Broken & Alone

By Kala Holton

Jennifer has dreams of changing the system she grew up in. The system that left her feeling alone and inadequate. Now, Jennifer is aging out of the orphanage. The only home she can remember. Jennifer craves for her family the mom and dad she dreamed she had. Armed with a bus ticket and an old worn picture Jennifer leaves the orphanage with quest

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kala Holton
• Release date: Aug 31, 2019
• ISBN: 9780578568966

Kala Holton

A South Georgia native by birth Kala Holton is a Christian author and is currently pursing a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Colorado Christian University. A former foster youth herself Kala understands what the youth of the foster system feel when they enter and exit the system. She understands the damaged relationships that one must try to mend, and how alone they feel during the whole process. In her book "Broken & Alone" Kala takes you through a former foster child's struggle to repair broken relationships. She walks us through life after foster care and the struggle for answers to why. However, some things can never be repaired including parental relationships. Kala is not a stranger to tragedy herself. From time in foster care, to a broken relationship with her mother, to single parenthood, to losing her own father to suicide, Kala says to never let your tragedy define you, you must define it. Now married for ten years with six children Kala hopes to shed light on the realities of foster care and on the taboo topic of suicide and how with Jesus Christ you can do anything regardless of your past.

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Kala Holton

Kala Holton Publishing

2019

Copyright © 2019 by Kala Holton

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2019

ISBN 978-0-359-56119-3

Kala Holton Publishing

638 Red Rock Road

Sylvester, GA 31791

Dedication

To my awesome husband Randy who always shows unconditional love and support regardless of what project I have going on. Without you these books would not be possible.

Thank you for loving and believing in me.

Acknowledgements

First, I would like to thank God for giving me this talent to tell a heartfelt story such as this in hopes that one day we can change our foster care system. Second, I would like to thank my husband and children for their love and encouragement during the writing process. To my best friend, Christy, for listening to me moan and groan when the project seemed like more than I really wanted to complete, and I wanted to quit, for reminding me that this was my purpose more times than I could ever count. Thanks for all your encouraging words during the time it took to complete this book and the others to come. Here’s to thirty years of friendship. Thank you to my church family at Antioch Missionary Baptist Church of Sylvester for being so much more than church members you really are the hands and feet of Jesus. Without you guys loving unconditionally and accepting our family as one of your own I do not believe that I would have ever released my heart felt passion. Nor, would I have ever used any of my God given talent without the encouragement of the wonderful people that serve God at this church. And to my Antioch Ladies Prayer Group, I love you ladies. Your prayers, your encouraging words are forever priceless and etched in my mind. Thank you to every one of you. And last but certainly not least a special thanks to my dad, James, for reminding me life can change in the blink of an eye and we take for granite that our family will be here tomorrow and when tomorrow they are gone it’s to late, to say the many things you wish you could have said. He taught me to follow my dreams. I wish I had followed them sooner. I sure wish you were here to see it in print.

Rest in Peace Daddy.

Preface

Although this book is fictional it does show the foster care system and what it feels like when you are just trying to save a child or when you are that child someone is wanting to save. I wanted to show what it felt like being on both sides of the system. Biological parents struggle, the children struggle, the foster parents struggle, and people wishing to adopt from foster care struggle. When not, only the children don’t feel like they are good enough but those trying to adopt or even foster learn that you must be beyond perfect to fit the criteria. Even when the children are your very own blood.

What happens to the children? Well they stay in a broken system and some get lucky to be adopted out by great people and well others are adopted out and some even returned because well parents weren’t prepared for the trauma these children have been through. None of this is fair but, it is something that we must take a step back and look at how to change if for no one else but for the children that suffer in the system.

What happens to our teens when they age out of the system? They just in turn repeat the cycle with their children because they are trying to find the love that they missed out on. They are searching for something to fill a void; some find that love through several different men and find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy while others find it in drugs and in some cases, it is both. As Christians it is our responsibility to step up and be the hands and feet of Jesus. We must take our children back and help them grow into the Christian adults that God has indeed called each of us to be including the orphaned children.

Our foster system is in trouble. And our children are the ones to suffer. With over 400,000 kids in foster care it is time that our churches step up and help those that don’t meet our criteria (the life we think they should have). It is time that we stop turning our noses up at those that don’t have the same things as we do and start being the hands and feet of Jesus. When this life is over and all of your material things are gone, what will you leave behind? I hope your legacy is one that your family will be proud of. One that God will say well done my faithful servant on judgement day. If you aren’t there yet it is never too late to start. If you want to know how to get involved feel free to reach out to me. I will direct you to the organization in your area to help you step up and get involved.

I hope this story encourages you to get involved and make a difference. You don’t have to be a foster parent to do that you can find somewhere to volunteer with these children; events and if your area doesn’t have any events for these children reach out to a local church and together you guys can make events for these kids. Opportunities for you to love and encourage them. This will do so much more for them then you will ever realize. Just don’t count on a system that is broken, to help you find your way through it. You must make your own. And when times are tough remember with God ALL things are possible.

Chapter 1

I was eight when I was picked up by my local department of family and children services from school. That morning was no different than any other. Mom wasn’t home and well dad was always at work or so he said. It was just me and my little sister getting ready for school heading out for the day. I always dressed her she was like my little doll. Cute bows and ponytails. I took more time with getting her ready than I did for myself made sure her clothes were clean as mom was never around it seemed to take care of us. The kitchen was tidy as I had cleaned it the night before. I fixed Sarah a bowl of cereal and made myself a slice of toast. It was time for a grocery store run again. But the store owner had threatened to call the cops on me if I came back in the store. I swear I did not mean to steal the candy bar I just couldn’t hold on to everything. Not that the owner cared, he was a rich fellow without a struggle in the world. To him I was just a nasty kid that wanted something for free.

That morning was the last morning Sarah and I would ever see each other again. Not that I knew it at the time. Sure the "department’ says they want to keep siblings together and blah, blah, blah. But see at an early age I have learned what the system really wants is to destroy a family, to rip it apart. We are just a check to them, a number and nothing more. Our feelings, our family, our situations really don’t matter to them. They don’t get it. You might think they do after all they are trained to handle us, right? But, sitting in a classroom and actually handling a kid covered in body lice from not bathing or having head lice because well we just don’t have the funds to get rid of it. This is our life. This is what we are used to. This is all we know. And no amount of training can prepare you not to gag when you walk into our homes. You are trained to handle situations that are out of a textbook. I am trained to handle life. Real life, not the sugar-coated kind of life either.

My foster care life began one April morning shortly after arriving to school. I was called to the front office which was nothing new. Sometimes the nice school nurse would help me with a bath. Sometimes she would even treat my hair. You see she knew. And she knew there was nothing I could do about my situation. I did the best a child my age could do. Sure, I was embarrassed, I held my head down as I walked the halls between classes. But I made sure that Sarah had the best and she got a bath every night. I ensured that the lice didn’t show in her hair I did what mom should have done had I been able to keep her sober or not high. As I walked to the front office, I wasn’t surprised to see the ladies that were dressed casually. I knew that it was just a matter of time since the previous lady had vomited all over my floor when she walked into my house. But that had been months ago. I am not sure what took her so long to come back. I looked at both ladies, but I wouldn’t smile. I knew from the street kids that this system would split my sister and I and I could not let them take us somewhere else. I tried to keep the house clean but, nope it wasn’t the best. But I worked with what I had. Neither smiled at me as I looked at them. I knew from experience that these workers were just trainees. The real worker would be in away from them as she would be confident in her own skin. These ladies looked like I could say BOO and they would scream. I snickered to myself and watched them both looked to the back of the office and