River & Rain

By D. E. White

Reserved redhead Rain is living a peaceful life with her only son, Phoenix. Memories haunt her at every turn. When her stunning ex-flame reenters her life, after abandoning her at her darkest moment, her world is turned upside down.

River, the Apache half-blood, left Rain behind to chase his dreams of stardom. He returns home, a place he'd left behind because it was too small for his big dreams. During a lull in his rock star life and at loose ends, River has one thing on his mind:

Rain.

River is determined to feed the flames of passion. Rain is tormented by the past.

Can Rain escape the memories? Will River tame his spirited love?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Dec 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312660960

Book preview

River & Rain

River…..Rain

D.E.White

Thanks to

Firstly, to my wonderful man, Pat. He’s told me to do what I love. And I have.

To my kids. For being mine.

Patrice Garrett-Jennings for helping me map out a tour in my head.

Jenifer Fiorenza, Tami Helewell, April Hale and all the other people I’m forgetting for helping me name characters.

Johnna Cornette-Parker for cheering me on from word one.

Courtney Cogdill for never letting me stop and egging me on to the finish.

Casey Saint and Heather Belling for helping me edit.

All of the musicians around my hometown that helped me with musical information.

Hallee for all the time she spent answering my questions.

Stephanie Mooney for making the vision in my head come to life on my artwork, and for making the online version of my book.

For every person who has or is reading this: You’ve made my dream come true.

Chapter 1

Her eyes were as grey as the rain clouds that graced the sky when she was born. In fact, she was named for them: Rain.

At barely five feet, she gave the illusion of a pixie. Her hair, a solid sheet of red hair, hung nearly to her waist, mesmerized men. She ignored the stares and catcalls as she walked to the daycare that cared for only son while she worked.

He was her life.

Phoenix.

He was the image of her dead husband. They had been married only a year and a half. Phoenix was their honeymoon baby.

His blue eyes were the image of his father. Even the mop of curly dark hair was his fathers. She smiled as she thought of both of them. Then she stopped short.

Her past was staring her in the face.  River.   Her first true love.

She had thought she had buried the past. She was wrong. Her heart skipped a beat. She could only stare as his blue eyes locked on hers. She couldn’t look away. She couldn’t speak. His voice caressed her.

Rain.

She couldn’t find her voice. She couldn’t answer. She was choked up. She could only stare. Finally, she whispered his name.

River.

How’ve you been, Pixie?  An easy smile crossed his lips, but the old nickname sent a shiver down her spine as a fresh wave of memories flooded over her.

They met as sophomores in high school. He had just moved to town, and as one of the most outgoing people in school, Rain had gone up to him and smiled, asking him his name and where he was from. She had earned a scowl.

River was a musician and a loner. He wasn’t used to a mere wisp of girl confronting him to get to know him. In fact, he was scared of her.

He was scared that somehow, she might disrupt the dream. It was a feeling that he couldn’t understand, but it was there. His dream was one of sharing his music with the world. Nevertheless, she had not relented. She could tell by his eyes that he was kind and gentle. He was merely different, and in her heart, she believed different wasn’t bad.

Over weeks, she had broken his barriers and they had become friends. It took a while, but eventually, they were inseparable. People knew that Rain would vehemently defend River against any taunts...and if anyone dared to badmouth Rain that he, in turn, defended her with words, and fists if necessary. Where one was, so was the other.

Rain shook herself free of the memories and told herself to stop. Not to go back.

I...I'm fine. How are you River?

I'm back in town for a while. I am kind of at loose ends now that the mini tour is over. I figured I would come home and see some old friends. Maybe visit the old stomping ground. See if Larry at the bar will let me jam with the house band.

Inwardly, she cringed.

The band. Always the band first. It was the same old dance, music before all else. Always music.

However, she swallowed the rising bile and smiled. Glad you have plans. Maybe I'll see you again.

She vowed silently that she was not going to go there again. Her heart could not take another loss. Moreover, she knew River would leave again. He had just hit it big. He was not going to drop his life's dream for her. She could not make Phoenix leave his secure surroundings for the unknown.

River’s eyes danced over her. He seemed more alive now.

Pixie, come see me play. You can sit on stage. You know how much you love it.

His words brought it all back. The feelings of watching even a small crowd go crazy for his music. She could remember the vibration of the drums, the hum of guitar, the throb of a bass as her shutter clicked away. She had watched him play for years, always his biggest fan. She was still his biggest fan.

