Fatherlessness: Secrets of How to Thrive in a Fatherless Age

By Terence Karabo Moloisane

Explore The Lost Treasures Of Humanity

This is not a dating book, it is a nation-building book. It is far better for a woman to be obsessed with the man than a man to be obsessed with the woman. If a man is obsessed with a woman he is nowhere close to being productive and fulfilling his mission.

He gets in his emotions, he starts to make mistakes that have a deleterious effect on his outcomes, however, when a woman is obsessed with a man that man tends to have better outcomes and she benefits from those outcomes. Someone needs to love someone more that's the ugly truth to swallow, a man should never get involved with a woman who needs to be loved more than she loves the man. Never love a woman more than she loves you...

-Obsession is good because what comes with an obsession is the focus.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Terence Karabo Moloisane
• Release date: Mar 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005838584

Terence Karabo Moloisane

I'm not here to maintain followers, I'm in the business of creating leaders...

Book preview

Fatherlessness

Secrets of How to Thrive in a Fatherless Age

Terence Karabo Moloisane

M.A.D ART

Copyright © 2021 Terence Karabo Moloisane

Published by Terence Karabo Moloisane Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2021

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Terence Karabo Moloisane

[e-mail]

Acknowledgments

This book has taken more than 23 years to prepare and three years to write. Writing this book has been a personal journey of realizing the importance of the past struggles that most of us have encountered or will ever encounter in life. I’m always aware of whatever we accomplish in life is the sum total of all the people, situations, and circumstances we have experienced in our lives. 

This book is proof of whatever you go through today is essential for tomorrow, even though during the process, we tend to break or, like many others, be tempted to quit life. However, I’ve realized that if we don’t appreciate the past, then the future has no value.

I wouldn’t have started the journey of writing without the inspiration of leading segments that I have attended and without the assistance of divine intervention.

If the leadership that I have studied will be instilled in our politicians, teachers, and scientist, then the future is in good hands.

May this book give back to the nations more than what life has invested in me.

Dedication

This is dedicated to the next successful young people around our beautiful planet.

To my loving parents, Angelinah M Moloisane and Herman R Moloisane, whom the Creator used to deliver me to planet Earth.

And also, to some of the great leaders I’ve met during times of hardships, difficulties, and disappointments. Noel D Wood, Duncan Scott, Isak Vivier, and Paul Van Der Walt.

To my dearest cousins Daniel Moloisane and Monnapule Mautle, who believed in me and supported me in my transformation journey from a follower to becoming my real self, the leader, chosen to help people discover themselves and fulfill their real purpose.

To my most outstanding, distinguished people, I’m proud to call my friends or brothers Bernard Barker and Toli Gabonewe. I could not have achieved the measure of growth, maturity, and success without your impact on my life. This book is dedicated to people who believe that they are already great, to those who already believe in their ability to thrive if don’t believe in yourself, then this book won’t do anything for you. In fact, put it down right now before you accidentally get some ketchup on one of the pages and can’t get your money back. Find your receipt, return this book, and get your money back.

Preface

Who is killing our women? Who is raping our women? Who is abusing our women? Our men. It’s tough being a man in the 21st Century, and men are languid to admit that they need help. Fatherlessness is the cause of all our economic, social, and psychological problems. 99% of the men today perhaps have never been told by their father that I love you, maybe 96% of the men have never been told by their father that you make me proud or you’ve done well. Not because your father is in the house doesn’t mean he’s fathering you. We need to understand that dad is destiny, so go the men, so go the nations. Whether it’s boys with guns or girls with babies, it all relates to the absence of a father.

The mind of the male today:

●      Men don’t feel the power of self-confidence anymore.

●      Men don’t feel the power of social roles anymore.

●      Men don’t feel the power of their masculinity anymore. That’s why many are not sure whether they’re men.

●      Many men don’t feel like they’re wanted by women anymore.

See a long time ago, being a man was very easy, for it meant to go to work, bring home some food, build a house, and pay the bills, so the love between a woman and a man was based on their roles. Women’s roles were easy, to clean the house, prepare the food, and take care of the children, but today all of that changed. Men don’t know what it is to be a man anymore, because in most cases, you can’t buy a woman a house; she already has her own place. Do you buy her a car? Maybe she has two cars. Do you give her children? Perhaps she came with two already. Do you buy her food? She earns more than you do. So, the men are stuck. They don’t know what to do anymore, men no longer feel needed, men no longer feel appreciated, men no longer feel respected, and they no longer feel secure. That’s why many men act like women because women threaten them, and women don’t know what they’re doing to the men. Both the men and the women need help because the women are destroying the men’s masculinity. There is another problem the men have lost their sense of purpose. They lost their identity. That’s why most men pretend to be other people, and they also lost the definition of manhood. They also lost the value of living; they have no reason to live. That’s why the average men abnormally use alcohol, they’re in gangs, they abnormally use drugs, men kill one another, and men domestically violate their family because they have no value, no vision. 

