When Your Ex Doesn't Follow the Rules: Keep Your Sanity and Raise Happy Healthy Kids

By Maureen Doyle

End the Co-Parenting War. If you find co-parenting with your ex to be a constant struggle and it seems like he fights you every step of the way - sometimes just for sport, you are not alone. Are you worried that you cannot go on like this for the next 10-15 years and that your bank account will be empty from the legal costs? And are you concerned about your children’s mental and emotional health? In When Your Ex Doesn’t Follow the Rules, Maureen Doyle combines client success stories with powerful coaching techniques that will change your post-divorce combat zone into a place of peace.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Jun 9, 2017
• ISBN: 9781683503613

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

"We must let go of the life that we have planned, so

as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

- Joseph Campbell

Marriage was not even on my mind when I met my ex-husband but there was something about him that made me stop in my tracks. He intrigued me. He was a young professional full of intellect and great wit. Dating him was an adventure and I love adventures. Looking back, I probably should have paid closer attention to what might become problems in our future instead of focusing on the fun of the moment.

To the outside world, we had it all but behind closed doors our marriage had become a series of struggles; however, the thought of ending our relationship terrified me since we had children. I had always been able to make decisions easily but this one had me in knots. Literally. My friends told me that my hands used to shake and I had the "deer in the headlights" stare. There were many messages along the way that whispered to me to leave but I was committed to the relationship. I began individual counseling and my husband and I also went to couples therapy but not much changed. We were in a bad place and neither of us could see a way out.

Satisfied I had tried everything to save our marriage and convinced we didn’t even have a marriage to save, I called my attorney and filed for divorce. I was terrified but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I did not know what was ahead of me but I was certain about what I was leaving behind. I was determined to look forward and not back. I had to be strong for my two girls.

I soon learned that the hardest thing I had to do was not actually get the divorce - it was the years following the divorce. My world was filled with stress, anger, frustration, and costly legal bills. At times I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t see a way to save myself, but I knew that I had to not only for me but also for my children. I read countless books, I had meetings with my attorney, I met with counselors, I went to court, I prayed endlessly, and I even dreamed of running away to South America! I asked myself repeatedly during those early years, why couldn’t he just follow the rules? Doesn’t everyone follow the rules?

Each parent has their own idea and vision of what life will be like post-divorce and chances are that you and your ex will not be in sync on this topic. Many feel that their exes have become more difficult to deal with once the divorce is final: not following the parenting plan, trying to control with financial threats, and expecting flexibility with schedules while not allowing any. I ask my clients all the time, "If your ex-husband was difficult to live with, why on earth would you believe he would be easy to deal with