Paper Cut Outs

By Raz Rix

Hi, I'm Teagan Foster. I have a tendency to over-exaggerate a lot, but trust me when I say that there have been 2 worst days of my life.

The first worst day was when my baby sister, Meagan, died in an accident. It tore me to shreds, and it was my fault.

The second worst day was a month later, when my father left because my mother was cheating on him.

All I want is to escape reality, to escape my own head. The horrors and thoughts that crowd my mind as I lie in bed at night are too much for me.

It's been a month since my father moved out, and this is where my story begins.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781387517497

Book preview

Paper Cut Outs

Paper Cut Outs

Title Page

Paper Cut Outs

By Raz Rix

Copyrights

Copyright © 2018 by Raz Rix

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

without the express written permission of the author

except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2018

ISBN 978-1-387-51744-2

www.Lulu.com/Spotlight/RazRix

www.RazRixAuthor.wordpress.com

Food for Thought

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.

I miss you like hell."

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Chapter 1

I wasn’t always punk rock, but today called for a special occasion and I knew that wearing spikes on my arms and a skirt that was barely there would get beneath my Mum’s skin.

Where’s June? Caleb asked me as I flopped onto the couch beside him, dressed in my most punk rock outfit.

I death glared him. He knew how pissed off I was at June for not supporting me in trying to make it clear for the umpteenth time that I did not support my mother’s new boy toy in the least. My mother really had to learn how to keep it in her pants.

She’s gone.

To the grave? Caleb gasped dramatically, raising a hand to cover his mouth. Teags, how could you? She was your best friend!

I tried not to smile as I glanced at him, attempting to look annoyed. Caleb was my brother’s best friend, but he was practically family since he’d been around since we were in first grade. Caleb was one of those dorky, shy guys who looked good, but stuttered around girls and fiddled nervously with his hands.

He was 5ft9 and looked down at me as much as he could; literally. My brother – go on, guess his name. My parents weren’t creative when they named us, and I still haven’t forgiven them for their entire lack of imagination.

His name is Reagan. Our names rhyme.

I hate everything.

Anyway, as I was saying, Reagan is also roughly 6ft, but where Caleb is all muscle, Reagan is all sharp bones and skinny, but he had a charming smile, and he wasn’t deathly skinny to the point where if he stood sideways you’d lose him – he just wasn’t built like Caleb was. Don’t get me wrong, Reagan is strong – seriously strong – but he was kind of compact, like his muscles were hidden unless he took his top off; that’s when all the girls would swoon.

Mum said she’s on her way… Reagan began as he entered the living room to where Caleb and I were seated on the couch. We’d both outdone him. He cracked a smile. I feel under-dressed, I’m not going to lie.

I grinned at him as I pushed myself off the couch and onto my feet. I was wearing a layered lace skirt that didn’t even reach my mid-thigh, matched with striped socks of the same black and hot pink, and a pair of combat boots, which had considerably high heels, with studs all the way around. I had put on a choker and filled my arms with all my bracelets. My top was plain black with ‘I will kill everybody!’ sprawled across the front. I had left my long, naturally blonde hair loose and I grinned at my brother.

You are under-dressed, Caleb laughed as he stood up beside me. He was wearing a luminous pink shirt that read ‘don’t miss leg day’ across the chest, and a luminous yellow cap, backwards, that sported a marijuana leaf. He had on a pair of tight, white, extreme-emphasis-on-the-short shorts, and a pair of slip-on Nike flip-flops.

Reagan looked down at himself. Sorry, I’m not as dramatic as you two. He shook his head at us. When we said that we’d scare the guy, I didn’t know we meant with crazy outfits and my sister’s makeup.

I rolled my eyes, You look like Doctor Who. I admit I had put on a shit-ton of eye-liner, and eye-shadow, but I was only dedicating myself to something; even if that something was scaring off a potential stepdad.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘but Teagan, your Mum has met someone who makes her happy! Why would you take that away from her?’ I am glad you asked. Just know that I’m labelling you as a judgemental prick; yep, I’m a hypocrite.

However, you’re very wrong for simply thinking that without understanding me, dear stranger reading about my life.

My Mum hasn’t ‘met’ someone who makes her happy, this is some asshole that’s helping my Mum tear my dad apart day by day. She cheated on him. She left him. She tore all our lives apart – and greatly timed at our end of year exams, too – so why does she deserve happiness when she’s doing her best to keep us all unhappy?

Tell me that, and I’ll go clean off the makeup and get dressed into a normal outfit rather than, well, this.

