MONDAYS don't have to SUCK!: How small changes can make a huge difference

By Dave Walker

MONDAYS don’t have to SUCK is for anyone who has all the markers of a successful life but is not truly happy. How can you tell? You probably hate Mondays, too! That’s why you picked up this book, right?

Dave Walker had a successful career, perfect marriage, perfect family, perfect house – his life was on track. Des

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dave Walker
• Release date: Jul 23, 2018
• ISBN: 9781775063353

Dave Walker

Dave Walker is a cartoonist. He has had cycling cartoons published by Cycling Weekly, CTC and others. Dave has had a weekly cartoon in Church Times since 2005.

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 by Dave Walker. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying, without permission of the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission from the publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-7750633-4-6

Published by Dave Walker, Montreal, Quebec, Canada

www.davewcoachingandstorytelling.com

Edited by Susan Crossman - crossmancommunications.com

Designed by Janet Rouss - getrealbranding.com

Dave’s book is a message of hope. Change is possible for everyone. Throughout, I noticed a theme of possibility and potential, which encouraged me to explore my choices and potential. Some books I have read made me feel like I was unable to be as amazing as the author, but his book had a non-threatening, human touch i.e. I did it. It was not always easy. You can do it too, or not. As I read it, I felt like I was always being offered a choice and a gentle challenge. I also appreciate the seasoning of humour that Dave injects into a very real and challenging aspect of life. Dave is truly relatable, inspiring and vulnerable!

Gail McDonald, Owner Octagon Coaching - octagoncoaching.ca

Past President, ICF (International Coach Federation) Edmonton Chartered Chapter

"Dave, trust that your gifts are received as they are from the right place and a deep rooting in an authentic desire to serve. All of our lights burn brighter from your commitment. You have taken the time to craft such a gift to others – especially a ‘male group’ that are under served in this regard. Applause!"

Jeff Davidson, Partner and Coach at Deloitte

"I love your storytelling. You share so much and really draw me in as a reader!"

Karen Furneaux, Olympian and World Champion Sprint Kayaker Author of Strong Beauty: POWER UP the Champion Within International Speaker www.ipromiseperformance.com

Sharing what I learned and leveraged during what became my life-altering journey of change and transformation to help YOU move farther and faster with yours!

Sharing the good, the bad, the just plain ugly and the great to help YOU make your Life Journey EASYer on yourself!

Acknowledgments

I would have to write another book in order to acknowledge all of the people who have helped me put this story together. There were so many of you. My family (especially my sister, Val Walker), and my friends (too many to name, I am truly blessed, but if I had to name just three, it would be you, Deborah Turbitt, and you, Nathalie Duchesnay, and you, Maria Psarra); my clients (thanks for trusting in me and my new calling); my former colleagues (a special thanks to two Partners from my former employer, Adelaide Israelian and Jeff Davidson, who helped me at two crucial junctures of my career); my peers, a whole boat load of fellow coaches (especially my Life Coach, Shawna Corden, and Book Coach and Editor, Susan Crossman); a psychologist (otherwise known as my relationship counselor – thanks, Dr. Janet Takefman); a couple of doctors (especially Dr. Michel Saine); and even a dentist…the list goes on. I also don’t want to forget my two beautiful children, Shayne Patrick and Emily Rose, and two very beautiful women, Qita and Monique, who have been, and are still, part of my life. And all this from someone who had shut almost everyone out of his life not that long ago.

Thanks so much for inspiring and empowering me to make and maintain all of the positive changes that I outline in this book. I am so grateful to have you as part of my life. I hope that I have inspired and empowered you in leading better lives, as well…on Mondays, and every other day of the week.

What I have discovered during this most recent journey of mine is that life is an ongoing journey of change, and that there is nothing more powerful than having the support and encouragement of a loving and caring community of family, friends, and co-workers to help make that change happen. To not just make it happen, but to make it EASYer on oneself as it is happening.

I believe that the following quote, which I have affixed to my office wall, sums it up quite nicely.

Thank YOU, all!

I am so grateful!

