Embracing No

By Paula Quinsee

Embracing No is a self-help guide filled with practical tools and insights for helping you to say ‘no’ in all areas of your life, be ok with it and not feel guilty in the process. Here you will learn how to say ‘no’ to:

-Self-sabotage or destructive behaviour
-Unhealthy or negative relationships
-Negative or unhealthy environments
-Not being put under pressure
-Not feeling obligated
-Unrealistic expectations
-Being the victim
-Playing the blame game
-Undesirable situations
-To not having boundaries
-Settling or living a complacent life

This book may seem like a quick read but don’t underestimate the depth each section holds.

What others have had to say about this book:

“Paula, your book is amazIng! The timing couldn’t be more perfect. I’m sooooo going to share the everything out of it. Wow and wow again, it’s really good.” - Hayley Joy Weinberg, CEO of Hayley Joy Clothing

“I think you have done a fine job! An excellent and thought provoking read coupled with sound and pragmatic advice. I want to share it with my family and others as it is very relevant. Well done and I wish you every success.” - Brad Gillis

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paula Quinsee
• Release date: Sep 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9780620827188

Paula Quinsee

Paula Quinsee - Relationship Coach, International Speaker and AuthorHi, I am Paula Quinsee, your go to Relationship Warrior who passionately advocates for healthy personal and professional relationships.I am trained in Imago Relationship Therapy, NLP, and is an accredited PDA Analyst, MyPDA Coach and Trainer, and shares these tools and skills as well as my personal insights with everyone I work with. I also conduct workshops, am an international speaker, TEDx speaker and run both men's and women's programs.During my 16 year tenure in the corporate world working at organisations such as Standard Bank, Nedbank and KFC, I also learned many lessons on relationships in the workplace (internal and external), people and team dynamics and leadership traits.My expertise has been earned from my personal journey of losing my mother at age 7, sexual abuse, many failed relationships, binge eating due to low self-esteem and more until I decided that my past does not define who I am – I do. As a result, I am passionate about empowering others to heal and move forward in their relationships and in life, adding my special sparkle to the world.As an international speaker, I cover topics such as leadership, culture, conflict management, relationships in the workplace, employee well-being and work / life integration. I also speak on more personal topics such as personal relationships, family dynamics and personal development and well-being.I have presented at the FutureEd Expo, Imago Africa/FAMSA Dan Siegel Conference, SACAP Festival of Learning, University of PTA Neuroscience Seminar, SA Innovation Summit, ACFE Conference, SmallBiz Expo, TEDxPretoria and Top Empowerment Awards Conference. I have also consulted to ‘Married at First Sight SA’ TV show and hosted shows for Niche Radio and UK Health Radio.

Book preview

FOREWORD

I never really set out to write books. My first book was a complete surprise as a means to share with others what I had learned on my own journey. I have since been exposed to other areas of human behaviour traits and thinking patterns through my own passion of continuous learning and exploring self-growth, personal development and personal mastery.

I don't profess to be an expert, to have all the answers and neither do my books. Nor do I expect you to agree with everything I share, my views, opinions or what I stand for. My aim is to encourage open mindedness, reflection, discussion, possibilities and options. This self-help guide offers simple, practical, tools and insights to assist you in becoming comfortable with saying `no' and putting boundaries in place in various areas of your life.

Allow yourself sufficient time to complete the exercises after each chapter as well as some reflection time to process any insights you may have gained in order to get the full benefit of this journey. The exercises and tips are there to empower you to new heights of self-awareness, self-regulation, positive living and ultimately empower you to live life on your terms.

It is my belief that the world can be a better place if we can live our truth, be authentic, be respectful and be real - we are all destined for greatness, whatever that may be for you.

I hope you find the process and journey as enjoyable and enlightening as I do!

With gratitude

Paula

WHY WE SHOULD EMBRACE NO

At times, we experience situations in our lives where we don't want to do something, didn't want to go somewhere or find ourselves in a situation that makes us feel awkward, stressed or uncomfortable.

In other words, we wish we had said 'no'.

Many people struggle to say `no', they tend to feel bad for saying `no', often they feel guilty, feel obliged, or that they are letting people down. It's amazing how we easily accept it when other people say no to us:

e.g.: you call your doctor, hairdresser or dentist for an appointment on a specific day and time that works for you. However, they respond to say `sorry I can't see you then but I can see you the following day at that time?".

We accept their `no; without questioning it or looking for further explanation or justification - yet when it comes to our own `no', we feel the need to justify and explain why we can't.

I want you to know that it's ok to say 'no'.

Saying `no' does not make you a bad person.

When you say yes to everyone and everything else, you are saying `no' to you and your own needs.

In other words you're saying that everything and everyone else is more important and your needs are not important, they come last after everything else. So in essence you are putting yourself last and everything and everyone else before you. When you say `no' to others, you are saying yes to you and your needs.

Learning to say `no' is a wonderful and empowering experience.

It can also be very liberating and freeing from a life where you are constantly trying to make others happy, often at the expense of your own happiness.

When we get to the root cause of why we struggle to say `no', we can start working on breaking the patterns we've established over the years that are no longer serving us and create new behaviours and traits going forward that serve us better.

The first step when it comes to saying `no' is changing our behaviour, but we need to understand what that behaviour is, how it is impacting us, why we do it and how it is possibly affecting others.

Only when we understand the impact of our behaviour are we in a position to start changing that behaviour, and we can do this by utilising tools to help us master our own wellness and wellbeing.

Don't see this journey as a negative, rather see it as an opportunity for self-awareness and personal growth which will have a positive impact on you. Happiness and change starts within and only you can control and master that - no one else.

Remember, change does not happen over-night but rather over time so be gentle on yourself in the process, focus on the bigger picture which is equipping yourself with insights, knowledge and tools to achieve a healthier outcome that, over time, will instil sustainable and lasting change.

By saying `no' you empower yourself to say `yes' to the things that matter to you.

Everyone can't be in your front row (Author: Unknown)

Life is a theatre so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!

Everyone can't be in Your Front Row.

Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention to: Which ones lift and