including a few sledges. The parents, not only mine but also those of my friends, were exasperated when they saw this. We had to put a bunch of these things into the passenger area of the bus. Not really according to health and safety, but what else could we do? In addition to this bus there are also a few other vehicles with which the participants will travel to the destination of this trip. There is the VW bus of the group, which is driven by Joe, with five or six others inside, among them my friend Al. Very cramped in there, even more than in our bigger bus. Ian will drive with his own car, taking a few people with him. And there is also Shlents’ car, which he will drive himself later. I think only his sister will be in that car. 

I had a choice in which vehicle to go. I could have joined Al in the VW bus, but I decided to go where Bee would go, and she had opted for the big bus. The whole rear bench is now full of our stuff: bags, backpacks, sledges. No viewing anymore through the rear window. Everything is cramped tightly together, so I assume even during a hard stop these things would remain in place and not fly through the bus. I hope so.

It is really quite warm here in the bus. The small area of the window which I just had cleared is again getting wet and foggy. I am a bit tired, but happy. Glad that I am here, driving to a nice winter holiday. I even feel like humming a melody which comes to my mind – quietly of course. But there is also a slight anxiousness in me. It is my typical fear which I always have when something new is starting. When my actions matter, and when I am supposed to be in control of what is happening. I am worried. Worried that I will do something wrong, that I will miss a chance, that I will do something stupid which will have a huge negative impact. This holiday is very important to me. The anticipation has built up during the past weeks, when I finally knew that I would go on this trip. I felt it all the time that this holiday will be something very special. It offers to me the big chance of taking destiny into my own hands, finally. But there is this persistent worry, which does not go away. And I have good reasons to worry, based on what had happened to me in this past year which is now almost over. If Al would not also be on this trip, I would worry so much less.

How did it come that I am sitting here in this bus, full of adolescents, 12-18 years old, me being one of them? Three weeks ago I would not have thought this would be possible. Because I had not signed up for this trip, had not registered for it, had originally decided not to go. The deadline for registration had been mid-November. To some degree I did want to go then, but certain facts had prevented me from signing up. For example I did not have any suitable winter equipment, no skis. I had outgrown the equipment which I had used almost two years ago during my last ski holiday which I took with my parents. And during this school break over the winter holidays I had planned to relax at home. And I had planned to work on some things for school, there was plenty to do. I was looking forward to have the holidays for myself, also to get some rest. But soon after the deadline for registration had passed, I did regret not having signed up. I did want to go on that holiday trip after all. I realized that this would be probably the very last time that I would be able to go with this group of friends. The next year would be the very last full year here at home, living with my parents, and going to high school. After that year the school years would be over. No more high school. Real life would begin, with lots of uncertainties. During this last year in school I would not have much time to engage with the group, because of preparation for the final high school exams and the graduation. No further trips with the group then. This trip now was the very last opportunity.

For the last two years I had enjoyed being in this youth group very much. I joined then in November more than two years ago, when the group did a two-day hike in the local woods. Hiking to a youth hostel, staying overnight, and hiking back the next day. Everything in this group is organized by Shlents. That is not his real name, but whenever we talk about him, he is only Shlents. Of course we would never dare to address him like that, but would instead respectfully use his proper name! He is a catholic priest. At first I was quite skeptical: why would I join a group which is led by a priest? He makes this ascetic impression, deep in this intellectual-spiritual thoughts, and when one sees him, one may not be sure that he would be a very practical person living in the real world. But soon I learned that he is quite a character, and that there is more to him than just his usual somber and serious attitude. He organized a kind of hang-out place for us young people, where we could come together every Saturday evening. He got the city council to donate rooms in the City Hall for us youngsters, which we could use and where we could meet. There was a table soccer, and we had soda drinks and snacks available for a low price. There was a whole program for each Saturday evening: sometimes a film was shown, sometimes we would do a night hike into the nearby woods. Quite exciting, to go out into the forest with a bunch of other teenagers at night into the darkness! I never did this before, not with my parents nor with my friends.