But that’s my point exactly – there is no reason why she deserves happiness. Nope. Not one reason. She screwed us all over, and then my dad had nowhere to stay so she took us too. We’re almost 18! But, no, the bitch thinks she owns us. We’re showing her the difference between her imagination and reality.

Reagan grinned at me as I studied his bow tie, his brown jacket and the way he’d brushed his blonde hair to the style that David Tenant wears. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver replica and grinned. I’m going to introduce myself as the doctor.

I couldn’t help but smile. Only Reagan could think of something like that. We should get going before Mum calls and complains about us arriving late to the restaurant.

We were hoping she’d call and complain about us being late for our lunch date – we really had no intention of going in before she called – but when she called, we were hoping to at least be parked outside the restaurant, waiting.

Within twenty minutes, we were sitting in Caleb’s Golf in the parking lot, waiting. Waiting was my biggest pet peeve (yeah, I have roughly zero patience), and after ten minutes of waiting, I sighed loudly.

I’m going in, I popped open the back door and stuck a leg out dramatically. I knew the boys well, and I had been counting on Caleb grabbing the back of my shirt. I fell onto my back with a dramatically loud sigh and stared up at the two boys as they looked back at me from the front seats. I’m so bored.

And then it happened. Reagan’s phone rang and he pulled it out, counting the seconds as the ringtone of ‘Black and Blue’ by Bring Me the Horizon played. After a count of ten, he slid his finger across the screen deliberately slowly. Hello?

Honey! My mother’s tone was light and airy and to any stranger it was perfectly friendly, perhaps a little concerned even; but I knew my Mum, and I could still remember the first day my mother used it on my siblings and I – we’d been playing in the creek and came home, bringing in the tons of mud with us, leaving our footprints permanently embedded in the carpet behind us; my mother had used that tone and her best friend, who’d been visiting, had even commented on how calmly my mother was handling the situation. Where are you guys?

On our way, Reagan said in a clipped tone. He wasn’t actually in a serious mood, but he was really good at acting like it. It was a tone you didn’t argue with, the kind that, when it was used on you, you did whatever you were told.

We stayed in the car for another five minutes before Reagan finally let out a groan and gave in to my constant nagging of ‘are we there yet?’. Let’s do this thing, He sighed as he held the door open for Caleb and me.

The interior of the restaurant was fancy. The tables were all laid with silverware and napkins, which were all neatly folded. Despite it only being one thirty in the afternoon, there were wine glasses at each setting and everyone who was seated in that restaurant dressed like they had too much money.

Except us.

In most cases, we would have stood out like sore thumbs or some other bad cliché, but not today. No. We stood out like princesses in the middle of prison – everyone could see us, everyone was looking, and nobody was happy about it.

Especially not my Mum.

The moment she laid eyes on us, her face seemed to distort into a weird emotion well past anger and I thought that she may be considering how she planned to murder us. Mum’s companion stared at us with the same look of confusion mingled with annoyance that everyone else in the restaurant was looking at us with.

Harry, these are my children, my mother said as she raised herself out of her chair and motioned to us. Her voice sounded miserable, as though she was breaking it to him that we’d all died in a freak accident and we were now just ghosts, showing up for our scheduled lunch.

Of course, his name was Harry, like every other rich, pompous, stuck up guy out there. He probably had British decedents, just to make him all that much more irresistible. I dug my nails into my hands to stop myself from breaking character from the irrationally angry teenager and making a smart comment about his name.

Harry stood up and stretched out a hand for Caleb to shake. I guess he chose to brave Caleb because he was the most normal looking person out of us three; which is saying something. Sup dude, Caleb said with a lopsided grin. He forced Harry into doing what I call a ‘bro shake’ before walking past him and taking a seat beside the window.

It was a wise choice of seating, meaning that he was the furthest away from Mum. That’s Caleb, Mum said, her voice taking on that miserable tone again. I stepped up, death-glared Harry, and stepped past him, sinking into a seat beside Caleb. That’s Teagan, and this is Reagan.

As per usual, Harry’s eyebrows rose ever so slightly at the mention of our rhyming names, but compared to normal people, he had the manners not to ask questions. Reagan remained standing, staring at Harry. I’m the Doctor, he clarified, but after everyone seated themselves, he remained standing until my mother grabbed hold of his sleeve and tugged him into the seat beside her.

So, Harry said after a waitress had whipped by and handed us menus and taken our drink orders. I heard that you all finished your junior year; that must be pretty exciting. Everyone looked at him. Since the drink orders had been taken we’d been seated in an awkward silence with which my Mum was evidently greatly uncomfortable.