She had toured towns with him during the first year of college when he played in bars and at football games. She loved every second of it. She’d slept in dive hotels, and nearly dead vans. She’d made friends with people others considered dirty hippy and bad. None of them were. They were misunderstood and unconventional, but not bad. There wasn’t a single one she could remember that had been a bad person.

She shook back to reality. River…I…I can't. I have plans.

Pixie, you don’t know when. Don’t blast me. I can still see your love for it. Don't. He reached for her hand, to plead. Instinctively, she stepped away.

No. She could not go back. She had to fight the thrill and stay based in reality.  Nothing good would come of another romance with River. She kept telling herself that.

River, I do miss it. However, there are things you know nothing about. There are incredibly important things that prevent me from going back to that. I can‘t. Please don't make me feel guilty.

He stared at her.  His eyes pleaded with her.  She could see the pulse in his neck quickening. She felt the old pull. She remembered their history. She wanted to say yes. However, her obligations made her force out a No. I can’t get sucked back into that, River. My path changed. I don't want that life anymore.

What she referred to was watching him create music and photographing it.

Her eyes told him otherwise. She lit up internally at the thought of being that creative again. Her job photographing interiors for magazines kept the bills paid, but it did not offer much in the way of creativity.

He merely watched her. He knew her too well. He too could remember the past. He remembered the days of summer break, sitting by the lake with nothing more than a picnic basket of cold chicken and fruit, a guitar and a camera.

She took pictures of everything. She captured the way the light played off rocks, to pictures of him sitting with his guitar as he struggled with a melody or lyrics that had to break free.

He remembered how she looked in the itty bitty bikinis she used to wear. He remembered the heat of her sun baked skin the first time he had had the guts to reach out to her as more than a friend.

As he remembered, he watched her internal struggle. He knew she wanted to say no.

In her mind, she had to say no.

In her heart, she wanted to say yes.

However, he knew their connection was too strong. She would say yes, with no pleading from him. It may take time, but it would take no convincing.

He swept a hand over his hair, grown long. She had always liked it, he remembered. She had called it his way of defying society. In fact, it was a nod to his Apache heritage.

She finally spoke to him. River, there are things you need to know before I can truly decide.  And before you try to win back my heart.  The words were strangled, nearly forced out.

So she knew what he wanted.

He shook his head. Of course she did. They were opposite sides of the same coin. They knew everything about each other.

Pix, what do I need to know? Let’s go to the coffee shop and talk.

Rain glanced at her watch. She had gotten out early today, since the shoot had gone so smoothly. She still had nearly two hours before six-year-old Phoenix would expect her.

She frowned. She decided she might as well get it out now. No use in prolonging the agony of having him this close again. Sure. I have a bit before I have to be anywhere. Buy me a latte, old buddy.

She was forcing the light, airy tone, and River knew it. In addition, she knew he knew it. As they walked the two blocks to the coffee shop, River pointed out things that were different from his last jaunt home.

The bakery is gone, he said wistfully. Remember how we used to go there for doughnuts every Tuesday before school, when old Mrs. Thomason would bake the strawberry filled ones? What happened to her?

She died a few months ago. Her son sold the bakery. Her flat tone told him she was trying to leave the past alone. He refused to let her. He wanted her back. If it took reminding her of the past to make that happen, he’d do it.

What happened to the skate park? he asked conversationally.

Developers. There will be a mini mall there soon.

And Dawson's garage?

Oh, he needed more space. He is on the other side of town in the old warehouse.

Unnoticed by both, their fingers had linked as they walked along. Their emotional connection so strong they had to be physically linked when they were together, whether they liked it or not. Rain didn’t like the idea, but she also didn’t notice it.

Finally, they arrived at the coffee shop. Bells tinkled as they walked thru the door. Eyes turned toward them as they made their way toward the counter. Eyebrows rose as the waif-like woman and her Indian warrior-like partner placed their order.

She could feel the stares, hear the murmurs of wonder that River was back. Even more noticeable was that he was beside Rain again. Everyone had always wondered why they had not left together when River left to chase his dreams.

But Rain never told. No one had ever known that he had left her. No one knew the reasons he had left, and why she wasn’t with him when he left.

Chapter 2

As the barista placed their orders on the counter, another wave of memories flooded her. This time, those memories were of his hands holding her steady as they walked down the hall in the emergency room in Pittsburg.