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Dedication

Preface

CHAPTER 1

1.  Fathering

2.  Seven Lessons of Fatherhood

3.  The Basic Things Fathers Should Teach their Sons about Young Women Before They Turn 18 Years Old

4.  Adulthood

5.  Identify your Values

6.  Masculine Energy

7.  Feminine Energy

8.  Complete the Best Possible Future Self-Exercise

9.  The Procrastinator

10.  The Failure

11.  How to Lose the Failure Mentality

12.  The Champ

13.  Reject Conformity and Be the Best Version of Yourself

14.  Parenthood

CHAPTER 2

15.  Mothering

16.  Feminism

17.  Motherhood

18.  Pregnancy

19.  Keys to Motherhood

CHAPTER 3

20.  Mentoring

21.  Emotional Intelligence

22.  IMT

CHAPTER 4

23.  Relationships

24.  Life is a Marathon of Privileges

25.  Men Should Put an Under Construction Sign-on Top of their Head

26.  The List of a Man’s Life in Order of Importance

27.  The Average Man’s Life in Order of Importance

28.  Why Men are Weak in Relationships

CHAPTER 5

29.  Dating

30.  It’s Like Love is Dead

31.  The Dumbest Thing a Man can do is to Fall in Love With a Woman

32.  Sign that you are Falling in Love

33.  Why Women Cheat

34.  How to Know When you’re Immune to Women’s Tactics

35.  What Women do to Survive

CHAPTER 6

36.  What is a Leader

37.  Four Keys for National Transformation

38.  10 Keys to Impact the World

39.  How to Deal With Jealousy

40.  How to Spot Haters

CHAPTER 7

41.  What is a Family

42.  Family Excellency

43.  The Most Important Things in Life

44.  Life is Not a Game

45.  How I Would Raise My Son

46.  How I would Raise my Daughter

CHAPTER 8

47.  Business 101

48.  Business 201

49.  Build your Business

50.  What to do and What Not to do in Business

CHAPTER 9

51.  Why Focus on Fathers Instead of Mothers

52.  Insecurities Don’t Affect Women the Way they Affect Men

53.  How to Thrive

54.  The Price of Greatness

CHAPTER 10

55.  Purpose

56.  How to Find your Purpose

57.  What you Love Compared to What you’re Good at

58.  Making Money Through your Purpose

CHAPTER 11

59.  How to be Independent

60.  Signs that you Should Cut off These Type of Friends From your Life

61.  Freedom

62.  Job Vs Purpose

63.  Financial Freedom

CHAPTER 1

FATHERING

A father is someone who tells you that do what I do, say what I say, be like me, dress like me, act like me, go where I go (whether he intends to or not). It’s vital to notice that a father is not someone who teaches you because anyone can tell you what to do and what not to do, but a father is someone whom you can be with long enough so that you can imitate them. A father is the one who is present, observable, and you can emulate.

Fathering

A father is a trainer. We get the word trainer from the word train. The only thing called a train is the front, the engine cart, and everything else behind that it is called coaches. Therefore, the engine cart never goes to the back of the carriages and say go to church, or read a book, or go and do your homework because that’s not the train’s job. The train hooks up the carts and pulls the carriages. The train isn’t supposed to push the carts. So, wherever the father goes, that’s where the nations are headed. If you’re a woman and you’re not married today, and a man claims that he loves you, check the tracks he’s on because that’s probably where your family will end up.

THE GREATEST GIFT MY FATHER EVER GAVE ME WAS TO IGNORE ME.

I’ve experienced what it feels like not to have a dad. I also have some insight into having someone to call dad and not having a dad at all. I used to have a father, and I believe death is better than separation because when someone died, you can cry, mourn, and bury them. In the end, there’s closure to it, but when married people separate is worse because you can’t bring closure to it. They keep showing up. Nevertheless, I appreciate the past because this book wouldn’t be possible without my experience.

IF YOU DON’T APPRECIATE THE PAST, THEN THE FUTURE HAS NO VALUE.