That autumn hiking trip two years ago was my first trip with this group. Shlents had organized the transport of our luggage, and in the woods we had then a lunch time barbecue. Unbelievable that this was just two years ago – time has gone so fast! I took part in a few more of these hiking trips. They were usually organized during Easter, during Pentecost, and also during the summer holiday. Every year before I joined the group, I have been vacationing with my parents: usually in the winter for a skiing holiday, but since a few years we also went on summer holidays. Always into the mountains: winter sports, or summer hiking. So I am quite familiar with mountains, with hiking, and with skiing, and we as a family always did have a good two or three weeks of holiday activities. So I did skip two of these travels with the group, as I was going instead with my parents on holiday. Last year in winter I had not gone with the group on their winter trip – it was somehow not on my horizon yet to go skiing with them. But I had been on several hiking excursions: last November, and also Easter this year.

The boys and girls in this group were very cool. Not very eccentric, more quite normal like me. A bit conformist, as one would expect in a church-related group. But not much full of religiosity as one might suspect. Sure, Shlents held the mass once in a while, usually outdoors during our hikes, in the forest, even at night, and we all were participating. Some of us were playing guitars for musical accompaniment, so we were singing those sacro-pop songs which were popular since the Sixties, like Kumbaya my Lord and other similar songs. And on some of the Saturday evenings there were discussion rounds, about certain topics, related to ethics, morals, religion. Quite interesting, but Shlents never did impose a strong viewpoint on us. He explained what the Church’s position was, what his own was, and then we could argue and discuss with our own views.

In all this group activity I noticed that there was one very important thing which made being in this group such a positive experience: Shlents did somewhat empower each of us. He trusted us to do things. For example when our Saturday group rooms had to be moved into another building, because the rooms in the City Hall were needed for other purposes by the City, he let us paint the rooms as we wanted. Furnish them according to our preferences. My task had been to make some lamp shades out of wool threads. Each of us got a sense of responsibility. And we were trusted that we would not get lost in the nightly forest during those evening hiking excursions. That we were able to operate the gas grill. He trusted us to do our jobs and the things for which we had gotten some responsibility. And for many of us this was something new. At home our parents rarely did entrust so much faith in us – I often got criticized by them when doing something, for doing it wrongly and sloppily, and I was not really very confident that I could do things properly. But Shlents instilled in each of us a good sense of capability, of self-awareness, and of positive self-conscience.

For the past two years basically every Saturday evening I was with this youth group. Some of the older group members had taken some more organizational responsibilities and were helping Shlents. Those with a car driver’s license could drive the bus and shuttle us to locations and events. Others organized meetings. Andy who had recruited me for joining this group took care of the finances and the sale of drinks and food every Saturday evening. He also organized a flourishing trade with that gray recycled paper, the proceeds of which were used as partial funding for the group’s activities.

Picture 1. A vehicle in the pictures is a nice steady point for the image composition. If then there is also a group of people, the picture becomes lively.

Several larger events had taken place with this group in recent years after I had joined them: a nice late-spring hike for three days last year, with sleeping in tents. It was quite hot then, an early onset of summer. I remember listening to music Barclay James Harvest and his song Hymn – this song is deeply connected in my mind to this event. At this occasion I also got more acquainted to Sue. One afternoon she and Claire were taking care of my back by putting sun screen cream on it. The very first time that girls have massaged my back! I did enjoy this very much. Yes, this is supposed to be a catholic group, but when being with all these girls and guys, the religious background of this group is totally absent and not noticeable. At that event I also decided on my new hair style. Not that I am very vain – I personally do not care very much for how I look. But for some reason I had combed my hair back instead of to the front. And Britney had made the remark that this looked good, much better than my usual square hair style. Well, if a girl says this to me then this is for me a very strong incentive to follow it! And so I combed my hair to the back instead of the front. Am still doing this, got quickly used to it.

That late-spring hiking trip has also some darker moments of memory for me. When we were driving in the VW bus then, towards the starting point of our hiking excursion, we picked up a few participants along the route. One of them was Cary. When she entered the bus, I was immediately mesmerized by her. Very friendly face, brown smooth shoulder-long hair, very quiet, a bit shy. Of course I was shy too, and so naturally I missed the opportunity to start a conversation with her. I never had a girlfriend before, but I felt already for quite a while that I would like to be with one. And Cary looked just my type. But there was also Al. My best friend for many years. He is more outgoing than I am, not shy at all. And so he was the one who started talking to Cary, instead of me, and I was then knocked-out already in the first round. Boy was I pissed! In the first evening these two love birds were sitting next to each other, apart from anyone else, and were involved in deep discussions. And I only sat there and could do nothing. Stupid me! Yes, this was the first time that Al had screwed up my own pursuits. He never knew it, I never told him, nor did I show any sign of jealousy to him; I guess I was embarrassed. Instead I began making fun of him and Cary, of them being together as a couple. I now of course realize how mean this was of me! But I was so angry, mostly of course at myself, but also at him. And at fate, at God. Why was not anyone up there interfering, helping me? I did my evening prayers nicely, every evening, as taught by my mother. But apparently prayers do not really help, contrary to what those who very vehemently advertise them say.