Each step was agony as she contracted, the baby they had created one night on tour, trying to escape her body. It was too soon, and Rain was terrified. River stood beside her, also scared.

Both only nineteen, and neither prepared for a baby, they had decided to do the right thing and have the baby; stay together and build a family. River promised  to do whatever he had to do to take care of them, even if it meant never following his music farther than a bar room stage on weekends.

Rain had begged him not to give up. Tears and angry words spilled from both, neither willing to let the other have their way. But tonight, they were united, in both pain and fear.

The doctor had told them that unless they could stop the labor with medicine, there was no way the baby could survive. River had stared at that doctor and told him to try everything. The doctor nodded gravely, but did not voice the fact that it was likely already too late.

For several hours, River had held her hands as medicine designed to keep their baby inside coursed through her veins and made her violently ill.

He mopped the sweat from her face and crooned her favorite songs until a terrifying scream ripped from her and scared him.

Pix? What’s wrong? He was terrified, he had no idea what was happening.

She panted and murmured, Get the doctor! It’s coming now! and blacked out.

When she came to, River was cuddling a tiny, tiny bundle wrapped in blue, wearing a tiny blue hat. His eyes were full of tears as he looked at her, and started singing a song for his dead firstborn son. His voice was barely more than a rhythmic whisper.

Tiny one

Born so blue and eternally still

You came too early by gods own will

You touched us briefly

But left ripples far reaching

Thank you, small son

For all that you're teaching

Dreams can be fleeting and end too fast

But yours, tiny son, will always last

Her eyes filled too as she watched. When he finished, and his forehead pressed against the tiny one in his arms, her tears spilled over.

River? She whispered. I'd like to meet him.

River lifted his eyes and looked at her. The agony she saw there was so raw she was afraid he would break.

She attempted a smile as River stood and crossed the room, cradling a baby so small he looked like the dolls she had carted around as a tot.

She reached for the baby, ill prepared for how incredibly small he was. She gasped in shock when the weight that filled one hand was barely more than the blanket.

She looked down at the porcelain face, so like River's, only translucent. She could see all the veins; she mentally stored the fact that his eyes were still fused shut.

Tears fell as she pulled the blanket back from the silent, still body. She marveled at his fingers, barely longer than her fingernails. She traced her fingertips over his face, memorizing his features.

She trailed them down his chest. Pulling the blanket down further, she was surprised to see a microscopic diaper. Entranced, she removed it, having to know what each precious inch of her baby looked like.

Her fingers trailed down his pencil thin legs and across his tiny feet, which she lifted to her mouth, covering them with tiny kisses.

Her tears splattered on his bony back as she held him close to her. She felt River's arms around her, felt his head against her cheek.

He needs a name, River. What should we call him?

She was unwilling to allow him to leave her without one.

If she ever spoke of him, which she could not imagine, since no one but River and the doctor had known she was pregnant anyway, she had to call him by name.

I don't know, he whispered. Tears threatened at the corners of his eyes. He ground his fists into them.

She thought about the fights that they had survived together, while waiting for him. About the internal battle River was waging between wanting to follow his dream, and wanting security for her and the baby. She remembered her mythology lessons, too, for some reason.

I know, she said softly. It’s been a battle since we found out about him; let’s call him Ares, after the god of war.

River looked thoughtful, and finally nodded. It fits, he decided.

She spent the rest of the day with her camera, recording his face, their family. Her tears blurred and marred her vision, yet she continued to click, wanting photos of her first son.

Rain shook herself from her reverie when she realized River had his hand on her face and was rubbing her tears away with his thumb.

I remember too, Pix. I never forgot him. My first album is dedicated to his memory.

I know, she whispered.  Thank you. I saw it.

In her mind’s eye, she could see the album:

Dedicated to Ares and his warrior mother. Forever sacred in my memory

The record company had wanted more information. He’d stubbornly refused. It wasn’t anyone’s business. There was only one who knew. There was only one who would understand. And he could see that she did.

They sat down and stared at each other. She fought with herself trying to decide what to say.

River why did you leave without saying goodbye? I cried for days wondering where you were, trying to figure out whether you were okay. I needed you then and you abandoned me. Why?

His gaze dropped to her hands. He rubbed his thumb over hers, searching for the right words.