So, I would like to share some of the defects of not having a father because I don’t think we understand how important fatherhood is. Fatherhood affects all of us, regardless of our gender or race. For example, if a woman didn’t have a good father, she can’t tell a good man. A woman who grew up without a father doesn’t know how a man is supposed to love her or how a man is supposed to be like. I remember how beautiful it was when I had a father, I was between the ages of 5-9, and our family was expecting a child. So, I was about to have a sister, and my father was a police officer. I remember how amazing it was when he came back from work and prepared dinner for us. He would dish up in two big plates, we all ate out of those plates as a family together, sometimes my father worked nightshifts. Before he left for work, he made sure that my mother and I were okay, and we had enough food while he was away, but as for me, I wouldn’t sleep without seeing my father, I waited all night long watching tv until he comes back home. And I was well experienced in that I even knew his car’s sound, when I heard that it was him, I would quickly run and open the gate for him. I knew the older man worked hard to keep our family happy, and also knew he had a gift for me. He never came home without bringing me a gift. This helped me respect him and even love him more to see that he thinks of me even when I am out of sight. I would like to call that affection. My father never chastened me, and I thought it was a good thing, but I was young; it wasn’t in my best interest to know what’s right. If you love your children, you must chasten them, my mother was the only one who chastened me apart from my teachers. In July 1999, my mother delivered a gift on Earth. The gift’s name was Gloria K Moloisane. She then passed on. We loved her very much that most of the time, my father and I had to compete for her attention. My father always won because he spent less time at home but away working, I guess my little sister was just tired of my face all over hers. Everything was amazing when my little sister was alive when we went to pick up my mother from the hospital, it was incredible. Although my mother was in a wheelchair, everything was still incredible because my father was pushing her. We stepped into an elevator, and I’m telling you it was a nice ride. We made it home safely. The greatest grief we ever encountered as a family was when my little sister stopped eating. Anything she shallowed came right back out. She puked everything, that’s when we started having sleepless nights. We took long journeys seeking help from different doctors, and nobody could help, my little sister breathed her last breath while my mother was holding her, and I was observing. A few days later, we laid her to rest, and it’s obvious my parents wept except for me; I was perplexed. In the end, there was closure, people stopped crying, and life went on. Later on, then my father started acting weird. Most of the time, he didn’t come back home. The habit I had of waiting for him was broken. My mother and I spent most of our sleeping time on our knees, praying for him to come back home. When he came back, there was a war in the house. Several times I had to run around in the streets with no clothes on to call for help for the sake of mom’s life. My dad wore a size ten shoe. I’d often run to their bedroom and find my mom on the floor being kicked by that size ten shoe, I wanted to help, but I was too small to do anything helpful, but from time to time, I’d contemplate shooting my dad. He brought different types of guns at home AK47’s and Berettas, and I knew where he kept them, whenever he’d start beating up my mom, I’d think of going for the gun, but then again, I didn’t know how to shoot someone I love, after beating my mom up he’d take more of his clothes and go away. Whenever he came back, he took some of his clothes, and we’ll see him again when he needs more clothes. However, my family was rich, I had everything I wanted except a father, but I was getting used to that feeling anyhow. On holidays my mother would either go and visit my grandmother and my grandfather. If not, she would go and spend some time with her friends. When mom went away, my cousins would visit me, we were home alone, and history was made. As soon as the holidays were over, things would go back to where they used to be, not normal. In December 2004, my mother was fed up. It was no longer peaceful at home, she decided to move out, and I went with her. It was at midnight when we arrived at my grandfather’s house. My father helped to unpack our stuff, and he was gone forever.

In the paragraph that follows, there are moments I treasure most. Little did I know I was spoiled, but all of that was about to be carved out. I went from choosing what I want to eat to eating whatever we had. I ate some weird stuff I don’t want to talk about, not because it was a matter of choice but because that’s what we had. I went from rich to low within a day. I started having flashbacks when my parents and I would walk up into a store any toy I desired I would take it, and I knew I already owned it, but that was the end of it, I had to sit down and design my wired car, or I wouldn’t play. When we wanted to eat meat, we had to wake up early on the weekends before the sun comes up and go to the forest to set up baits, sometimes we caught birds, and we very rarely saw rabbits. We would rejoice after an electric thunderstorm because we knew we had meat waiting for us, we would take big plastic bags and go to collect helmeted guineafowl along the electric street poles. At my father’s house, things came for free, but at my grandfather’s house, I had to earn them, sweat for them, and chase them. As I am writing this book, social media, newspapers, and TVs are flooded with unending murders of women. The question is, who’s killing our women? Who’s raping our women? Who’s abusing our women? Our men. These three questions prove that we didn’t do an excellent job as humans in raising our children. In other words, if fathers continue to disregard their children, then our nations will remain under a curse. Pythagoras said, educate the children, and it wouldn’t be necessary to punish the men.

