26 Minds on Standby

By Jonathan Antony Strickland

We are all very very very different. And this story shows exactly how very different twenty six minds inside a pub can be.

The following story comes in 26 separate parts (kind of like 26 pieces of flash fiction, but all linked in someway), and can be read in any order.

For example you could read the story in the traditional way from start to finish (this is the way I wrote the story), but this is the boring way to read it (and I'd rather you didn't, at least on a second read-through). The story is supposed to be like a jigsaw, with each person reading it in a completely different way to the next. The purpose of this is so that each reader will realise different plot points at different stages as some of the stories interconnect with others. Hopefully this will mean that everyone's experience as they read the story will be different.

To make mixing up the story easier, I have chosen to write it in 26 parts. The reason for this is that if you use a pack of playing cards you can match each card with the below list, until all parts have been read.

Part 1_The Up And Coming Writer
Part 2_The Spirit Of Writing
Part 3_Derick The Husband
Part 4_Marge The Wife
Part 5_Little Selma The Four Year Old Daughter
Part 6_The Balding Man In the Gray Suit
Part 7_The Filler Men_PETER
Part 8_The Filler Men_PAUL
Part 9_Fucked (well and truly)
Part 10_Bob The Bastard "Landlord of the Weeping Dragon"
Part 11_Gretta The Ice Queen "Landlady of the Weeping Dragon"
Part 12_Hilda The Bitch "Bargirl of the Weeping Dragon"
Part 13_Syrill The Fool
Part 14_Billy's Story
Part 15_The Heetman
Part 16_The Kipper Feels The Heet
Part 17_The Mighty Quinn Versus The Shameful Plug
Part 18_The Shit Shock Horror Thing
Part 19_Marge "The Third Landlady of the Weeping Dragon"
Part 20_Archie The Superat
Part 21_Thelma Stockfield "The Songwriter And Guitarist"
Part 22_Morris Tinkleton "The Singer And The Complete And Utter Cock"
Part 23_The Brown Man
Part 24_The Ark Angels Ronald's Quest For Alcohol
Part 25_The Ultimate Atheist
Part26_You

Here's some examples:

Part 1_any black ace (or one)_The Spirit Of Writing

Part 2_ any red ace (or one)_The Up And Coming Writer

Part 23 _ any black Queen_ The Brown Man

Part 24 _ any red Queen_The Ark Angels Ronald’s Quest For Alcohol

Part 9_any red five_Fucked (well and truly)

Part 16_any black nine_The Kipper Feels The Heet

And so on and so forth...

Anyway that's all from me for now. Hope you enjoy the story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jonathan Antony Strickland
• Release date: Feb 20, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005036034

Jonathan Antony Strickland

You really want me to reveal personal information here?O.K then... here's some stuff you might (or might not) like to know about me!Well for starters you can contact me on [e-mail] Hobbies:1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by... passes the time if nothing else!2_Managed 18 keepy ups with ye old pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive! Well... what I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with, was still inside the pig!3_Not pissing on the evil that is Milthy Swinebuckle, if he were ever to catch fire4_Scratching my arse!5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise...HA !!!6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait I've already said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again.7_???? **** ???? with **** then ?*?*!8_Wondering what I'm doing during hobby seven?MY most prized possession: Hitler's missing left testicle (NOT FOR SALE).My most famous quotes:1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant!2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probably because I do climb a lot of trees!3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON!4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks!5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!!6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7.7 As far as I'm concerned you should not judge a fellow person on their looks, sex, race or beliefs. There are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with their lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arseholes and the gobshites, who want to tell you what to do, what you should be doing and how you should be doing it.My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!!! That's TURD... Got it? No? Then I'll say it again, just in case you missed it...T.U.R.DMy Arch Enemies:1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, squawks and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as... Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly squidgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc... but to me he will always be Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face... ARSEWIPE!)2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish... Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum)3_Randy Stodgeflaps... not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers tourettes. Only I can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing words like..."KNICKERS" or "ARSE" or some other filth! It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentence. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSEHOLES, PANTS,......Oh bugger!"PS: Does anyone actually read any of this personal information shit?

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Smashwords Edition License Notes: This is a free story, you may reproduce it as you wish, so long as you do not charge for it. Please leave any comments on the authors smashwords page.

...............

