Healed Women Don't Cry

By Christine Racheal

Many women hide the scars of childhood abuse or rape behind prospering careers, a well-kept exterior, or even under the guise of deeply rooted spirituality; yet in the absence of others, she is lonely, confused, depressed, empty, and consistently fights off tears that have possibly been shed since childhood. Healed Women Don’t Cry is for those who want to stop hiding in darkness—masking the emptiness of injury beneath pounds of makeup, floral perfume, and dainty dresses—those who are tired of putting on their best face to appear as normal as possible but who cry in darkness for fear that tears will raise questions in the light. This book teaches her how to heal, forgive, and to love herself and God wholeheartedly.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Airris Publishing
• Release date: Jan 31, 2017
• ISBN: 9780997389357

Book preview

Healed Women Don't Cry

Healed Women Don’t Cry

CHRISTINE RACHEAL

Airris Publishing, February 2017

Copyright © 2017 Christine Racheal

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 0-9973893-4-6

ISBN-13: 978-0-9973893-4-0

www.christineracheal.com

DEDICATION

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light—

Ephesians 5:8 (NIV)

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would be remiss if I didn’t first acknowledge my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without the sacrifice and the blood, this would be impossible. Thank You for being my keeper and healer amongst many other attributes. You are my center;  and I am so in love with You.

I have to thank the best family there is for all their love and support over the years. To my mother and father, Caroline and Thomas, for being superb, Godly examples and for the love you consistently convey to my little angel. To my grandparents, Kenneth and Catherine, for being an example of what it means to stick it out through thick and thin. (It’s hard to say where I would be without you, Grandma.)To Karen, my TT, for loving me unconditionally and never missing a beat when it came to being there for me.  For Chief (Cathy), whose love and sacrifices were never overlooked. For Cheryl, who was always there to listen. I love you all so much!

Kory: Thanks for all of the laughter (and scandal) of our youth. Kendra, you are an amazing caregiver and sister. Thank you for being there for Chrissa and I. You are so inspiring. I love you both.To my brothers: Antonio, Thomas Jr., Cameron, and Kayron, you are the most amazing men a girl could ever have as brothers. I am thankful to have each of you in my life. To Phazon and Myles for every way that you have been there to support our family. To my paternal grandparents, Willie and Patricia, for consistently being there for me.

Thank you, Bishop George and Pastor April Davis for pouring into me and being my spiritual guide for so many years. You are an incredible man and woman of God!

Bishop John E. Guns and Lady Sonjanique Guns, my spiritual parents, you two have been so inspiring and supportive. Thank you for your covering and selfless love. I love you both!

To Terryann: I don’t know how it’s possible for such a small frame to carry the weight of my burdens and tears, but you did it in my roughest seasons and I am forever grateful for you. I love you sis! Shakeatha (my covenant partner): thank you for being a listening ear and a great source of strength over the years. Thank you Christina W. for showing me what it means to have relationship with God. Patricia W., you are still one of my best friends and I will never forget the times we shared over twenty years ago. Patricia A., there are none more real than you. I love you, chick. Thanks for being everything that God intended for you to be in this season.

Norinzo: Bro! I love you so much dude! Thank you for your support and consistently believing in me over the years.

To Blue: There are very few words to describe how inspiring you are. Your encouragement has pushed me to do things I’d never imagined. Thank you.

To my girls: Altamease and Precious Jewel, I love you two like my own. You may be venturing off to do new things next year, but this is only the beginning of our relationship. Get used to me!

To my FCC family: Thank you for the encouragement and support over the years. Thank you for embracing me, SPMBC. You guys are amazing! I look forward to growing with you. Your support is never overlooked and is greatly appreciated. 

To my VERB girls: be encouraged, stay focused and finish strong. I love you all!

For my beautiful baby girl, Chrissa: Mommy loves you! You are truly a blessing from God. I couldn’t be more proud to be your mom. I look forward to years to come.

To Larry, the most amazing husband a girl could ever have: I love you dearly. Thank you for your support and sacrifice over the past few months as I completed this project. And thank you for choosing to love me not just in spite of my past, but because of who my past has enabled me to be. You are truly amazing.

Finally, for my readers: I thank each of you for picking up this book. I pray that it aids in your spiritual growth and development as well as in the day-to-day functioning of your lives. You are awesome! Thank you for your support.

Introduction: Road Work Ahead

Our prisons are populated with women (and men) who were victims of abuse—murderers, drug users and dealers whose victimization tainted their perspective, and in turn caused them to become a nuisance to society. Our church pews are filled with women who consistently battle minimal self-worth and identity. Our homes contain broken relationships that are hindered by a lack of trust or understanding between a daughter who has experienced sexual abuse and a mother whom she wishes had stepped in on her behalf. Our graveyards are filled with many who lost their ability to cope with the pain, shame, and anger that resulted from abuse. Many secrets and upsets have died with them. We will never know their pain, nor will their lives ever represent a beacon of hope for others who have endured the same mistreatment. The enemy comes to devour, seeking those who already suffer some amount of injury, and attempts to take them out completely. Abuse weakens and nearly kills the soul, but with God, we can turn the tables and become a mighty force for His Kingdom. 

We have witnessed episodes of child abuse, rape, neglect and molestation in countless films, as the testimony of many celebrities, and even amongst our own family. These incidents typically hit close to home, or within it. What is most difficult to digest is how desensitized society has become to them. Sharing these stories have become second-nature, and although they are depicted in major motion films and in television series, victims have yet to decrease in number. There is no outcry or an urgency to put systems into place to prevent the occurrences of sexual abuse, and to some degree it appears as though society has accepted it as a norm. 