EVERY MALE IS BORN A MALE, BUT THEY HAVE TO BECOME MAN JUST AS EVERY FEMALE IS BORN A FEMALE, BUT THEY HAVE TO BECOME WOMAN.

These statements prove that being old doesn’t mean that you’re smart. It merely means that you’re old, and maybe you have many regrets. In other words, it’s possible to be an older person with the mentality of a kid. In order to become a mature adult, it’s a process even though every child is destined to be an adult. This statement is also true; every seed is carrying a plant or a fruit in itself, but it needs the right environment, nutrients, time, and gamma rays to become itself, being a well-balanced adult, you need to develop yourself. One of the right ways of developing yourself is by reading great books but not just by reading by also applying what you’ve learned.

Males need to study more than females, not because males are special or ignorant but because, as we all know, the male is the female’s father. It has nothing to do with age. Biologically the male didn’t come from the female, but rather the female came out of the male. This is still true to this day; therefore, the male existed first, and whoever lives first is responsible for everything that comes after him. The male has to know more than the female, but we’ll rephrase that in Chapter 9. Every male needs to be educated from an early age that the female is their responsibility. If we don’t educate them, then the television, the music industry, and the internet will teach them the opposite, so raping, abusing, and even killing the female seems familiar to the male who lacks insight. There’s one thing we all desire, regardless of our ethnic backgrounds, irrespective of our pigmentation, irrespective of our gender, we all desire the perfect government. The ideal government happens to be a surprise, which is self-government, if we do well in managing, cultivating, and protecting our environment, it’ll expand.

MANAGING

It is the acceptable, efficient, correct, and timely use of another person’s property and resources for the purpose for which they have delegated it with the view to producing the expected added value.

CULTIVATING

To get the maximum out of the minimum, cultivating is to get the most out of the least. To add value to whatever it is that is in your presence, or to bring the best out of whatever it is that’s in your reality.

PROTECTING

It is to keep something from being damaged, attacked, or trouble, to cover.

You’re not a father because you have a baby. Dogs have puppies; they don’t honor them. Fathering is different from biological conception; therefore, to father is a position and a function, not a title or a name. When people talk about respecting your father, they are not talking about respecting a person; they are talking about respecting a position in this scenario, which is to respect yourself. A true mark of a person who’s thriving in life is seen by the role they place themselves in. Are you positioning yourself in useless environments where you cannot grow with people who can contaminate your gift and short-circuit your purpose? Thriving people in life position themselves in environments that are fertilizing and refining their skills to deliver to their world.

Another true mark of thriving people is seen by how they function during difficulties or struggles of life. Are you taking responsibility, or are you complaining and want to always blame other people for how your life turned out? Hence, people who are thriving in life take full responsibility for their actions, and they know that their future is in them. Forgive to free yourself and focus on fulfilling your purpose. To be fulfilled in life, we must function in a certain way.

The position and function of a father must be honored because if you demean the position, you’ve destroyed the power and authority of the situation, if you don’t have a father, don’t mourn your whole life and do stupid things to blame it on him. Rejoice because you get to see some of the defects of not having a father, and this will build you up into being a better person. But only if you choose to because a great personality is not born in the maternity ward, a great character is maintained by the choice that one makes.

Fathers must earn the right to be respected and honored, if someone says you should honor your father, it implies that fathers can be dishonored. When we say honor yourself, it means that they’ll be possibilities to humiliate yourself. The most significant crisis is not the raping of women or the killing of women; those are the results of the lack of good role models of fathers in our nation. I challenge every man reading this book; to deserve honor, you have to earn it.

HOW TO EARN HONOR

The greatest crisis in national development is not money, lack of investment, crime, or unemployment, but the absence of fathers.

Honoring: is to respect, to esteem, to admire, to encourage, to elevate, to magnify, to celebrate, to brag about, to appreciate, and to recognize. 

Let’s use this meaning in a sentence.

Respect your father, esteem your father, admire your father, encourage your father, elevate your father, magnify your father, celebrate your father, brag on your father, appreciate your father, recognize your father.

The question is, how many men deserve this list? It’s just a rhetorical question. This book it’s about learning how to make this list to yourself effectively, it goes like this: Respect yourself, esteem yourself, admire yourself, encourage yourself, elevate yourself, magnify yourself, celebrate yourself, brag on yourself, appreciate yourself, recognize yourself.