After a few weeks I stopped nagging Al about Cary, I was really sorry for making fun of them both. He had not really complained about me joking about him, but I could see that it bothered him. OK, I accepted from then on that he had now a girlfriend. The girl whom I had first discovered, and of course this still did bother me for quite a while.

The next occasion of a trip with the group which I could join, was an autumn hike for three days, at the beginning of November last year. That was nice, going through the forests and hills, the trees with their leaves down, the moist and foggy air with its smell of autumn. Al was still with Cary, these two were inseparable. And I was still alone, but had accepted that there was no hope of being with her. Instead my infatuation with Sue had increased by then. Yes, Sue, who half a year earlier had rubbed sun screen onto my back. And, yes, I seem to be a slow starter…

Quite some nice memories I have with this group from the time during these past two years, 26 months now, to be precise! I did enjoy being with a whole bunch of people my own age. And there are some unique characters here. Ulli with his faible for the rock band Deep Purple – he keeps singing Smoke on the Water in funny ways. There is also Waldi who always has a reason to laugh. There is Cornelius who always seems to get into some kind of trouble. There is Dydi who has learned to overcome his stuttering in the past few years and is now organizing eloquently discussion rounds in the group. There is Rob who seems to be a bit weird, but who is just a bit shyer than any of us. But once he has opened up, he can hardly be stopped. There is also Mike who enjoys taking pictures with his antique camera. Joe who is one of the more senior people in the group keeps the bunch together by organizing things and sometimes playing a tune on the guitar, to which we then join in and sing. And – there are the girls. Britney and her sister Kirsten, Hailey, Claire, Michelle, the loud and active Cathy. And since recently also Kris and her sister Gina, and Steph – and Bee.

And now this trip into the winter holiday will be the last one which I will be able to undertake with this group. So I am very glad that I then could make it possible to be on this trip, and now I am here in the bus with them. But the real reason for me wanting to go on this trip was – Bee. I wanted to get closer to her, and she would be going on this trip. Big hopes, after all this turmoil regarding Sue during this closing year… in a few days this year will be gone, will be history. But also going to this trip would be: Al, who had already signed up for it early on. This was to me like a red towel for a Spanish bull: I got very upset about this thought that with me not being on this trip, he would have the full reign, without me being able to do anything against it. Especially this thought had gotten more and more depressing, the more often it passed through my mind. The registration deadline for taking part in this holiday trip had passed, and I did not want to register for participating after that deadline. It would bring chaos to the organizers and difficulties for the whole group! But I was more and more regretting not having signed up for this trip, and I kept thinking about it all the time.

The November passed, then came December. They were always so friendly to me, Bee and Steph, the two girls who were always seen together. They were always smiling and laughing. And they were always so funny and were joking all the time, always in a good mood. I really enjoyed their company, especially Bee’s. And they were both very bad in mathematics. During breaks in school between classes I had been with them very often during these past few weeks before Christmas. I helped them with some of their mathematics homework which they were supposed to do, and I enjoyed helping them. When the first snow fell in the first days of December, we were kidding around in the school court yard, made fun about so many things, had a really good and enjoyable time. And I was able to really let myself go, in contrast to my usual behavior which was to remain standing silently at the sides. Here with them I could play the funny clown, making jokes and bringing them to laugh. In general I think that I am not really that funny. What do I mean in general? I just rarely have opportunities for being funny. Because actually I think that I do have quite a good sense of humor. But during the whole past year there have just been very few opportunities for fun and laughter. And now, in December, right before the end of this year? I can laugh again. And I am again in a completely good mental state, when I am with Bee and Steph, after those disastrous months earlier this year… I do not want to think about those months anymore, I want to forget them. The problem is that these past events are influencing my current fears and anxiousness… I am just so fully aware of