Learning From Children: New ways of approaching the challenges in your life

By Bettina Tornatora

There are literally thousands of parenting books on the market but very few that place the child as the teacher and the parent as the student.

 

Our times are ones of exponential change, advancing so rapidly that information from our childhood seems antiquated and out of date. Now, more than ever we must harvest our

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hold the Vision p/l atf Karagiannis Education Trus
• Release date: Dec 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9780994501905

Bettina Tornatora

Dr Bettina Tornatora is a leader in integration of supporting her clients to thrive in their practices and lives. As a Chiropractor, coach, speaker, author and mother, she spends her life supporting others to live their ideal lives. As a coach and mentor for Powerful Practices International, a professional coaching organisation, Bettina has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a positive attitude in parenting that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally. Her various volunteer roles within the chiropractic profession are dedicated to the support of professional women. A parent herself, Bettina has taught empowered approaches to parenting and education, and written extensively on the benefits of using it with even the youngest children. In recent years Bettina has spoken in many different capacities. She facilitates regularly in the area of growth and empowerment and finds it truly inspiring to give to others in this way. Bettina enjoys being interviewed for national and local TV shows, magazines, newspapers, and blogs. She gets immense satisfaction from seeing people achieve their goals in a coaching partnership and finds that giving them the tools to focus on their gifts is some of the most rewarding work she has ever done. Bettina is the founder of Learning from Children and her mission is to foster personal and community growth, globally. She resides in Victoria, Australia.

Book preview

LEARNING FROM CHILDREN

Dr. Bettina Tornatora

Copyright

COPYRIGHT © 2015 Dr. Bettina Tornatora

All rights reserved.

This book or any portion thereof

may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

without the express written permission of the Author.

Interior Layout and Formatting by Orion Enterprises Publishing

www.orionenterprisespublishing.com

ISBN: 978-0-9945019-0-5

TABLE OF CONTENTS

LEARNING FROM CHILDREN

Copyright

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dedication

On Children

Prologue

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

AFTERWORD

About Parenting and this book

The Space I Hold For You

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TO WRITE TO THE AUTHOR

Dedication

To all the great coaches in my life

To all who have listened to my stories and encouraged me to write and share, I thank you.

Know that you have helped so many with your gentle pushing to make this book happen.

To Karen: As we sat that morning listening to the crows greet the day we shared a little of our lives. You said ‘speak’ and others will grow, this message needs to be shared, so I have and for you I will always be grateful.

To my husband Jim: My love and gratitude is infinite. These stories are yours as much as mine. Thank you for allowing me to share them.

On Children

by Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Prologue

The journey you are about to travel in these pages is one of trial, great challenge, agony and joy.

In my role as a parent I have never been more challenged or more rewarded. I have never felt more fear. And I have never felt a greater love. Throughout much of this time I felt isolated and unsure of where to get support. I thought I was the only one on this incredible journey. I was not, and the stories I share here are to show you that you are not alone either.

My two boys are by far my greatest coaches. They have taught me more than I could ever really do justice to in these few pages. And they have opened my eyes to the other teachers in my world. They have challenged me like no other and I am grateful to them for that. They are an absolute delight in my life and I feel so blessed to have them.

This book is not a manual to follow with step-by-step instructions. It is guide to a new approach to learning and viewing the world. You may resonate with parts directly as you can relate your own story with children in your life. Other parts you may relate in areas of your life that don’t involve children. I have faith that you will connect based on your unique journey.

In these pages I have opened my heart to show you what I have learned from my journey in the hope that you too will feel you can do this. You can journey this learning path. Together we will form a community of support for others and this will mean our world becomes a better place.

CHAPTER 1

Trust yourself and your instincts

It is often said that our children don’t come with instruction manuals. Or in today’s language, there is no software update or app to download to help us with the significant role of parenting. The solution is to trust our instincts. This can be daunting, especially if you are a first time parent. 

There are times when you search for answers to support you with your children and there appears to be none available for us. What we find offered from the experts, parenting manuals, your neighbours or family, either don’t suit you, or don’t feel right for you and your child. You may find yourself asking, What did my parents do in this scenario? or, what are my friends doing with their children? Perhaps you’re asking more global questions; what does your community suggest for this scenario.  Or, are you asking, What is the normal response here for someone in my position in my city or this country? And after all of the searching you still feel you have more questions than answers. I certainly felt that despite all my searching—the answers didn’t reveal themselves to me.

Advice for Parents

It seems that as soon as the initial thought of becoming a parent enters our minds we begin receiving advice. We get advice on how to conceive, with best conception practices and stories.  Then the pregnancy itself is rife with advice for soon-to-be parents. And, then once your little one is born, it can be completely overwhelming to receive the always-well meaning, but often-contradictory advice from other parents.

A lot of the time the advice comes from close members of your family. Sometimes it even sounds like direct and indisputable instructions, on how to go about your parenting. This can be confronting and create great doubt and uncertainty in you, and, your ability to raise your child. In modern times, the advent of the internet has meant that many parents not only have the advisors they know and interact with directly, but also seek more opinions from virtual advisors online, in forums, chat rooms, blogs and more.

All of this information can be useful. The challenge is ‘how to filter’, what you will heed, and what you won’t. There has never been more information than today for parents, and in my experience we have never been more confused about whom to listen to.

Of course, I do not miss the irony that this book may also be another of those voices. My suggestion is that you listen to your own heart, and trust, that you will make the right decisions for you and your child. Take in what you need from the plethora of information available to you and make your own choices. By trusting yourself you will be able to create a filter from the bombardment of information.

By learning to trust you instincts, you open yourself up to an inner world of infinite possibility.

This may mean leaving everything you have known to be ‘true’ behind, and stepping into the unknown…

So how do we do this?

Trusting our instincts requires us first to listen to our inner dialogue—the inner voice that responds to what’s happening around us. Often this voice is not the voice of empowerment and confidence, but of fear and doubt. It is often repeating the messages that the well meaning, but misguided ‘advisors’ have given us. Added