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all of the people who are thinking of making a significant, positive change in their lives – or are in the process of making one – and who could use some encouragement along the way in order to maintain their faith that they are on the right path…i.e. their true and unique path.

This book is also dedicated to all of the people who believe that they have undergone their transition and are now in the process of maintaining the positive changes in their lives. Often, it’s EASYer said than done. The majority of people are not able to maintain change. Old habits and mindsets die hard.

And let’s not forget the people who believe that life’s journey is one of constant change, and who are looking for a way to not only enable the change, but to embrace it, enjoy it, and grow from it.

I am hoping that sharing my story of change with you will inspire and empower you along your journey, YOUR LIFE journey. And I am truly honoured to have the chance to share my story with you! It is my gift to you!

Life’s What You Make It¹

Baby, life’s what you make it

Can’t escape it

Baby, yesterday’s favorite

Don’t you hate it

Baby, life’s what you make it

Don’t back date it

Baby, don’t try to shade it

Beauty is naked

Baby, life’s what you make it

Celebrate it

Anticipate it

Yesterday’s faded

Nothing can change it

Life’s what you make it

Song by Talk Talk

Foreword

What is this Book of Life-Altering

Self-Transformation all about?

This book is a story about life-altering self-transformation that did not start off that way. It started with a desire for change and a willingness to get to know myself better…and it took off from there. I took off with it.

Yes, me, myself and I. This story is about me and my LIFE-ALTERING self-transformation on what eventually took place on both the personal and professional fronts. In my case, it came a bit later in the game of life, in my mid-forties, 45 years of age to be exact, but better late than never. As Abraham Lincoln once said:

"In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."

I have now positioned myself to get a lot more out of whatever number of years still remain for me. That is very different from where I was not that long ago. I had given up on life. I was just looking forward to the day that I would retire from it, not literally, but from my job at least. I thought that everything would be all fine and dandy when that finally happened. In my case, that was going to be at 55 years of age. Little did I realize at the time, I was probably not going to live that long if I did not make some changes. I had two young children, two children who I love more than life itself.

Actually, this book is two stories. Two stories about two different life journeys that are joined by a fascinating (to me, anyway!) period of transition that I once referred to as a third story of a trilogy..

The first story is about a journey that ended up taking me to a place that I now refer to as my NASTY ZONE and in it, I gave up and let go of my dreams, my career, my friends, my marriage and, finally, myself. The slow slippage inevitably gave way to a dizzying plummet into a state of clinical depression, functional alcoholism, obesity and social isolation. I hit rock bottom. I was stuck at the time and could not imagine a way of moving forward in order to escape that nasty place. I refer to myself during this phase of my journey as OLD Dave (a.k.a. Captain Comfort Zone).

The second story is about a series of catalysts that finally started me moving down a very different life path. The second story is all about gaining momentum by trying, failing and learning from a whole lot of experiences and people that showed up in my life after I had finally decided to move forward. As the momentum built, so did my energy and desire to move even faster and farther. I refer to myself during this phase of my journey as NEWer Dave (a.k.a. Captain Courageous). NEWer Dave – and not NEW Dave – because of my newfound desire to keep changing. Unlike in the past, I learned to enjoy making changes and I especially came to enjoy the positive feelings that started to accompany those changes. I talk now about NEWer Dave because I am hoping that this newer second phase of continuous growth and learning never ends. I want to continue to grow and enjoy life and enjoy all the beautiful people in my life.

Oh, and that third story, the one about the transition…it’s been an emotional roller-coaster ride, to be sure, but for the most part, it has been one of the most rewarding and enjoyable times of my life. That’s a good thing because, at the time of the writing of this book, I am seven years (and counting) into my transition. If my book coach is right, there may not even be a transition underway. There may not be a third story. This learning and failing and picking myself back up and growing phase actually started seven years ago and may never end until, ultimately, I do. R.I.P. Captain Courageous.