The question is: can sexual abuse be prevented? For as long as man has freewill and there are very real demonic influences, sexual abuse will continue to be amongst the laundry list of evils enacted by human beings. This book was not written as a guide to help women avoid sexual abuse (by offering ways to minimize the danger), but instead for those who desperately desire to overcome the damage caused by abuse they have already experienced.

Abuse is never a good thing, but any life experience can be used for good. Before I became a born-again believer, there were numerous nights that I cried myself to sleep—questioning God about what made me so undeserving of a normal childhood or why I was robbed of an ability to form healthy relationships. I couldn’t see then what is so apparent now. I realized that I used my past as an excuse to not live righteously or to attract ungodly companionship. I assumed I was safe in darkness. There, no one could see my scars.

For me, abuse began a vicious cycle of terrible relationships, poor decision-making, and substance abuse; one thing led to another and then to another. It would have been enough to have experienced the abuse of one father, but experiencing abuse at the hands of two seemed more than drastic. Drugs and alcohol moved me farther from the will of God. In hindsight, the situations of my past are moving me nearer to God today. Because of what I experienced, I know who He is, how mighty and powerful He is, and how all answers are found in Him.

The hardships that we endure lasts a season and God remains with us the entire time. When we reflect on previous challenges, we realize that no one but God could have brought us out of them. The Lord uses people with these experiences to bring others closer to Him—to prevent others from making the same mistakes we’ve made. He loves us in spite of our shortcomings. If we could go through life without a single blemish, then what need would there be for Jesus Christ who died so that we could have victory in spite of our wickedness? And who better to help save someone’s son or daughter from the consequences of fornication or drug or alcohol abuse than someone who had endured its consequences themselves?

So whether you are coping with your past by abusing drugs or alcohol, fornicating with men or forming relationships with women, have experienced abuse or neglect, or have made poor decisions that you have come to regret, you are not alone. There is a way to move past all the hurts of your past and find yourself on the right path. His name is Jesus. Through this work I reveal the healing road down which the Lord has led me.

I began writing this book in 2005, at the age of twenty, when I assumed it was a topic worth discussing; and then I was discouraged by a colleague when he discovered that I was primarily writing about my own life. He sarcastically asked if I was planning to go on to become an astronaut or someone famous, which would cause people to take interest in my life’s intimate details. A part of me agreed with him. 

Then in 2007, while at dinner in Atlanta, I told a group of associates that I was a writer and would soon put out my first book—a book I had yet to write. They began to snicker a bit before asking, What could you possibly have to talk about? I was only twenty-two, and to them I was unqualified to tell my story. I was discouraged and had settled on the idea that I had nothing worthy enough to share with readers, so I never started the work.

A year later, I began to write about myself again. Then I put that piece on the backburner as I focused on a fiction novel that I started a year earlier, which would later become my first published work. Recently I was reminded of the memoire that I’ve been writing for years that has been picked up and put down time and time again. My story is worth telling without the anticipation of personal gain because it is a story that may help others as they strive to overcome the obstacles of life. For so long I suppressed my past to the point that a part of me actually believed that I would never have to face it again, or share it with anyone.

Now I know that everything that I have endured is to be shared—with everyone. No, I didn’t find the cure for AIDS, build the most innovative, technological piece of equipment, or become a popular music artist. And even though I could have been long ago, I am not dead or near death. This book is for the living and those who hope to be free from the bondage of past upsets, those who seek healing, and those who are tired of recurring tears. I have discovered the key to everlasting life, but it’s taken an extremely long and winding road to get here. For years I looked to the right or to the left of me, some fortune tellers even helped me look ahead, and psychologists helped me look back; but when I looked up, that is where I found all of the answers.

Even when I believed I had moved so far from the presence of God, or when I thought I was beyond redemption, God continued to move in my life. Although Satan attempts to steal my joy by reminding me of all the wrong I’ve done, I give God glory for allowing me to experience those things and for keeping me throughout the years in spite of it. If you’ve allowed your hardships to force you to stray from the will of God and doubt that God has forgiven you, I am calling for you to believe again.

The good thing about our God is that He is forgiving and merciful. What is even better is that He uses our experiences—both good and bad—to draw others to His kingdom. We have all fallen short of the glory of God, but how we use those shortcomings presents our ultimate test. God didn’t expect for us to be perfect. If we were, then we would be just like Him, and would have no need for Him. If we were perfect and lacked nothing we wouldn’t fall to our knees in worship, we wouldn’t call on His name for guidance, or depend on Him to supply our every need. God created us to be dependent people—not upon each other, but dependent on Him.

I cannot begin to describe the amount of growth I’ve undergone over the past eight years that have enabled me to produce this book. And although this writing process forced me to reflect on some of the darkest episodes in my life and conjured numerous emotions, it is with great honor that I am able to present it to you, and in God’s perfect timing.  There was a level of excitement as I outlined each chapter of this book. I had a few touchy moments as I encountered a few of the topics, but I celebrated my ability to share with hopes that you would find the same courage and strength to reclaim your life and boldly proclaim that your past is exactly that—your past.

According to RAINN, the effects of sexual assault are numerous and include depression, eating disorders, sleep disorders, suicide, post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-esteem, and substance abuse—and that’s only to name a few. Although the list continues, realize that the effects of abuse can and will be overcome. You have taken a step towards becoming the woman God has called you to be—escaping guilt, shame, and anger—by simply picking up this book.  You are no longer a victim of your past but an over-comer chasing a brighter future. 

God is building an army of men and