Phantoms of the Distressed

By Jude Ainaki

This book is about a moment of intense frenzy in my life when I decided to apply for asylum in Canada. My father is Indian and my mother is Saudi. We have lived in Saudi Arabia all of our lives and I had moved to Canada to study. I had developed an eating disorder and intense suicidal thoughts. I also experiences mild auditory and visual hallucinations, and incredibly frightening nightmares.
My refugee claim will most likely be rejected because I have no one in India that will directly hurt me. The Canadian government does not care whether or not I am at risk of harming myself. I will return to Saudi Arabia and try to apply for a visiting visa. If I am rejected, I will go to India and wait there.
I will wait for the love of my life so that we can back pack through India and then South America.
Brycen, I love you.
We sometimes think we are the only sick, twisted ones. But we are not.
I apologize if my readers find the content grotesque. This is what was going through my mind at the time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 14, 2016
• ISBN: 9781329903142

Book preview

Phantoms of the Distressed

Jude Ainaki

For the Syrian, the Egyptian, the Saudis, the Canadians, the Indians, and my heart.

Contents

Immature Coffee Cups

The Morphing Maleficent

Whispers of your Illusion

Hospice for the Certainly Damned

Fuel It

Is Compassion Not What You Preach?

Marching to the Trumpet Calls

Familial Disgust

Three Little Ducklings

Camaraderie Reborn

Eerie Visits

Immature Coffee Cups

Between the ages of 8 and 10, I would always ask my father where he was going before he left the house. He was an ambitious photographer, so he usually went out to buy a new camera, photo negatives, the latest Photoshop program, a flash set. And I liked tagging along, because there is really not much to do in Saudi Arabia. I was not allowed to meet my friends at the time because I was too young to do so. I spent my time watching TV and trying to pass school. I liked tagging along because, even though my father is an angry driver, it was a chance to leave the house and see what the city looked like in the evening.

Baba, where are you going? I asked, turning away from the Disney Channel.

To hell! he exclaimed. He marched to the nearest sofa, threw himself on it and launched all the cushions to the ground.

I watched him. What a sad, sad man. Resorting to anger like that for absolutely no reason. Throwing this and that all over the house. Barking at an old computer. Staining the walls my mother would have to wipe clean. Slamming a dish of food on to the ground because it was too hot. What a sad, angry little parasite, I thought. And I watched him.

Alright. Can I come with you? I laughed.

He laughed too.

How silly. To be able to pick a man up like that. An ambitious man, with