I still sometimes try and take on too much change and overextend myself, which results in what I call a bit of a crash and burn. But, hey, no one is perfect! And despite what I once believed, not every day can be perfect. So, I dust myself off and I take some time to rest and reflect on what has just happened (so hopefully I don’t do it again) and then I am right back at it. Back at making my life better, and hopefully the lives of my clients and readers and audiences, as I share my exploits, the good, the bad, the just plain ugly and the great. Failing at it, learning from it and sharing it, one next step at a time.

Is there a secret formula for successfully undertaking self-transformation? If there is, I am all ears. In the meantime, I have come up with one to explore. I share the various components with you as part of this book. I am all about sharing, so it is my pleasure. There is nothing really new in it. It is based on what a lot of people have shared with me, a LOT of people. I have tried a lot of what has been shared with me myself in order to make the theory real. And now I would like to share my lessons learned with you.

I am also sharing some questions of self-discovery since I have found self-awareness and getting to know oneself better (i.e. WHO we are) to be a big part of the formula for success. I’m sharing the stories of my life journey with you. Emotions and all! Yes, a Dude sharing his emotions! It took me a while to share my emotions – which is a big part of the reason that I ended up in my nasty zone – but, as I mentioned previously, better late than never. Oh, and by the way, I am not the only Dude who has had trouble sharing emotions. There are a lot of us out there.

All right already, Dave! Enough background and context. What is that formula? Oops! (Not only am I a verbal processor, but I am a writing processor as well.) Here you go:

My journey of self-transformation was enabled by what I call the BIG THREE.

Self-Change (incremental small change steps that help build momentum and confidence, which in turn beget the courage to continue to move forward).

Self-Discovery (learning about and leveraging what makes us tick, a.k.a. our Unique and Authentic selves. Learning from our successes and failures).

Self-Transformation (the SHIFTS that come from spending enough TIME working on the previous TWO components of the Big Three).

Oh! and let’s not forget that desire to change in the first place.

The Catalyst for change.

Enjoy the read! I truly hope my story helps you in making your life journey better, for you and your loved ones!

CONTENTS

PART 1

SETTING THE STAGE

Chapter 1: A Life-Altering Transformation

Chapter 2: OLD Dave One Monday, Fall 2009

Chapter 3: NEWer Dave Monday, December 11, 2017

Chapter 4: The BEFORE and AFTER Metrics

Chapter 5: My Imperative for Changing My Epitaph

Chapter 6: Contemplating a Change to Your Epitaph?

PART 2

MY FIRST HALF: CAPTAIN COMFORT ZONE (1965-2008)

Chapter 7: My Search for Success

Chapter 8: The Making of Captain Comfort Zone

PART 3

A PERIOD OF PAIN IN THE NASTY ZONE (2009-2013)

Chapter 9: Storm Clouds on the Horizon

Chapter 10: Hitting the Wall and Getting Stuck

Chapter 11: Finding My Fit and a Bit of Self-Confidence

Chapter 12: Another Shoe Falls

Chapter 13: Grabbing the Oxygen Mask!

PART 4

FINDING THE REAL ME (2013-2016)

Chapter 14: Finding My FIT-ness Routine

Chapter 15: Maintaining My Momentum

Chapter 16: Finding My Calling

Chapter 17: Firming up My Foundation

Chapter 18: Finding the Authentic Me

Chapter 19: Finding My Mojo

Chapter 20: Having Fun along the Way!

Chapter 21: Finding My Heart and My Soul

Chapter 22: Finding My Soulmate

Chapter 23: Trying Really Hard to Maintain My Balance

PART 5

CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS (2017-R.I.P.)

Chapter 24: The Start of My Second Half. Not quite.

Chapter 25: Keeping My Courage

PART 6

THINKING OF MAKING A CHANGE TO YOUR STORY?

Chapter 26: My Top Three Lessons Learned

Chapter 27: My Top 10 Change Enablers

PART 7

OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEWER YOU!

Chapter 28: WHO do you see in the mirror?

Resources

Endnotes

INTRODUCING THE DAVES

NEW (or NEWer) Dave (Or, the Beginning thereof)

Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to snap this selfie at a very special time in my life: December 24, 2014. I was 49 years old. Thanks for the new wardrobe, Santa. Medium, instead of XL.