Pix, it was a hard time for both of us. I saw you in all that pain, with all the machines hooked up to you, and then saw Ares so small and still. I was so scared I would lose you both. When the doctor told me you would be okay, and that you were just sleeping, I was so relieved. Until I looked at his face and realized they couldn’t save him. My heart broke.  I tried to hide it from you, the agony. But I knew you would see it. That you had seen it.

His eyes met hers again. His thumb continued to rub circles on her knuckle. Tears ran down his face. He did nothing to erase them. He was unashamed. She deserved the whole story after all these years.

I didn't tell you then, but I had heard from a producer the day before it all happened. He wanted to meet me. He wanted to hear me play. I was going to tell you, but Ares showing up so early and quickly did not give me time. It was wrong to leave... But I didn’t know what else to do. I had an overwhelming urge to escape it. I did not know how to deal with it. I'm still not sure.

Her eyes overflowed at the sight of him crying. She had never seen him cry, except the day Ares was born.  His heritage was strong and he fought ferociously to keep his feelings hidden, but with Rain, he never tried very hard.

Damn you, River. I would have gone too, and you know it. We could have figured this out together and celebrated your success too. Why wouldn't you let me into it? I had been there for the struggle. I wanted to celebrate your success. You cheated me of all of it. Anger laced her last words. She yanked her hands from his.

She was furious that he had abandoned their dream together to forge his own, and left her to heal wounds they shared, alone.

I can't say why, Pix. Only that I know it was wrong, now that I look back. I am so sorry I hurt you. His voice dropped lower. He couldn't meet her eyes.

For long moments, neither spoke, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Finally, she spoke. I wanted to hate you for what you did.  I always told myself that if I saw you again, I wouldn't speak to you. You broke my heart, River. I never thought I could forgive you for it. Her hand gripped his just a bit tighter. She forced herself to meet his gaze.

I was wrong. I've loved you the whole time. Even when...  Her voice trailed off and she stared out the window. He waited. He knew she would finish her thought. And he was right.

Chapter 3

Even when I met Vincent. He was so similar to you in mannerism, yet so different. His dreams revolved around a normal life and me. He wanted a house, a car, and some kids. He wanted a stable life. Not the life on the road you craved. I loved him as much as I still love you. I just loved him differently.

She trailed off again, lost in a world River didn't, hadn't, and never would know. Her eyes glassed over as she thought about the day she and Vincent had met, in a design class.

His curly dark hair was too long, and pulled off his face in a stubby ponytail. He wore wraparound sunglasses and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. His jeans were obviously old and comfortable. He wore steel-toed boots shined as if he was awaiting military inspection.

He had bubbled with excitement talking about wanting to be an architect. At the time, she had thought she wanted to be an interior designer. Later, though, she realized her calling lay behind the lens of a camera, and her major changed.

Vince had teased her, saying he thought they should team up, he’d build and she could decorate the interiors. They had spent hours together, studying and talking and laughing. They’d shared their dreams, hopes, fears, and secrets: except for one secret.

Vincent had never known about her relationship with River or about Ares. It was something she couldn’t talk about. It hurt too much to admit she’d lost so much.

The day of graduation, Vince had taken her to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. And there, he had asked her to marry him.

She had cried that night, over the fact that he wanted her forever, and the fact that she was giving up her secret desire to find River. Too much time had passed without contact. It was time to give up and move on. And she did. It had taken everything she had to bury the dream of finding River, but she knew she had to.

The next six months were a whirlwind of plans for the wedding. What dress? What flowers? Where? What time? Finally the details were set and the wedding happened.

The guests were impressed with her wedding on a budget. It was simple, glamorous and gorgeous. And they were in love.  It showed on both of their faces.

The past with River was distant now, a memory she’d tucked away, and her life was blossoming. Their honeymoon was to New Orleans during Mardi Gras. She snapped thousands of pictures and made albums upon their return. The albums still lay on her coffee table, where Phoenix marveled over them on a regular basis.

She returned from her thoughts and looked hard at River. He seemed sad to her, as if trying to reconcile the fact that she moved on without him He returned her gaze and asked a single question.

What happened?

Her eyes flooded with fresh tears. We got married, and settled down in a tiny house on Bismarck Street. I love it there.

Just you? But not him? Where is he if he loves you so much?

She snarled at him, livid that he would imply that Vincent abandoned her

He died. Two months after we came home, we discovered I was pregnant. We had both just gotten dream jobs. He was hired at a widely known architecture firm, and me at a magazine doing photo shoots.