I shrugged when I noticed his gaze on me, feeling no need to actually add to the conversation. Caleb cleared his throat loudly, We’ve been on summer vacation for a month now, and it’s been great man. Just great. All the parties, all the girls, it’s just been –

Caleb, that’s enough.

We all turned to look at Mum who was evidently fighting to keep her cool. She looked like she would explode any minute. I thought maybe she’d ask either Reagan or I if she could talk to us privately to give us a quiet talking to, but it seemed that she was well past that point of rage.

They’ve all just finished their junior year, yes. Soon enough, they’ll be in their senior year, She added a small laugh, which held no amusement. Hard to imagine that they’ll be adults soon. They’ve still got so much to learn before then.

She looked Reagan dead in the eyes before turning her gaze to Caleb and me. Her gaze pierced into mine and I felt my stomach sink. The only time my mother had been this angry was when she found out that I had helped my little sister sneak out to a party that my parents had banned her from attending.

Anyway, Harry has a son. He’s a little older than you guys, but he’s just charming, Mum cooed. She gave us looks that said that we will learn to be like him; whether we liked it or not. And of course, we wouldn’t. We didn’t like it one bit.

• • •

We were seated in the living room, playing Xbox, when my mother walked into the house, slamming the front door behind her loudly. I heard the photo frame that I kept by the front door fall over, and I sighed as I paused our game.

My mother looked beyond angry, her face was red and she was grinding her teeth together in a way I’d only ever seen her do. Her silver-blonde hair was everywhere and she held her handbag in one hand by the strap, her fist clenched tightly.

How dare you guys do that? All I asked was that you had one lunch where you tried to get to know him! You couldn’t even do that! There were tears running down her face, but they were tears of embarrassment. She was frustrated and angry and generally in the worst mood in every kind of history. You couldn’t even do that!

Reagan stood up, his expression sober as he looked across the living room at my mother. I’m sorry, Jackie, but you can’t really expect us to want to get to know Harry, can you? Reagan’s voice was serious, and I felt my stomach shrink. I hadn’t wanted this kind of thing to go down between the two of them.

My Mum and Reagan barely had a relationship, to the point where they were both on a first name basis. Their relationship – from best friends when my dad wasn’t around – was holding on by thin strings at this point.

And then Reagan had to go ahead and be honest.

Excuse me? Yes, I do. He’s my boyfriend, and I expect you to take this relationship as seriously as any other. She crossed her arms over her chest, her bag awkwardly squished between her arm and her chest. He’s my boyfriend, and –

You love him? Reagan continued for her in a sarcastic tone. My twin was never serious. Never. I hated it when he was because he meant every word he said when he was; no matter how much it hurt to hear. You’re acting like a teenager; did you know that? Like when Teagan wanted to keep that kitten. You’re acting immature and since you’re not here to be a parent, I’ll do it. We will not take this ‘relationship’ seriously due to the fact that you’re not even divorced yet. Your eighteen-yearlong marriage ended thirty-two days ago, and two months ago –

Reagan! I hissed. Now was not the time to mention my baby sister.

Sorry. He paused for a second as he looked at me, acknowledging that we didn’t need to bring our youngest sibling into this situation. Everything is very difficult for us, and you acting like a child isn’t helping in the least. Caleb rose to Reagan’s side. It didn’t matter if it was my mother’s compassion that meant Caleb had a place to stay with us, his loyalty would always be to his best friend. We do appreciate being introduced before you made any major decisions, like a fucking relationship status.

Reagan William Foster! My mother screamed, throwing her bag on the ground like a toddler. I am your mother and –

Then you better start acting like it, Reagan interrupted coolly. When you start acting like a parent again, we’ll have a mature, adult conversation. The two boys headed upstairs without another word, leaving me in the stiff air with my mother. The moment we heard the sound of a door shutting, my mother dropped to her knees amongst the contents of her handbag and hid her face in her hands.

After a moment, she drew in a deep breath and looked at me. Don’t you have anything to say? she snapped, her voice as sharp as a razor blade. I stared at her. She wanted me to say something mean, perhaps something completely uncalled for, so that she could head upstairs and curl into a ball in her bed beneath the covers and feel sorry for herself.

That’s all she needed, another reason to feel sorry for herself.

I stared at my mother in the silence, trying to think of anything but the anger I harboured for her – for everything. She’d expected us to be enthusiastic about meeting the prick who helped tear our lives apart a month after the first worst day of my life?

And Harry, acting so innocent during lunch as though my mother wasn’t still married to the man who’d shown her nothing but affection and adoration in the past eighteen years. She had at least removed her wedding ring.

I made a mental note to take the ring when