I will cherish this picture forever – it’s one for my time capsule. In the photo I’ve included here, I thought I was witnessing the new me. Turns out it was only the beginning of NEW Dave. It was only the NEW OUTSIDE of me. Things were really going to start picking up momentum when the INSIDE me joined in on the change.

OLD Dave – I have a whole lot of OLD Dave photographs to share, as well. My photo album has at least 15 sad years’ worth of them. It’s time to start taking more photos of NEWer Dave. Thank goodness for the change. I am grateful. Oh, so grateful.

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves

Sir Edmund Hillary

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao Tze

PART 1

Setting the Stage

Chapter 1: A Life-Altering Transformation

Life is a giant roller-coaster ride. The thrills and screams, twists and turns, the ups and downs and it’s all over way too soon. Enjoy the ride.

Unknown

My life-altering transition! It’s been a bit of a roller-coaster ride, actually, so I thought this photograph was appropriate.

In my case, the ride (a.k.a. the journey) was much more pleasant on the way up to my second half than it had been on the way down during my first half!

Now that I’ve introduced NEW Dave and OLD Dave, I thought I’d explain why I wrote this book and, more importantly, what’s in it for you!

At first glance, it might look as if this story is all about me. I can see how you might get that impression. I do use me, myself, my, and I a lot. I’ve also included a lot of me-related photographs and statistics.

That’s not just my ego pushing its way out front. By sharing my story of change with you, I thought I might make it EASYer for you to take away some key learnings to help you on your own journey of change. Books and scholarly journals, and blogs, etc., have a lot to say about what we should be doing to enable positive change in our lives. By contrast, I’ve tried to make the theory real by trying it all out on myself first, then sharing my lessons learned with you.

And by my story of change, I mean the story of my life-altering self-transformation; in my case, it was brought on by a mid-life crisis. At least I think it was a mid-life crisis that brought about my desire, or readiness, to change. To find out, I Googled the definition of mid-life crisis:

A mid-life crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45-64 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly shortcomings of accomplishments in life.

I invite you to keep that definition in mind as you read my story of transition. It definitely seems to fit me and my situation. I was certainly in that age bracket—my mid-forties – and it was a time when I thought I would be winding down my career and gearing up for retirement. My situation had gotten so bad, at one point, that I almost felt like I was retiring from life and not just work. My inevitable mortality certainly came into play; specifically, my fear of a premature death. I didn’t want to leave my two beautiful children without a father. This was a fear that eventually became one of the key catalysts for making a lot of the changes I made. And don’t get me started on how the definition of my accomplishments in life changed in both meaning and importance during that period. As far as the transition portion of the definition is concerned (including my newly-adopted modus operandi of making change EASYer on myself ), there were no more powerful enablers of my transition than my new-found levels of self-awareness and self-confidence, both of which, for some reason, were not front and centre during what I refer to as the first half of my life. They are now!

And, by share my story, I mean the good, the bad, the ugly, and the great. I don’t want to hold anything back. Some of us learn best from success stories; others learn best from horror stories. I have included both in this book. I personally find horror stories more impactful. Sadly for me, but fortunately for you, I have more than a few of them to share. But don’t shed any tears for me. Those horror stories are in the past. Most of my stories these days are of the good and great variety, which is pretty cool, considering where I was not all that long ago.

By the way, I’m not just sharing one story with you. I am sharing two. Two stories for the price of one! One is a story of loneliness, darkness, pain and despair. That story, and part of the first half of my book, are about how I built up my comfort zone and ended up getting stuck in it, a pretty nasty place as it turned out (Chapters 7-13). Maybe some of my story will resonate with you? The second story is about growth and connection and meaning, not to mention a lot of fun. It is about how I was able to get myself out of that nasty zone and start moving toward a good place that eventually turned out to be a really great place, most of the time, anyway (Chapters 14-25). If I can do this, then I’m betting you can, too.

Although the outcomes of both stories are very different, they did have a couple of things in common. They both took place over an extended period of time, multiple years in both cases. And I didn’t realize what