She thought back to the first months of her pregnancy. The horrible morning sickness that sent her to work every day a slight shade of green, her growing belly, and the shopping for baby things they'd both delighted in.

The decorating and the arguing over what to name him had even been fun. It had all seemed magical to her. It was all so different from the terror surrounding Ares birth.

Until a week before the birth.

Vincent said he didn’t feel well. He looked tired and gaunt. He wouldn’t eat, and barely slept. At Rain's insistence, he finally went to the doctor.

Physically, he seemed fine. So tests were run. A huge battery of tests; some that would take nearly a week to get results from.

On her due date, Rain felt uncomfortable, but nothing seemed amiss, so she went to work, agitated that no test results were back.

Vincent was still unwell, and she was incredibly uncomfortable due to the baby's size and position, especially because she was so small and slight.

Half way through the photo shoot of a pair of prize winning horses and their stables, Rain heard a pop and was instantly soaking wet. She started to cry, scared and embarrassed, once she realized what happened.

But the horse owner was not only used to birthing horses, she was also a mother.

She urged Rain to sit down, called an ambulance and Vincent, and spent the ensuing wait assuring Rain that everything was ok, the stables could be cleaned and all would be well once her baby was here.

The ambulance attendants and Vincent arrived simultaneously. The owner of the house said she would arrange for Vincent's car to be taken to the hospital for them and wished them well as they climbed into the ambulance.

The ride was terrifying to Rain, remembering her last baby's birth. But she kept silent. Vincent was excited, repeating over and over how today he'd meet his son. Rain was not excited. She knew all too well how terribly things could end.

The doctor was at the hospital when they arrived. Upon noticing Rain's silence, he asked Vincent to leave the room so he could examine her. Vince left, saying he was going to be right back.

Rain, what’s wrong? The doctor asked.

He could sense something amiss, but wasn’t sure what. She explained what had happened before, and he told her Rain, please don’t worry. Your last baby was incredibly early. This baby is full term, large and healthy.

With that, he pulled out a Doppler and made her listen to the baby’s heartbeat. You see? He’s fine. Healthy. Now, what say you relax and let’s meet him?

Rain nodded hesitantly. Would you like something to relax you? She paused before admitting she would.

I will order something and the nurse will be in.

He laid a hand on her shoulder. What you went through was hard, but this time, your baby is going to be fine.

He left the room as a jubilant Vincent returned. Over the next sixteen hours, they worked as one to bring their baby into the world. Finally, as the dawn broke, Rain let loose the scream of a battle warrior and a red face emerged between her legs.

He was wailing before his body exited.  Rain shouted with glee and bore down to bring her baby into the world. She reached for him as he escaped her body, and pulled him close to her, laughing and crying that he was here, and he was alive. Her terror at losing yet another she loved had been defeated.

Vincent leaned close and the nurse snapped their first family photograph. Vincent nuzzled her hair. You did wonderful, little one. The nurse and Vince left the room to clean the newborn and weigh him, while Rain delivered the placenta and was cleaned up.

An hour later, the new family, with the five-pound newborn, was reunited and Rain attempted nursing her son as Vincent smiled proudly and snapped pictures.

Rain, what shall we name him? Her mythology lessons again sprang to mind. She thought of the Phoenix rising from the ashes. That’s what this day reminded her of. Phoenix. Phoenix Hawke.

That’s quite the moniker. Are you sure? She nodded and kissed the dark, downy hair on his head. I’m sure

Alright, Phoenix it is. That was the end of their happiness and the beginning of their terror.

Chapter 4

They were released the next morning. They went to the park to enjoy the late spring day. They stared at Phoenix, smiled when he attempted to open his eyes against the bright light of the sun and cooed when he cried to eat.

Finally, they returned home. The light on the answering machine was blinking. The button was pressed and the message from the doctor blared in their ears.

This is Doctor Thompson. I have Vincent’s results. Please call.

They stared at each other. Vincent picked up the phone and dialed. Rain clutched her son in fear. Vincent identified himself and listened silently.

Rain could see his fear growing. It was as if another person had joined them in the room. Her heart pounded as the dread increased. She knew something was wrong, but had no idea what it could be.

Rain sat, only because her legs were wobbling and she was afraid she would drop Phoenix. Her breathing came in short, shallow gasps, making her light headed. She had no idea what was coming, only that from the look on Vincent's face that it was bad. It was very bad.