26 Minds on Standby

by: Jonathan Antony Strickland

In the small town of Tremwell there stands an old English pub called The Weeping Dragon. To look upon the pub from the outside you would think its basic construction was quite quaint, though perhaps a little bland and run-of-the-mill. Very ordinary, and pretty much like many of the pubs from the North East of England.

You could happily walk inside this pub and order yourself a drink, then sit down somewhere within and enjoy your beverage in peace and quiet. Perhaps as you supped you might gaze around and wonder at the other individuals within. What are their stories? What kind of life do they live? What goes on inside their heads? After all, although a pub can be very similar to any other pub, people are rarely stereotypical. We each have our own little quirks and habits, our own little beliefs and values, our charm and wit that make us all individual. We each have our own ways of dealing with troubles and worries that modern day life enjoys spilling its chaos into, and our own ways of dealing with the demons that those troubles and worries can breed within us.

What I'm saying is, we are all very very very different. And this story shows exactly how very different twenty six minds inside a pub can be.

----

HOW TO READ THIS STORY

The following story comes in 26 separate parts, and can be read in any order.

For example you could read the story in the traditional way from start to finish (this is the way I wrote the story), but this is the boring way to read it (and although you could read it this way, I'd rather you didn't, at least on a second read-through)). The story is supposed to be like a jigsaw, with each person reading it in a completely different way to the next. The purpose of this is so that each reader will realise different plot points at different stages as some of the stories interconnect with others.

Hopefully this will mean that everyone's experience as they read the story will be different.

To make mixing up the story easier, I have chosen to write it in 26 parts. The reason for this is that if you use a pack of playing cards you can match each card with the below list until all parts have been read.

Part 1_The Up And Coming Writer

Part 2_The Spirit Of Writing

Part 3_Derick The Husband

Part 4_Marge The Wife

Part 5_Little Selma The Four Year Old Daughter

Part 6_The Balding Man In the Gray Suit

Part 7_The Filler Men_PETER

Part 8_The Filler Men_PAUL

Part 9_Fucked (well and truly)

Part 10_Bob The Bastard Landlord of the Weeping Dragon

Part 11_Gretta The Ice Queen Landlady of the Weeping Dragon

Part 12_Hilda The Bitch Bargirl of the Weeping Dragon

Part 13_Syrill The Fool

Part 14_Billy's Story

Part 15_The Heetman

Part 16_The Kipper Feels The Heet

Part 17_The Mighty Quinn Versus The Shameful Plug

Part 18_The Shit Shock Horror Thing

Part 19_Marge The Third Landlady of the Weeping Dragon

Part 20_Archie The Superat

Part 21_Thelma Stockfield The Songwriter And Guitarist

Part 22_Morris Tinkleton The Singer And The Complete And Utter Cock

Part 23_The Brown Man

Part 24_The Ark Angels Ronald's Quest For Alcohol

Part 25_The Ultimate Atheist

Part26_You

Here's some examples:

Part 1_any black ace (or one)_The Spirit Of Writing

Part 2_ any red ace (or one)_The Up And Coming Writer

Part 23 _ any black Queen_ The Brown Man

Part 24 _ any red Queen_The Ark Angels Ronald’s Quest For Alcohol

Part 9_any red five_Fucked (well and truly)

Part 16_any black nine_The Kipper Feels The Heet

And so on and so forth...

Anyway that's all from me for now. Hope you enjoy the story/stories.

----

Part 1

The Up And Coming Writer

He sits alone, a pint of ale to his left, the fingers of his right hand tapping in thought as he looks down at his laptop, racking his brains in thought. He always liked a good drink while he practiced his craft. He finds that with just enough alcohol in his system, his mind loosens up and his imagination is set free to wander all the strange dark corridors that his brain normally shuts off from him.

Ideas come, but are dismissed virtually as instantly as he dreams them up, either for being too stupid, too boring, or too overdone. With a deep sigh he looks around the pub for inspiration.

He sees a dimly lit room with cigarette smoke filling up the ceiling (in this pub few take any note of the daft laws banning smoking inside) as around him others sit, some chatting, some gazing into space, there’s even one or two staring up blankly, watching a mute T.V as subtitles scroll beneath a picture of a man in a white plain suit foretelling the forthcoming weather.

Then he looks deeper, observing the drab wallpaper, the hard worn red barstools and chairs, the brown dirty and bare wooden floorboards that occasionally groan out when a foot is placed upon a loose corner.

There is little here to reignite the embers of the mind and start up the inferno to power the engine of inspiration that we all hide within us,