Seven Lessons of Fatherhood

I.      Understand that fathers don’t wait.

II.      Fathers know character counts.

III.      Fathers have their heads in the clouds and feet on the ground. When a father is present, they act on things, and they don’t wait for instructions. They instruct, and the first person they train is themselves.

IV.      Fathers don’t complain. They take action. Fathers are always ahead of the family but never out of sight.

V.      Fathers know that the family can’t do it alone.

VI.      Fathers know the legacy they leave is the life they live; they know shared values make a difference.

VII.      Fathers live by example, not by instruction; a father demonstrates what he tells you to do.

A FATHER IS A HERO.

-Noel D Wood

A father, first of all, he must be a role model but also as a role model he must be a hero to his children because boys and girls have to look up to him. He is a protector, and he protects. A father needs to bring security because the wife and the children need security.

I hope by now, with all these definitions, your eyes start to open and realize that we’ve been focusing on the wrong thing to try and stop murders, rapes, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, etcetera. We have been updating our profile pictures on social media as, thus, On Strike Against Women Abuse, I think we can all agree that it doesn’t help or change anything at all. It keeps multiplying because whatever we keep showing off is what gets into our youngster’s subconscious mind and becomes part of their lifestyle.

A FATHER IS THE ONE WHO TELLS

YOU WHEN YOU’RE WRONG.

-Duncan Scott

A father is someone who helps you solve problems that you don’t know how to solve yourself. A father is the one who tells you when you’re wrong, and a father is the one who encourages you when you’re down. A father is the one who gives you the wisdom that you still have to learn, a father is the one that just sits and listens when you need someone to talk to, but you don’t want interruptions; you just want to talk. A father is a guy that stands there and just let you let it out.

By this definition, you can tell that many youngsters need someone who can say to them that they are wrong. Duncan also made a point that a father is someone who gives you the wisdom that you still have to learn. In other words, fathers are responsible for their children’s foolishness. If you see a dumb kid, you can blame it on their father, or let’s put it this way, whatever the father doesn’t know is transferred to their children. Most youngsters don’t know they’re doing wrong things until it’s late, until they’re arrested and in prison. Prison is just a big house filled with children who were not taught in their homes or families the difference between right and wrong, and the guards are the parents who tell them what to wear, when to get up and when to go to sleep or let’s just simplify it, the guards are the one who tells them that hey what you’re doing is wrong.

A FATHER IS THE ONE WHO GAVE SEED

FOR YOU TO BE BORN.

-Isak Vivier

A father is the one who gave seed for you to be born. He is also the one who fathers you and make sure that you’re on the right track. The father is the head of the family.

Identity doesn’t come from mothers; it comes from fathers. The word father is the Greek word and the Hebrew word that is transliterated PATA this word means source and sustainer. PATA means that which the element came from, is called the father. The head of a thing is its father, and it also sustains what comes from it. A father is the source of an item that supports the thing. You’re not a father; if you just produce, you’re only a father if you sustain what you have made.

The Basic Things Fathers Should Teach their Sons about Young Women Before They Turn 18 Years Old

BEING NICE TO YOUNG WOMEN WILL GET YOU IN THE FRIEND ZONE

Some of the young men reading this right now are being nice to a young woman at school or work, thinking that if they just are a little bit nicer to her, she’ll be their girlfriend, but all they are doing is digging their whole to the friend zone. Young women don’t respect young men who come to them by being nice. Young women classify that as no confidence. The reason young women rank that as no confidence is because you don’t even have enough confidence to be direct by the way you see them. You are not authentic, and young women can’t respect that. I guarantee you most men reading this right now are kissing up to some young woman’s butt by being nice, talking to her at work or school, and talking to her on the phone instead of asking the young woman out for a date. Or even if they manage to take that young woman out for lunch, they won’t make a move on her to make it known that they want something romantic with her. Most young men would be sitting there, pretending like they are her brother. You shouldn’t say it verbally about how you see her but let your actions speak by making sure you are showing some kind of romantic mannerisms to let her know that you are not her friend or brother, and if she says she doesn’t see you that way, don’t get offended, just say okay and leave her. At the end of the day, you should let her know what you are looking for. All that fun time hanging out with her being friends, and being cool with her won’t work. There are grown men kissing up to some woman’s butt at work right now, being all nice with the hopes of her being the love of their life. Don’t waste your time if there is a young woman you have been playing friends

Reviews for Fatherlessness

[Methembe Nathi · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The story in the beginning is emotional and it's amazing how the writer transition to bigger life topics its like you evolved.