She watched his lips move in response to the doctor, but had no idea what he was saying. She couldn’t hear over the pounding of blood in her head.  She saw him hang the receiver up. He stared at her for a long moment. Her heart stopped. The room went black.

When she came to, she was lying on their bed, and could hear Phoenix wailing nearby. Her breasts ached and throbbed and she knew it was time to feed her baby. Bring him to me.

Vincent brought him to her, and she watched him fumble through a diaper change, and then unbuttoned her shirt and watched the tiny body nuzzle close and find his lunch.

Vincent lay on the bed beside her, stroking the baby's downy hair and lacing his fingers through hers.

Vince, what did the doctor say? She whispered.

Vince was silent for a long moment, gathering his thoughts. It looks bad, Rain. He thinks its cancer. It's probably in my pancreas.

But that’s treatable. We can beat this, she exclaimed.

Vince dropped his eyes to look at his son. Tears dripped from his eyes. The doctor doesn’t think so. He thinks it’s too far gone. I have to go in tomorrow for a biopsy and a CT scan, but he thinks its stage four. Untreatable.

She heard two screams. One was hers at the realization of what that meant; she may well be facing her life without him. And the second scream was one of protest from a hungry newborn who had lost his latch on his food source.

Rain got the baby situated and looked back into Vincent's bright blue eyes. They were bloodshot from tears.

I’m coming with you, she declared.

The determination in her voice told him there was no use arguing. But his heart knew it wasn’t wise. She was still full of raging postpartum hormones. What he’d already heard had sent him into a tailspin.

He was afraid she’d break at what he was facing. But they were a team and faced life as one. They had promised that on their wedding day. They spent that night holding each other and remembering the first days of dating and their marriage. Kissing and touching and crying at thought of what was to come.

She promised him that night that she would record it all on film and no matter the outcome, their son would know of his father’s life.

The morning dawned, chilly and grey. It was a reflection of their feelings. They made love and watched the sun come up.

Rain looked back at River with tears sparkling in her eyes. His hands found hers again and he spoke in a low, quiet voice. I’m sorry Pixie. That had to be horrible for you.

She balled her hands under his, fighting to keep her emotions in check. After a moment, she removed her hands from his and gripped the paper cup of coffee to regain her composure. She gulped to steady her raw nerves.

It was hell. Worse than losing you. Her eyes met his with a steely gaze.

He watched her, knowing she was battling telling him the rest and shying away from him because she was afraid he would leave again.

In their hearts, they both knew the wanderlust in him would prevent him from staying too long. But his connection to Rain would tug at him. The unspoken question between them was whether she would stay or go with him.

We went to the hospital the next day. They took so many vials of blood he looked pale. I snuggled my son close, silently crying at the fates. The CT scan seemed to take hours. The ultrasound too. And then all we could do was wait more while they analyzed it all. It was agony. I wanted him close, but he had shut me out. He was trying to deal with it all internally. Trying to process it all.

Her hands shook, and coffee spilled on the table. River wiped it up, mainly so he had something to do with his hands.

The doctor finally came out and said he had more info. I was scared. Vincent shook, visibly. Looking back, I know he knew what we were about to hear. I had no idea. I clutched the baby as a lifeline. I remember him yelping because I was holding him too tightly.

We sat in a room full of medical journals and diplomas. We were by side, facing the doctor. I will never forget his face or his snow white hair. He must have been in his sixties. He had a face so still it could have been carved out of marble. He stared, first at me, and then at Vincent. The wait until he spoke seemed endless. Finally, he told us what we faced: cancer: pancreatic. Stage four. The likelihood of cure: nearly none. They could attempt chemo and radiation, but the odds were slim.

Her gaze drifted to the window. She stared as if she could see someone she knew. Her voice grew quiet.

I know he said more, but that was all I heard. I was going to lose Vincent. The only man, other than you, who had ever loved me.  The father of my son. My soul. I noticed tears splattering on Phoenix's head. I rubbed my thumb over them, and pressed my lips to his downy curls. My son would probably never remember his father.

She paused, breathing deeply to steady herself, and then continued.

"I remember asking how long he had. Six months, at most, without treatment. A year with. Maybe longer if they could kill it all, which wasn’t likely. I noticed a picture on the wall. One of a warrior standing triumphant in battle. I stared at it, trying to focus myself. I asked what came next. The doctor told us Vince had to decide